Women Of Samui

[Mark Wolfe]

Speed dating is a brilliant idea. The mind reels at the possibilities if you spice it up for the local, er, vampirish females here....

Your post, Samuian, reminded me of something: Men with "girlfriends" who speak very little English.

This has always baffled me. I mean a shag is a shag, sure, but after the fireworks are gone, what the hel_l do you do? I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone in their right mind would want to live with a woman who you cannot communicate with beyond inane sentence fragments. When I see these older men with their opposite numbers babbling like a grammatically challenged three-year-old I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

This seem the nadir of loneliness.

[Birdman]

Thinking to be smart and knowing nothing at all seems to be the trade Mark of some here.

[samui04]

Your post, Samuian, reminded me of something: Men with "girlfriends" who speak very little English.

This has always baffled me. I mean a shag is a shag, sure, but after the fireworks are gone, what the hel_l do you do? I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone in their right mind would want to live with a woman who you cannot communicate with beyond inane sentence fragments. When I see these older men with their opposite numbers babbling like a grammatically challenged three-year-old I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

This seem the nadir of loneliness.

This is the real problem for me, education is relative, having frequented a university does not make people more intelligent....

[Samuian]

Speed dating is a brilliant idea. The mind reels at the possibilities if you spice it up for the local, er, vampirish females here....

Your post, Samuian, reminded me of something: Men with "girlfriends" who speak very little English.

This has always baffled me. I mean a shag is a shag, sure, but after the fireworks are gone, what the hel_l do you do? I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone in their right mind would want to live with a woman who you cannot communicate with beyond inane sentence fragments. When I see these older men with their opposite numbers babbling like a grammatically challenged three-year-old I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

This seem the nadir of loneliness.

right, I prefer to laugh...never would shed a tear for foolishness...

... beachcomber has clearly pointed it out too and back "home" it's very much the same!

"highly educated" has no meaning for me and HiSo is of no value to me either,

because it is a lot of "show"...and about ego's blown out of proportion.

I have met and had contact with various types and sure I prefer the 'easy going", the "light hearted" ones

as a companion or friend to go out - or just hang around with.

I prefer life as such and believe to enjoy it - not to discuss it in length and breadth.

I have gone through many experiences - after all I must admit -

it's the person, not her/his status, education or anything....like nationality.

I was specifically referring to the OP's head line... and his post.

[Mark Wolfe]

Thinking to be smart and knowing nothing at all seems to be the trade Mark of some here.

Educate us, please, oracle-man!

Agreed, education is relative, but the ability to communicate is fundamental, in my book.

[Birdman]

Thinking to be smart and knowing nothing at all seems to be the trade Mark of some here.

Educate us, please, oracle-man!

Agreed, education is relative, but the ability to communicate is fundamental, in my book.

O.K.: You are the blablabla-man here, realise that and check out your dog at the beach.

[Mark Wolfe]

Thinking to be smart and knowing nothing at all seems to be the trade Mark of some here.

Educate us, please, oracle-man!

Agreed, education is relative, but the ability to communicate is fundamental, in my book.

O.K.: You are the blablabla-man here, realise that and check out your dog at the beach.

Oh, that's illuminating. You must have been the debate champion in your prime. Anything to actually add on-topic regarding "Women in Samui" that indicates my know-nothingness? I'm all ears.

[Kan Win]

Thinking to be smart and knowing nothing at all seems to be the trade Mark of some here.

Educate us, please, oracle-man!

Agreed, education is relative, but the ability to communicate is fundamental, in my book.

but the ability to communicate is fundamental, in my book.

Sure 'Mark Wolfe' in your book, but in others books it is not the same.

Met my Thai Wife in 1985 and married under Thai Law, so this year will be our 24th year together, I spoke no Thai and my wife did not speak any English, but we got on very well and here we are today, me nick-noi Thai and the Missuse not too bad in Tinglish.

Some folks have a bit of luck. I know after all these years I have had a wee bit. Chok Dee

Yours truly,

Kan Win

[Birdman]

Thinking to be smart and knowing nothing at all seems to be the trade Mark of some here.

Educate us, please, oracle-man!

Agreed, education is relative, but the ability to communicate is fundamental, in my book.

