The Expat Test

[JimsKnight]

Are you an Expat???

Am I an Expat??

Theres no easy way of explaining this one, Dr Burito has polled for what defines an Expat. But in lifes quest for answers on whether you ARE an expat look no further than taking the Jims Knight Patented 'EXPAT TEST!' Smile

INSTRUCTIONS FOR UNDERTAKING THE EXPAT TEST!

The more points you attain the better.....

For each question (truthfully) choose only one answer that applies to you....

If there is no such answer contact the author for finesse point allocation!

No cheating, talking or other mischief! The Moderators are now Invigilating!

The time allowed for this test is 10 minutes or the time it takes the Moderating king to drink 4 Bottles of Chang! Cheers

Enough said and let the test begin!

Stage one - Length of Stay, travel and documentation.

How many times have you visited thailand previously?

Never - 0

1 to 5 times - 1

6 to 10 times - 2

10 times + - 3

What plane ticket did you arrive in the country on?

A closed Return ticket - 0

An open 6 month return - 1.5

A one-way all or nothing ticket! - 2

What visa is currently stamped in your passport?

A tourist visa - 0

A double entry tourist visa - 1

A single entry visa non-imm 'o' - 2

A multi entry visa non-imm 'o' - 3

non-imm 'b' (business visa) - 4

Retirement visa! - 6

I don't need a visa stamp! I hold a thai passport/citizenship! - 15

Stage 2 - Country specific questions...

What driving license do you hold?

None - 0

UK/Intl. driving license (bike or car) - 1

Thai driving license (car) - 3

Thai driving license (bike and car) - 4

How much thai language can you speak?

Nothing apart from very rudimentary basic bargirl thai phrases! - 0

Basic phrases and numbers - 0.5

Colloquial thai - 2

Advanced thai (hold a v. good conversation) - 3

Fluent/Native speaker thai (and writing) - 5

What line of work are you involved in?

Nothing at all! - 1 ( 2 If Retired)

Teacher / Divemaster - 2

Dive Instructor / Bar Manager (can also be silent investor partner) - 3

Company / Office worker - 4

Offshore work (Middle East, Rigs, DSVs, FPSOs etc) - 4.5

Offshore work in thailand (Rigs, DSVs, FPSOs etc) - 5

If you are working in Thailand do you hold a work permit?

No - 0 (You cheeky monkey!)

Yes - 3

What is your accommodation?

Hotel - 0

Guesthouse - 1

Renting a House / Apartment - 2

Ownership of a house (via a company) - 3

Ownership of house (via a thai) - 3.5

What vehicles do you have as your own?

Nothing - 0

Bicycle - 0.5

Motorbike (Rental) - 1

Motorbike (owned in thai name without access to papers) - 1.5

Motorbike (owned in thai name with papers) - 2.5

Motorbike (owned in your name with papers) - 3.5

Car (owned in a thai name without access to papers) - 3

Car (owned in a thai name with access papers) - 4

Car (owned in your name with papers) - 5

What finances support your living while in thailand?

Cash in the bank - 1

Cash in the bank + income from pension / assets - 2

Cash in the bank + income from work - 3

Cash in the bank + income from pension / assets and income from work - 4

I have so much cash i never have to worry about other sources of income!! - 10

What best describes your own psyche/character in Thailand?

A tattooed, unrepentant, border-line psychotic criminal on-the-run type, from whom no man, woman or child is safe! - Minus 5

A hard drinking, grizzled, reckless womaniser who is ok in small doses around other (more balanced) expats - Minus 2

A married, hard working person who just wants to settle down with his new children in retirement - 2

An Indiana Jones type of guy; a bit of a ladies man/sugar daddy, bit rough around the edges, enjoys a few drinks here and there with the boys, travels about a bit and is a good friend to others - 2

An quiet, contented, enigmatic, mysterious person. Your a solitary kind of guy who has few friends, but prefer your own company. Everyone see's you around, but nobodys quite sure what the h_ell you're up to. Is he a teacher? A Divemaster? Who knows? - 2

A well-connected person who is on a long-term expat retirement package and quite frankly, has never had it this good compared to the others - 3

A creative genius / eccentric who is on a once in a life time quest to try and better themselves and others while going with the flow of Thailands many quirks and oddities. - 3.5

END OF TEST

This concludes the EXPAT TEST! Please sign your test sheets accordingly and pass them to a moderator for marking!

Well lets see how you've done.

SCORES -

2 - 8 points. Fail! The results seem to indicate you are a tourist! Enjoy you're stay! Grade F-

9 - 17 points. Fail! But this result seems to show you have some roots here in thailand but you still need some effort to get towards the next step in expatdom! Grade D+

18 - 26 points. Border-line Pass! This score indicates you are either an expat or Semi-Expat, based here in thailand for short to long durations at time. You can consider this score showing you to be an 'Honoury Expat!'. Look out for deserving expat-wannabes! They may need your help in passing the test! Grade B- Smile

27 + points. Pass! WELL DONE! You have passed the Expat Test with flying colours! With this accolade Thailand is surely yours for the taking! Just take care out there on your adventures! Grade A+

If you are brave enough, submit your scores by replying below for all of TV to see what status is really behind the Username

Jimsknight: 23.5 points.

