My girlfriends job

[The Theory]

On 4/25/2020 at 1:20 PM, MrMilk said:

Everytime I bring it up it ends with a big nasty fight instead.

 

Mom have way more money than me so why should I be the one paying for this?

How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?

What is a farang bf for ?!!!!! ????????

She is not what you want. Whatever she is good for just forget it. There are good girls out there, perhaps you need sometime to look for a right one.

[steve73]

You need to look at this over a complete lifetime cycle.

 

30k per month in costs for 4-5 years BEFORE you get any income.  Then income of perhaps 1-2k per tree once they're fully mature (although probably only 1/2 that for the first few seasons) - (based on personal & friends experience, unless you're selling direct to the public) .. so maybe 300-600k/year (25-60k per month) and there'll still be similar ongoing expenses (plus. harvesting) when they are mature.

 

How long will they keep producing for?  15-20 years, perhaps a little longer if they're well taken care of, and then you'll need the whole 4-5 years with nothing all over again.

 

Based on this you might clear c. 2 MM over a 20-25 year cycle, but if you use a DCF at say 5%, it drops to less than 1/2MM... not a lot for 25 years of hard work...!!

 

And if you do get infested with stag-beetles (larvae), you could loose the lot in just a few years. 

[Grumpy one]

May I enquire has she asked for help to get medicine for her grand mothers sick buffalo yet  

[Tchooptip]

I'm not sure TV is the right place to ask this kind of question ????

[AAArdvark]

This should work:

 

[Aussiepeter]

The lockdown in Oz has finally started to get to me. I can't believe that I just wasted half an hour reading 16 pages of this drivel. Get out MrMilk, while you still can. As many on here have alluded to - there are a lot of younger and much cheaper models available out there - you are in a position to choose whatever you want when you are under 40 ! Unless you are legally working in Thailand - my advice would be to try next-door in Laos. If I had my time again, I'd have chosen a Lao wife. They don't spit the dummy when they don't get their own way and, the love will be for real and for ever. Make sure that you speak some good Thai or Lao though. Just a suggestion, as I get the feeling that LOS 'ain't cutting the metal for yuh' any more.

[Iron Tongue]

Some questions that come to mind:

 

If this was her parents' land before, why does it need all this work before it can generate an income, let alone a profit?  

 

If she and parents are farmers, wouldn't she have known how much money it would cost to generate a return?  If she started with several hundred K baht, she still should have known it wouldn't be enough.  So were you always her part of her plan?g

 

Is durian a new venture, started with expectations of Chinese buyers?

 

Did they buy new land knowing full well that there wasn't enough cash to get it operating and you are nothing more than an ATM?

 

How happy are you two really?

 

 

[Mister T]

Tell her you will continue helping out if she gives you a 30 year lease on the land to protect your investment.

[Deerculler]

Move on mate.

[Bigz]

I pay for the fertiliser and occasional labour on my wife's rice paddies. The only condition is that after harvest she must pay me back. It works, I always get my money back. You just need to make it clear before handing over any money.

 

 

[jomtienisgood]

On 4/25/2020 at 1:24 PM, BritManToo said:

You can't!

Once you've started the donations, there's no going back with the girl.

What you've listed, I suspect only a fraction of that is really being spent.

It's support or no gf.

 

I'd actually go the no gf route at the moment as there are plenty of prettier, younger and more broke gfs to be had.

Mine wanted me to fund rubber trees a year or two back ..... I told her no chance.

Sadly she didn't leave ..........

Did you guys not know : Your money is my money, My money is my money, no money no more bees or honey; 5555555

 

[Thomas J]

On 4/25/2020 at 1:20 PM, MrMilk said:

How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?

Mrmilk

Sounds like you are the only thing that is being harvested. 

 

[Kurtf]

If you have to pay to keep her then she is no more than a prostitute. Probably not worth keeping.

[UbonThani]

21 minutes ago, Kurtf said:

If you have to pay to keep her then she is no more than a prostitute. Probably not worth keeping.

better to hire 200 of them

[BritManToo]

29 minutes ago, Kurtf said:

If you have to pay to keep her then she is no more than a prostitute. Probably not worth keeping.

Not at 40k/month anyway.

[natway09]

Chicken & egg comes to mind 

[khunPer]

On 4/25/2020 at 8:20 AM, MrMilk said:

How can I end up with no obligations related to her work and still keep my girlfriend?

That will be extremely difficult, you probably can't.

