Another Farang Marriage Ends

[The Professor]

I've been in Thailand 6 years now and I've watched as all my friends who marry Thais get shafted one by one. Just heard about this recent situation. It was an office girl he had met on the internet (37), him 37. It lasted 2 years and they had a child together. After they were married, he ran into a cash crunch and this triggered the demise. The guy in question is a super nice, understanding and generous guy. I'm sure she expected more "resources" from him and was sadly disappointed, although I'm quite sure she cleaned his clock early on.

So I add this to the other similar stories I have witnessed by close acquaintances: There were 2 that involved 4 million baht house purchases and lasted less than a year. One was a bank teller and the other a clerk. There was a 3rd who had a child but ran short of cash so was abandoned. Word to the wise is be careful out there. This looks like a broken record. You won't see the professor going down this sad road. I feel for all my close friends who have been burned

[cdnvic]

I smell another "whinge about Thai women" thread

[Tornado]

funny enough, I agree with you cdnvic

[Loz]

Thank the almighty that there is someone else out there who shares some of my views!

Prof, I have heard the same broken record and I'm still a newbie here. I dare not publish what I think are the causes of such breakdowns but I think you alluded to them very tactfully. I wish all the married forumeers many years of wedded bliss. I'm not down on any of you. I only marvel at the level of denial that "seems" to abound regarding the precise nature of some of these relationships. I thought Thailand was a place where everyone could be open about everything.

Professor, I feel sorry for your friend. Tell me, what do you do instead of falling into the same trap as most? PM me if its not publishable. Don't want to get you into hot water. One the other hand, I do want to learn about how people cope outside the norm.

Regards,

Loz

[solent01]

I sympathise for your friend.

This is not just relevant to Thailand but to everywhere, some marriages do break down, maybe there is more to it than just finances?

Edited April 15, 2007 by solent01

[aussiestyle1983]

I smell another "whinge about Thai women" thread

I smell the same thing

Most people with common sense know that most of the time only the bad stories end up on the internet for us to read....................

Maybe myself and many others who have happy and successfull relationships need to start posting our good experiences. Seriously, all these negative stories don't really tell the true story.

[cdnvic]

funny enough, I agree with you cdnvic

Had to happen once

[Pink Mist]

I can post equally disturbing experiences involving falang/falang marriages, at a 60% failure rate here in Oz, it isnt a brainer.

[sbk]

Oh well, every newbie needs to get it out, I guess. But please read the forum rules before doing so, thanks.

Specifically this part:

2) Posting another members personal details, photos or web site details is forbidden and will result in being banned. Excessive, aggressive posts against other members, moderators and admin; or flaming will not be tolerated. 'Flaming' is best defined as posting or responding to a message in a way clearly intended to incite useless arguments, rants, and/or for launching personal attacks, insulting, being hateful, useless criticism, name calling, swearing and other bad behavior or comments meant to incite anger.

Do not post inflammatory messages on the forum, or any attempt to disrupt discussions to upset its participants. The word, or its derivative, "trolling", is used to describe such messages or the act of posting them.

3) Religious or racial slurs, rude and degrading comments towards women, or extremely negative views of Thailand will not be tolerated.

[The Professor]

Thank the almighty that there is someone else out there who shares some of my views!

Prof, I have heard the same broken record and I'm still a newbie here. I dare not publish what I think are the causes of such breakdowns but I think you alluded to them very tactfully. I wish all the married forumeers many years of wedded bliss. I'm not down on any of you. I only marvel at the level of denial that "seems" to abound regarding the precise nature of some of these relationships. I thought Thailand was a place where everyone could be open about everything.

Professor, I feel sorry for your friend. Tell me, what do you do instead of falling into the same trap as most? PM me if its not publishable. Don't want to get you into hot water. One the other hand, I do want to learn about how people cope outside the norm.