Edited August 4, 2007 by JimsKnight

[Gimbo]

I scored 19 points and does not even live there yet.

Come september, come!

[Jingthing]

I am a 31.

One way ticket.

[JetsetBkk]

36.5

[bkk_mike]

28

but that's only because I scored 0 on my plane ticket. (it was the return leg of my last flight out...)

[LinkPopularity]

grow up !

[geronimo]

33

[gzu88bv]

9 - 17 points. Fail! But this result seems to show you have some roots here in thailand but you still need some effort to get towards the next step in expatdom! Grade D+

According your scale I must be a failure, because I only scored 13. This proves again (no offence taken) that people living in the country side (Isaan) are a little bit backward. Ha, ha, ha......

[sexy man]

27.5points i passewd

[garro]

28 1/2 - does that mean I can stay?

[garro]

Oops, I think I made a mistake? Our house isn't finished yet and we are still renting. Does that mean I need to deduct 1 1/2 points. I will leave it up to the moderator.

BTW, I am surprised that there is no question in regards to length of time living in LOS.

[dogblower]

I failed, but so what? 21 years here speaks for itself. I couldn't care less what labels you want to hand out.

[JimsKnight]

Thanks for the responses folks.

Dogs, take it easy. This test is not a dig at people who 'fail' the test or wanting to put you down with cast iron labels good buddy.

Don't take it to the limit in seriousness, its not perfect, but does serve as a good all-round guide.

The length of time in Thailand is a valid inclusion but the 'times visited to LOS' pretty much comes close, as, usually people have visited LOS many times prior to finally settling there.

Edited August 5, 2007 by JimsKnight

[soundman]

What visa is currently stamped in your passport?

A tourist visa - 0

A double entry tourist visa - 1

A single entry visa non-imm 'o' - 2

A multi entry visa non-imm 'o' - 3

non-imm 'b' (business visa) - 4

Retirement visa! - 6

non-o yearly extension - 4

non-o 3 x yearly extension - 6

PR - 10

I don't need a visa stamp! I hold a thai passport/citizenship! - 15

What line of work are you involved in?

Nothing at all! - 1 ( 2 If Retired)

Teacher / Divemaster - 2

Dive Instructor / Bar Manager (can also be silent investor partner) - 3

Company / Office worker - 4

Offshore work (Middle East, Rigs, DSVs, FPSOs etc) - 4.5

Offshore work in thailand (Rigs, DSVs, FPSOs etc) - 5

Business owner yearly turnover less than 5mil baht - 5

Business owner yearly turnover greater than 5mil baht - 8

What finances support your living while in thailand?

Cash in the bank - 1

Cash in the bank + income from pension / assets - 2

Cash in the bank + income from work - 3

Cash in the bank + income from pension / assets and income from work - 4

I have so much cash i never have to worry about other sources of income!! - 10

Self sustainable income from business in country. - 7

What best describes your own psyche/character in Thailand?

A tattooed, unrepentant, border-line psychotic criminal on-the-run type, from whom no man, woman or child is safe! - Minus 5

A hard drinking, grizzled, reckless womaniser who is ok in small doses around other (more balanced) expats - Minus 2

A married, hard working person who just wants to settle down with his new children in retirement - 2

An Indiana Jones type of guy; a bit of a ladies man/sugar daddy, bit rough around the edges, enjoys a few drinks here and there with the boys, travels about a bit and is a good friend to others - 2

An quiet, contented, enigmatic, mysterious person. Your a solitary kind of guy who has few friends, but prefer your own company. Everyone see's you around, but nobodys quite sure what the h_ell you're up to. Is he a teacher? A Divemaster? Who knows? - 2

A well-connected person who is on a long-term expat retirement package and quite frankly, has never had it this good compared to the others - 3

A creative genius / eccentric who is on a once in a life time quest to try and better themselves and others while going with the flow of Thailands many quirks and oddities. - 3.5

Married to thailand, kids, family man, maveric alpha male type. - 5

Just a few additions for the under 50's group.

Soundman.

[garro]

How often do you wear a sarong?

Only on the beach/Never 0

Some of the time at home 1

All the time at home 2

All the time (even in Tesco/Lotus) 5

[raro]

Just a few additions for the under 50's group.

Soundman.

just wanted to say that...I also couln't figure why offshore work (i.e. NOT working in Thailand) quailfies higher than doing a job inside the country......anyways, I scored 31

[Kerryd]

22.

Too young to "retire".

Not rich enough to stop working (yet).

Don't need a car (but I own my moto).

Too "sexy and hansum" to settle down and marry (yet).

Should add a couple more categories as well.

Do you prefer Potatoe Salad or (spicy) Som Tam.

Burger King or Noi's food stall ?

Bum Gun or Wipe ?

