Calling all farang husbands who've moved back home: What's your experience with cultural differences for your wife when you get there?

[BritManToo]

19 hours ago, poker365 said:

What do other dads do when you’re working but your wife isn’t? Are you still up in the night to help despite early starts and commutes into the city?

 

I go to work, she takes care of the baby. Then when I come back we swap.

Not once ever.

I provided the money, they took care of the kids.

I would have been completely happy for them to work and look after the babies, but I always married lazy women, and looking after a baby ain't as hard as they pretend it is.

 

Why do you think you should work AND help, when she isn't required to work?

 

PS. Make sure baby doesn't have a passport, don't tempt her to snatch and run.

If you already have a passport for baby, get it out of the house. 

Edited December 7, 2019 by BritManToo

[BritManToo]

18 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

Third, she doesn't have any "face" or respect because you are living with your mother.

Plenty of Thai families live with mom & dad, and Grandma & Grandpa.

It doesn't appear to be a problem in Thailand.

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, villagefarang said:

I sometimes wonder if guys put any thought into marriage and what it entails, before they actually get married.  Too many seem to just jump in headfirst without knowing what they are jumping into.  It is a little hard to fix things after you have already hit the rocks.

50% of all marriages hit the rocks ..... probably another 25% are just miserable.

No need to think, we're all rolling the dice and hoping for a win (odds are about the same too).

[bwpage3]

19 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Plenty of Thai families live with mom & dad, and Grandma & Grandpa.

It doesn't appear to be a problem in Thailand.

Or course it is not a problem because that is the culture in Thailand.

 

The might be living in a one room flat with their mother in the UK for all we know.

 

How many Thai girls marry a farang and want to live like that?

 

Zero.

[bwpage3]

5 hours ago, baansgr said:

Women can suffer from.post natal depression, and with everything your wife has had to cope with moving maybe she needs medical help, however, without sounding bad about your wife it seems she is the typical lazy Thai. As for the monthly payments, I know of two divorces in the UK as sterling plummeted and the 20k a month became too.much...There are many Thais in the UK and with social media and internet your wife should never feel alone even though she's in a different country....support her all you can but she needs to realize you put food on the table so she needs to care of the baby 

Trying to get a Thai woman from Isaan to rationalize is irrational.

 

[torturedsole]

52 minutes ago, digibum said:

I also noticed that OP responded to the people being supportive of him (like he did here) and then bugged out when people started giving him harsher advice.  

If what you say is true then it would appear that the OP's looking for affirmation to support his belief that he's been wronged.  

 

Rather than wasting time online he could try supporting his wife and child with plain old-fashioned effort in making life easier for them all.  He did state that his working hours are long and unconventional so his minimal spare time should be used accordingly.  

 

Edited December 7, 2019 by torturedsole

[bwpage3]

When my wife first arrived in the USA, at one of the first stores we went to, she made a comment, "I never knew my people were so stupid until I came here".

 

She was determined she was not going to be stupid like that, and she definitely isn't.

 

So the wife can play a big role in the success of her relocation.

 

This whole story is getting lost on the fact this girl probably got married thinking she would have a better life.

 

We have no idea what his mother's place is like, it might be a one room flat?

 

She has come to the realization he doesn't have anything she thought he had?

 

Who wants to sit around their mother in law's house taking care of a baby with no life, because they have no money to eat out, go anywhere or do anything exciting?

 

And expecting her to work? Come on!

 

You know all Thai women think farang's are rich and many learn the hard way like this one.

 

Imagine the shame (face) she must feel when friends/family ask about her house, car, etc.?

 

Thai women gamble on any foreigner they think can provide for them and never quite understand who they are involved with because in their mind, all foreigners are rich and they are going to be taken care of.

 

This man obviously has some growing up to do, because he got married, had a kid and has no life for his family and he knew that before he moved. Probably could not meet visa requirements and had no way to stay in Thailand anymore?

 

From the sounds of it, he won't get out of debt anytime soon and probably will never earn enough to have his own house and car.

 

I cannot see this ending well.

And as far as meeting other Thai's? That can backfire bigtime if she does meet other Thai's who do have their own house, car, money etc.

 

 

[DJ54]

OP first off it’s not easy taking care of a baby in the beginning and stressful for both. Discuss it and see if you can work a schedule that allows you to work and take care of the family and find out

what would make life a little easier for your wife. 

 

Luckily my two children were fairly easy to takecate of minus a few 

melted bottles when you doze off when warming the milk.. 1970s.

