divorce yes/no

[Pistachio]

19 minutes ago, 2ndhomepattaya said:

Staying in any relationship that has broken down sucks big time. I don't think from my own experience the constant arguing is not only terrible on the kids but poisons the whole atmosphere. So, I would not be in the camp of advising you to soldier on just for the sake of the kids.

Yes, if you have no family around to help you out, consider employing childcare or even au-pairs. My wife and I went down this route as we also had no supporting family nearby either.

You do not say how old the kids are, my son bonded very quickly and easily with his carers in his kindergarten and junior school days.

Whatever you decide, it certainly is not an easy problem to resolve but not that impossible either.

Good luck

I got two nice healthy boys 3 and 5. 

Edited October 22, 2023 by Pistachio

[JordyTwilightZZ]

Divorce ain't really the problem here.

You've already lost your wife in a sense so really it's all about the kids now.

You won't able to manage alone so you'll need a nanny / babysitter.

So get rid of your lousy wife who doesn't give a s about you or your kids, then find someone to help you while you're at work and manage the rest on your own. It's gonna be tough but you don't really have other options, do you ?

[Pistachio]

8 hours ago, Celsius said:

How long did the conversation take about moving to Europe? 

 

Did you show her pics from the internet and she enthusiastically said yes? Did you show her London or Munich and in reality you live in the middle of nowhere?

 

Was she saving money and working hard in Thailand knowing that life in Europe or wherever won't be easy?

 

When she arrived, was she taking pics of the airport and duty free shops announcing her hi-so life?

 

Did she work in Thailand?

We met in Thailand 3 years I worked there. 

 

I didn't show her pictures of Munich and London and Milan. She knew I didn't live in a big city before we moved to Europe and I took her for a two-week visit. 

 

She wasn't impressed with the duty free shops at the airport she had seen nice places in Japan and Korea before she met me. She's not a farm girl.

 

She worked in Thailand.

[brianthainess]

I think in your situation I would move back to Thailand, and live apart but close enough to each other to "Share" the kids, you can divorce and get a family visa. Which brings up the question do the kids have Thai passports/citizenship? 

[Pistachio]

8 hours ago, bob smith said:

thai men know all about it...

ring the time I lived in Thailand I never had a real Thai buddy. I don't know why but it seems impossible to know very little about Thai guys. I know from my wife that supposedly they are bad and a white guy is better still I don't know why that is. 

[Pistachio]

8 hours ago, Oliver Holzerfilled said:

"she plays with her phone all the time."

 

Maybe she's just chatting with her "brother."

that's not the case.

[Pistachio]

8 hours ago, Lars Malmo said:

The first few words are enough

"I have a thai wife...."

 

DIVORCE !!!!!!!!

 

 

sorry, I didn't mean to sound racist, on the contrary, I like Asians very much. Especially before the wedding. 

[brianthainess]

2 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

ring the time I lived in Thailand I never had a real Thai buddy. I don't know why but it seems impossible to know very little about Thai guys. I know from my wife that supposedly they are bad and a white guy is better still I don't know why that is. 

Most of us don't have a Thai 'buddy' I've lived here 15+years, first off not many speak enough English, I cant speak Thai very well either and to have any meaningful conversation is well hopeless. IMO

[Pistachio]

7 hours ago, NanLaew said:

This based on what? The OP's gurning about his wife being a bad mother due to what he bizarrely perceives as not being compliant with his EU expectations? While he professes to being too tired to fulfil any of these duties she allegedly doesn't, I see the OP as not being too serious about the role of a father to the children in the EU.

 

Maybe it's the EU thing?

I'm serious about being a father, which is why we've been together for 7 years even though it doesn't work out properly. I'm not even talking about attraction and sex. 

[bob smith]

15 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

ring the time I lived in Thailand I never had a real Thai buddy. I don't know why but it seems impossible to know very little about Thai guys. I know from my wife that supposedly they are bad and a white guy is better still I don't know why that is. 

