How did your dad influence your life

[MalcolmB]

12 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

My other daughter, takes no sh*t from any man, and that makes sure she isn't a victim in her relationships. 

How many relationships are we talking about Fred?

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

wife as an unequal slave have sons that turn out the same.

 

There is an entire field of psychology behind it ...

Human beings can mimick bad behavior from parents. 

My older brother did. He was also abusive to his children.

 

Or people can subconsciously attract partners like their parents. If a woman had an abusive father, she may attract an abusive husband later in life.

 

If people self-reflect and heal their childhood wounds, then they can navigate this. 

But we're not taught this in school. So where do you pick it up? I used to read a lot, including psychology. 

 

[Harrisfan]

Just now, save the frogs said:

 

There is an entire field of psychology behind it ...

Human beings can mimick bad behavior from parents. 

My older brother did. He was also abusive to his children.

 

Or people can subconsciously attract partners like their parents. If a woman had an abusive father, she may attract an abusive husband later in life.

 

If people self-reflect and heal their childhood wounds, then they can navigate this. 

But we're not taught this in school. So where do you pick it up? I used to read a lot, including psychology. 

 

We mimick everyone we hang around.

[connda]

He was a WWII B-24 pilot and a POW in a POW camp in Germany for a year.  Quiet guy and didn't interact with me much when I was a kid other than to take me hunting, fishing, shooting, and snow skiing.  He was a good provider.  I didn't really get to know him until after my mom died and he remarried.  My step-mom brought a side out of him I had never seen before.  He was a good guy.  We had a good relationship as adults. 

[rumak]

29 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Studies have also shown that men that come from households where the father is a dominating, controlling figure and looks at his wife as an unequal slave have sons that turn out the same. My one daughter who is married  for 12 years, very happy, to a great son in law. My son, married for 10 years, to another good partner. My other daughter, takes no sh*t from any man, and that makes sure she isn't a victim in her relationships.  Stats are there, but it depends on what the father does after the divorce, and while he's raising the children.

 

You sure are the master of "studies show that " ..... .  Hey , look,  you have 3 marriages that did not last .    And here you are posting like a sick dog that just ate a plate of jalapenos .  Advice of how to treat a woman ?   Calling people names ( your forte) like misogynists.    Let's hear some more about why your marriages did not last .  

Maybe your fantasies about washing the dishes for the wife were not really turning them on the way you believe ?    Or maybe they just didn't like the way you made the bed ?   I don't know.  Stop lashing out at others and tell us what is wrong with you ?

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

We mimick everyone we hang around.

That's why I avoid you and Lewie London

[Harrisfan]

Just now, save the frogs said:

That's why I avoid you and Lewie London

Online chat is nothing. You know its true. I lived with a friend for 3 months. Started talking like him.

[MalcolmB]

7 minutes ago, rumak said:

Maybe your fantasies about washing the dishes for the wife were not really turning them on the way you believe ?    Or maybe they just didn't like the way you made the bed ?   I don't know.  Stop lashing out at others and tell us what is wrong with you ?

I would think it was more the way he cleaned the bathroom and folded the ironing that really turned them all off.

[still kicking]

I never knew my dad

[SoCal1990]

14 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

That's why I avoid you and Lewie London

Incessantly posting repeatedly on every single one of their topics is avoiding? Lol. 

[rumak]

12 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

I would think it was more the way he cleaned the bathroom and folded the ironing that really turned them all off.

 

"life's a b##ch...." ,  especially if you live with one .   My second question (after, where did you buy those nice earrings) ,   was always , "are you a b##tch?"

 

narrows down the field quite a bit  😉

[hotsun]

35 minutes ago, rumak said:

 

You sure are the master of "studies show that " ..... .  Hey , look,  you have 3 marriages that did not last .    And here you are posting like a sick dog that just ate a plate of jalapenos .  Advice of how to treat a woman ?   Calling people names ( your forte) like misogynists.    Let's hear some more about why your marriages did not last .  

Maybe your fantasies about washing the dishes for the wife were not really turning them on the way you believe ?    Or maybe they just didn't like the way you made the bed ?   I don't know.  Stop lashing out at others and tell us what is wrong with you ?

You can do everything the right way, whatever your perception of what is right, and marriage is still not ideal because it doesnt end

[rumak]

32 minutes ago, hotsun said:

You can do everything the right way, whatever your perception of what is right, and marriage is still not ideal because it doesnt end

 

personally i do not recognize the concept of "marriage" .   basically its a legal doctrine which IMO  is not one I want to sign on to .   

living together has been fine for me,  and easy(er) to move on from.   having children is of course a complication.   Men seem to not fare well when the divorce comes !

