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5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am not married to my longtime gf and I don't plan to marry her.

Why? Because if I marry her and if it ever goes wrong than that will be very expensive for me.

So if I would marry I would virtually sign something like: If you leave me then you will get a lot of money.

Why should I sign something like that if there is no long term advantage of marring?

We all know that lots of relations fail. And we all know that most of the time that is expensive for the husband.

 

I think if a guy leaves his long time gf because he wants to and she didn't really do something wrong then he should support her for a while.

But if she wants to leave him then the reason should not be: Now I get a lot of money.

If you are not married then you don't have to worry about that.

 

The times when people had to marry to be able to live together are over. You don't have to!

My 2 cents: Marry only if you have a good legal reason to do that. And think about the future - and possible alternative versions of the they lived happily ever after future.

Never understand men that cannot trust their own relationship and commit 100%?

 

Selfish men worrying about their little money and not giving the GF the satisfaction or pride of being a married woman.

 

Getting married and having a huge wedding (500+) in Thailand was the highlight of my wife's life and mine too.

 

I would never ever worry about money over her happiness. Not going to happen.

 

 

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1 hour ago, habuspasha said:

We’re too old to start a family at 40 and 80.

Say that but I know an Irishman in Pattaya pushing 80 trying to become a dad again. - that said, chances of him being around for any kids 21st birthday are pretty remote !

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, RichardColeman said:

Say that but I know an Irishman in Pattaya pushing 80 trying to become a dad again. - that said, chances of him being around for any kids 21st birthday are pretty remote !

 

 

 

or even their 15th

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2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am not married to my longtime gf and I don't plan to marry her.

Why? Because if I marry her and if it ever goes wrong than that will be very expensive for me.

So if I would marry I would virtually sign something like: If you leave me then you will get a lot of money.

Why should I sign something like that if there is no long term advantage of marring?

We all know that lots of relations fail. And we all know that most of the time that is expensive for the husband.

 

I think if a guy leaves his long time gf because he wants to and she didn't really do something wrong then he should support her for a while.

But if she wants to leave him then the reason should not be: Now I get a lot of money.

If you are not married then you don't have to worry about that.

 

The times when people had to marry to be able to live together are over. You don't have to!

My 2 cents: Marry only if you have a good legal reason to do that. And think about the future - and possible alternative versions of the they lived happily ever after future.

A lot of logic in what you say on marriage . 

What if you were to die ? What would your long term girlfriend have to sustain her present standard of living ?

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2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am not married to my longtime gf and I don't plan to marry her.

Why? Because if I marry her and if it ever goes wrong than that will be very expensive for me.

So if I would marry I would virtually sign something like: If you leave me then you will get a lot of money.

Why should I sign something like that if there is no long term advantage of marring?

We all know that lots of relations fail. And we all know that most of the time that is expensive for the husband.

 

I think if a guy leaves his long time gf because he wants to and she didn't really do something wrong then he should support her for a while.

But if she wants to leave him then the reason should not be: Now I get a lot of money.

If you are not married then you don't have to worry about that.

 

The times when people had to marry to be able to live together are over. You don't have to!

My 2 cents: Marry only if you have a good legal reason to do that. And think about the future - and possible alternative versions of the they lived happily ever after future.

A lot of logic in what you say on marriage . 

What if you were to die ? What would your long term girlfriend have to sustain her present standard of living ?

I also point out that a long term girlfriend as you put it has a legal claim to your assets equal to if you were married .

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22 minutes ago, itsari said:

A lot of logic in what you say on marriage . 

What if you were to die ? What would your long term girlfriend have to sustain her present standard of living ?

She would get enough to live happily ever after.

I am pretty sure she would change her standard of living. Now we live in Bangkok, without me I am pretty sure she would live up country.

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3 minutes ago, RJRS1301 said:

Marriage in Thailand

Couples wanting to formalize their relationship in Thailand must enter into a civil marriage. Thai law does not recognize same sex marriages, common law or 'de facto' marriages or Buddhist marriages. Only when the marriage is officially registered and entered into the marriage register a marriage is created.

https://www.samuiforsale.com/knowledge/thailand-family-laws.html

I heard of a case of a farang and his Thai "wife" who had a Buddhist ceremony but they were not officially married. At some stage they separated and she wanted money for her divorce. And it seem she got the money. Why? Because she produced pictures of the Buddhist marriage ceremony and that was apparently enough to prove that she was married.

I heard that story years ago from a reliable source. Is it true? I can't be sure. Is it a risk? Sure it is.

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1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

We are happy together, since many years. And I take care of her. I also know her family. But I don't like village life and I spend very little time up country.

I don't  personally know you two , and hesitate to make definitive judgments, I can only talk in general terms.

From my conversations with you on this forum, I find you to be a nice guy , and as such I don' t doubt that you are happy together, But I suspect that you are a bit happier than she is.

 I suspect that you are getting all you want out of the relationship, and she is not, (if indeed she wants to get married) 

I suspect she would be happier if you were married. and as such the economics of the relationship do not balance. 

I don't see why you would need to live up country to be married , but shat is something you two would need to work out together, 

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

About us and me. I think too many people pretend there is only an us and if there is an us there can't be a me anymore. Wrong! We don't stop to be individuals when we have a partner.

I am sure there are may "us" but there is only one where two people commit to each other. 

