First Thai relationship, any advice?

[MangoKorat]

25 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

What you say is true, but not with all Thai women. Hard to tell who's what but again, that takes time. Many reasons a woman acts erratic, and not all involve infidelity. One thing many Thai women only get after awhile, along with all other women. When you cheat on someone that is good to you, when you lose that good man, you end up with someone who cheated with you, and surely will do it to you as son as he gets the chance. they think they are slick, all the while too stupid to understand that locals will not stay but a fraction of the time, and if they have children, that translates to never. Hit and run, a lot because the court system here is beyond broken, as far as making sure men here that have children will support them. The women end up alone, used and confused. They might have a house to live in, and a car, but they'll be the talk of the town, their "friends" talking behind their back and looking down on them, miserable because they ruined the only good thing they'll ever have. Gold doesn't make a warm bed partner.

Not all but a lot more than most people think. Currently I know of 3 my gf just says she knows many and I was caught out by an ex wife's 'cousin'.

 

Most of what you refer to is regarding the morality and consequences of cheating and I'd agree with you that most will no doubt end up on the losing side.  However, that doesn't stop it happening - for every girl that gets burned by it or gets too old - there's another 2 newcomers waiting in the wings.

 

Every guy I've spoken to that is still married, says his wife would never do it and in any case, she 'never goes out'.  They are a lot more crafty than they are given credit for - I know of one girl that sees her 'benefactor' for an hour to an hour and a half every evening after work, she just lies to her boyfriend about what time she finishes work.

 

These days I just see them for what they are and don't look for anything serious - much safer and a lot more fun.

 

In the last 8 years, I've become a lot more involved in Thai society when I'm in the country. Most of my friends are Thai and you're more likely to find me in a Thai style bar than the one 'farang bar' in my area. The more I hear, the more I'm amazed at what goes on.

 

The OP, much like most of us, will

[fredwiggy]

17 minutes ago, Celsius said:

Some people here think that if she is not a prostitute she is a good girl. Reading the OP, it doesn't seem that way at all. I have dated plenty of normal, career girls even students who never asked for anything, yet it was ovbious they were hiding something, lying something or were just plain psychos.

A "normal" girl doesn't have to be hiding something if she is just scared of men in general. Most people will lie to protect themselves, and it's not always to hide something but to not let down their guard because they don't want to be hurt. Women who are damaged from childhood, and don't have a good male role model don't know how to act around men, using whatever tactics they know to keep distance, which makes them more comfortable. This girl shows attraction but isn't letting her guard down. is she hiding something or just scared? Time tells. That's up to him to see if any red flags are just that or a defensive mechanism. And also, psychos aren't normal girls.

[fredwiggy]

4 minutes ago, MangoKorat said:

Not all but a lot more than most people think. Currently I know of 3 my gf just says she knows many and I was caught out by an ex wife's 'cousin'.

 

Most of what you refer to is regarding the morality and consequences of cheating and I'd agree with you that most will no doubt end up on the losing side.  However, that doesn't stop it happening - for every girl that gets burned by it or gets too old - there's another 2 newcomers waiting in the wings.

 

Every guy I've spoken to that is still married, says his wife would never do it and in any case, she 'never goes out'.  They are a lot more crafty than they are given credit for - I know of one girl that sees her 'benefactor' for an hour to an hour and a half every evening after work, she just lies to her boyfriend about what time she finishes work.

 

These days I just see them for what they are and don't look for anything serious - much safer and a lot more fun.

 

In the last 8 years, I've become a lot more involved in Thai society when I'm in the country. Most of my friends are Thai and you're more likely to find me in a Thai style bar than the one 'farang bar' in my area. The more I hear, the more I'm amazed at what goes on.

 

The OP, much like most of us, will

True, and this is what gives the rest of the women here a bad rap from men, because not all are con artists. If a woman wants to cheat, there's a reason for it, and it's not always the man's "fault". She is disturbed in her thinking, and feels entitled, no matter how good or bad she is otherwise. No one wins in cheating except the man she's cheating with. He doesn't care what happens because there's always another woman he can fool.

