Father ill in Pattaya

[lapamita]

in 30 years pattaya see all

..even greedy familly , like take papa home, bcs of fear of inheritance, not better like in thai

..greedy suns, using mama/papas pension here in thai, and leave parents in a mess,where even embassys not help

 

 

see all,whats true hmmm

 

maybe father more happy here,with social contcts as in a small room in the cold,waiting for his..........

 

[Kurtf]

You might consider drugging him and then shoving his apparently lifeless body in a wheel chair and wheeling him into the plane and voila when he wakes up he will be in jolly old England again.

Sorry for making light of your problem. It is after all HIS life and not yours. If he wants to stay here until the bitter end then so be it.

[kensisaket]

Well, based on about 1000 threads on Thai Visa about immigration I'd say your best bet is to try to find out who is helping him get his visa extensions.  If his condition has deteriorated as you say then he should have problems getting his visa extended; especially, on his own.  

[NoBrainer]

What is his Visa Status? If that is at all dodgy, then should be a simple phone call will get the results you want.

If he is sharp enough to keep his Visa current, then I guess it's up to him wether he leaves Thailand or not.

 

Many older EXpats plan to stay to the end, and have absolutely no interest to go anywhere, and some of them

don't want anything to do with their family either. That is why they left in the first place.

[Myran]

1 hour ago, Kurtf said:

You might consider drugging him and then shoving his apparently lifeless body in a wheel chair and wheeling him into the plane and voila when he wakes up he will be in jolly old England again.

Sorry for making light of your problem. It is after all HIS life and not yours. If he wants to stay here until the bitter end then so be it.

Spoken like someone with zero knowledge about dementia and what it does to a person. It's not about an old guy wanting to live his golden years in a tropical paradise; it's about a seriously sick individual without the mental fortitude to take rational decisions.

 

Leaving him to fend for himself is only going to end up at the IDC for an uncertain amount of time followed by deportation, which will definitely not be easy for an old-timer. Commenters like you seem to think you're standing up for the guy in question, but what you're really doing is urging people to turn their backs on them.

 

I've seen what dementia can do to a person, having had a grandmother who was afflicted by it. We could've just "let her make her own decisions", but that would have ended in tragedy and her living her final years under terrible conditions.

[from the home of CC]

1 hour ago, Kurtf said:

You might consider drugging him and then shoving his apparently lifeless body in a wheel chair and wheeling him into the plane and voila when he wakes up he will be in jolly old England again.

Sorry for making light of your problem. It is after all HIS life and not yours. If he wants to stay here until the bitter end then so be it.

Once power of attorney is awarded and the embassy notified of the scenario a visiting a doctor for a mild sedative might be in order. Long flights irritate the best of us in ideal circumstances, it could be a very unnerving experience for those suffering under this disease. Of course this could also exacerbate the situation, if something sets the person off, so it would be important a vigilant eye be kept on the person and don't allow them alcohol under any circumstance. The ideal situation is a long sleep to avoid compounding the expected confusion to the patient, plus upon arrival having something/someone familiar greet the patient, a living space, old friend or relative etc. No guarantee these  will be remembered but if he does it could go a long way in making the arrival far more comfortable mentally for the patient. This is a progressive (downhill) disease, act now.

[Suradit69]

21 hours ago, Williams9 said:

Last time i was out he refused to come back, or even see a doctor.

 

21 hours ago, wgdanson said:

Why do you not fly out here and take him home?

 

 

Obviously that is the point of his post. How can he get him back home if he refuses to cooperate?

[Letseng]

While I don't have a lot of time for the Brit. embassy I do know that they do give assistance to Brits who need assistance. Your Father's case will not be the first case of that kind. Get in touch with them. They can also give you guidance how to deal with legal issues. 

If you feel they are of no use, look at what some of the posters would do. Btw, I remember your earlier topic about your Father. 

[Gilltom]

20 hours ago, nickstav said:

I concur with the other posters here who recommend you seek legal advice on getting power of attorney over your dad. We had to do that for my mom who suffered from Alzheimer's Disease. Good Luck.

My friend tried to get P O A ovet her hudband here.both english he had last stage alzimers she was told by 2 different solictors can't get P O A on money here .wish some1 can contradict me on that.cos i found it hard to believe.