Thai men are just jealous of farangs, that's about the size of it.

 

We are bigger than them in every way imaginable 😉 

Edited October 22, 2023 by bob smith

[Pistachio]

18 minutes ago, JordyTwilightZZ said:

Divorce ain't really the problem here.

You've already lost your wife in a sense so really it's all about the kids now.

You won't able to manage alone so you'll need a nanny / babysitter.

So get rid of your lousy wife who doesn't give a s about you or your kids, then find someone to help you while you're at work and manage the rest on your own. It's gonna be tough but you don't really have other options, do you ?

I'm afraid finding a new childless partner who wants to take care of my two children is impossible. 

[Pistachio]

17 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

I think in your situation I would move back to Thailand, and live apart but close enough to each other to "Share" the kids, you can divorce and get a family visa. Which brings up the question do the kids have Thai passports/citizenship? 

Yes they does have both passport EU and Thai. Is impossible to find job for me in Thailand. Last time I got company work visa. I dont work for this company anymore. 

Edited October 22, 2023 by Pistachio

[JordyTwilightZZ]

2 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

I'm afraid finding a new childless partner who wants to take care of my two children is impossible. 

I think there's been a misunderstanding here.

I was talking about professional help.

As for you finding a new partner of course it is possible.

Have a look at Tinder. You would be surprised how many lonely women are out there.

[Nick Carter icp]

1 minute ago, JordyTwilightZZ said:

I think there's been a misunderstanding here.

I was talking about professional help.

As for you finding a new partner of course it is possible.

Have a look at Tinder. You would be surprised how many lonely women are out there.

Doubt theres many who would want to take care of two kids 

[JordyTwilightZZ]

1 minute ago, Nick Carter icp said:

Doubt theres many who would want to take care of two kids 

He doesn't need many. He needs just one.

And of course he will have to do more than his part still.

If the idea is to find a woman that is gonna do everything, forget it indeed.

[Pistachio]

6 minutes ago, bob smith said:

Thai men are just jealous of farangs, that's the top and bottom of it.

 

We are bigger than them in every way 😉 

I worked for a corporation and I was in Thailand as a construction manager of power units. Sometimes I invited my Thai colleagues to a dinner paid for by the company and they all came, even the ones I didn't invite. My wife tells me that they were all just pretending to be friends with me and just came to eat. I didn't believe my wife at the time, now I believe her. 

[Pistachio]

5 minutes ago, JordyTwilightZZ said:

I think there's been a misunderstanding here.

I was talking about professional help.

As for you finding a new partner of course it is possible.

Have a look at Tinder. You would be surprised how many lonely women are out there.

Do you mean Thai/ Philiphinos? 

[bob smith]

1 minute ago, Pistachio said:

I worked for a corporation and I was in Thailand as a construction manager of power units. Sometimes I invited my Thai colleagues to a dinner paid for by the company and they all came, even the ones I didn't invite. My wife tells me that they were all just pretending to be friends with me and just came to eat. I didn't believe my wife at the time, now I believe her. 

your wife was telling the truth.

 

Thai men have no intention of being friends with foreigners.

[fredwiggy]

