Having kids when old

[Celsius]

I am starting to think that maybe for a man it is a good idea to have kids in late 60's early 70's.

 

You get to spend your hard earned money on them without a care in the world. You get to see them when they are the cutest. They will keep your brain active because you want to be there for them and teach them new things. Hopefully you croak once they reach 15 years of age so the chances of them giving you heart attack or dementia at that age are low. 

 

I'm 51, so still got some time to think about it, but I think that's the way to go.

 

 

[KannikaP]

I had two sons in 88 and 92 when I was 41 & 45. As I had a business, I never saw much of them, leaving it all to the Mrs. We got divorced and the new hubby wasn't very good.

They both now have successful musical careers in Dubai

Now I have a 4 year old step-grandson, from my Thai GFs daughter, and can devote so much time to him, he is very good at English, arithmetic and is a lovely boy. 

Edited 2 hours ago by KannikaP

[mokwit]

3 minutes ago, Celsius said:

I am starting to think that maybe for a man it is a good idea to have kids in late 60's early 70's.

 

You get to spend your hard earned money on them without a care in the world. You get to see them when they are the cutest. They will keep your brain active because you want to be there for them and teach them new things. Hopefully you croak once they reach 15 years of age so the chances of them giving you heart attack or dementia at that age are low. 

 

I'm 51, so still got some time to think about it, but I think that's the way to go.

 

 

The chances of them being autistic are high and they will likely experience the wrench of the death of a parent while still a child/young.

 

Stop with the thinking only about yourself and start thinking about the consequences for the children.

[Celsius]

2 minutes ago, mokwit said:

The chances of them being autistic are high and they will likely experience the wrench of the death of a parent while still a child/young.

 

Stop with the thinking only about yourself and start thinking about the consequences for the children.

 

 

Did you just make this up?

[mokwit]

4 minutes ago, Celsius said:

 

 

Did you just make this up?

No, the risk of autism and other issues increases with age of a male fathering children.

[richard_smith237]

2 minutes ago, mokwit said:

The chances of them being autistic are high and they will likely experience the wrench of the death of a parent while still a child/young.

 

Stop with the thinking only about yourself and start thinking about the consequences for the children.

 

If concerned, tests can be carried out and choices can be made early on in a pregnancy (ignoring all moral issues of course so as not to side track the Ops points).

 

Valid comments:

- Older, wealthier, have more time, can offer more mature support.

- Younger, more energy, but likely to be at work more etc

 

I don't think either idea is wrong unless wanting a child in the 70's purely for 'keeping me active' reasons, like some sort of gym membership.

 

Ultimately, anyone considering such options should be concerned as to how well they can provide a healthy and balance up bringing.

Its the same as the argument for 'gay parents' etc... 

 

There is a 'whole spectrum of situations' and I don't think being a 70 year old father is so far out of the 'spectrum of parenting' when there are other kids without parents at all, or some have a terrible up bringing. 

 

The issue here of course is choice - My Wife and I (both in our later 40's now) would love another child, but its just not practical... its too late already (from a personal perspective).

 

But, if an older chappy has the energy and knows he'll sill have the energy when the child is deep into their teens, if he has the finances and can offer great parenting - they I don't see why not.

 

There's already too much shyit in this world to draw judgement on someone older who wishes to be a parent again - but I would judge those who do so without consideration for the child's future and well being. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[scubascuba3]

Last thing I'd want to do in bring up kids in 50s 60s or 70s

[Celsius]

5 minutes ago, mokwit said:

No, the risk of autism and other issues increases with age of a male fathering children.

 

Not if you pay up

[richard_smith237]

Just now, mokwit said:

No, the risk of autism and other issues increases with age of a male fathering children.

 

This is true - there is a elevated risk for Autism in children fathered by an older male, even more so for an older female. 

 

The other facet of this is...  'what kind of woman' is a Male of 70 years old going to be fathering a child too - Where as a above (earlier post) I commented on not passing judgement.... I also pointed out taking the childs wellbeing into consideration - After the older father pops his cloggs, what resources are available for the remaining single parent. 

