Kok Tales & Island Yarns

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I am at a loose end tonight so I thought I would start a new thread as I had been reflecting on my past reletionship failures and one particular one always sticks out in my mind, and I have never since had a day more disasterous or unfortunate.

Please bear with me, I know it's a long read but others have found it a most funny yet tragic story and I hope you enjoy it as much as Fat Pete from Sydney did.

Location: Phuket.

Time: Circa April 2002.

Alone in Phuket for the first time and spoilt for choice for bars, I was sauntering down one of the many neon lit arteries in Patong when I stumbled upon the Joy bar where I soon became aquainted with a feisty young strumpet who was known to her friends as Mod.

The beer flowed and the Jenga bricks fell and that ghastly red stuff that they knock back from shot glasses was knocked back from shot glasses and it soon became very apparent that I would not be spending my hangover alone, even though many a male with fatter wallet were patrolling the soi's and being dragged in by her rowdy bar pals eager to put bums on seats and nails in logs.

We woke up the following morning after an inevitable night and ended up spending the whole week together, and all that it cost me was her daily barfine which I recall being only 300bht.

She was only 19 and lived alone in her mothers place nearby.

Her mother was living in Norway with her stepdad who fixed fruit machines for a living and dissaproved of her lifestyle and generally wasn't very nice to her, but she was wise for her age and had grown up fast and was also, like many Thai girls, very funny when annoyed by something.

Her mothers place was your typical lower middle class Thai home, one big ground floor room with an adjoining bedroom and bathroom and a motorbike parked a few feet from the fridge.

Incedentally; the fridge was on a raised part of the tiled floor and upon it was a family heirloom going back three generations which was a huge golden idol thingy with these two horns either side. It was quite impressive. Other than that there was a cactus, a couple of glasses and a bottle of Sprite.

For the last night of my week in Patong she had invited me to stay as it was closer to the bus stop and saved me having to pay for a night when I would be out for most of it and leaving at 6am.

Her friends were familiar with me by now as we had popped into the Joy bar each night to pay her release fee to her boss, but when Mod ordered drinks for her three close pals as well as us and her boss and asked me to pay, I found it quite audacious and before I knew it I had snapped at her and had put all my money on the table and offered her my PIN number in a sarcasm that was as brutal as it was a surprise to both myself and Mod who just stared at me for a moment then got up to leave.

I regained control of my senses and apologised, explaining that I was a little down as it was my final night and that I was a bit low on cash that night.

It was no good, I was walking backwards in front of her and her friend pleading for forgivness for being rude and tarnishing what was supposed to be our last night together, and fond of her I was too.

We were soon at the Bannana Club where she pushed aside the money I had put down for her and her friend, paid for the two of them and continued to ignore me.

Inside the club I shouted over the noise that I was really sorry that I had ruined our last night and could she forgive me and she eventually glared at me and informed me that she would be going to have dancing with her friend and would meet me at 2am, more than two hours time.

What could I do, she was out of sight before I knew it and so I sat on my own for half an hour and drank a couple of cocktails. I left after a while and returned to the Joy bar where her boss asked me what had happened and when I told her she explained to me that I was lucky to have Mod free for a week and that she had a baby in Bangkok that lived with her auntie whom she sent money to each month.

I knocked back my beer and was back in Bannana by 1:30am. From the balcony I saw her dancing with a young guy and thought it was over until I saw her refuse his advances. I made my way down the iron steps, pushing past people and couldn't find her on the dancefloor but soon felt her arms around me.

I was forgiven and with much of the evening wasted on my mistake, we made our way to 7-Eleven.

To be concluded in 5 mins, I need a cigarette.

Just as we were getting cuddly again she had a phone call and it was her friend who emerged from around the corner, she was upset and Mod went to talk to her, returning some minutes later to present me with her front door key and tell me that she had to speak to her friend and would meet me at her place in 30-45 minutes.

It was already 2am, I had to catch a bus in five hours but what could I do?