 

i disagree with grandpa and grandma taking care of the children while Mom and Pops go away to work. Children need to grow up around their Mothers and Fathers. 

 

We live in a NE village children are grown w/children both with good careers. Wife’s brothers children 2 are watched by mama and papa. Like 7-10. They jump in the car when I go into town they don’t tell anyone and no ones ringing up to find them...

 

take it easy work through what you can and openly discuss what you can’t. My son is married to a Cambodian lady and their life’s 

been good so far... one son and twins on the way..

[torturedsole]

2 minutes ago, bwpage3 said:

Imagine the shame (face) she must feel when friends/family ask about her house, car, etc.?

 

Thai women gamble on any foreigner they think can provide for them and never quite understand who they are involved with because in their mind, all foreigners are rich and they are going to be taken care of.

It's not like that for all Thai ladies.  Trust me.

 

You only get to hear about stories like the dissatisfied OP, not the thousands of successes.   

[rumak]

11 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Have a serious look at what you are getting from the relationship. I

Definitely a lot of truth in your descriptions.   Many of us (you included)  made a poor choice.

Some are better than others,  some are just complete disasters because we were blinded by the smile and "up to you"  responses.  

Trying to tell someone else that the person they are with doesn't give a hoot about them is a sure way to make an enemy.   I just think it to myself.  The longer one is here, the quicker one sees (hopefully)  the red flags.   I feel a bit sorry for the nice guys that get trapped,  but sometimes it is the girl i feel sorry for   lol

Live and Learn.   Make better choices.   And become a better choice as well.

[rumak]

11 minutes ago, torturedsole said:

You only get to hear about stories like the dissatisfied OP, not the thousands of successes.   

most of the successes are not on thaivisa   ????   .     but there are quite a few guys here that

are happy with their thai partners.   Sometimes it's the first one,  sometimes it takes more than one try.    C'est la vie

 

[torturedsole]

1 minute ago, rumak said:

 Sometimes it's the first one,  sometimes it takes more than one try.    C'est la vie

But not specifically Thai related, rumak.  Same the world over.  

[rumak]

1 minute ago, torturedsole said:

But not specifically Thai related, rumak.  Same the world over.  

i definitely agree.  But you know the old saying  about doing the same thing more than once and expecting different results   ????   .  Happens a lot in Thailand,  but probably same all over, as you say

Edited December 7, 2019 by rumak

[JAFO]

3 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

She would see nothing unusual living with the mother in law or the family home. Most live like that here

I tend to agree. Most do and most are used to family members all living together. Of course she could be a bit uncomfortable because its not her family so it could take time to adapt.  Initially when my wife and I moved back, we moved in with my long time friend and his Fiance in a house they were renting. She was Vietnamese and my wife and her got on like sisters in no time. Eventually they bought a house and moved and we stayed at the rental. My wife and I knew our stay in the states was not going to be lengthy

 

One thing the OP didn't state is his wife's command of English  That could and would make a big difference. 

 

Honestly lots in play here for the OP. 

 

 

[rct99q]

Phewww...good post.

 

I did stop reading after you stated you got married and moved back in with your mom.

My wife is from Nong Khai and we live mostly in North America. 

Biggest issue we have is finding decent ingredients for the style of food she, and to a certain extent, I like 

We have a now 6 year old and an 18 year old. 

The move was not easy , but we both understood the challenges before leaving.

Then again we are adults, both physically and mentally. If you are prepared for parenthood many of the issues you experience are still there, you just deal with them in a responsible manner.

 

 

 

[Ajarnbrian]

Find the nearest Asian food store & getting my wife to know other Asian women who have moved here in Australia (not necessarily Thai) was a good start. She started using Line social media to communicate with far away friends. She has worked hard at her already pretty good English language. And we manage a trip back to Thailand once a year with our two kids, who we`re trying to bring up bilingual. Sure, cultural differences and homesickness on top of the usual challenges of having a new baby made it a bit hard at first. 

[roobaa01]

the rural part in thailand carries the family picture of the elephant meaning front legs is the weak husband supported by the strong hind legs wife who bears the burden. in exchange the wife mia claims absolute possesion of the man sami.

 

dowry or sin sod is negotiable based on social status, education, daughter a virgin etc, it is just to be shown to the public face saving.  thus does not need to be paid. in cases where the bride was married before or has kids no dowry is due.

 

wbr

roobaa01

[kingdong]

Stone the bleeders,reading this lot has cheered me up no end,now I don,t feel guilty about paying as I go,I also have realised I don,t want a full on relationship,just the high lights will do me,seriously wish you all the best in your relationship and hopes it works out and your wife realises you must work to support her and your child.good luck

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, roobaa01 said:

in exchange the wife mia claims absolute possesion of the man sami.