[Gilltom]

2 hours ago, Kurtf said:

You might consider drugging him and then shoving his apparently lifeless body in a wheel chair and wheeling him into the plane and voila when he wakes up he will be in jolly old England again.

Sorry for making light of your problem. It is after all HIS life and not yours. If he wants to stay here until the bitter end then so be it.

And the poor man could suffer terribly been ripped off right left and centre.

[Gilltom]

13 minutes ago, Letseng said:

While I don't have a lot of time for the Brit. embassy I do know that they do give assistance to Brits who need assistance. Your Father's case will not be the first case of that kind. Get in touch with them. They can also give you guidance how to deal with legal issues. 

If you feel they are of no use, look at what some of the posters would do. Btw, I remember your earlier topic about your Father. 

Maybe put him in care home here my friend had to do that eventually cos her hubby would'nt go back to uk 

[Gilltom]

Pm me i can try advice u on care homes here.my friend just been through the same her hubby refused to go back to uk 

[lamyai3]

11 minutes ago, Gilltom said:

And the poor man could suffer terribly been ripped off right left and centre.

Worth reading the thread from earlier in the year - this was apparently what's been happening. Extremely difficult situation for the OP, I wish him the best of luck. 

[khunPer]

I'm so sorry for OP's father and what OP can/shall do. Very interesting to read the replies.

 

It might be an issue for another thread, but how many of us that are retiring in Thailand have considered the "what if" we end up suffer from dementia?

 

I'm sorry that I cannot answer with some help for OP.

[nickstav]

4 hours ago, Nip said:

You have received some good and some bad advice herein. All I can offer is a friend's daughter was raped and it was recommended she attend Sri Thanya goverment psychiatric hospital in BKK for care. My friend was reluctant for all the preconceived ideas of mental hospitals but he reported that the care his daugher received was excellent and not at all what he expected that is the doctors were very knowledgable and caring and the residential accommodation on site more than acceptable. To most who attend it's appearance is not unlike a general hospital. You will find understanding and qualified advice here?

What he is describing does not sound like a mental condition, but a neurological condition, brought on by age. As such, a psychiatric hospital might not be appropriate. My mom had Alzheimers Disease and was diagnosed and treated by neurologists, not psychiatrists. Yes, these disciplines can be related, but not necessarily so.

[Delight]

  It seems to me that he can distinguish from his likes and dislikes.

His likes are to live in Pattaya and his dislikes are to live in the UK-it seems

I offer myself as a volunteer .

I am a UK citizen and reside in Pattaya.

Contact me via Thaivisa if you think that I can help.

The first  job is to verify his legal status as a retiree.

 

 

[Suradit69]

1 hour ago, Gilltom said:

Maybe put him in care home here my friend had to do that eventually cos her hubby would'nt go back to uk 

One could argue that not wanting to return to UK is an eminently rational position to take.

 

Even putting someone in a home against his will could be legally challenged despite a consensus of friends and family believing it to be in his interest.

[crazykopite]

If he is in a bad way I am 100% sure the airline would refuse to allow him fly without a carer so I think that either a family member or friend would have to accompany him back to the U.K. how you get a reluctant father to go home well that’s another issue maybe you could get help from your local IO or the local hospital.

[kingofthemountain]

2 hours ago, Delight said:

  It seems to me that he can distinguish from his likes and dislikes.

His likes are to live in Pattaya and his dislikes are to live in the UK-it seems

I offer myself as a volunteer .

I am a UK citizen and reside in Pattaya.

Contact me via Thaivisa if you think that I can help.

The first  job is to verify his legal status as a retiree.

 

 

It's very nice from you

and i hope the OP is going to accept your help as soon as he is back on this topic.

i am not an UK citizen but i live in Pattaya too and i am ready to

go with you if necessary, the father seems to be agressive sometimes so it should

be better to be 2 or 3 guys, just in case, plus the OP can be most in confiance if we are

2 or 3 guys from Thai visa, imo it's more difficult to trust only one person you don't know.

Regards

[WhatupThailand]

I have to ask Why you feel the need to move him back to the UK in the first place ?