 

Many, if not most, Thai ladies see a man as a provider – not only foreigners, but they are supposed to be rich, viewed in a farmer girl's horizon – a provider, just like in old time Western world. The culture gap is however wider than to "old time", as Thai ladies are more independant than old time Western ladies, I've often heard a Thai lady say: »If a man cannot provide, why shall I keep him?«

 

If you from the beginning of a relationship cannot provide – no matter for what reason – and you still manage to stay happily together, it might work like that for long time. However, if you from the beginning are a provider, it can be very difficult to back out – it would rather be more little by little – but it might not be impossible to slow down or stop if certain circumstances, but you might be expected to provide again when the situation becomes normal; that's how I hear it, and also judge it from a number of posts in this forum.

 

I told my girlfriend from the beginning that I could take care of my own small family, but that I under no circumstances could – or would – provide for an extended Thai family. If she couldn't accept that term, then she should find another more handsome – i.e. more rich – partner; boyfriend or husband. So far we have managed 16 years together, and I'm still not providing for more than my own family.

But – because there is a "but" that might be the reason it worked – I've been helping with interest free loans, both for my girlfriends projects with buying more, and yet more, land, and also investing in future plantagen; and furthermore loans for her parents to buy tractor and machines. I've got every single penny back with thanks and wais – we have build a high trust between us in money matters – and today, if they are some x baht short for a repayment of more investments in the farms, I gladly help for some weeks, or a few month, because I'm always paid back on agreed term. The family is running an expanding farm business, which began with a small household farm of about 10 rai, and a some rai rented land, and an "iron buffalo". They say that the loans from me – and don't forget their hard work – made it possible to grow to a fair sized farm with several tractors, trucks, rice harvest machine, and also a small rubber plantation. I invested in some farmland that they grow, for which I'm paid a normal rent fee – in the lower end, my own suggestion – about same level as a long term fixed bank account, but when the land one day might be sold, then it's value has grown; the money in the bank don't, if you cash the interest.

 

Perhaps your solution could be to talk about something like that – i.e. an interest free loan – saying that you need the money back, because it's your retirement savings, which you need one day for supporting your close family; or savings for school money, if you one day have a child or children together. The latter was my case, and I've – so far – been able to pay for our daughter's school.

????

[craigieboy1973]

Walk away 

[BritManToo]

Just now, khunPer said:

Perhaps your solution could be to talk about something like that – i.e. an interest free loan – saying that you need the money back, because it's your retirement savings, which you need one day for supporting your close family; or savings for school money, if you one day have a child or children together. The latter was my case, and I've – so far – been able to pay for our daughter's school.

Nah, that's just tossing more money away.

Thai school is almost free ......

Edited April 28, 2020 by BritManToo

[digger70]

Be Smart, You said the the GF put in THB 200,000   

 Just tell GF that you willing  put in the same( if you can't afford that offer her less)  and say that you want 50 % of the Proceeds of the farm and she can Keep the land . 

If the GF doesn't agree to that ,Pack you're Bags an Run.

Edited April 28, 2020 by digger70

[khunPer]

20 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Nah, that's just tossing more money away.

Thai school is almost free ......

But bi-lingual (EP program) schools, and especially International schools aren't, you bet!

(I talk from several years experience...????)

[BritManToo]

Just now, khunPer said:

But bi-lingual (EP program) schools, and especially International schools aren't, you bet!

(I talk from several years experience...????)

My son, age 8, is already bi-lingual (English at home, Thai at school), no need to pay extra.

Edited April 28, 2020 by BritManToo

[zaZa9]

On 4/25/2020 at 2:56 PM, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

"She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together."

 

Oh .... I was leaning toward recommending negotiating a way get your costs  lowered until I read this bit.

My ex-wife got like this after about 18 years of marriage , "budget day" became "hell day" , because not only would she refuse to try to rein in her outgoings , she started yelling  at  me for not  earning enough  to cover her ever increasing expenses  . ( She didnt have a job either .) 

Any  'thanks for  paying for that  xyz ( that we didnt need ) ' dissapeared very early on once she took this turn , and I found myself wringing my hands every time she had an idea or went shopping.

I ended up divorcing her .

Why ?

Well I didnt want to be continually worried about money - and  , it took me a while , but one day I thought , 'not only is she keeping us poor , I cant take being abused for it any more'...

 

If she hasnt spoken words like , "Help me tilak and one day we BOTH will have lots of money !" - because 300 Durians  should make very good money - then its time to start winding down the money supply.

Go on holidays , make up a story where you gave your Mum a lot of money ...

But wind her down and see what happens.

I also concur with others that suggest the expenses seem very high , unless the land is large .

 

BTW - thanks for this post ... I was getting so sick of Wuhan Virus preoccupations !

