Divorce and runaway kids

[2008bangkok]

3 minutes ago, patman30 said:

why did you split the kids up?
why did you not also take your daughter if education was your concern?
what are you personally teaching your son that he would not learn otherwise?
obviously he objects to your drinking, why do you persist to consume?
at 14 he is basically becoming a man and will make his own decisions
There is a lot more to this than simply blaming your ex-wife and your son,
If he does not want to stay with you and wants to be with family, it may be in your sons interest for you to find a better solution.
don't forget his hormones should be raging right about now and you are his closest competition

I didnt split the kids up, I was forced into the whole thing by my wife, she would not help me renew my visa based on child dependant so I would of had to leave Thailand, so the only other option was to give her the divorce she wanted and Thai law says if divorced I must have sole custody of at least 1 child to renew a visa, this was just meant to be a formality and continue as normal but she insisted on having sole custody of the daughter as that is what she really wanted anyway, I didn't want anybody having any full custody to be honest but again it meant I would have to leave the country.

The second part of your question, well I think I can teach my son alot more being an ambitious IT expert who has a nice house, compared to a non ambitious mother who decided to change careers to become a cleaner because she was to lazy to find a similar position as a teachers assistant after covid cut backs so got a job as a cleaner instead.

Hmm that's gonna rub off well on him

[kingkenny]

1 minute ago, patman30 said:

There was more than 1 point being made in the reply i quoted
and you sadly cherry picked the wrong one.
no need for flooding the thread with large text
i read it first time you posted it.

His whole post was useless diatribe, none of it holds water so irrespective of whether you were agreeing with all or part, you were agreeing with nonsense.

 

The legally binding divorce document ensure custody until the child is 20 or marries, he just needs to enforce the document of the clid tries to move away, this is not rocket science.

 

Sorry if the target text disturbs your sensitivities, its a cut and paste 

[2008bangkok]

6 minutes ago, patman30 said:

There was more than 1 point being made in the reply i quoted
and you sadly cherry picked the wrong one.
no need for flooding the thread with large text
i read it first time you posted it

Nobody is cherry picking anything Kingkenny was posting facts, your making stuff up, or if your not post your source which differs

[patman30]

2 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

I didnt split the kids up, I was forced into the whole thing by my wife, she would not help me renew my visa based on child dependant so I would of had to leave Thailand, so the only other option was to give her the divorce she wanted and Thai law says if divorced I must have sole custody of at least 1 child to renew a visa, this was just meant to be a formality and continue as normal but she insisted on having sole custody of the daughter as that is what she really wanted anyway, I didn't want anybody having any full custody to be honest but again it meant I would have to leave the country.

The second part of your question, well I think I can teach my son alot more being an ambitious IT expert who has a nice house, compared to a non ambitious mother who decided to change careers to become a cleaner because she was to lazy to find a similar position as a teachers assistant after covid cut backs so got a job as a cleaner instead.

Hmm that's gonna rub off well on him

so it was all about you and your visa, not their education or well being or happiness
kids got split so you could keep visa
"well I think I can teach my son" implies you are not currently teaching him anything.
i assume you are not 50 yet, but there are other ways you can stay here,
elite visa being the easiest option (which i assume you could afford being an IT expert)

[patman30]

5 minutes ago, kingkenny said:

His whole post was useless diatribe, none of it holds water so irrespective of whether you were agreeing with all or part, you were agreeing with nonsense.

 

The legally binding divorce document ensure custody until the child is 20 or marries, he just needs to enforce the document of the clid tries to move away, this is not rocket science.

 

Sorry if the target text disturbs your sensitivities, its a cut and paste 

i was referring to the first line
go away.

[patman30]

1 hour ago, 2008bangkok said:

Nobody is cherry picking anything Kingkenny was posting facts, your making stuff up, or if your not post your source which differs

what on earth are you talking about
i am making stuff up?.....

i was referring to britmans first line

  

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

If the kid's no longer living with you, your VISA extension will be invalid.

tell me this ain't so.
you just admitted this was the reason for you having custody

[2008bangkok]

4 minutes ago, patman30 said:

so it was all about you and your visa, not their education or well being or happiness
kids got split so you could keep visa
"well I think I can teach my son" implies you are not currently teaching him anything.
i assume you are not 50 yet, but there are other ways you can stay here,
elite visa being the easiest option (which i assume you could afford being an IT expert)

You have a very strange way of looking at things, I need the visa to stay here and be with my kids, is that so hard to understand.