Additionally, there is an elevated likelihood on the child being fatherless at an earlier age. 

 

 

 

 

[KannikaP]

1 hour ago, mokwit said:

No, the risk of autism and other issues increases with age of a male fathering children.

Link, proof please.

[KannikaP]

57 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

After the older father pops his cloggs, what resources are available for the remaining single parent. 

In my case, my retirement money, investments and savings go to my Mrs & his Mum.

[mokwit]

4 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Link, proof please.

It's not difficult to find.

 

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-e&q=autism+age+of+parents

[Hanaguma]

IMHO, before 30 is the way to go. My son was born when I was 29 and his mother was 25.  Now, he is 28 and a new father. So I get to enjoy my retirement years spoiling my grandson. Not worrying about paying college tuition for my own kids.  Basically, my wife and I can live a carefree life.  Another bonus is that the great-grandparents can see their great grandson! They are in their late 70s and still active. What a great gift for their later years. 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, mokwit said:

The chances of them being autistic are high and they will likely experience the wrench of the death of a parent while still a child/young.

Had my first 2 in my early 30s, another 2 in my early 40s, and another one at 53.

They are all physically and mentally fine ......... now I'm 68 and my youngest just turned 13.

 

Didn't see much of the first 4 as too busy working.

I'm around for my youngest 24/7.

Edited 1 hour ago by BritManToo

[richard_smith237]

15 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

1 hour ago, mokwit said:

No, the risk of autism and other issues increases with age of a male fathering children.

Link, proof please.

 

Plenty of info out there on this... its not hard to google... 

 

https://www.thetransmitter.org/spectrum/link-parental-age-autism-explained/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/older-parents-and-autism-risk-for-child-5199211\

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7396152/

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2023/oct/22/the-perils-of-putting-off-fatherhood-why-it-poses-risks-to-childrens-physical-and-mental-health

 

That was from a 10 second google search.

[brianthainess]

A kid growing up with an old parent who will be considered as exactly that, Old and out of touch with the real world, IMO it's not fair on the child, will you have the energy to run around and play say footy with it, in a few years ?, then the possibility that you will die when the child is still young, it's just not fair IMO on the child. 

[fredwiggy]

2 hours ago, mokwit said:

The chances of them being autistic are high and they will likely experience the wrench of the death of a parent while still a child/young.

 

Stop with the thinking only about yourself and start thinking about the consequences for the children.

'm thinking it's actually better to be a good father at any age than being absent when the children are young, age 0-5, which are the most important ages a child goes through, learning most of what they need to know. I'm actually still in Thailand, only because I'm waiting for the right time to re-establish back in the US with her. We had her when I was 60, 68 now, and still in good health. Of course I hope to live long enough to see her independent in the world at 20 or more. Many fathers don't give a rats ass about their children, and leave raising up to the mothers or grandmas, especially here, which isn't a good thing for any child, so a father in a child's life is very important, especially in those formative years.

[fredwiggy]

31 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

A kid growing up with an old parent who will be considered as exactly that, Old and out of touch with the real world, IMO it's not fair on the child, will you have the energy to run around and play say footy with it, in a few years ?, then the possibility that you will die when the child is still young, it's just not fair IMO on the child. 

Why are older parents out of touch with the real world? I would think the older you are, the wiser you are, especially if you're an intelligent person to start with. Parenting and raising children has no age limit, and it doesn't matter what's going on in the world as far as raising your kids with respect, morals, and a caring attitude are concerned. Playing with your kids is fine, but the most important things are providing, discipline, teaching morals, right from wrong, respect for elders, animals and others in general, and showing them how you treat others around you, especially their mom. Better to give 10 good years to your kids than being absent like millions of fathers are.

[fredwiggy]

2 hours ago, mokwit said:

No, the risk of autism and other issues increases with age of a male fathering children.