O.K.: You are the blablabla-man here, realise that and check out your dog at the beach.

Oh, that's illuminating. You must have been the debate champion in your prime. Anything to actually add on-topic regarding "Women in Samui" that indicates my know-nothingness? I'm all ears.

Listen carefully, old fellow: Don't take yourself serious. Try to be an inexperienced young man. Don't let your brain dictate your personality. Make a headbanger while listen to Aerosmith at max. volume and afterwards we will walk your dog together on Chaweng.

[smokie36]

Well for anyone having trouble meeting them in Thailand there have recently been a steady stream of them working at my local Costa coffee outlet in the UK.

Certainly a lot more Thai students here of late I think.

[sezze]

Try the shops , especially the ones who demand some education . Banks , plenty of them around , the shops for glasses , don't know about educational level but they are not BG , some bookshops are very good material also .

Now , what do you want and how is your lvl of Thai understanding ?? You can also find BG with the absolute urge to find a partner ,and yes without the big money . Money will allways we an issue , but if they work in the banks/shops then there is less or very low demand . Only take it slowly , if you want a partner in 2 weeks , forget it ...go for BG . Willing to spend a couple of months and come back after a couple of months again and this for a couple of years ... easy to find . Remember , Thai relationships are not the same as in farangland and how big is your chance of going to a different part of your country , spending 1 month there and have a long time partner after ??? I would recommend learning Thai language at least a beginnerslvl . I would also recommend learning about Thai culture especially of the beaten track ( i mean less farangs ) . Many things in Thailand and the tourism towns are based for farangs and the girls are trained in acting western relationships ( to get money ) and be very aware of that .

[carmine]

My observations over the past seven years is that the overwhelming amount of "relationships" between foreign men and Thai women would come crashing to the ground if the Money factor is taken away. First rule is don't touch one with a barge pole if she demands financial "benefits (i believe they like the term salary).

Once you negotiate this matter there are some very nice women out there, just slightly hard to find.

[Mark Wolfe]

Kan Win:

Met my Thai Wife in 1985 and married under Thai Law, so this year will be our 24th year together, I spoke no Thai and my wife did not speak any English, but we got on very well and here we are today, me nick-noi Thai and the Missuse not too bad in Tinglish.

Great for you, and I mean that. You did get lucky.

But may I ask what "got on very well" meant? This isn't like dating a deaf mute who could write messages down that you both could understand; other than looking up words in a dictionary, making faces or playing charades, there is no way to express yourself clearly, if at all, in Thai. I suppose if just being around someone is enough, then fine for you, but without communication beyond a cursory level, I can't see the synergy in a relationship -- and isn't that what we seek? I don't know how one finds a "soul mate" without the mutually fulfilling exchange of ideas, thoughts and emotions. I mean, "Me go shop," "Happy mai kap?" and "same, same," and the like doesn't make for much of a romance novel, in my opinion. For me, that would be like being in a land with thousands of locked doors, behind each one an enlightening experience (both good and bad), but I only had a handful of keys.

But maybe some are okay with just having the woman as a satellite (to mix my metaphors).

One tiny personal example: A woman was upset with me because she thought (a friend said) that I was upset with her. I wasn't angry, I was disappointed because of something she had done, and although my view of her had changed a bit, it really didn't mean so much to me. This woman came to see me, alone, and apparently wanted to iron things out. With no common language, she sat there, I sat there, we looked at each other and after about 10 minutes of this I told her just to go home (which she didn't understand, and when I finally got this across to her, she interpreted this as being thrown out, I was told later). I thought at the time, sarcastically, "That went well..."

Language is the toolbox of a relationship. A relationship should be building beautiful works together, not repeatedly trying to figure out how to use the screwdriver.

I also find it interesting that you are in Thailand, unless I am wrong, and your wife has had the burden of learning a non-indigenous language and you have failed to learn the language of the land in which you live. That's very colonial of you, it seems to me. But if not being able to communicate with a woman was no hindrance to marrying her, then I suppose not being able to communicate with the local population could be similarly unimportant.