[JimTripper]

20’s they could be thinking anything. Hanging out for free food and beer, or just out of boredom, or just out of curiosity. That’s like having someone come over in college, you just don’t know and probably never will.

 

I have known people like that have stolen stuff from the house. One even put sleeping pills (or whatever) in my coffee and I woke up during the theft (did not happen in Thailand). I tasted it in the coffee but did not realize it.

 

There was another that would come over, act friendly, but that’s it and just hang out and not initiate anything at all and no intimacy allowed. I think she wanted me to give her money but never asked or said anything. Eventually, we just lost contact and she would not message back.

 

The one was was stealing I just collected the stuff back and let her leave on her own in the waiting getaway vehicle. it was sad as we had known each other for a time.

Edited August 24, 2023 by JimTripper

[MangoKorat]

1 hour ago, ozthai23 said:

But how would it be possible? He would be pissed off he sees her less than me? I see her 75% of her free time roughly?

You need to learn about Thai males - most won't give a damn as long as they are getting what they want.

 

Think about this:  Go to Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy shortly after closing time. Watch the girls come out, get on to the back of a little Honda and disappear into the night.  Who do you think the young Thai guy is that's riding that Honda? Could you sit at home or go out drinking with your mates - all the time knowing how what your Thai girlfriend is doing and how she earns her living?  They don't give a damn mate. In their case - its as long as she brings home the bacon so they don't have to work.

 

If the guy's an older 'benefactor' type, as long as she looks good and is there when he calls, he doesn't give a damn either.

 

I used to think I'd seen/heard it all - I know now that I never will.

 

 

[NanLaew]

8 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

Hi all,

I'm in my early thirties and she is in her early twenties, not that I'm sure age is a factor in my concerns. But it could be relevant I suppose.

 

I have been dating a Thai for 3 months. We live separately and she only visits me at my condo, I've never seen her accomodation. She is a student and has her own student accomodation.

Sometimes she surprises me and can be warm and affectionate, and she often sleeps at my place. However sometimes she stays home due to 'needing to get up early for class' but in reality stays up to 2am claiming she was in her phone and couldn't sleep.

 

 

My condo is kind of small with only tiny couch in lounge and a bed in bedroom which may influence the following, but sometimes she feels cold and distant when she is over at my place she will sit on said couch on her phone while I'm in the bedroom watching tv, for hours until midnight and then come lay with me for a little and sleep, then leave early the next day.

 

 

When she comes over its often already 11-12 at night, which itself concerns me a bit.

 

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing, although we hadn't been together for a day or two.

 

The other morning, she told me she was calling a grab. 10 mins later she collects her stuff and makes a b line for the door without telling me her lift arrived or she was leaving. Nothing. 

I decided to ask her what was up and if it was normal to leave without saying anything, her response was she was tired and didnt feel like talking? Kind of threw me off a bit.

 

Anyway, sorry about the long post but I like the girl, I just don't understand some of the behavior and and leads me to feel paranoid. I haven't really experienced this before and honestly if it was a western girl I'd wonder if she might be a little Asperger's or even be uninterested altogether!

 

I could be paranoid and completely in the wrong here. I'm just not sure.

 

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated, thanks in advance.

 

 

 

First of all, what you describe isn't dating.

[NanLaew]

4 minutes ago, MangoKorat said:

You need to learn about Thai males - most won't give a damn as long as they are getting what they want.

I've just had an epiphany. I must be Thai!

[realfunster]

8 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing, although we hadn't been together for a day or two.

 

What can I say. You sir, are a poet.

Kudos to you, clickbait or not, for a brilliant opening 'passage' to insert some humour and get attention on the thread.