And all I see is your "Opinion" of what is going on, and nothing from his side.

Also mental problems do not POP UP over nite, so why has it taken you so long to Help ?

Being the Son of his EX-Wife in the UK, does not help your case, in my Opinion.

 

Sorry, I am 75, and have seen too many ulterior motives, by so called "Caring Relatives",

so they can take everything from defenseless Old Folks, even their freedom. 

 

He has made his home here, and has made it clear he wants to stay.

So just make arrangements for Daily Care, Meds, and Doctor to see after him.

Better than forcing him into a Old folks home, and more mental stress,

where he does not want to be.

 

Just because he is Old, with outset of mental problems, does not negate his Desire or Wishes.

 

I have seen similar situations played out in the US, where a Family member, decided they knew

best for their Old relative, only to have the Old one stuck into a "Home" and left to die.

With the visits of those Caring Relatives, becoming less and less frequent, until not at all.

Strange how all the Old ones Assets, get transferred into the "Caring" Family Members control.

 

Bottom line:

Help him at his Home or Leave him alone.  NO NEED to upset his life with your Opinions.

Being FORCED OUT is still FORCED, no matter how much Lipstick you put on the Pig.

 

 

[kingofthemountain]

15 minutes ago, WhatupThailand said:

I have to ask Why you feel the need to move him back to the UK in the first place ?

And all I see is your "Opinion" of what is going on, and nothing from his side.

Also mental problems do not POP UP over nite, so why has it taken you so long to Help ?

Being the Son of his EX-Wife in the UK, does not help your case, in my Opinion.

 

Sorry, I am 75, and have seen too many ulterior motives, by so called "Caring Relatives",

so they can take everything from defenseless Old Folks, even their freedom. 

 

He has made his home here, and has made it clear he wants to stay.

So just make arrangements for Daily Care, Meds, and Doctor to see after him.

Better than forcing him into a Old folks home, and more mental stress,

where he does not want to be.

 

Just because he is Old, with outset of mental problems, does not negate his Desire or Wishes.

 

I have seen similar situations played out in the US, where a Family member, decided they knew

best for their Old relative, only to have the Old one stuck into a "Home" and left to die.

With the visits of those Caring Relatives, becoming less and less frequent, until not at all.

Strange how all the Old ones Assets, get transferred into the "Caring" Family Members control.

 

Bottom line:

Help him at his Home or Leave him alone.  NO NEED to upset his life with your Opinions.

Being FORCED OUT is still FORCED, no matter how much Lipstick you put on the Pig.

 

 

I was at the beginning of this topic on the same position as you are

but i presume we do not have all the elements here concerning his actual

state of illness, and if i refer to the answer of the moderator Sheryl (Post 19 and 20 page 2) it seems he has now a severe advanced dementia and no many options are on the table.

[1FinickyOne]

Not sure of laws in Britain or here... but in USA, you cannot control another's life unless they are found to be non-compus mentis - I would hope your embassy will assist you... 

 

good luck with this sad and painful issue... 

[lamyai3]

6 hours ago, WhatupThailand said:

I have to ask Why you feel the need to move him back to the UK in the first place ?

And all I see is your "Opinion" of what is going on, and nothing from his side.

From the earlier thread (six months later I can only assume things have got worse)... 

 

"My father has been living in Pattaya for the last 15 years, owns his own apartment and has been on a retirement visa. However over the last year it seems that he has been developing dementia and is now unable to manage his daily finances etc. I flew out in March as he was constantly on the phone saying he had no money even though he has over £2,000 going into his account monthly. After arriving in Thailand, first thing I had to do was sort out an issue with the police as he's been involved in a bump in his pick up and that had been seized by the police. With other things it cost over £1500 to sort the mess out.

 

After looking at his finances it seems that he has spent over £55,000 in the last year, so all of his income and all of his savings. I'm not sure due to his dementia that he's being taken advantage of etc. I have stopped the big payments going into his account and now send him a weekly allowance. He would not return with me to the UK and gets very cross when it's mentioned. I'm now having emails from his apartment manager saying that he is asking for money from other residents and can become abusive with them.