Regards,

Loz

Hey buddy, I was going to PM you on this but I think it is fine to be public with it. I have a simple solution to this problem and that is not to marry. I'm a believer in the long term relationship (live in) without signing a marriage contract. This is precisely what I do and I am very happy with my Thai gf. I have no ties this way or strings. Everything has gone fine for several years like this and I don't see any reason to risk it.

[pumpuiman]

My Thai wife and I could not be happier

4 years and going strong.

I love her, and her whole family.

I was truly blessed the day I met her.

[terry57]

im sorry to hear about your friends professor,

but why do these guys rush in a marry so quickly?

i mean what is so hard about just being in a relationship and just having a bit of fun by not getting so serious about everything and having to get married 33 seconds later.

i find it a bit pathetic that a lot of these guys fall out with there farang wifes (in farang land) and the next thing you know they are madly in love with a local girl and walking down the isle.

its rubbish mate, and no wonder they come unstuck and lose all there money.

how about trying this one for a while,

get yourself a nice girlfriend, you live in your condo, she lives in her place and you just get together a few times a week and have some fun.

if after 10 years you still like each other then maybe she can sleep over once a week.

there's no fool like an old fool or a young fool as a matter of fact, and im sorry, but a lot of these guys set themselves up for a big disapointment.

a man cannot buy love but he can buy a huge amount of good times. and nothing is forever so why get hung up on the marrage senario. ?

one must never place his total happiness in the hands of another.

[buriramboy]

from what i have witnessed, the marriages that seem to break up are the ones where people have got married too quickly. I mean be honest who gets married back in farangland after knowing someone only a few weeks or months but it is all too common here. And another problem is a lot of people get married without making an effort to understand the cultural differences, always a recipe for disaster.

Anyway i knew my wife for over 3 years before we got married, and been married over 4 years now.

BB

[terry57]

I can post equally disturbing experiences involving falang/falang marriages, at a 60% failure rate here in Oz, it isnt a brainer.

yes, and i'll back him up on that one as i live here as well.

to blame the thai woman is pure bollicks, and these guys need to learn that thai women are a whole lot smarter than what some guys give them credit for.

maybe they could start with being a bit more careful with there expectations of a female and spend a lot more time getting to know them.

good and bad in all cultures and thais woman are no different on that count.

[Maigo6]

I've watched as all my friends who marry Thais get shafted one by one.

Really, every one of them ?

I think you're exaggerating somewhat.

Edited April 15, 2007 by Maigo6

[LoveDaBlues]

I've watched as all my friends who marry Thais get shafted one by one.

Really, every one of them ?

I think you're exaggerating somewhat.

One can only imagine where his friends meet their wives.

[Clipped]

..im wondering if these guys wouldve been able to hold down a relationship with someone of the same natonality in the first place....and why they would have to resort to thailand to find a spouse.

[Jockstar]

but why do these guys rush in a marry so quickly?

i mean what is so hard about just being in a relationship and just having a bit of fun by not getting so serious about everything and having to get married 33 seconds later.

i find it a bit pathetic that a lot of these guys fall out with there farang wifes (in farang land) and the next thing you know they are madly in love with a local girl and walking down the isle.

its rubbish mate, and no wonder they come unstuck and lose all there money.

For once i agree with Terry. Why rush into a wedding? I got married after 2 years with my wife. I was sussing her out as was she to me. I am not rich by any means. My wife had a great job in LOS and didnt need me. We are now happy and settled in Oz. Some people are ruled by the little brain.

[weary]

I see quite a few functional marriages and relationships. There are a few factors to consider to increase chance of success, but of course every case ultimately is unique anyway.

So even if you find a partner at a similar education level as yourself, where the age gap is not too large, and where one of you speaks the other person's language well enough to avoid simple misunderstandings and frustration, and where the main incentive for being a couple is not motivated by one single factor (e.g. sex or money), and where you spend at least 2 years together as a couple before moving on to marriage... you may still not succeed.

But all of the above do increase your chances of having a happy marriage - if that is what you are really looking for...