The chances of a child having autism have increased worldwide but not because of age of a parent. 1 in 36 born now has autism, up from 1 in 44 not too long before. There are studies going on now , trying to figure out a cause for this. My daughter had to be delivered caesarean at 8 months because she was too big. The doctor thought her mom would suffer if left to full term. Smaller birth rates is a concern for fathering a child as an older man, although it didn't happen with us.

Edited 52 minutes ago by fredwiggy

[patman30]

50 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

A kid growing up with an old parent who will be considered as exactly that, Old and out of touch with the real world, IMO it's not fair on the child, will you have the energy to run around and play say footy with it, in a few years ?, then the possibility that you will die when the child is still young, it's just not fair IMO on the child. 

young parents, do not have a good understanding of the world, they are also usually too busy working and trying to socialize to actually raise their children and sub that out to the state which well.... you can see the state of young adults today.

Not saying 70 is good, 
pros and cons to all ages
but children raising children is not the best strategy imo 
 

Edited 50 minutes ago by patman30

[Celsius]

What's this BS talk about autism?  All this can be avoided with a bit of money IVF whatever   This topic is not about retarded kids 

[richard_smith237]

Just now, patman30 said:

young parents, do not have a good understanding of the world, they are also usually too busy working and trying to socialize to actually raise their children and sub that out to the state which well.... you can see the state of young adults today.
 

 

Your statement makes a broad generalisation that oversimplifies the issue.

 

Many young people today have a deep and nuanced understanding of the world, often surpassing that of some older individuals (particularly in 'some areas of Thailand), whose perspectives may be outdated or disconnected from modern realities.

 

This discussion seems to suffer from plenty of overgeneralisation, which is being used to support flawed arguments. In reality, everyone’s circumstances and experiences are unique and cannot be easily categorised or generalised in the manner you have. 

 

As for your comment, "you can see the state of young adults today," it reflects an outdated viewpoint as you have presented a 'generalisation' of an entire generation, you're demonstrating a narrow mindset that may indicate a lack of balanced perspective which itself might lend to the conclusion that those of a similar mindset may not possess the most balanced of parenting skills. 

 

 

[BritManToo]

55 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

A kid growing up with an old parent who will be considered as exactly that, Old and out of touch with the real world, IMO it's not fair on the child, will you have the energy to run around and play say footy with it, in a few years ?, then the possibility that you will die when the child is still young, it's just not fair IMO on the child. 

Do dads really do that?

My dad never did, and I never have either.

Think you've never had kids and believing the Hallmark channel.

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Many young people today have a deep and nuanced understanding of the world, often surpassing that of some older individuals (particularly in 'some areas of Thailand), whose perspectives may be outdated or disconnected from modern realities.

You think the "wokes" understand the world?

While I think those that can't tell men from women have no grip on reality.

Edited 42 minutes ago by BritManToo

[richard_smith237]

4 minutes ago, Celsius said:

What's this BS talk about autism?  All this can be avoided with a bit of money IVF whatever   This topic is not about retarded kids 

 

Erm... I disagree...    because with 'elevated age' comes the increased risks....  and this very topic is about 'having kids while older'.... the risk associated with age is very 'topic specific'.

 

The discussion is multifaceted - we can't concentrate on the aspects you like and ignore the aspects you dont... 

 

There is..... 

- Risk of congenital defects (when older)

- Finances (likelihood of having more money when older)

- Time (likelihood of having more time for the child when older)

- Energy (likelihood of having less energy for the child when older)

- Dying earlier in the childs life

+ Plenty more to discuss

 

 

I am curious though, how does IVF decrease the risk of Autism ?  unless from a male perspective, the sperm has been stored for decades.

 

 

 

 

 

[fredwiggy]

Just now, richard_smith237 said:

 

Your statement makes a broad generalisation that oversimplifies the issue.

 

Many young people today have a deep and nuanced understanding of the world, often surpassing that of some older individuals (particularly in 'some areas of Thailand), whose perspectives may be outdated or disconnected from modern realities.