 

What I'm trying to find out is how would I get him deported for his own safety etc. There is a ticket in his passport that states he was granted a 90 day extension till 4th May 2019, he doesn't have the funds to support himself."

 

• Girlfriend - There seems to be one around and I have discussed this with my father and he says he doesn't pay her a lot, but I have my suspicions regarding her as she soon disappeared when I arrived in March and all of a sudden she didn't understand any engilish when I tried to talk to her on her own briefly. The local police liaison officer has had a word with her and told her they are watching her. I don't know if she is still around.
• Finances - He was having over £2,500 going into his account every month. Over the last few months he would be on the phone the day after that had gone in saying he needed more as he's used it. Managed to get access to his online banking and could see that once it went in he was taking it out in cash. Some of his friends can remember seeing him with a lot of cash on him all the time. But he has no idea what he's been spending it on.
• Friends - He has few friends but the circle is getting smaller due to their age some have moved back to the UK some have passed away. Also some have been pushed away as he can become aggressive when questioned about certain things when they are trying to help him.
• Care Homes & Dementia - I'm offended by the talk of the percieved image of care homes in the UK. Our family business is a Care Home based in Wales and this is what we do. I'm fully aware of the progression of dementia and how it affects people. We have been a family run care home for the last 25 years with a very high standard of care reflected in our annual reports by our inspection body.
• Coming to Thailand - I have been out in March but as mentioned he is very adamant that he will not come back to the UK and gets very cross and aggressive when it's mentioned. He will also not move from where he is living at the moment.
• Condo - He owns his own Condo in Pattaya 

[erinsf]

Yu need to communicate with the authorities and with the Embassy. 

[Suradit69]

18 hours ago, crazykopite said:

If he is in a bad way I am 100% sure the airline would refuse to allow him fly without a carer so I think that either a family member or friend would have to accompany him back to the U.K. how you get a reluctant father to go home well that’s another issue maybe you could get help from your local IO or the local hospital.

Even if someone accompanies  him the airline could balk if he's going to be disr.uptive.

[Nip]

On 11/27/2019 at 12:38 PM, nickstav said:

What he is describing does not sound like a mental condition, but a neurological condition, brought on by age. As such, a psychiatric hospital might not be appropriate. My mom had Alzheimers Disease and was diagnosed and treated by neurologists, not psychiatrists. Yes, these disciplines can be related, but not necessarily so.

Yes I agree with you. I was trying to get across badly I concede that this hospital is not just a psychiatric hospital but what I would describe as a care hospital. My friends daughter just needed to talk with an understanding medical professional who has experience in such matters who could access, advise even persuade or medicate his father to return home. The hospital is set in parkland with residential units on site. That all said it's difficult to proffer advise not knowing and assuming the situation. 

[kritsana77]

I broke my femur and hip and needed 24 hour care. I got a Filipina from a assisted care service for 500 dollars a month. I decided on a Filipina because they speak English. PM if you want and I'd be glad to help you or Google assisted care in Thailand.

[Rookiescot]

Have you considered getting him a place in a retirement home here in Thailand?

He gets to stay in Thailand and you have the comfort of knowing he is being looked after.

[kingofthemountain]

On 11/26/2019 at 8:56 PM, Williams9 said:

Hi I've been on this forum a while ago about my father who's mental state had been deteriorating whilst living in Pattaya.

It has now come to the position that we need to try and get him back to the UK. Last time i was out he refused to come back, or even see a doctor. His health is bad and mentally he has no capacity.

With him not having any trusted friends in Thailand and no one who will speak english well enough or be trusting enough to help me with the process. Any suggestions on how I go about it?

 

Many thanks, i have tried to search for the thread last time but cant find it.

The OP has disappeared since the last tuesday

he is probably too busy to follow his topic

or he is not able to find it again  ????

 

[geisha]

The condo management have been in touch with the son, the son has seen him deteriorating, so  it’s obvious that the gentleman can’t live alone here.. otherwise the condo manager wouldn’t have stepped in. He definitely needs to get home, and I’m sure a local hospital and the British consul have expert advice on how to do this. It won’t be the first time they have come across this sad problem. Ask Sheryl about the hospital side, and a call to the embassy here or in Britain as soon as possible.