I hid my selfish anger toward her friend and did as I was told.

The motocycle taxi driver wanted 80bht for a 10bht taxi ride.

I was very tired, I was drunk and it had been a shit night.

I looked like a tourist, I was a tourist but that didn't stop me losing my temper and telling him that it was only 10bht, 20 max.

As I got off the bike swearing and cursing he nudged the bike to get me off like an unwanted insect and as a result the piping hot exhaust made contact with the side of my left leg leaving a raw, bubbling sore the size of what it should of cost to get to Mod's place.

Looking back at how furious I was, it's a wonder I wasn't beaten up, but at that point Mod emerged from nowhere and took me to another moto-taxi driver, placed 20bht in his hand and told me to get on.

Back at her place I helped myself to a Heiniken from the fridge and after a couple of angry swigs, placed it on the glass coffee table and fell asleep on the sofa.

The sound of Mod returning 45 minutes later (as promised) woke me up.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yes" She replied.

"Is your friend ok?" I asked, trying to sound sincere.

"Yes" She replied.

"Are we ok now?" I asked.

She examined my leg and gave me a hug before dressing the burn and leading me to the bedroom.

We had less than four hours left together and we were just getting into bed when I realised I had left my Heiniken on the coffee table in the main room.

As I opened the door she asked me to get her one also, so as I reached for mine I pulled the handle on the fridge door.

Sometimes the rubber seal on a fridge door is so airtight that by pulling just the handle alone, you can move the entire fridge, which if raised on a tiled plinth would cause it to topple.

The next thing I remember is holding the fridge in both arms at a lob-sided angle, looking down at the cactus, soil, broken glass, spilled Sprite and six chunks of antique, gold leaf on ancient wax carving heirloom that had been handed down from greatgrandma to grandma to mother to Mod to look after.

The look on Mod's face when she emerged from the bedroom is one I will never forget. After a few moments she looked back up at me and without a word, returned to the bedroom and closed the door quietly behind her.

I wasn't sure what to do. I was still supporting the fridge in both arms and my shorts were soaked in Sprite.

All I had wanted was a romantic last night in Phuket with a girl I had grown fond of who I may never see again. At that moment I started to sob as there seemed to be nothing else I could do after wrestling the fridge back onto the plinth.

I remember looking up as if to ask for an explanation as to why life had treated me so cruelly.

It seemed innapropriate to ask her if she had any glue so I cleared up as best I could and packed my remaining belongings, writing her a sorrowful and regretful note in the process.

I opened the door quietly and she turned in the bed to face the wall.

As I lay next to her in silence she seemed to sense my sadness and reached over to hold my hand for the briefest of moments.

An hour later it was time to get up. I hadn't slept a wink, I was sticky with Sprite, I had cactus needles in my foot and my leg was still burning under the gauze.

I can't recall ever feeling so miserable as I put on my backpack, picked up my holdall and put on my baseball cap that I always wore when travelling between places.

When ready, I placed the note on her table and sat on the edge of her bed and gently tried to wake her to say the final goodbye.

She reluctantly got up and rubbed her eyes in a drowsy daze and tried to focus on me as I told her once again how sorry I was and that it was time for me to go.

The chance to make love and kiss passionatly had long gone, so I reached across to give her a kiss on the cheek but ended up stabbing her in the eye with the peak of my cap.

There is no God.

[andyinkat]

It certainly makes a very touching story GS - thanks for sharing it.

[ka12345]

cheap charlie...

[MadFrankie]

ya should have gone to the bus via her bar and got the 300 bat back for tha last night

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Mod and Scampy did finally have a last romantic night together when I returned to Phuket almost a year later. To my surprise she was happy to see meand forgiving about what happened but understandably she hadn't forgotten it.

Never seen her since though, If anyone's in Patong, and sees her at the Joy Bar then PM me.

By the way, that was my first and last long post.

[stroll]

I enjoyed reading it. You could break it into chapters, like after the cig break.

[RDN]

....By the way, that was my first and last long post.

