When Should Teenagers Embark on Their First Parent/Adult-Free Holiday

[Social Media]

 

In recent weeks, the question of when it is appropriate to allow teenagers to embark on their first parent-free adventure has sparked heated debate among parents, especially after TV presenter Kirstie Allsopp revealed that she allowed her 15-year-old son to go Interrailing across Europe with a friend. While some see such experiences as crucial for building independence and confidence, others worry about the risks involved in letting their children venture out into the world without adult supervision.

 

Dan Gregson, a 49-year-old teacher, faced this dilemma when his sons, aged 18 and 15, asked to go on their first trip without adults. Gregson admits he felt "very worried" even when they simply wanted to visit a skatepark in central London, and trips abroad were out of the question until now. His eldest son, who is 18, is planning to travel to Barcelona with friends next month, a prospect that still makes Gregson uneasy. "I know he’s sensible, it’s just other people I worry about," he says. "I worry that someone around him will start an argument. I went to Spain when I was 16, but it feels like the world has changed. There’s more aggression in the air now."

 

The debate about the appropriate age for parent-free holidays has been reignited by Allsopp's recent decision, which she defended on social media. In a post on X (formerly Twitter), Allsopp shared, "My little boy has returned from 3 weeks inter-railing, he’ll be 16 on Wednesday so he went with a mate who’s already 16 due to hostel/travel restrictions, but they organised the whole thing; Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, Berlin, Munich, Marseille, Toulouse, Barcelona & Madrid." She emphasized the importance of fostering independence in children, writing, "In this increasingly risk-averse world it’s vital that we find any ways we can to give our children the confidence that only comes from trusting them. If we’re afraid, our children will also be afraid. If we let go, they will fly."

 

Gregson takes a more cautious approach, questioning why his children want to travel alone in the first place. He believes in gradually building up to such experiences to reduce anxiety for both the parents and the child. For him, 17 is the youngest age at which a child should be allowed to leave the country without an adult, with 18 being even better. He plans to enforce strict rules for his son, such as daily texts, something that is already part of their routine at home.

 

However, not all parents share Gregson's cautious stance. Kate Row-Ham, a 48-year-old personal trainer from Brighton, allowed her eldest son to go to Newquay with six friends when he was just 15. "I think it all depends on the person and their level of maturity and how far they are going," she says. Row-Ham believes that a confident, streetwise teenager could be ready to travel independently as early as 13. Although she was nervous when her son first went away after his GCSEs, the availability of apps like Snapchat and Life360 made it easier for her to stay in touch. Since then, she has allowed her son to travel to Ibiza and Mallorca with friends, and she is now preparing to let her 15-year-old daughter go to Newquay with her mates next summer.

 

Row-Ham offers her children practical advice for staying safe while traveling: "I’ll give her the same advice I give my son which is to keep her phone on, call me if you have any issues, never let anyone buy you drinks, and to never leave your wingman/woman. I also remind them how important it is to enjoy themselves and have a good time. It’s good to give kids confidence and let them know you trust them."

 

Legally, children over the age of 12 can fly with parental consent, but there is no minimum age for traveling alone by train within the UK or on an Interrail pass in Europe. This leaves the decision of when to allow independent travel largely in the hands of parents. Psychologist Anna Mathur, who specializes in parenting and is the author of "How To Raise A Happier Mother," acknowledges that there is no definitive age at which it becomes appropriate for a child to travel alone. "It all comes down to the individual child and parent, and the relationship between them," Mathur explains.

 

Mathur suggests that parents consider several factors when making this decision, including their child’s friendship group, how far away they will be traveling, and their child’s personality and life experiences. "If it were a teenager with a large group of friends who I didn’t know and who is quite immature and might not cope when those relationships come under pressure on holiday, I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting them go," she says. However, Mathur also encourages parents to examine their own anxieties and determine whether their fears are based on valid concerns or on past experiences. "Is it a valid fear or is it a projection of something that happened to you?" she asks. "It’s important not to let your own hang-ups stop your child from enjoying freedoms which they might actually deal well with."

 

While ground rules are important, Mathur advises against making them too restrictive. "It has to be a collaborative agreement otherwise you’ll just get pushback," she warns. Some parents find ways to compromise, as Harriet Morley from Hampshire did when she allowed her 16-year-old daughter to go away with three friends to a house in Wales. Morley felt comfortable with the arrangement because she knew the owner of the house and there were people nearby who could keep an eye on the group. However, she admits that she might not extend the same freedom to her son when he reaches the same age. "My daughter is very sensible, and I knew that her and her friends would respect the house," Morley explains. "They’ve earned our trust to allow us to let them have this adventure."

 

For parents who decide to say no to a post-exams trip, psychologist Mathur advises that they prepare for their teenager to be angry and upset. "Even if you explain to your teenager really clearly why they can’t go, they’ll probably still be angry and upset," she says. "But that’s OK – it’s important to hold those boundaries for your child. And to know that you’re not saying ‘no, never’ you’re saying ‘not yet’."

 

Kate Row-Ham reflects on her own teenage holidays to Cornwall as "amazing experiences" and feels it would be a shame to deprive her children of similar opportunities. "They have to learn some life lessons themselves," she concludes.

 

Credit: Daily Telegraph  2024-08-24

 

 

 

Get the ASEAN NOW daily NEWSLETTER - Click HERE to subscribe

[newbee2022]

It's not a matter of age only.

It's a matter of being responsible for your life and actions. A kind of grown-up people say.

Boys with 17 travelling through Europe is ok for me if they do it with a friend.

If you can't trust your kids, then you made something wrong with your education.

[klauskunkel]

Quote

When Should Teenagers Embark on Their First Parent/Adult-Free Holiday

When they don't act like teenagers anymore...

[rudi49jr]

That depends very much on the teenager(s) in question. Some of them grow up quick and can be trusted to stay home alone or go on a holiday with friends by the time they’re 16 or 17. Others grow up (much) slower and need more time. And judging by what some people post here on AN, some never grow up at all.

[Bkk Brian]

My daughter is 16 and having got her IGCSE exam results last week, passing with flying colours is taking her first trip abroad with another 16 year old friend and no adults  to Singapore for a few days in the half term hols. Well deserved break while she takes her A levels for the next 2 years.

[BTB1977]

25 to 30 years old. After they have moved out of their parents house. After they have completed college or have a full time job. 

[Tug]

When ever they can sneak out lol I dono depends on the youngster and keeping in mind the girls are more at risk of foul play and mistakes in judgement (getting knocked up) 

[thaibeachlovers]

When they are old enough to live on their own.

[ballpoint]

As the Thai news forum tells us daily, many adults should not be allowed on an adult free holiday.

[FruitPudding]

I was 17. Shagaluf. Boys holiday. Some of us were 16.

 

For girls, I dunno, and in Europe now I definitely dunno. It's like Africa or the Middle East these days. Would you let your kid go to Somalia or Afghanistan on their own?

 

That said, I wouldn't want to raise a kid, especially a girl, in Europe these days.

 

Thailand is safer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 1 by FruitPudding