[Maigo6]

Here we go again....................................... the innocent good guys ( Farangs ) being taken by the evil villains ( Thai women ).

I could give you many cases of Thai women being left with nothing but the rent to pay afer the Farang has walked out of a relationship to be with some young girl he has met, leaving his Thai wife or Thai gf sometimes with children, with zero.

I always advise Thai women who have entered into a long term relationship, such as marriage to a Farang, to make all efforts to get something in her name, Land House etc.

Farangs have security, usually money, but if all else fails, they have a passport that can get them back to claiming social security from their home country. Thai women do not have that option, so they must secure their future as soon as possible, especially when marrying a Farang, who in my opinion do not make perfect husbands in many cases, especially when they are the type of Farang who stay in Thailand with the attitude that they can buy whoever they like, whenever they like.

BY the way, I have lost 2 houses previously.

Edited April 15, 2007 by Maigo6

[billrussell]

Hey buddy, I was going to PM you on this but I think it is fine to be public with it. I have a simple solution to this problem and that is not to marry. I'm a believer in the long term relationship (live in) without signing a marriage contract. This is precisely what I do and I am very happy with my Thai gf. I have no ties this way or strings. Everything has gone fine for several years like this and I don't see any reason to risk it.

Why not marry? In Thailand there is no child support so when the man (or women) splits, she has the responsibly of the child. Granted, any property that is owned will be hers, but it sounds to me that there is no disadvantage to marry a Thai - I have,

[Loz]

Maigo6,

"BY the way, I have lost 2 houses previously..."

Excellent line to end on. I am not bashing Thai women at all. I'm not sure the professor was either. I think it's just highlighting what some have said here in following:

Realistic expectations could kurb a lot of anxiety.

Agreed that all marriages are a risk. But as someone wisely pointed out. There are those who come here with the "everything is for sale" attitude and that does not sit well in most marriages. Glad that people have started to post some success stories though...

Keep them coming!!! Give the rest of us soem hope, will ya?*

*Not implying that I am looking for a wife. I am still happiest single and looking. No matter what the nationality.

[chevykanteve]

I've been in Thailand 6 years now and I've watched as all my friends who marry Thais get shafted one by one. Just heard about this recent situation. It was an office girl he had met on the internet (37), him 37. It lasted 2 years and they had a child together. After they were married, he ran into a cash crunch and this triggered the demise. The guy in question is a super nice, understanding and generous guy. I'm sure she expected more "resources" from him and was sadly disappointed, although I'm quite sure she cleaned his clock early on.

So I add this to the other similar stories I have witnessed by close acquaintances: There were 2 that involved 4 million baht house purchases and lasted less than a year. One was a bank teller and the other a clerk. There was a 3rd who had a child but ran short of cash so was abandoned. Word to the wise is be careful out there. This looks like a broken record. You won't see the professor going down this sad road. I feel for all my close friends who have been burned

I've been here 20 years now. I've been happily married to a Thai these past 7 years. We're both teachers. We've 3 children. Little problems now and then, but nothing major (knock on wood).

As for people I've known over these years --I mean, farangs married (legally or otherwise) to Thais, I'll attempt a quick situation-summary via a list:

1. At least 80% of them (=farang/Thai couples) went back to the farang's country and I never heard from them again. I honestly don't know what happened to them.

2. Of the remaining 20% or so who opted to stay in Thailand, roughly half got re-married at least once, but are still here in Thailand most of the time.

3. Two farangs (each married) committed suicide, both for unascertained reasons.

4. I've felt extreme pity for two farangs.. and I DON'T mean the two aforementioned people who committed suicide. I mean for two sincere individuals who trust their spouse more than they rightly should.

[aussiestyle1983]

I always advise Thai women who have entered into a long term relationship, such as marriage to a Farang, to make all efforts to get something in her name, Land House etc.

This is encouraging gold digging ( if there was trust or loved involved this would not be necessary .) No wonder why there are a lot of Thai women after the farangs money and assets, because of advice like that.