[soundman]

Bum Gun or Wipe ?

That about sums it up ..... Sit or squat!

[garro]

Some more questions;

You see a fellow Farang do you;

1 immediately start speaking to him like he is your best friend 0

2 smile and acknowledge him/her 1

3 completely ignore them 2

4 start shouting at then in Thai and shaking your fists 5

It starts to rain, what do you do?

1 Complain because you are afraid your tan is fading 0

2 Complain because you need to walk through it to work 2

3 Celebrate because your rice crop has been saved 5

[vegas]

I got a minus score, how is that possible?

[onzestan]

I got a minus score, how is that possible?

Maybe buy a calculator

onzestan

[Naam]

Have You Taken the Expat Test?

should i?

[chinthee]

Have You Taken the Expat Test?

should i?

Yes, you should and I just completed mine. Blood tested negative for HIV, and Hepatitis B & C.

[sbk]

Not a fair test

I never came to Thailand before my first trip here. Yet I've lived here for over 18 years. What kind of score does that give me? Or should I just count all the yearly trips back to my home country?

And what difference would a plane ticket make after 18 years?

I have a single entry non-o visa but a one year extension. So, that should give me extra points and I should get even more because I have been getting the extension since 1992.

And the psyche one is just not nice. no tatts, no grizzle, not a sugar daddy nor a ladies man. I am female, that should give me extra points too just for being tough enough to deal with all the tatted, grizzled sugar daddies

[soundman]

Yes, you should and I just completed mine. Blood tested negative for HIV, and Hepatitis B & C.

Relieved?

[chinthee]

Yes, you should and I just completed mine. Blood tested negative for HIV, and Hepatitis B & C.

Relieved?

Actually, a very funny story. Wanna hear it? Too bad. The reason I had the tests done was because my blood squirted a doctor at a local hospital in the eye. How did that happen you ask? I was in the Cath lab getting an angiogram on my heart. To do that they open up a large main artery in your groin where they insert a camera. That artery has so much pressure, if opened it will squirt blood, which mine did. After that, they came to my hospital bed to ask permission to do the HIV test because the doc was worried about AIDS. Maybe I look like a risk?

There you go. Free useful entertainment.

[soundman]

Actually, a very funny story. Wanna hear it? Too bad. The reason I had the tests done was because my blood squirted a doctor at a local hospital in the eye. How did that happen you ask? I was in the Cath lab getting an angiogram on my heart. To do that they open up a large main artery in your groin where they insert a camera. That artery has so much pressure, if opened it will squirt blood, which mine did. After that, they came to my hospital bed to ask permission to do the HIV test because the doc was worried about AIDS. Maybe I look like a risk?

There you go. Free useful entertainment.

Unique - absolutely! Entertainment - Not so sure - I have a phobia about blood.

One thing I have noticed in Thailand is that near 100% of blood samples required for testing by doctors in hospitals are blanket screened for HIV, whether you request it or not. Good policy as far as I'm concerned.

Cheers!

[chinthee]

Actually, a very funny story. Wanna hear it? Too bad. The reason I had the tests done was because my blood squirted a doctor at a local hospital in the eye. How did that happen you ask? I was in the Cath lab getting an angiogram on my heart. To do that they open up a large main artery in your groin where they insert a camera. That artery has so much pressure, if opened it will squirt blood, which mine did. After that, they came to my hospital bed to ask permission to do the HIV test because the doc was worried about AIDS. Maybe I look like a risk?

There you go. Free useful entertainment.

Unique - absolutely! Entertainment - Not so sure - I have a phobia about blood.

One thing I have noticed in Thailand is that near 100% of blood samples required for testing by doctors in hospitals are blanket screened for HIV, whether you request it or not. Good policy as far as I'm concerned.

Cheers!

You know, this is interesting. I asked that same question, as I assumed everyone's blood was screened. Not so. They said in order to do an HIV and Hep test, they had to get explicit written permission from the patient! I was astounded. This was BNH hospital. I wonder if any MDs on this forum know the story in Thailand? Maybe only government hospitals, not private?

[Andrew Hicks]

I scored 19 points and does not even live there yet.

Come september, come!

I scored eight... but no, really I am an ex-pat. Because I've been to Patpong, Pattaya and Patong.

What do expats do?... they expatiate.

And in the spirit of promoting Thaivisas excellent blogs, have a look at 'An Expat Expatiates' on my blog, 'You Can Score On Route 24". (Just go to the top of the page and click on, 'Blogs'.)

Andrew

[soundman]

You know, this is interesting. I asked that same question, as I assumed everyone's blood was screened. Not so. They said in order to do an HIV and Hep test, they had to get explicit written permission from the patient! I was astounded. This was BNH hospital. I wonder if any MDs on this forum know the story in Thailand? Maybe only government hospitals, not private?

Come to think of it, everytime I've seen a bloodtest done on a family member, we have had to sign a document. Never bothered reading it though, only the report coming back & every single one has had a HIV test. This is at Vichaiyut on Phrarahm 6 road.