Questions Regarding In-laws & Engagement/marriage Traditions

[surface]

I'm moving to Thailand next month (will be getting married shortly thereafter), and I'm curious about a few things related to building some houses and marital expectations from my fiancés family. We are building two houses near Khon Kaen, one for us and one for her parents and a few other family members. I'm going to stay with her at her place in Bangkok until our house is ready to move in to in June. Her uncle is actually having it all done for us since he has a friend who is a contractor and is able to get things done pretty fast as this is all happening so quickly.

My first question is in regards to her family living so close to us, and what can I expect as far privacy. I love her and her family a lot (I've seen pictures of the whole family and have chatted with some of them quite a bit), and I like the fact they are all so close to one another, but will we be expected to be over their house, or have them over to our house, every day for meals, etc.? I have friends here in the states who moved in next door or across the street from their in-laws, and most of them said it was a nightmare, but since Thai's are much more laid back, as am I, I figured that this really wasn't comparing apples to apples (Italian/Jewish mother-in-laws living next door? What were they thinking?).

Besides that, I don't know what's expected of me with regards to an engagement ring, or any other engagement gifts/traditions. I already purchased one, a bit over 1.5ct, but I don't know how this tradition works over there, and I haven't discussed it with her as I want it to be as much of a surprise as possible. I just don't want her family to see it and think I'm cheap, or don't think she is worth more than a $12k engagement ring. I am spending $75k on their house, and almost twice that on our house, so I don't know if they will pull out a loupe and inspect the ring as families here in the states have been known to do, or if they will not care one way or the other since I've already spent a good deal on the land, houses, etc. A few months after we started chatting, around Oct or Nov, and before marriage came up, she did mention some custom regarding a sort of reverse dowry that is usually paid to the family, though since we decided to get married that hasn't really come up at all. Is that because the house I'm building for them could be considered the dowry, or will this not come up until I meet her parents in person for the formal marriage approval? I didn't want to bring it up myself since I didn't know if it would be disrespectful, but I also don't want to seem clueless or disrespectful to her parents if it does come up.

Needless to say I'm really excited about all of this. I'm turning 30 in August, and am glad to say I'll be married by then (was getting a bit depressed & worried about never having a family not so long ago). It's a huge change for sure, but I can't begin to say how much I'm looking forward to starting a new life with the person I love.

Thanks for any help, and I can't wait to join you all over there.

Cheers!

[El Taco Loco]

No idea how long you have been involved with this lady. Sounds like her and the family hit the lottery.

Seriously, don't you think you have done enough for the family?

After building the "how" you think that is not a dowry? Sinsot is a matter of personal preference and negotiation.

Are you a troll? Seriously, you need to get your head out of the ground, man. Wake up!!

[leisurely]

Well said sniperteam. How can you love the family a lot if you've never met them?

[Luckydog]

People like you should have their head examined.....

They will Milk you Dry. You will be swamped with her extended Family and Friends until you long for the days when you had some privacy (and Money!).

Get bloody real.....stupid fool.

Horror stories about the likes of you are to be found in abundance here. READ THEM!

Sorry to be so blunt Sonny.......

[dereklev]

$75K for a house for her parents! Must be quite a palace you are building for them

Maybe your new "uncle" and his contractor friend are on a get rich quick scheme......

As for having the "outlaws" next door only time will tell.

I live next door to the family and have had nothing but problems from my wife's older sister.

The rest of the family are very nice and ask for nothing.

I am sure the $12k engagement ring will go down well with the family, but I think they would prefer you had spent it on a down payment on a Toyota Vigo.

[Gary A]

I lived with my wife for a year and a half before we were married. We spent that time getting to know each other very well. She already had a house up country and she was anxious for me to consider living there. I told her that I was planning to marry her and NOT her family. I also made it VERY clear that there would be just the two of us living in the house. I told her that it was her house so it was up to her who lives there, BUT, if a family member moves in I was heading back to Jomtien with or without her. I place a high value on my privacy and that's the way it is. She is free to visit her family anytime she wants. Some guys enjoy the family all living together and very close to one another. I DON'T.

If my wife has money left over from her household budget, it's up to her what to do with it. She was 37 years old, childless but had previously been married, so she saw no need for a dowry. I have my privacy, she visits her family regularly and things are great.

[surface]

I lived with my wife for a year and a half before we were married. We spent that time getting to know each other very well. She already had a house up country and she was anxious for me to consider living there. I told her that I was planning to marry her and NOT her family. I also made it VERY clear that there would be just the two of us living in the house. I told her that it was her house so it was up to her who lives there, BUT, if a family member moves in I was heading back to Jomtien with or without her. I place a high value on my privacy and that's the way it is. She is free to visit her family anytime she wants. Some guys enjoy the family all living together and very close to one another. I DON'T.

If my wife has money left over from her household budget, it's up to her what to do with it. She was 37 years old, childless but had previously been married, so she saw no need for a dowry. I have my privacy, she visits her family regularly and things are great.

Thanks Gary, I guess I'll just start letting her know that while I think it's great having family close by, I do value my privacy. If she (or her family) thinks it's rude we can always compromise since I'm pretty laid back anyway.

On another note, I can't beleive Thai's deal with westerners at all, with all of the rotten attitudes displayed in this thread. I sure hope that's not the norm over there. Perhaps your attitudes, or the attitudes of the people you associate with, are the cause of these problems you've all mentioned. A real pitty.

Cheers

[El Taco Loco]

^^^^

They are milking you dry and you cannot even see it. Perhaps your head is not in the ground after all, but "up" somewhere else.

Good riddance, man. You don't want opinions, don't freegin' post a question then!

You will eat your words in about, oh, let's say, 1 year.

[Luckydog]

I lived with my wife for a year and a half before we were married. We spent that time getting to know each other very well. She already had a house up country and she was anxious for me to consider living there. I told her that I was planning to marry her and NOT her family. I also made it VERY clear that there would be just the two of us living in the house. I told her that it was her house so it was up to her who lives there, BUT, if a family member moves in I was heading back to Jomtien with or without her. I place a high value on my privacy and that's the way it is. She is free to visit her family anytime she wants. Some guys enjoy the family all living together and very close to one another. I DON'T.

If my wife has money left over from her household budget, it's up to her what to do with it. She was 37 years old, childless but had previously been married, so she saw no need for a dowry. I have my privacy, she visits her family regularly and things are great.

Right on Gary! Here Here.......

[Luckydog]

^^^^

They are milking you dry and you cannot even see it. Perhaps your head is not in the ground after all, but "up" somewhere else.

Good riddance, man. You don't want opinions, don't freegin' post a question then!

You will eat your words in about, oh, let's say, 1 year.

Don't waste your time Snipy baby. They never listen to good advice. Why should we care if they Milk him dry?

[WaiWai]

Surface, just wondering how much time you have spent in Thailand, and in which parts ?

I ask because you do appear to be moving into everything rather rapidly, and it's not clear how much contact you have had with Thais generally.