4MyEgo's advice was pretty solid, and I would add, do NOT move back to Thailand no matter what. Your kids will have a much better life where you're at now. Talking to your wife, dating her again, finding time for just each other, might help somewhat. Doing anything you can to see the marriage last is always the best advice, as long as there isn't any infidelity, abuse or total neglect. I've always done more than my 3 wives did, as far as cooking, cleaning and raising the kids. I saw my dad do a lot more than most men do, so I picked up on that. He provided, my mom was motherly and was mostly at home. If you can just know that you will always do more as far as household duties, and are okay with it, it will make things easier. Women gain weight not only because of age and diet, but because they are giving up. When a woman knows she is loved, she will do her best to take care of herself, notwithstanding possible depression .                             Are there any other Thais living in your area? If she had a few friends that aren't man haters, she would feel more at home, and living there would be easier. Many Thai women have kids because they can, and leave the raising to the schools and grandparents. It's an epidemic here, and I've seen it personally.                                                                                                                                                                         As far as giving your kids a tablet, they are too young, and it makes them lazy. They need to play as long as they can, and interact with others, because the phones will come eventually anyway. Talking to your wife about this in a kind way might help, to at least postpone it. Her, along with millions of others, are addicted to their phones because they are bored with interacting with others, and it gives them entertainment. Not a good thing, but that's a problem most have now.                                  Can she get a job (work permit)? Keeping busy, seeing she was working before you met, might help. People isolate because of depression and boredom, and it only gets worse for everyone involved.                                                                                                                                                                                            If you do whatever you can and that does mean everything, divorce and joint custody isn't a bad thing, as long as the kids see the both of you. She doesn't seem like the motherly type, so that would give her a break from the kids. She might do that for awhile, then get to the point of not wanting to see them, as many do here. If she does take them on her days, it will give you a break, and it'll be better when you do have the kids, meaning they will see more involvement from you. There are babysitters everywhere, so that's something to fall back on when you need time. The kids will be in school sooner than you think, if one isn't already, so then you'll have them after school, after your work.

[brianthainess]

31 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

 I know from my wife that supposedly they are bad and a white guy is better still I don't know why that is. 

IME Thai guys are not faithful, leave their kids with no maintenance, hence so many girls work in bars, and can be physically abusive, and get drunk a lot...... 

[brianthainess]

23 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

Yes they does have both passport EU and Thai. Is impossible to find job for me in Thailand. Last time I got company work visa. I dont work for this company anymore. 

Sorry but how old are you?

[ppt555]

Sorry , but I wonder before marrying , how long have you been dating with her . 
 

In your situation . I think it is difficult to adapt for difference culture . 
 

In your case . Why do you ask  for advice from your both parents . But I think you have dicieded your choice already . In many asaian culture if parent dicided to divorce . Many poor children were sent to grandparent or lived with mother . You can sent money for your child . However if you want to foster your child . You can send your child to nursery or kindergarden and pick them in evening . 

[Pistachio]

14 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

Sorry but how old are you?

35

[Celsius]

59 minutes ago, Pistachio said:

We met in Thailand 3 years I worked there. 

 

I didn't show her pictures of Munich and London and Milan. She knew I didn't live in a big city before we moved to Europe and I took her for a two-week visit. 

 

She wasn't impressed with the duty free shops at the airport she had seen nice places in Japan and Korea before she met me. She's not a farm girl.

 

She worked in Thailand.

 

So, you live in Italy? Sorry, I am just trying to figure this out with you.

 

Maybe it is simply down to her not trying to learn the language and integrate. 

 

If That is the case than the divorce would be a bit extreme.

 

Does she even mention returning back to Thailand?

[QuantumQuandry]

6 hours ago, JensenZ said:

It's an archaic attitude no matter how you want to spin it. What you're suggesting is that the husband and wife are not equals. The OP certainly doesn't think his wife is his equal, and he demands compliance to his wishes.

Not sure you would call it 'spin'.  I have no dog int he fight.  I am just not as comfortable, judging other people's relationships. 

[brianthainess]

Buy her a one way Ticket to Thailand and stop supporting her, don't tell her that, till she is back. the money you save can be used for a domestic helper/ live in if need be. 

[Pistachio]

10 hours ago, TroubleandGrumpy said:

Suck it up Princess - face reality - you know what it is - make a plan.

Ask her if she wants to move back to Thailand for a while.

If she says NO.  She is planning and preparing for divorcing you and taking you for all she can get.  She is probably talking to a Thai woman or two, and a lawyer. Go see a lawyer and plan for the divorce - forget the kids mate - she will use them against you without any thought - and they will not want to know you when they get to 12-15 - the mother will poison your name and reputation.