Who is cherry picking now, I said I can teach him more than the mother giving the different levels in education, common sense etc.

Blimey despite all my best warnings she still drives a moped with my daughter on the back every day with no tax, no not, no insurance because she lost the book and cannot be arsed to go 1 mile to get a new one, yes, great parenting.

She refused to remove my son from quite possibly the shortest temple school in the area she found him when we split temporarily before, and now she refused to find a new school for my daughter as she finished what they class as kindergarten despite being 13, because the school bizzarly said the kids can stay for another 2 years here, because it's convenient for her to pick her up after work.

Great parental skills these, and I should just let it be, despite having full custody.

And no, even a smart IT expert isn't paying 500k for a 1900 baht visa.

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, 2008bangkok said:

LOL

I don't speak Thai no but I communicate with him in English as we both been living together for nearly 15 years. So he speaks fluent Thai and English.

Like said before, the legal part is not important in this case. You need to try everything to get a good relationship with your son.

[2008bangkok]

10 minutes ago, patman30 said:

what on earth are you talking about
i am making stuff up?.....

i was referring to britmans first line

  

tell me this ain't so.
you just admitted this was the reason for you having custody

Britman is making stuff up, I already addressed this.and Kingkenny.

Just because my son does runners he still loves with me until custody has changed, regardless of where he might put his head down for the night.

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, 2008bangkok said:

Yes, that is a good arrangement, and good for the kids also to have balance and not the parents arguing about it.

That is what I hoped for but unfortunately not.

 

I'm sure it was very satisfying to show them the papers lol, nice one.

Atm I am currently waiting for my renewal of my visa for dependant to come back as it's currently in review stage (had that 3 years even while married) so when it does I will probably go and file a police report. All really unnecessary but you gotta do what's right.

Do you think to get the police involved to get your son back will give you a better relationship with him?

He will hate you for it. Dumb move.

[2008bangkok]

3 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

Like said before, the legal part is not important in this case. You need to try everything to get a good relationship with your son.

I agree ????, but it's kinda hard when only 1 person wants to and the other is probably the most stubborn person I know (apart from my Dad lol)

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, kingkenny said:

Semantics and pedantry, either she drops them off or I pick them up, its not a fixed arrangement and depends on various circumstances, its easy for us because she lives within a few km, its not about a long trip to get them. The main fact is I have full custody and she can see them with my permission, that could be for a week, a month, a day, its not a fixed time, however if she turned bandit and decides to keep them (this might help with this wording) then I would act.

Thought it was the OP

Edited June 30, 2023 by FritsSikkink

[2008bangkok]

1 minute ago, FritsSikkink said:

Do you think to get the police involved to get your son back will give you a better relationship with him?

He will hate you for it. Dumb move.

Well that's the price you pay if you want to be a good parent, wouldn't bother me if he did hate me. He will thank me when he on the 100k job.

[2008bangkok]

1 minute ago, FritsSikkink said:

Not semantics, you have custody so you are responsible. Take that responsibility.

Now thats just silly talk, does it matter who is the person to drop or pick up if you have a good relationship.

Now that is troll talk

[patman30]

2 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

You have a very strange way of looking at things, I need the visa to stay here and be with my kids, is that so hard to understand.

Who is cherry picking now, I said I can teach him more than the mother giving the different levels in education, common sense etc.

Blimey despite all my best warnings she still drives a moped with my daughter on the back every day with no tax, no not, no insurance because she lost the book and cannot be arsed to go 1 mile to get a new one, yes, great parenting.

She refused to remove my son from quite possibly the shortest temple school in the area she found him when we split temporarily before, and now she refused to find a new school for my daughter as she finished what they class as kindergarten despite being 13, because the school bizzarly said the kids can stay for another 2 years here, because it's convenient for her to pick her up after work.

Great parental skills these, and I should just let it be, despite having full custody.

And no, even a smart IT expert isn't paying 500k for a 1900 baht visa.

"can" is not the same as "am"
meaning currently you are not, but you "can"
"500k" is not for a 1900 baht visa, it is to be able to see and be with your kids without any headache
as i said, there are also other ways, that do not cost as much as an elite visa, but EV should be affordable for you.
hence why i said it was the "easiest option", albeit not the cheapest.
personally i would not put money first, but i dont count in beers so maybe that helps.
you seem to complain a lot about the woman you married and had kids with
from my POV, it seems you let her take the reigns more than you should
now you only want the reigns back as your visa status is in jeopardy.

won't be back on this thread, won't see any of your replies.????
have a nice day, hopefully your son finds his own way.
 