Oh yeah! Methinks there's more to come from this young chappy

[Siam_seatsniffer]

A very interesting read.....much better than " oh are the Bars closing at 1am" threads.........

My God....this thread is about Bg's............how can this be.... Mods,etc..

[Siam_seatsniffer]

Outrageous !!! Woflie...ban this Bg related thread now !!!

[BKK_BACKDOORBANDIT]

Ahhhh Thai Ladys.......they sure have a way of getting under our skin..

[Totster]

Never seen her since though, If anyone's in Patong, and sees her at the Joy Bar then PM me.

She didn't leave her mobile (cellphone) number then.... ? I think you made too much of an "impression" on that last night.... move on..

totster

[amarka]

bloody good larf!

[The Gentleman Scamp]

It's almost three years later now and she's still working here which is sad.

She still has great eyes but has turned into a bit of a porker and looks ten years older than she should.

Currently she's being a <deleted> so I'm not answering my phone to her.

[fatter than harry]

I'd like to know which 'mod' you're sleeping with? If it's George we have to have a chat.

[mbkudu]

I'd like to know which 'mod' you're sleeping with? If it's George we have to have a chat.

Hey, it's the Pattaya freak, time share guy! Harry, you are a clever bastard to be able to dig that one up. Wasn't his name Horse? Or Horseass or something like that?

[mbkudu]

It's almost three years later now and she's still working here which is sad.

She still has great eyes but has turned into a bit of a porker and looks ten years older than she should.

Currently she's being a <deleted> so I'm not answering my phone to her.

Scamp, I think you're a good guy and all, but this story sounds like a crap pilot

for a lousy sitcom or something. I think you might be better as a fiction writer. Your last one was quite good though.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

It's almost three years later now and she's still working here which is sad.

She still has great eyes but has turned into a bit of a porker and looks ten years older than she should.

Currently she's being a <deleted> so I'm not answering my phone to her.

Scamp, I think you're a good guy and all, but this story sounds like a crap pilot

for a lousy sitcom or something. I think you might be better as a fiction writer. Your last one was quite good though.

Right, listen here MBKUDU (Em Bee Kay Oodoo?), funilly enough I had just been wondering where you were.

This story happened three years ago and I posted it here back in June, long before the Ning fling, and trust me, it all happened.

Actually Mod said that I also left her 1,000 baht which I had actually forgotten.

Anyway MB, it's always been good to have you on the forum and I think you're ok, better than Fatter Than Harry who I will be throwing sandals at tonight when we meet for the first time at Pee Vee Sea.

[mbkudu]

Scamp, sorry I missed it back in June . Just wondering why you would re-post

it. You have to admit Fatter than Harry's new avatar is slicker than two eels fornicating in a bucket of phlegm!

Mbkudu= em bee koo doo.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Scamp, sorry I missed it back in June . Just wondering why you would re-post

it.

I didn't! RDN did - he did it!

You have to admit Fatter than Harry's new avatar is slicker than two eels fornicating in a bucket of phlegm!

That's actually him - he's had his hair cut now though and he doesn't dress that bad, and he's much plumper - plumper than Mod's arse on a bean bag.

Mbkudu= em bee koo doo.

Are you from Siiiiith Ifrika?

[mbkudu]

Ok, once and for all: mbkudu= moo baan kudu= The name of the village where my wife is from and where I spend part of my year relaxing. Now you know .

P.S. Scamp, you do have enemies out there don't you; I guess we all do. I like RDN. He's like a wily little leprechaun stirring the pot just enough so that the sh!t

doesn't spill over on to the floor .

The original post has your name on it, hmm.

[igotworms]

I need a translation of this post title.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I need a translation of this post title.

Rubbish title isn't it - and i stole the term 'Kok-Tales' from Big Chilli magazine.

I was gonna change Mod's name to Noy and call it 'Noy Story' but too late for that now.

How about - Mod - A Scampy anecdote, that would have been a better title.

Admin??!!

Can you change it please?