 

 

 

 

[Kinok Farang]

Even seasoned xpats find it impossible to understand the Thai girls.Relax and go with the flow because the right one is worth waiting for and are usually more fun than a barrel of monkeys.But i think you can do better than this one.

[Captain Monday]

She stays with you only when she does not have a better place to stay, where she is getting worn out.

 

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

I don't care about your weight, but i know you are very sensitive about it, always struggling to lose weight, i thought maybe finally you started doing the right things, seems not

Personally not sensitive in the least and not struggling at all - but no surprise that your perceptions are so dim - - I have friends who are very overweight and it upsets me how poorly they have been treated throughout their lives by blockheads w/low IQs- prejudiced and ignorant people. 

 

What kind of person is so insecure that they have to make fun of another person for their weight issues? 

[bignok]

10 minutes ago, Kinok Farang said:

Even seasoned xpats find it impossible to understand the Thai girls.Relax and go with the flow because the right one is worth waiting for and are usually more fun than a barrel of monkeys.But i think you can do better than this one.

What's to understand? Mostly very basic people. They like nice food and music. Shopping and being told they are pretty.

 

If you can't figure out Thai women forget building a rocket ship.

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, bignok said:

Maybe he is into dating skinny guys

I get the feeling that he is such an ( o ) that nobody would have anything to do w/him of either sex... especially a Thai person - they have radar for jerks like him... 

[Lucky Bones]

Didn't read your 33 paragrah story.

It will all be old blah blah to us TVAN's.

Simple advice.

W W W..........

Wack it in

Wack it out

Wipe it.

(Often.)????????

[bignok]

Just now, 1FinickyOne said:

I get the feeling that he is such an ( o ) that nobody would have anything to do w/him of either sex... especially a Thai person - they have radar for jerks like him... 

He likes talking about weight. Normally only women do that.

[bignok]

3 hours ago, impulse said:

Oh, I forgot my other favorite, though it's not as relevant for Uni Girls...

 

The best paying, most secure and longest lasting job available to many Thai women is "mother of some foreigner's kid"

 

Wear your wubbies.  Check them for holes.

 

On a more complex note, there are a lot of great Thai women and there are some idiots.  The problem is cutting through the cultural differences to figure out if that's the source of friction, or whether she's just an idiot.  That goes both ways, too.

What are women for? Having fun, sex, cleaning, cooking and babies.

 

You don't talk physics or algo trading methods for 5 hours with them.

[1FinickyOne]

24 minutes ago, bignok said:

He likes talking about weight. Normally only women do that.

My wife does not like skinny - - but nobody seems to care - I sure don't care - - but I have had a few obese friends over the years and they are smart and really great people who have suffered from name calling etc.. 

[GammaGlobulin]

12 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

My condo is kind of small with only tiny couch in lounge and a bed in bedroom which may influence the following, but sometimes she feels cold and distant when she is over at my place

Your Topic makes NO SENSE:

 

a. You have a Tiny Small condo

b. You say she is distant

 

c. HOW can she be DISTANT when your condo is so small?

 

Totally Illogical Topic.

 

 

[bignok]

23 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Your Topic makes NO SENSE:

 

a. You have a Tiny Small condo

b. You say she is distant

 

c. HOW can she be DISTANT when your condo is so small?

 

Totally Illogical Topic.

 

 

The gf hates the condo.

[couchpotato]

23 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Your Topic makes NO SENSE:

 

a. You have a Tiny Small condo

b. You say she is distant

 

c. HOW can she be DISTANT when your condo is so small?

 

Totally Illogical Topic.

 

 

Gamma you are joking with your post, or you totally missed the point. This is not like you.. maybe you are tired.

[BarraMarra]

So you're only in your Early thirties but can live and retire on your Army pension. Aussie military must be raking it in if you can retire in your early 30's. I smell a wind - Up

[GammaGlobulin]

31 minutes ago, couchpotato said:

Gamma you are joking with your post, or you totally missed the point. This is not like you.. maybe you are tired.