Carmine: I think nearly all women expect to be financially supported in some way, regardless of what station in life they may be in. I loathe the paying for companionship angle (in its many monikers: "help," "take care," etc.), but I am not sure what level of self support you are expecting the woman to accept. Husbands give their wives money in most countries, and here, where Westerners generally have enormous bank accounts by local standards, not "sharing" is seen as churlish in the extreme. But your observation is correct -- most girlfriend/boyfriend and husband/wife relationships will crash here if not held up by the puppet strings of cold, hard cash.

[maccaroni man]

my observation is that if the girl is interested she is also interested in your culture and is not interested in a guy who is going native, they typically want to live in a western standard of living, they have a fair command of english and want to practice their langauage skills with you. They love their king and are interested in sharing what they know about their culture as much as learning about you and your home country.

Often times if they are educated professionals and have not gotten married by age 30 they begin to think they will never get married so they are more open to westerners.

[carmine]

Mark, i am in agreement to your response to my post. I would like to say that i am wholly in agreement with "sharing", provided it is not done by way of a "salary" that is demanded like a contract of employment (which is all that it is i suppose)

[Mark Wolfe]

"A 'salary' that is demanded like a contract of employment (which is all that it is i suppose)" is calling a rose a rose.

I lived with a Japanese woman in Taiwan for eight years and never gave her one NT dollar. For the first couple of years I paid for the rent and utilities, the rest we split. After a while, we started splitting the cost of the rent too. Oh, and I bought her a piano since she couldn't live without one (musicians out there will understand completely). I paid for the meals out and drinks; I went shopping too. I can't imagine in a million years her ever asking me for money, much less money given at regular intervals.

The thing is that I had work and she had work -- and they were unconnected. Here, quite often, you have work and your Thai woman/girl does too, except that her work is YOU; keeping you happy so you will keep her around = money coming in = job well done. Sort of a conflict of interest when love is supposed to be involved.

By the way, I expect that the woman..er women in Samui who are genuinely approachable by foreigners are as jaded as some of us are about them. They see so many men coming here for disposable love holidays that they are understandably wary of some guy coming up with a line or two of sweet talk. I would be if I were them, 100 percent.

[manuchaomk]

Some of you should know a thing or two about this topic.

So what's the single's landscape like on Samui? Are there (m)any single educated women in their 20's or are they mostly bargirls and various McJobs in the tourist industry? If I'm looking for more than a physical relationship (OK, after the first few weeks anyway ) would it be better to just "bring my own sand to the beach"?

my personal experiences with my thai friend (met in Bali...she had holiday with some schoolmates for thei fresh master degrees): well educated,but she consider most of western = illiterate porks.Not interested in farangs.

At that time she clearly said to me: you are good guy but I never will have a western bf, because I can take care of myself !!!

you know what I mean?

[sezze]

Yes , i do know what you mean and in general more then true . Most Thais do not like farangs and they do consider us ugly . However there are other views around also . Of all the girls you see , less then 10% want a farang as a decend relationship . It is just a job to get money , espescially with bargirls . If you take it slow you do find some good girls around but they are very very rare . Money allways going to be an issue in Thailand as you have a shitload more then them , unless they come from highly educated family etc etc , but meeting them is almost impossible . If you do decide to have a Thai lady , then you take care of the household stuff , like food rent etc and she can stay with you if she wants . Decide to marry , get a contract so she cannot touch anything which was yours in the 1st place . Preferebly , she still should have a job , so staying with you basically cost you nearly nothing . If you hear dead buffalo stories , do not pay her ...

[koheesti]

This looks like a good place to insert this story.

I had a conversation with a Thai guy about a year ago while I waited at Immigration. It went something like this:

THAI GUY: You have Thai girlfriend?

ME: No.

THAI GUY: Why not?

ME: (taking time trying to choose the right words) Well, uh...hmmm. Uh..

THAI GUY: Oh! Because Thai woman only want your money?

ME: Something like that.

THAI GUY: That's only 80%. If girl is from the north or poor all she wants is money. If she has degree and her own home she is good.

ME: I've read that Thai girls with a degree and their own place don't like farang men?

THAI GUY: (laughing) Oh! You know Thai people!