If she says YES.  Move back to Thailand and see how things go. If there is no improvement over time, then slowly plan and prepare for a divorce in Thailand (much better to do it there mate). If things improve then you have made the right decision. 

Whatever you do, do NOT think that the kids matter more than yourself. Have you any idea how many single and sad 60+ years old blokes there are in places like Pattaya, and all over the western world, who spent a fortune 'looking after' their kids because it was 'the right thing to do' - but they never want to see him and rarely if/ever visit? 

Mate - Women use what is between their legs and what comes out of there - that is the way it is mate - sorry if you did not realise that (yet). At the best a good relationship is a balance of often opposing wants and needs in which both sides 'give'. The vast majority of women are idiots and want way more than they should - when told how they can get money from you they will often take that path - setting you up brilliantly - and 10 years later the bloke has no money because he was doing what he thought was the 'right thing' for his klids - but the moneyt all goes to the ex-wife who spendsa most of it on herself.  Women are masters of self deception - they have no 'soul' as such - she can  fully justify to herself financially raping you for decades and think nothing of it. 

Have a good long think and talk to a lawyer to get advice - do not talk to anyone else - women talk and anything you say to a mate will be 'sucked' out by his girl/wife and get back to your wife. Play it dumb and stupid - let her think you do not have a clue - we are good at that - but mate get back to Thailand either way.  If/when it all goes to sheite in Thailand, then get a divorce started with an Expat lawyer and move out of Thailand - maybe Philippines - she can easily get you arrested and deported mate - yes they do those sort of things.

Sorry mate - but you can spend the next 10-20 years of your life paying - or you can decide that it is over and start a new life. Up to you - but like I said - there are millions of old poor sad 50-60+ blokes with little money who stayed and did the 'right thing'.  PS - if you leave - get a vasectomy - dont have any more kids mate. 

Thanks for comment

[Pistachio]

9 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

The relationship has a future, if you try to adapt/adjust in the way you think. There is no recipe for a marriage, it takes two to Tango, there are lots of ups and downs, that is what marriage is all about, forget the BS you hear, and as two, you become one.....lol. Read on....please.

 

All marriages get tiresome, but you have to find the time to get together, put in, so that you can get back, of course the kids are keeping you going, that is why people get married, then they have kids and good old hubby becomes 2nd or 3rd best, so get used to it Dad.

 

So don't force her to learn it, have you considered learning Thai, how would you feel if you lived in Thailand and you didn't want to learn the language, but she kept busting your balls to learn it. Live and let live, try not to be so controlling, because control you will bring you undone in any relationship, learn to let go and try to enjoy the moment, the relationship, F everything else, enjoy the kids, smile, laugh, make some jokes, you both need it, be the leader, I am sure the kids will develop better as well.

 

If she doesn't feel as if she fits in, then understand that, don't force it, again, it appears that you are too controlling for your own good, sure we want our wives to fit in, but when we lived overseas, my wife didn't want to mix with others, however if there was something on like a BBQ she would attend with me, but as for going out, not unless it was with just me. Now that we live in Thailand, she is even more isolated and doesn't want to spend time with friends, even her own, she enjoys our kids, gives her family a wide berth, unless she needs to see them. I respect her as an individual, even though it gets under my skin because I have a good expat community here and am the only one who turns up without his wife and kids, but hey, why would I want to force her, yes it would be good for the kids to mix with other kids too, but I am not going to get into an argument, I am a big boy, I can enjoy myself without her company, albeit it I would love her to be there with the kids, but when you know it isn't going to happen, let it go and hope, maybe one day, after all, I wouldn't want to babysit her there if she wasn't enjoying herself.

 

Ah, yes, the mess, well HELLO, things change, you can decide that you will clean it up to your satisfaction, or live in it as I do. As long as she cooks, washes and cleans occasionally, and of course looks after the kids, just adapt. You are no longer living in your youth or at home with mum and dad when things might have been different.