[FritsSikkink]

1 minute ago, 2008bangkok said:

Well that's the price you pay if you want to be a good parent, wouldn't bother me if he did hate me. He will thank me when he on the 100k job.

You won't be a good parent if he hates you. You blame him and the mother, ever thought what the real reason is why he runs away the whole time? He will never get that job in this state of mind because he will skip school too if he doesn't like you.

[patman30]

6 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

Britman is making stuff up, I already addressed this.and Kingkenny.

Just because my son does runners he still loves with me until custody has changed, regardless of where he might put his head down for the night.

he is making this up?
"If the kid's no longer living with you, your VISA extension will be invalid."
????‍♂️
Goodbye.

[FritsSikkink]

1 minute ago, 2008bangkok said:

Now thats just silly talk, does it matter who is the person to drop or pick up if you have a good relationship.

Now that is troll talk

You don't have a good relationship otherwise you don't need to file a police report. Have a good look at yourself before calling people a troll

[2008bangkok]

4 minutes ago, patman30 said:

"can" is not the same as "am"
meaning currently you are not, but you "can"
"500k" is not for a 1900 baht visa, it is to be able to see and be with your kids without any headache
as i said, there are also other ways, that do not cost as much as an elite visa, but EV should be affordable for you.
hence why i said it was the "easiest option", albeit not the cheapest.
personally i would not put money first, but i dont count in beers so maybe that helps.
you seem to complain a lot about the woman you married and had kids with
from my POV, it seems you let her take the reigns more than you should
now you only want the reigns back as your visa status is in jeopardy.

won't be back on this thread, won't see any of your replies.????
have a nice day, hopefully your son finds his own way.
 

I don't have a problem with my visa, it's sorted so that is not what the post was about.

Goodbye and thanka for all your unhelpful advice.

[2008bangkok]

3 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

You don't have a good relationship otherwise you don't need to file a police report. Have a good look at yourself before calling people a troll

Hey, Im sure I'm not the first and won't be the last to not have a good relationship after getting divorced after 16 years, but guess what I'm an adult and can understand the need to stay civil for the sake of the kids, she cannot.

You seem to have the same weird mind as the other guy, 

[kingkenny]

31 minutes ago, patman30 said:

i was referring to the first line
go away.

Which is irrelevant to the situation.

 

I refer you to my previous 'useless diatribe' answer.

[kingkenny]

9 minutes ago, patman30 said:

he is making this up?
"If the kid's no longer living with you, your VISA extension will be invalid."
????‍♂️
Goodbye.

Completely missing the point that as per the divorce agreement this kid has to live with him, stop missing the point, go and crack open another beer and sit there in your undies, this whole conversation seems beyond your comprehension.

[richard_smith237]

12 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

I don't have a problem with my visa, it's sorted so that is not what the post was about.

Goodbye and thanka for all your unhelpful advice.

He made a semi-valid point....  Your visa is tied to your kids being 'your kids' and having legal custody rights. You still have that, so it's not a concern at the moment unless the mother decides to fight for sole custody, which is always a possibility. I imagine this lingering in the back of your mind adds a significant amount of stress. 

 

You are naturally on edge with this situation, and some posters and taking their 'natural stance' to kick a guy when he's down. 

 

You have mentioned that you have had 'calm' conversations with your son and he has expressed his wishes to remain / live with you, however, when you step up and attempt to instil a little discipline things get tricky and the 'teenager' kicks in and he rebels.

 

 

Truthfully, there is very little you can do. 

As a parent, you have to be there first and foremost to support, so your child will always know you are there for him whatever happens - he won't understand that yet. 

 

Secondly, there is the role model aspect, discipline, teaching your 14 year old to grow into a young man - this is the extremely difficult part with a teen who is also going through a very 'rough patch' with his family splitting up.

 

Dare I say the separation is quite recent and thus the whole family is 'edgy' - you may also need to take a step back and calm down when there is conflict and take a primary stance of 'deescalation' - I imagine this is difficult when witnessing utter stupidity, carelessness and selfishness unfold in front of you (if that happens). 

 

You're getting no assistance from your ex-wife, thats to be expected in many cases.

 

The only advice that could be offered in this situation is 'try and step back and calm down'... when your son acts out, remain calm, he'll come back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 30, 2023 by richard_smith237

[1FinickyOne]

3 hours ago, 2008bangkok said:

So although it seems as I am being cruel

uh huh. how does that work? If others perceive it as cruel, well, surely for them it is... 