 

This discussion seems to suffer from plenty of overgeneralisation, which is being used to support flawed arguments. In reality, everyone’s circumstances and experiences are unique and cannot be easily categorised or generalised in the manner you have. 

 

As for your comment, "you can see the state of young adults today," it reflects an outdated viewpoint as you have presented a 'generalisation' of an entire generation, you're demonstrating a narrow mindset that may indicate a lack of balanced perspective which itself might lend to the conclusion that those of a similar mindset may not possess the most balanced of parenting skills. 

 

 

This is more true about third world and developing nations, where older parents are still in old school lifestyles, and their children are into the media craze, which teaches them a lot of what's going on in the world just by being on their phones all day long. In the west, even though the children are doing much the same things, they are coming from better schooling, a more developed news culture, parents with higher IQ's and more involved parents in general than what happens , in this case, here. I'm wondering if he was thinking about Thailand when he made that statement or of the world's children in general.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, richard_smith237 said:

 

Erm... I disagree...    because with 'elevated age' comes the increased risks....  and this very topic is about 'having kids while older'.... the risk associated with age is very 'topic specific'.

 

The discussion is multifaceted - we can't concentrate on the aspects you like and ignore the aspects you dont... 

 

There is..... 

- Risk of congenital defects (when older)

- Finances (likelihood of having more money when older)

- Time (likelihood of having more time for the child when older)

- Energy (likelihood of having less energy for the child when older)

- Dying earlier in the childs life

+ Plenty more to discuss

 

 

I am curious though, how does IVF decrease the risk of Autism ?  unless from a male perspective, the sperm has been stored for decades.

 

 

 

 

 

True, there are both good and bad that might happen when having children older. I also think the health of the father comes into play. If he has been taking good care of himself it might be different than if he was the average older man who does very little in the way of exercise and eating healthy.

[richard_smith237]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

7 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Many young people today have a deep and nuanced understanding of the world, often surpassing that of some older individuals (particularly in 'some areas of Thailand), whose perspectives may be outdated or disconnected from modern realities.

You think the "wokes" understand the world?

While I think those that can't tell men from women have no grip on reality.

 

I think any such generalisation and binary discussion highlights how some people are indeed out of touch.  

 

You've assumed all younger people are woke and have no grip on reality - thats rather flawed thinking.

 

All the young people I know have a very healthy outlook on life, their attitudes often mirror multiple generations and find the growing wokeness in the media and social media quite ridiculous. 

 

We can't judge a generation on the social media rubbish spouted by a highly vocal minority.

[patman30]

13 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Your statement makes a broad generalisation that oversimplifies the issue.

 

Many young people today have a deep and nuanced understanding of the world, often surpassing that of some older individuals

i was not referring to a young person being compared to other people

my younger self was an idiot compared to my today self
you cannot have a better understanding of this world when young compared to when YOU are old
our understanding of this world typically increases with age.
well for most of us it does, you may be proving me wrong though lol

[richard_smith237]

18 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Do dads really do that?

My dad never did, and I never have either.

Think you've never had kids and believing the Hallmark channel.

 

You have generalised from your own experience and projected that on everyone else. 

 

Plenty of kids grew up playing football with their fathers... I remember playing both football and Cricket in the back-garden with my father....  Great years and I look back on them with great fondness. 

 

Its too hot to play as much outside with my Son in Thailand, especially in Bangkok... But there are other things we do...  swimming, golf driving ranges, ski trips...  etc...   I couldn't spend all day on the side of a mountain with my Son when I'm 70 years old...  neither could we go on a jungle treks in Chiang Ma or Climb Mount Kilimanjaro (which is on of our plans)... 

 

 

Thus being a parent and having plenty of energy would be considered a positive for younger parents and on the negative side for older parents - its fairly obvious conclusion, though it can also be said that there plenty of young lazy parents (fathers) too..... and some older folk who've looked after themselves may have more energy... 

 

 

Edited 26 minutes ago by richard_smith237