Edited April 15, 2007 by aussiestyle1983

[tijnebijn]

im sorry to hear about your friends professor,

but why do these guys rush in a marry so quickly?

i mean what is so hard about just being in a relationship and just having a bit of fun by not getting so serious about everything and having to get married 33 seconds later.

i find it a bit pathetic that a lot of these guys fall out with there farang wifes (in farang land) and the next thing you know they are madly in love with a local girl and walking down the isle.

its rubbish mate, and no wonder they come unstuck and lose all there money.

how about trying this one for a while,

get yourself a nice girlfriend, you live in your condo, she lives in her place and you just get together a few times a week and have some fun.

if after 10 years you still like each other then maybe she can sleep over once a week.

there's no fool like an old fool or a young fool as a matter of fact, and im sorry, but a lot of these guys set themselves up for a big disapointment.

a man cannot buy love but he can buy a huge amount of good times. and nothing is forever so why get hung up on the marrage senario. ?

one must never place his total happiness in the hands of another.

You never can get serious can't you Terry?For you this proberly works out but for different people not.Not that I disagree with you,just have the fun of your life,personally I think it differently,but we all have our pasts and thats why we all have a different attitude,just to fulfill our needs.

[sbk]

Relationships are a two way street and if a relationship fails its usually because of both parties involved. Sure, both sides will always see themselves as the innocent wronged one but it is usually due to both partners (my parents were marriage counsellors for 15 years, and this conclusion is based on their experiences).

So, you get a guy who has a failed relationship at home (more often than not) and he brings all his emotional baggage with him. Gets involved with a girl whose culture and language he does not understand very well. And you wonder why so many end up with difficulties?

Going slow is a nice idea, and sometimes works, but not always. My husband and I married after knowing each other for 9 months. We celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary this year. Some people know each other for years before marriage and yet the relationship still fails.

I suspect this is because too many people expect an easy fix to relationship issues and when the easy fix isn't forthcoming walk away from what they see as an "unfixable relationship". A strong marriage or relationship is one where both parties are committed to each other enough to work their way through their difficulties. If this kind of commitment doesn't exist then it wasn't a strong relationship to begin with, in my opinion.

[Robski]

Perhaps the title should be;

Astute Thai woman outsmarts stupid Farang guy, again.

With a sub-header;

There's one born every day.

[jetjock]

You won't see the professor going down this sad road. I feel for all my close friends who have been burned

I think you should at least try marriage at some time if only for the fact that it may teach you that happiness is not the only thing in life.

[sunshine13]

If you are married to thai gal, and a divorce arises, how is it handled? is everything split 50%? Is only your post marriage wealth split?

Assume you dont have a house in her name - OBVIOUSLY.

[LoveDaBlues]

Relationships are a two way street and if a relationship fails its usually because of both parties involved. Sure, both sides will always see themselves as the innocent wronged one but it is usually due to both partners (my parents were marriage counsellors for 15 years, and this conclusion is based on their experiences).

So, you get a guy who has a failed relationship at home (more often than not) and he brings all his emotional baggage with him. Gets involved with a girl whose culture and language he does not understand very well. And you wonder why so many end up with difficulties?

Going slow is a nice idea, and sometimes works, but not always. My husband and I married after knowing each other for 9 months. We celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary this year. Some people know each other for years before marriage and yet the relationship still fails.

I suspect this is because too many people expect an easy fix to relationship issues and when the easy fix isn't forthcoming walk away from what they see as an "unfixable relationship". A strong marriage or relationship is one where both parties are committed to each other enough to work their way through their difficulties. If this kind of commitment doesn't exist then it wasn't a strong relationship to begin with, in my opinion.

Spot on. My GF and I are together almost 2 years. We have our bad times but luckily we can both swallow our pride and talk thru our problems. It REALLY HELPS that her English is good because my Thai is so bad.