[2008bangkok]

2 minutes ago, kingkenny said:

Which is irrelevant to the situation.

 

I refer you to my previous 'useless diatribe' answer.

This is why I don't often use TV anymore, you come on here looking for advice from people who are or have been in a similar situation and can maybe offer their knowledge and all you get off most is non informative information, trolling, trying to discredit you as a person or any other form of abuse they can sling at you.

All these responses and your the only one with helpful and factual advice so cheers for that.

[richard_smith237]

1 minute ago, 2008bangkok said:

This is why I don't often use TV anymore, you come on here looking for advice from people who are or have been in a similar situation and can maybe offer their knowledge and all you get off most is non informative information, trolling, trying to discredit you as a person or any other form of abuse they can sling at you.

All these responses and your the only one with helpful and factual advice so cheers for that.

You're in a tough spot and there are clearly posters who enjoy 'triggering' others who are in a tough spot. 

 

If you don't agree with another poster, be a little thicker skinned and ignore their post - they'll consume your energy and build your frustrations - thats something you really do not need at the moment. 

 

 

There was mention of drink...  do you drink a lot? every day? - honest question.

Could you be getting frustrated more easily because you have been drinking the evening before ?

 

Also try to look inwards - are there any changes you can make ?... its not all about discipline, it's about being a roll model, sometimes the calm approach is the right appraach instead of allowing things to blow up. 

 

 

 

[bignok]

2 hours ago, 2008bangkok said:

Dude are you serious?

So don't push my kid to be better just let him be and end up earning 15k a month as a Thai doing crappy jobs all his life.

Thats mad chat that reply

Pushing never works.

[marin]

28 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

She refused to remove my son from quite possibly the shortest temple school in the area she found him when we split temporarily before, and now she refused to find a new school for my daughter as she finished what they class as kindergarten despite being 13, because the school bizzarly said the kids can stay for another 2 years here, because it's convenient for her to pick her up after work.

Are you always this frazzled? What is a short temple school? And what are you on about kindergarten?  This is age 3-5 or 6 in Thailand. Then there are 6 levels of Pratom or Primary, that she should finish at 12 or 13. Then she begins Mattayom or  Secondary school until 18 or so.  You dont even seem to know how schools here work. Not much more to say other than I am glad I am not in your shoes. Try to respect your wife a bit, you once did as you chose to marry her, always remember she is the mother of your kids and they need her love as well.

[FritsSikkink]

14 minutes ago, 2008bangkok said:

Hey, Im sure I'm not the first and won't be the last to not have a good relationship after getting divorced after 16 years, but guess what I'm an adult and can understand the need to stay civil for the sake of the kids, she cannot.

You seem to have the same weird mind as the other guy, 

Stay civil doesn't include to file a police report, so the police has to help to get your son back home. Do you really think that will make a good impression on him. 

My mind is quite ok, got 2 kids, 11 and 18 who adore me and do well at school. I could teach them in IT (am head of project management at a multinational) making a lot more than 100K but I let them choose what they like. Oldest one is going to study economics next month.

Have several long talks with your son to see what he likes, dislikes and what his issues are. Spend some quality time with him on things he likes.

[2008bangkok]

1 minute ago, marin said:

Are you always this frazzled? What is a short temple school? And what are you on about kindergarten?  This is age 3-5 or 6 in Thailand. Then there are 6 levels of Pratom or Primary, that she should finish at 12 or 13. Then she begins Mattayom or  Secondary school until 18 or so.  You dont even seem to know how schools here work. Not much more to say other than I am glad I am not in your shoes. Try to respect your wife a bit, you once did as you chose to marry her, always remember she is the mother of your kids and they need her love as well.

I know exactly how schools work after nearly 15 years of using them.

My daughter went to 1 school until she was 6, then she had to leave as the age was met, the next school we found the ages range from 3-13 and the official name for this school is xxxx kindergarten school.

My daughter reached 13 in April so should of left the school and gone to secondary school however just before she was due to leave the school decided that they would find extra roomals and the kids who were meant to leave can stay on for another 2 years, I was completely against this and wanted her to go to a proper secondary school but my wife (we were still married at the time) she did it anyway, purely based on the fact it would be closer for her to pick my daughter up.

My daughter was also happy as it meant she didn't have to leave the school and her friends, I can see that as it's daunting starting new school.

But it would be a lot higher standard education so I wanted a new school.

So as it stands she will leave xxx kindergarten school at 15