Mia/Pua is a couple living together outside official marriage.

Panraya/Samee is an Amphur office married couple.

 

No need to mix and match the words, the Thais certainly don't.

[Kenny202]

27 minutes ago, Ajarnbrian said:

Find the nearest Asian food store & getting my wife to know other Asian women who have moved here in Australia (not necessarily Thai) was a good start. She started using Line social media to communicate with far away friends. She has worked hard at her already pretty good English language. And we manage a trip back to Thailand once a year with our two kids, who we`re trying to bring up bilingual. Sure, cultural differences and homesickness on top of the usual challenges of having a new baby made it a bit hard at first. 

This is the biggest factor in these and any other relationship and even mixed relationships in Thailand. If the girl wont get off her a$$ and have a crack, sort some things out for herself how can a relationship like that survive? You will get tired of it for sure.

 

We're even talking about trying to find them friends (As I did). With all the social media etc about these days, and they are experts at this surely they can find their own circle of friends, areas to source food etc. It's all about initiative something which most have nil. Too many like that here with that attitude everything "up to her" where you need to keep pleasing them. Most of the village girls can't even manage a mixed relationship in Thailand and lucky if they have knowledge of Pattaya and their home village. Most have hardly ever even been to the main city of their province or know where anything is. 

 

I have had many girls here. First relationship a total disaster. Even a relationship with a teacher or professional is not ideal as they are tied up with work at least 6 days a week, long hours, need time for friends, Facebook etc. Meetings on days off. I like my own space and time and thought it would be ok but just felt like I was in suspended animation waiting around all the time. On the other hand a girl with no job, can not drive etc hanging around all the time waiting for you to entertain her most of the time is a burden too. I have a great girl now. We both have a child the same age. She doesn't have any close family (mum and dad dead). She has all the normal Thai traits and sulks like a child sometimes but on the whole a mutually loving and beneficial partnership. If I didn't have a child I couldn't really see the point of being in a full time relationship here. 

[bwpage3]

22 hours ago, torturedsole said:

It's not like that for all Thai ladies.  Trust me.

 

You only get to hear about stories like the dissatisfied OP, not the thousands of successes.   

How many percent of Thai women want to marry a poor farang and live with his mother in a foreign country?
 

Seriously?

[torturedsole]

Just now, bwpage3 said:

How many percent of Thai women want to marry a poor farang and live with his mother in a foreign country?
 

Seriously?

How would I or anyone else quantify that question? 

 

He can't be that poor as he's already paid out thousands to bring her to the UK, as well as continue to pay for the upkeep for the three of them, and will continue to hemorrhage cash for the next five years or so to settle the ILR/settlement/citizenship bills.   That's if they last that long.  

 

As already stated, a Thai lady wouldn't generally be too concerned living with an extended family.  

[bwpage3]

18 minutes ago, torturedsole said:

How would I or anyone else quantify that question? 

 

He can't be that poor as he's already paid out thousands to bring her to the UK, as well as continue to pay for the upkeep for the three of them, and will continue to hemorrhage cash for the next five years or so to settle the ILR/settlement/citizenship bills.   That's if they last that long.  

 

As already stated, a Thai lady wouldn't generally be too concerned living with an extended family.  

First, he got married. He should have had the money and your comment he spent 1,000's? Well, newsflash. It takes more than that to support a family. It takes a lifetime income enough to provide more than food.

 

Second issue, if her english is poor or non-existent, living with his mother would be a problem. Who is she going to talk to? When and if she ever gets out and meets other Thai women with their own homes, businesses, cars, etc., this will be over quickly.

 

Continue to pay for the upkeep when he is living with his mother? Why in the world would anyone get married and have a kid if all they can do is provide food? No house, car, normal life?

 

Every single Thai person we know here in Florida and there are many, no one is living with someone's mom and most are better off than the expats living in Thailand by a long shot. Own their own homes, restaurants, cars, you name it.

 

I would like to know just 1 Thai woman that would happy marrying someone with just the basics? The answer is they wouldn't and it appears this one was happier in Thailand.

 

They can eat and have the basics in Thailand. What he has offered is nothing. 

 

If I were her, I wouldn't be happy either. This isn't Romio and Juliet. Rural Thai women get married to better themselves and it sounds like the opposite to that.

 

The bills you are talking about, if you think that is a hemorrhage of cash, well, it certainly is only the necessity.