Edited July 23, 2009 by koheesti

[Mark Wolfe]

I lived and studied in Ho Chi Minh City for a year in 1996-7 and any contact with any girl had to be organized, approved (by the parents) and monitored. And any acts of affection in public were absolutely out of the question, like holding hands. However, I never felt that foreigners were frowned upon as potential mates, but then I only saw what I could.

In Taiwan, women prefer foreigners because they think that we are "nicer" and more interesting. In Taiwan, there is nothing even remotely like Thailand in terms of loving you in proportion to the amount of available cash you have for them. There aren't any "poor" Taiwanese, in "Issan" terms.

Sezze:

"Most Thais do not like farangs and they do consider us ugly"

Is that right? If so, that's interesting.

[koheesti]

Sezze:

"Most Thais do not like farangs and they do consider us ugly"

Is that right? If so, that's interesting.

Next time you're at the bar watching the big footie match, look around.

[parallaxtech]

I have lived in thirty countries and have lived on Koh Samui for five years. My wife is a lovely, educated, and talented chef, who is one of the most wonderful women I have ever met anywhere. So, let me give you my two baht's worth of advice on finding a "decent" woman:

1. Don't look in bars, massage parlours, or discos. Many will tell you they found a lovely partner in a bar, but they would probably also find a suitable mate on death row.

2. Look in shopping malls, beaches, banks, and other offices.

3. Always carry a "Beginner's Thai" book and ask any potential prospect for assistance with learning Thai.

4. If a woman speaks good English, ask her where she learned it (possible hooker).

5. If she asks you financial questions within the first week or suggests you buy her something, walk away.

6. You will need a minimum of three months here to search.

7. If she is living with her family, expect to jump many hurdles. It's much easier to date a woman who has family in another province.

8. Don't fall for the line, "Must marry me before sex." The only virgin here is an ugly ten-year-old.

9. Make sure she has a job making at least 8,000THB/month so the only support she will need from you is food and housing. Don't get involved with any financial support for her or her family or buffalo.

10. Make sure she is at least 18 -- check id if not sure.

Good luck!

Edited July 23, 2009 by parallaxtech

[koheesti]

I have lived in thirty countries and have lived on Koh Samui for five years. My wife is a lovely, educated, and talented chef, who is one of the most wonderful women I have ever met anywhere. So, let me give you my two baht's worth of advice on finding a "decent" woman:

1. Don't look in bars, massage parlours, or discos. Many will tell you they found a lovely partner in a bar, but they would probably also find a suitable mate on death row.

2. Look in shopping malls, beaches, banks, and other offices.

3. Always carry a "Beginner's Thai" book and ask any potential prospect for assistance with learning Thai.

4. If a woman speaks good English, ask her where she learned it (possible hooker).

5. If she asks you financial questions within the first week or suggests you buy her something, walk away.

6. You will need a minimum of three months here to search.

7. If she is living with her family, expect to jump many hurdles. It's much easier to date a woman who has family in another province.

8. Don't fall for the line, "Must marry me before sex." The only virgin here is an ugly ten-year-old.

9. Make sure she has a job making at least 8,000THB/month so the only support she will need from you is food and housing. Don't get involved with any financial support for her or her family or buffalo.

10. Make sure she is at least 18 -- check id if not sure.

Good luck!

5 years? Joined Thaivisa in 2006? So where were you with this good advice when I first started this thread 2.5 years ago? Seriously, good list, thanks.

[Birdman]

I have lived in thirty countries and have lived on Koh Samui for five years. My wife is a lovely, educated, and talented chef, who is one of the most wonderful women I have ever met anywhere. So, let me give you my two baht's worth of advice on finding a "decent" woman:

1. Don't look in bars, massage parlours, or discos. Many will tell you they found a lovely partner in a bar, but they would probably also find a suitable mate on death row.

2. Look in shopping malls, beaches, banks, and other offices.

3. Always carry a "Beginner's Thai" book and ask any potential prospect for assistance with learning Thai.

4. If a woman speaks good English, ask her where she learned it (possible hooker).

5. If she asks you financial questions within the first week or suggests you buy her something, walk away.

6. You will need a minimum of three months here to search.

7. If she is living with her family, expect to jump many hurdles. It's much easier to date a woman who has family in another province.