 

System is something not taught here so forget it, if I counted the amount of times that I said Tiruk, dinner is at 6pm, not 8pm, I would lose count. As long as you can find things and she doesn't go chopping and changing things the way mine does, you might survive, mine changes things, puts things elsewhere, then I can't find them and she struggles to as well at times. If she was raised in a household without a system, then she won't know how to create a system, so you will have to communicate with her as to how you would like it like that because XYZ, after all, she is not stupid and can learn, right ?

 

Thai's don't have that European touch whereby they will hug the kids or spend time with them, it is just the way it is, everything starts at home, so if she is dressing them and feeding them, they know they are loved, you can be the European Dad and hug them, kiss them etc if that makes you feel good, I don't, it's just the way I was brought up, but I do speak with them, educate them and occasionally give them a hug and a kiss, each to their own, as long as the kids here, I love you and you are positive, they will get it.

 

These days kids survive on iPads, Tablets, TV's, Play stations, long gone are the creativities unless your prepared to do it all, even getting them to a shopping centre is difficult, KIDS: What, you want us to go outside, in the heat, for an hours drive to walk around, yuk, ok, then lets go to the pool, YUK, ok, then lets go on holidays, YEY......then you have to convince the wife to come along....LOL

 

Create your own space, forget about the system, as long as you know where your stuff is, I mean I can tell you where everything on the floor in the living room is that belongs to the dog, including some of his food that he has stashed.

 

They love being indoors.

 

I have been divorced before and raised a child on a 50/50 basis, it ain't pretty, especially if your working full time. Careful what you wish for. Do I want to divorce my wife, sure, at times I just want to F O to teach her a lesson, but that would be my down fall as I wouldn't be growing as a person, walking away from my responsibilities, to our kids, to my wife, to myself. Learn to grow, leave misery, don't allow it to take over your marriage, your life, because misery will always be there if you allow misery to control your thoughts (it's in your head).

 

Divorces are a no win for all concerned, especially the kids.

 

Careful what you wish for........your both in this marriage and you both have to be responsible for your kids sakes, if you think you have big enough balls to take on the role of both mum and dad, well Kudos to you, but will it be fair on the kids, as kids usually love there mums 1st and foremost.

 

So what are your alternatives ?

 

Yes, in my opinion, you need to sit down, start opening up and listening to her, we all know what's on your mind, but what's on hers, as Thai's usually don't open up. Once you have some understanding on what's on her mind then you can move forward as a couple. There is no ingredient to a marriage, but I do know that communication and acceptance, as much as I don't like the latter at times, does help to move forward, get back into those hugs and kisses or it will be the end of you.

 

Best of luck, we all need it.

your comment is very wise. I will gladly take the advice of an experienced guy to heart.

[Pistachio]

9 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

The relationship has a future, if you try to adapt/adjust in the way you think. There is no recipe for a marriage, it takes two to Tango, there are lots of ups and downs, that is what marriage is all about, forget the BS you hear, and as two, you become one.....lol. Read on....please.

 

All marriages get tiresome, but you have to find the time to get together, put in, so that you can get back, of course the kids are keeping you going, that is why people get married, then they have kids and good old hubby becomes 2nd or 3rd best, so get used to it Dad.

 

So don't force her to learn it, have you considered learning Thai, how would you feel if you lived in Thailand and you didn't want to learn the language, but she kept busting your balls to learn it. Live and let live, try not to be so controlling, because control you will bring you undone in any relationship, learn to let go and try to enjoy the moment, the relationship, F everything else, enjoy the kids, smile, laugh, make some jokes, you both need it, be the leader, I am sure the kids will develop better as well.