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The idea "till death do us part" was invented when people died early. Now the chance that we will stay together forever is not so high anymore, even if we try.

I hope you realize that the above statement is the antithesis if commitment 

 I don't think it is an invention , as it has occurred independently among different cultures with no contact with each other, I think it is a social  construct that evolved because it has  social survival value to it. 

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

about "i am sure you could figure out on your own the dangers involved with in such attitude": Sorry, I have no idea what you mean.

The dangers are those of living a compromise life for the benefit of expedience .

You dont get all that you need so that "if it ever goes wrong than that will be very expensive for me. " and she dont get all that she needs , if indeed she wants to be married and have a traditional marriage. 

In the final analysis,  In any investment the return is directly proportional to the risk  

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Prior to our U.S. wedding (using a fiancée visa to the U.S.) we signed a pre-nuptial in Thailand.  Because of the difference in our ages (42 and 64 respectively) and assets I needed to think long-term about my responsibilities to my wife would be should our marriage end in divorce without putting my ability to re-start my single life in jeopardy.  Among other things the pre-nuptial did was lay out my wife’s claim to my assets upon a Thai divorce like a vesting schedule for a pension entitlement.  We are now at nine-years and counting until our tenth anniversary on November 1st which coincidently is also her ‘entitlement’ date for lifetime U.S. Social Security spouse and survivors benefits. 

 

Today, the pre-nuptial settlement would provide enough assets to live on until she can collect Social Security, at which time she will receive between one and three Thai teacher’s salary every month for the rest of her life.  This has worked out well for us – once we got past a few years there was increasing security corresponding to the length of commitment to each other.

 

Legalese

The Intended Wife will be entitled to a percentage of the after-tax cash value of the Intended Husband's net worth upon dissolution of the marriage via an uncontested divorce and the parties' having been married and living together for a minimum of two years. If the parties' have been married and living together more than two years but less than five years the intended Wife will be entitled to 5% of the after tax cash value of the Intended Husbands net worth. Thereafter the Intended Wife wil-1 be entitled to an increasing percentage of the net worth of the Intended Husband upon dissolution of marriage via an uncontested divorce based on an increase of 3% per year for each year for each year the parties' together.

 

Tabular Translation

 

Years                          Percent                       Years              Percent

0 to 1                          0%                              11 to 12          23%

1 to 2                          0%                              12 to 13          26%

2 to 3                          5%                              13 to 14          29%

3 to 4                          5%                              14 to 15          32%

4 to 5                          5%                              15 to 16          35%

5 to 6                          5%                              16 to 17          38%

6 to 7                          8%                              17 to 18          41%

7 to 8                          11%                            18 to 19          44%

8 to 9                          14%                            19 to 20          47%

9 to 10                        17%                            20 to 21          50%

10 to 11                      20%                            >20                 50%

…..

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6 minutes ago, sirineou said:

I don't  personally know you two , and hesitate to make definitive judgments, I can only talk in general terms.

From my conversations with you on this forum, I find you to be a nice guy , and as such I don' t doubt that you are happy together, But I suspect that you are a bit happier than she is.

 I suspect that you are getting all you want out of the relationship, and she is not, (if indeed she wants to get married) 

I suspect she would be happier if you were married. and as such the economics of the relationship do not balance. 

I don't see why you would need to live up country to be married , but shat is something you two would need to work out together, 

I am sure there are may "us" but there is only one where two people commit to each other. 

I hope you realize that the above statement is the antithesis if commitment 

 I don't think it is an invention , as it has occurred independently among different cultures with no contact with each other, I think it is a social  construct that evolved because it has  social survival value to it. 

The dangers are those of living a compromise life for the benefit of expedience .

You dont get all that you need so that "if it ever goes wrong than that will be very expensive for me. " and she dont get all that she needs , if indeed she wants to be married and have a traditional marriage. 

In the final analysis,  In any investment the return is directly proportional to the risk  

Aint we all trying to get most out of our relationships? Therefor always keep enough carrots to come to make sure they are staying happy, and do not get everything they want and need at once. That is just common sense. 

 

But, there should be some kind of balance that remind both parths they have something to loose if deleted happens from one side or both sides. 

 

Therefor I was happy to build a small farm, and now I feel we both are more equal. She still young enough to find a new man if she wants, and not a hostage because of me, and I can do whatever I want and she have to control her self. Balance is a good thing. 

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5 hours ago, habuspasha said:

and marriage might make it easier for us to travel back and forth between Thailand and New York maybe a few times a year.

Likely not to be the case as Thai married to American will be suspect for not returning to Thailand and as you have no tie to Thailand other than her visit will appear to be a shortcut to stay without the normal immigrant visa process..  Non immigrant visa (tourist) likely not to be approved.

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Keep as GF, as can be as you state, 'passion douser'.  Simply apply for the tourist visa, and she'll be good for 10 yrs.  If that doesn't then can get the 'fiance' visa, and go from there, marriage really wanting.

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1 hour ago, mvdf said:

Unparalleled savagery.

 

The disease is an unparalleled savagery.  I lose her in pieces. It breaks my  heart, continually again and again.  I am extremely fortunate in being able to keep her at home with excellent care.

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I see marriage for practical reasons as well honor your love of your life. But if you only have a gf for enjoyment, comfort and servant reasons, then I understand why not marry.

 

My self have said, if you still here after 10 years I marry you. Half way now 😳

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