8. Don't fall for the line, "Must marry me before sex." The only virgin here is an ugly ten-year-old.

9. Make sure she has a job making at least 8,000THB/month so the only support she will need from you is food and housing. Don't get involved with any financial support for her or her family or buffalo.

10. Make sure she is at least 18 -- check id if not sure.

Good luck!

5 years? Joined Thaivisa in 2006? So where were you with this good advice when I first started this thread 2.5 years ago? Seriously, good list, thanks.

Actually some points of that list belong to the common sense ABC of "How to date". Isn't it? Other points like 4) are ridiculous or do you expect a hooker to say : I speak good English, because I had a lot of customers, with whom I slept.

[Rooo]

Please remember:

18) Not to discuss the specifics of prostitution.

Thailand has a visible sex industry, and acknowledgment of that fact is not forbidden. However ThaiVisa is not the place to seek or give information on this topic, regardless of your sexual habits, preferences or orientation.

[koheesti]

Please remember:

18) Not to discuss the specifics of prostitution.

Thailand has a visible sex industry, and acknowledgment of that fact is not forbidden. However ThaiVisa is not the place to seek or give information on this topic, regardless of your sexual habits, preferences or orientation.

What about those banner ads offering to set people up with Lady Boys (presumably for a fee)? They might even have been a sponsor.

[manuchaomk]

Yes , i do know what you mean and in general more then true . Most Thais do not like farangs and they do consider us ugly . However there are other views around also . Of all the girls you see , less then 10% want a farang as a decend relationship . It is just a job to get money , espescially with bargirls . If you take it slow you do find some good girls around but they are very very rare . Money allways going to be an issue in Thailand as you have a shitload more then them , unless they come from highly educated family etc etc , but meeting them is almost impossible . If you do decide to have a Thai lady , then you take care of the household stuff , like food rent etc and she can stay with you if she wants . Decide to marry , get a contract so she cannot touch anything which was yours in the 1st place . Preferebly , she still should have a job , so staying with you basically cost you nearly nothing . If you hear dead buffalo stories , do not pay her ...

I agree, mate.

(You don't need to be a profiler to understand...but you do need to leave a bit to realise...)

[sezze]

Sezze:

"Most Thais do not like farangs and they do consider us ugly"

Is that right? If so, that's interesting.

Yes , that is so . We gain point on just the same basis as every rockstar of moviestar on this world , money . Money and succes makes people look better , don't care where it is USA , Europe or Thailand ... Now , they do see the difference between a bad looking man and a good looking but in general you can say that Thais do not like the faces of western people .

[Rooo]

Please remember:

18) Not to discuss the specifics of prostitution.

Thailand has a visible sex industry, and acknowledgment of that fact is not forbidden. However ThaiVisa is not the place to seek or give information on this topic, regardless of your sexual habits, preferences or orientation.

What about those banner ads offering to set people up with Lady Boys (presumably for a fee)? They might even have been a sponsor.

These are google ads.TV have complained on several occasions.If you see the ad in question, please take a screen shot & email to support.

[parallaxtech]

4. If a woman speaks good English, ask her where she learned it (possible hooker).

Actually some points of that list belong to the common sense ABC of "How to date". Isn't it? Other points like 4) are ridiculous or do you expect a hooker to say : I speak good English, because I had a lot of customers, with whom I slept.

In response...

The answer I expect to hear is that they learned English in university, at a bank or hotel, or lived in a western country. BG English is very different from the version spoken by educated Thais. However, bgs are getting very coy these days. If you meet them away from the bars they sometimes say that they work in a hotel or bank. I then say that I will pick them up from work tomorrow. Since deception is one of their skills, it's imporant to be able to see through it.

I feel it is better to find a Thai woman who speaks only Thai, which will force the farang to learn it. The reason I compiled this list is that I am constantly asked how I found such a lovely young wife (24 yrs less) who never asks for money. It might seem like a simple ABC list to some, but it worked for me, while others were frustrated with their bad choices of women. The woman you live with is a reflection of how you view yourself. And a man should put as much care in finding one as he would in searching for a new business venture.

Edited July 24, 2009 by parallaxtech