 

If she doesn't feel as if she fits in, then understand that, don't force it, again, it appears that you are too controlling for your own good, sure we want our wives to fit in, but when we lived overseas, my wife didn't want to mix with others, however if there was something on like a BBQ she would attend with me, but as for going out, not unless it was with just me. Now that we live in Thailand, she is even more isolated and doesn't want to spend time with friends, even her own, she enjoys our kids, gives her family a wide berth, unless she needs to see them. I respect her as an individual, even though it gets under my skin because I have a good expat community here and am the only one who turns up without his wife and kids, but hey, why would I want to force her, yes it would be good for the kids to mix with other kids too, but I am not going to get into an argument, I am a big boy, I can enjoy myself without her company, albeit it I would love her to be there with the kids, but when you know it isn't going to happen, let it go and hope, maybe one day, after all, I wouldn't want to babysit her there if she wasn't enjoying herself.

 

Ah, yes, the mess, well HELLO, things change, you can decide that you will clean it up to your satisfaction, or live in it as I do. As long as she cooks, washes and cleans occasionally, and of course looks after the kids, just adapt. You are no longer living in your youth or at home with mum and dad when things might have been different.

 

System is something not taught here so forget it, if I counted the amount of times that I said Tiruk, dinner is at 6pm, not 8pm, I would lose count. As long as you can find things and she doesn't go chopping and changing things the way mine does, you might survive, mine changes things, puts things elsewhere, then I can't find them and she struggles to as well at times. If she was raised in a household without a system, then she won't know how to create a system, so you will have to communicate with her as to how you would like it like that because XYZ, after all, she is not stupid and can learn, right ?

 

Thai's don't have that European touch whereby they will hug the kids or spend time with them, it is just the way it is, everything starts at home, so if she is dressing them and feeding them, they know they are loved, you can be the European Dad and hug them, kiss them etc if that makes you feel good, I don't, it's just the way I was brought up, but I do speak with them, educate them and occasionally give them a hug and a kiss, each to their own, as long as the kids here, I love you and you are positive, they will get it.

 

These days kids survive on iPads, Tablets, TV's, Play stations, long gone are the creativities unless your prepared to do it all, even getting them to a shopping centre is difficult, KIDS: What, you want us to go outside, in the heat, for an hours drive to walk around, yuk, ok, then lets go to the pool, YUK, ok, then lets go on holidays, YEY......then you have to convince the wife to come along....LOL

 

Create your own space, forget about the system, as long as you know where your stuff is, I mean I can tell you where everything on the floor in the living room is that belongs to the dog, including some of his food that he has stashed.

 

They love being indoors.

 

I have been divorced before and raised a child on a 50/50 basis, it ain't pretty, especially if your working full time. Careful what you wish for. Do I want to divorce my wife, sure, at times I just want to F O to teach her a lesson, but that would be my down fall as I wouldn't be growing as a person, walking away from my responsibilities, to our kids, to my wife, to myself. Learn to grow, leave misery, don't allow it to take over your marriage, your life, because misery will always be there if you allow misery to control your thoughts (it's in your head).

 

Divorces are a no win for all concerned, especially the kids.

 

Careful what you wish for........your both in this marriage and you both have to be responsible for your kids sakes, if you think you have big enough balls to take on the role of both mum and dad, well Kudos to you, but will it be fair on the kids, as kids usually love there mums 1st and foremost.

 

So what are your alternatives ?

 

Yes, in my opinion, you need to sit down, start opening up and listening to her, we all know what's on your mind, but what's on hers, as Thai's usually don't open up. Once you have some understanding on what's on her mind then you can move forward as a couple. There is no ingredient to a marriage, but I do know that communication and acceptance, as much as I don't like the latter at times, does help to move forward, get back into those hugs and kisses or it will be the end of you.

 

Best of luck, we all need it.

I wish I had a father with views like yours.

[Pistachio]

8 hours ago, Will B Good said:

Do what is best for the kids.....not you or your wife.

 

I divorced my Serbian/Italian wife and told the kids I was moving to Germany to live.......all four voted to come with me.....little s*ds.......single dad with four kids, new job, new country.....couldn't stop laughing.

you have my admiration 

Edited October 22, 2023 by Pistachio