Cultural Variables creating problems for westerner/Thai raising a baby

[jingjai9]

I want to know if any of you in this forum have problems over the philosophy of raising children in a bi-cultural household. I have a very happy marriage and the only conflicts I encounter with my wife occur when making decisions over raising a two and a half year old child. The biggest example being when I, the foreigner in the relationship, think my wife lets the baby play with dangerous objects such as scissors or sharp objects. I have seen other children here in Thailand even play with knives while the adults sit around seemingly unaffected. I take the potentially dangerous objects away from the child (sometimes doing so excitedly). My wife tells me I am afraid of everything and that the child will never know how to handle things in life if I am so overly protective. I keep things from the toddler as a means of preventing an accident, but to my wife I am a "scare-dee cat". I try to prevent an accident waiting to happen while my wife perhaps leaves it all up to karma. Not sure about this but it is a conclusion I have reached.

The above is one example. I would be interested to know if  any of you experience stress in their family relationship due to disagreements over what is best for the child. I am not really talking about the Thai educational system or outside issues as much as what goes on in the home during the course of a normal day. I know married people or co-inhabitants from the same country or culture have child rearing disputes but what I am talking about is a bit different.

Finally. another area of conflict is the amount of candy, sweets and junk food the little one eats on any given day. 

Would love to know what members here have to say.

[brewsterbudgen]

I sympathise.  My son is now 8, but I've lost the 'battle' to keep him away from phones, junk food/sugar and, most frustratingly, riding on the back of family members' motorbikes sans helmet. 

[BritManToo]

17 minutes ago, jingjai9 said:

Would love to know what members here have to say.

I agree with your wife.

[fondue zoo]

37 minutes ago, jingjai9 said:

Finally. another area of conflict is the amount of candy, sweets and junk food the little one eats on any given day. 

 

This, eat your vegetables, and scooter usage when small children are involved.

 

 

[fondue zoo]

24 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I agree with your wife.

 

How do you know his wife?

[nikmar]

43 minutes ago, brewsterbudgen said:

I sympathise.  My son is now 8, but I've lost the 'battle' to keep him away from phones, junk food/sugar and, most frustratingly, riding on the back of family members' motorbikes sans helmet. 

 

yep - my son was taken to an uncles funeral when he was 12. i had always forbidden him to ride motorbikes - at least untill he was 15 / 16 but his Mother proudly sent me vdos of him bombing around the temple grounds  - without a helmet - on his cousin's honda Wave. That led to an argument. My in laws thought i was being massively overprotective.

 

He s 16 now and im the only one in the family that enforces a helmet. Mrs Nik doesnt seem to think it s so important!!

[jingjai9]

Nikmar,
Thank you for mentioning the motorcycle helmet issue. I have many foreign friends who have children and they feel the same as you. They do not want their children on motorcycles until the are at least 16. 

No matter how liberal a person may be regarding the age for driving  motorcycles or wearing helmets, I cannot excuse small children standing on motorcycles. I think this custom dates back to when a very high percentage of Thai people used motorcycles as the family's main mode of transport. 

[charleskerins]

On 12/1/2023 at 10:02 AM, jingjai9 said:

I want to know if any of you in this forum have problems over the philosophy of raising children in a bi-cultural household. I have a very happy marriage and the only conflicts I encounter with my wife occur when making decisions over raising a two and a half year old child. The biggest example being when I, the foreigner in the relationship, think my wife lets the baby play with dangerous objects such as scissors or sharp objects. I have seen other children here in Thailand even play with knives while the adults sit around seemingly unaffected. I take the potentially dangerous objects away from the child (sometimes doing so excitedly). My wife tells me I am afraid of everything and that the child will never know how to handle things in life if I am so overly protective. I keep things from the toddler as a means of preventing an accident, but to my wife I am a "scare-dee cat". I try to prevent an accident waiting to happen while my wife perhaps leaves it all up to karma. Not sure about this but it is a conclusion I have reached.

The above is one example. I would be interested to know if  any of you experience stress in their family relationship due to disagreements over what is best for the child. I am not really talking about the Thai educational system or outside issues as much as what goes on in the home during the course of a normal day. I know married people or co-inhabitants from the same country or culture have child rearing disputes but what I am talking about is a bit different.

Finally. another area of conflict is the amount of candy, sweets and junk food the little one eats on any given day. 

Would love to know what members here have to say.

Yep  safety isn't a big concern.  Stick to your philosophy   car seat  was an issue.

[1FinickyOne]

I have had similar, but try and keep my side quiet... I would just take the scissors and not make a big deal out of it... Other battles I have lost, for example, car seat. 

 

I could stand near the child if there was something potentially dangerous, but not get others to watch over... and somehow, my kid is now 18 and a really good kid. 

[BigStar]

Not atypical.

 

You'll have to establish some firm rules for the sake of the child. I know a guy who, despite his protests and knowing full well the consequences, let his wife determine that the girl could eat all the cakes, cookies, and sweets she wanted. And surf on her phone every free moment.

 

Turned a beautiful, exceptionally smart, beautiful girl into a fat little pig. I see childhood diabetes on the horizon.

 

Don't let her do it! 

[khunPer]

The only conflicts or discussion my girlfriend and I had, was about child issues. Where I was more Western-style, she was more Thai-way-of-thinking. Not so much about what might be dangerous – I'm rather into "learn by experience" – but rather setting limits. I might be a bit more old fashioned, but I wanted fixed routines and limits – as you mention by sweets – where a "no" means "no". The easy solution is to give in, I chose the "no"-way, which caused a few short problems and the the child – our daughter – quickly understood, that when dad says "no", it's "no". However, mom was always a second option, which was worth trying...

Despite of that, it seemed like we have managed – our daughter is now grown up and my girlfriend and I are still together...

[ChrisKC]

This topic shouldn't be about different cultures but about safety issues. I don't know about two and half year olds under any circumstances being allowed to "play" with scissors unsupervised. Scissors are not toys for anybody.  If the Mother is showing them how to use, even supposing they can even hold them properly, this is OK. Learning by very small children comes from guidance, not ignorance.from parents. From my point of view, it is a bad attitude by the Mother and those who support her position!

 

And don't get me going on helmets and seat belts!! Children WILL wear them or they will NOT travel with me and I am talking in my case about other peoples children, if they are under my responsibility!

 

It is true, some are over fussy, but when its is obvious - it is safety first for me!