 

A hemorrhage of cash is buying a house, car, college tuition, insurance, savings, vacations, shopping, the things most normal families around the world do.

 

 

 

 

[kingdong]

On 12/6/2019 at 6:00 PM, bwpage3 said:

First of all you should have known your work hours and what you were getting into.

 

Second, should understand in her culture, the grandparents do care for the baby a lot of the time

 

Third, she doesn't have any "face" or respect because you are living with your mother.

 

Pretty sure she didn't marry a foreigner to have no money and be living with your mother.

 

Her fits are probably more internally related to the fact you don't have a house for her, or a car or anything else.

 

These women get married to better their lives. It sounds like your current situation has made her life worse?

 

She can always up and leave and never get the idea she cannot. All she has to go is get to an Embassy and she will be out of there.

 

You brought her there, you better man up and quit worrying about your sleep and job, and concentrate on keeping your family together.

 

The best think you can go is get a normal job, and have a normal life

 

It is not normal to live with your mother, bills or no bills.

 

She is probably finding out first hand, no matter what you told her all along, that you cannot provide the kind of life she was expecting, namely a house, car, money in her pocket, etc.

 

Some farangs think these women are 100% in love which is never the answer. The answer always is a sacrifice to have a better life. She was probably better off in Thailand and maybe you should have stayed there?

 

How long do you plan on staying with your mother?

 

Will you ever be able to afford a house, car, education for kid and all the luxuries that come from marrying an expat and living abroad?

 

If not in a timely manner, the chances are she will not survive that long without wanting out.

 

You are never going to force her against her will, that will make her hate you and want to leave.

 

Better give this your 100% attention, good luck.

 

 

basically what you are saying is she only married him for a better life,it wan,t what she expected,well que  sera teerack for any relationship to work it needs both parties to work at it and sounds like she,s not pulling her weight,and as for your remarks about getting a better job,buying a house etc well it would appear from his post he's skint,can,t help but wonder how a thai would have handled this scenario,probably hang the nut  on her.

Edited December 8, 2019 by kingdong

[kingdong]

9 minutes ago, bwpage3 said:

First, he got married. He should have had the money and your comment he spent 1,000's? Well, newsflash. It takes more than that to support a family. It takes a lifetime income enough to provide more than food.

 

Second issue, if her english is poor or non-existent, living with his mother would be a problem. Who is she going to talk to? When and if she ever gets out and meets other Thai women with their own homes, businesses, cars, etc., this will be over quickly.

 

Continue to pay for the upkeep when he is living with his mother? Why in the world would anyone get married and have a kid if all they can do is provide food? No house, car, normal life?

 

Every single Thai person we know here in Florida and there are many, no one is living with someone's mom and most are better off than the expats living in Thailand by a long shot. Own their own homes, restaurants, cars, you name it.

 

I would like to know just 1 Thai woman that would happy marrying someone with just the basics? The answer is they wouldn't and it appears this one was happier in Thailand.

 

They can eat and have the basics in Thailand. What he has offered is nothing. 

 

If I were her, I wouldn't be happy either. This isn't Romio and Juliet. Rural Thai women get married to better themselves and it sounds like the opposite to that.

 

The bills you are talking about, if you think that is a hemorrhage of cash, well, it certainly is only the necessity.

 

A hemorrhage of cash is buying a house, car, college tuition, insurance, savings, vacations, shopping, the things most normal families around the world do.

 

 

 

 

So your marital advice is---- if you want thai gash you gotta flash the cash?

[torturedsole]

11 minutes ago, bwpage3 said:

First, he got married. He should have had the money and your comment he spent 1,000's? Well, newsflash. It takes more than that to support a family. It takes a lifetime income enough to provide more than food.

You've totally misunderstood my post so I'll not respond any further as you're obviously from the US and with that comes completely different immigration rules.  No disrespect, btw.  

[sanemax]

14 minutes ago, kingdong said:

So your marital advice is---- if you want thai gash you gotta flash the cash?

Whats the second verse ,? as Im currently rapping that first verse 

[torturedsole]

5 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Whats the second verse ,? as Im currently rapping that first verse 

Give me a minute as I'll come up with something.  

[Kenny202]

9 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Whats the second verse ,? as Im currently rapping that first verse 

I found her in Nana, said she never had farang banana

But her pussy was loose, now I've cooked my goose

 

[torturedsole]

7 minutes ago, sanemax said:

... Im currently rapping that first verse 

I'm slowly forming the rap but need some help:

 

... if you want Thai gash you gotta flash the cash

 

Seen the doctor and I gotta rash