I beg to differ. 

This seems completely like me, to me. 

 

I think that I may have consumed too much Gary Larson when I was at the impressionable age. 

 

I often see the world through the lens of The Far Side. 

 

Perspective is crucial to our perceptions of Reality, I think. 

 

 

 

[GammaGlobulin]

13 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing

Is this PUN intentional? 

 

Do you mean that she is physically sore? 

 

Or do you mean she is sore (angry)? 

 

I may be fatigued, but still remain curious about this topic. 

 

Clarification is needed on the two points I have mentioned, the distance question, and now this sore question. 

 

Or, did you mean she said she had a sore throat??? 

 

 

[bignok]

46 minutes ago, BarraMarra said:

So you're only in your Early thirties but can live and retire on your Army pension. Aussie military must be raking it in if you can retire in your early 30's. I smell a wind - Up

Thai rents are 10,000 baht a month. Any pensioner can pay that.

[TimeMachine]

12 hours ago, FruitPudding said:

I literally didn't hear one positive thing about her in the OP.

 

Why are you still considering staying with her??

 

Don't you know there are plenty of fish in the sea?

 

All the fish are gone silly.  Swimming around in circles,  wide eyed,  looking, staring at nothing in particular on their fish phones.

Humanity also buggered in the man women relationship side of things. Just find a hobby.  

[GammaGlobulin]

Concerning your worry that she may suffer from Asberger's Syndrome, and you from Paranoia...

 

You don't sound like you are paranoid. And she doesn't sound as if she is on the Autism Spectrum. 

 

I would say that you haven't known each other long time. 

 

I am a high-functioning Assberger, and I would know. 

 

I am also paranoid at times, but for good reason. 

 

So here is my very best advice for you... 

 

What you need to do is begin attending her uni classes with her. See how she interacts with here classmates and profs. 

 

Eat with her at the uni cafeteria. 

 

If you follow my good advice, all shall become clear within a week. 

 

Then, you both can decide if you wish to pursue this romantic relationship further. 

 

No charge for this internet consultation, by the way. 

 

 

[charleskerins]

17 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

Every answer here, strangely, can be the correct one for your situation. The only way you'll know is time. Liars will always show it eventually. She might be damaged goods from childhood, and although she's attracted to men, she might fear them, and want distance as not to be controlled. Being sore doesn't sound kosher, but you never know. More lubrication needed, a possible STI, too rough a few days earlier, or a possible medical condition. Every thing she says might be the truth, or some might be half truths. If you really like here, don't expect much and take things as they are. trust here if that's your way, and let time decide if she's worthy of it.

A wise answer

[swm59nj]

You are not being paranoid.  I lived in Bangkok for three years.  The first one was 48 years old.  Accountant for large company.  She couldn’t see me more than once a week.  If I asked her any questions she would get evasive or nasty.  And some things didn’t add up. 
The other one was 44 years old.  Not being evasive.  But if she didn’t like something I asked she could get very nasty and hostile.  And always wanted me to buy her things or she would get an attitude. She works for a major skincare company.  
And both lacked any real type of intimacy. 

[Hokeus]

Without meaning to sound cynical, many Thai girls come with a set of obstacles. Following are a dozen of the common ones. Most of them have some and hard to find one without any of them. It’s a matter of figuring out which ones they have (hopefully they don’t have too many) and then deciding if you can live with the issues they have or not. Nobody is perfect or expected to be, and we certainly aren’t either, but some come with too many issues for things to work out well. 

 

1 - Financial problems

2 - Emotional immaturity

3 - Inability to be honest

4 - Family pressures

5 - Don’t like western food/culture

6 - Unintellectual 

7 - Superficial

8 - Act on superstitions

9 - Lazy

10 - Unfaithful/Unreliable 

11 - Don’t like to communicate openly

12 - Drug/Alcohol problems

[leverito]

Find out the fifth,tenth and 15th and then you can do correct decisions