[KMartinHandyman]

฿35k+ Per month divided by sex everyday with a girlfriend doesn’t add up. If you were married, well that’s another kettle of fish.

[BritManToo]

19 minutes ago, zaZa9 said:

I ended up divorcing her .

Why ?

Well I didnt want to be continually worried about money

Wouldn't it have been easier to give her a monthly wage?

That's what I do with my 'hired help'.

 

With a bit of 'performance' related pay now and again.

Edited April 28, 2020 by BritManToo

[Dart12]

The girl knows what she wants.  And what she wants in a relationship.  Nothing less will do.  I have no problem with that and even respect it.
-I have zero respect for how she is throwing fits.  That is also a sign of lack of simple cordial respect and gratitude towards what you've done already.

She's stated what she wants and will tolerate. Or she walks.

You need to ask what you want out of a relationship?  Draw your line.  If they don't meet.  It's time to cut your losses.  Maybe your line involves giving her what she needs to get where she wants?  Great.  Do it and take pride in it, don't hold it over her head anymore.  If it makes you miserable, if it's driving you broke, if your life isn't how you want it...DESIGN the life you want and live THAT instead.  (which might mean without her).

I"m sure you have emotion invested in this.  That you want to be a good man.  That all you seek is some gratitude and accountability (and justifiably that this biz is yours too {in writing}.  
-Also sounds like the reason you are not leaving is guilt. Whether internal or external from her.

And from what you say, there will be no compromise from her.  So choose:  Live the life she wants and be happy. Going all-in is not a bad thing.  
or Live the life she wants and be unhappy.  Staying becasue you are "supposed to" or it's "the right thing", or 'you should be married by now" or whatever other world standard that runs your internal compass.


or Leave and live the type of life that would make you happy.
Unlike the States, when you break up with a gf where she can have dates lined up by the weekend (throwing salt on your wounds)

...while it might take months for a normal guy to get some opposite sex attention rolling again in the States; Thailand you could walk out the door and have a legit date (and yes, bought dates as well which a lot of posters here talkd about as welll)  by dinner. Little nicer when what's good for the goose is good for the gander, no?  Takes the edge off the bite.

Anyways, 

2 choices you are happy.  One you are not. 

The two happy choices you have to go all-in and make a DECISION.  And decisions are hard. But its' wortht he angst of making it to quit living in misery.

 

[khunPer]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

My son, age 8, is already bi-lingual (English at home, Thai at school), no need to pay extra.

Great, but some might need for example a Cambridge certificate to later qualify for studying abroad – level needed for at least IB – and to get that, it has to be either international school, or a school in similar price level teaching after British standard. That has a price tag, which need to be included in long term budget planning, if one don't have a certain (higher) income level, or is (filthy) rich; unfortunately I'm not, and I'm neither a native English speaker...????

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, khunPer said:

Great, but some might need for example a Cambridge certificate to later qualify for studying abroad – level needed for at least IB – and to get that, it has to be either international school, or a school in similar price level teaching after British standard.

My kid has a Brit passport.

He can study in the UK whenever he wants.

[farangkinok]

On 4/26/2020 at 6:26 AM, MrMilk said:

Okay, thanks for all the advise guys. Feel good to get it out in the open and let off some steam.

 

I have no doubt that she loves me. I know she does and I know her intentions about us are good too. She`s been very loyal to me since the beginning and never any big issues other that money-related.

 

In the beginning it was fun and interesting, but now my stomach twist every time I think about it.

Seriously, who in their right mind can have this kind of work?

I didn't come to Thailand to wake up at 5 AM 6 days a week to do physical labor in 35 degrees for long hours. I didn`t come here to have the choice between sitting at home alone all day or sweat my ass off working on someones land.

 

What I do want however is a girl that finds time to have a relationship. A girl that makes me dinner every second day and keep the house tidy. She can work, sure no problem, but should have time for the house and me too.

I get nothing from this relationship anymore. Its only about work work work.

Maybe she makes dinner once a week. Dishes, cleaning, housework is all for me. Seriously, she done like nothing at home for 6 months. What is that? Can not help around the house because you are so tired you say? Have to end in a fight every time I bring up that house needs to be taken care of too? Are you selfish or what?!

 

I had a hope she change for the better, but at this point is clear it only change for the worse. If its like this now then it should be possible to predict how the future will be like, right.

 

[Dap]

Number One: in Thailand, there are no loans, only gifts.

Number Two: There will ALWAYS be something that costs more money.

Number Three: If you make yourself the bank once or twice, expect it to be expected.

Number Four: It will always be "Mine"!

Number Five: Good Luck!