 

 

[Lacessit]

3 hours ago, rumak said:

My father loved music .  I never met him,  but rumor has it that I was born in the backseat of a Greyhound bus .   Highway 61 ,  that's where it was .

That explains a lot about you, never having a male role model.

 

IMO Steve McQueen would be one of the worst males to base behavior on. Ask Ali McGraw.

[Keeps]

2 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

Online chat is nothing. You know its true. I lived with a friend for 3 months. Started talking like him.

Was this 'friend' real or imaginary?

[save the frogs]

17 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

Incessantly posting repeatedly on every single one of their topics is avoiding? Lol. 

not avoiding, but spoke in their wheels

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, rumak said:

 

You sure are the master of "studies show that " ..... .  Hey , look,  you have 3 marriages that did not last .    And here you are posting like a sick dog that just ate a plate of jalapenos .  Advice of how to treat a woman ?   Calling people names ( your forte) like misogynists.    Let's hear some more about why your marriages did not last .  

Maybe your fantasies about washing the dishes for the wife were not really turning them on the way you believe ?    Or maybe they just didn't like the way you made the bed ?   I don't know.  Stop lashing out at others and tell us what is wrong with you ?

Picking the wrong partners doesn't mean I haven't learned over my life how to treat women. Any adult understands you can treat people well and have them sh*t on you. 

 

Calling a person who acts like a misogynist is just pointing out the obvious. It's what they say first, and many times on this forum. 

 

Washing dishes and doing your share of the household duties aren't fantasies but what a man does to help his wife. That you disagree and what you said  shows me why you would disagree. Your words in just one reply here. There are others that solidify this statement..........

"personally i do not recognize the concept of "marriage" .   basically its a legal doctrine which IMO  is not one I want to sign on to .   

living together has been fine for me,  and easy(er) to move on from."

You think that women aren't equals.

 

And commenting on a person that believes in marriage when you haven't a clue about one nor what it takes to maintain one, and just want to move on doesn't qualify you as anyone to listen to.  Some people work hard in a marriage, but if the other party doesn't want to, doesn't know how to, or is so damaged by her childhood she doesn't know what a marriage means, it isn't possible to save.

 

I tell things as they are and were. Sorry you can't understand that there are women in this world who are just plain bad, as there are men.

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

So safer in the USA with P.Diddy, Weinstein, Epstein and wasnt Trump ordered to pay millions for rape?

 

In 2023, an estimated 376,038 women and 104,979 men in the United States were victims of rape or sexual assault, according to Statista. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) estimates that over 433,000 cases of sexual assault or rape occur annually in the U.S. among people aged 12 and older. 

 

With that amount of men being raped over there it isn’t just your daughter you need to worry about.

Stay safe Fred.

Look up stats for everywhere. They might surprise you. A higher population always has more crimes. Girls in Thailand, up to 70% , are sexually assaulted in school by the time they are 17. In the US, the figure is 12%.

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, save the frogs said:

 

There is an entire field of psychology behind it ...

Human beings can mimick bad behavior from parents. 

My older brother did. He was also abusive to his children.

 

Or people can subconsciously attract partners like their parents. If a woman had an abusive father, she may attract an abusive husband later in life.

 

If people self-reflect and heal their childhood wounds, then they can navigate this. 

But we're not taught this in school. So where do you pick it up? I used to read a lot, including psychology. 

 

I knew some of the things my dad did were wrong, so I did otherwise. Yes, they are our first role models, and much of our behavior mimics theirs, especially towards our children, but again, you can choose to do different. I've been reading constantly since my first marriage went under, trying to do my part in a relationship and raising kids. Picking the wrong people, especially to have children with, doesn't help your cause. Treating others good doesn't always get you the same treatment back.

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

How many relationships are we talking about Fred?

Boyfriends. You know, where you date people trying to find that right one. Not exchanges for money so that might have confused you some.

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, Harrisfan said:

We mimick everyone we hang around.

True, our relationships all influence us.

[RuamRudy]

Has anyone mentioned Larkin yet?

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse

 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

They <deleted> you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were <deleted> up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

[Bert got kinky]

4 minutes ago, RuamRudy said:

Has anyone mentioned Larkin yet?

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse

 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

They <deleted> you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were <deleted> up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

 

Has anyone mentioned Larkin yet?

You have.

 

[Thingamabob]

20 hours ago, Watawattana said:

My dad spent years in the British Army (REME), travelling to very many countries.  So, I got the army discipline so I knew where I stood, a wanderlust (yeah, both countries and women) but not the same as grain (reply above); a good financial sense (I got that from my mother).  I could also fix my own cars, bikes and do lots of DIY around the home (but disciplined enough to know what I don't know).

 

My dad died about 33 years ago; I've travelled to more countries than he was able to, and I've worked in more too.  Not sure about the women count though 😆.

My Dad was also in the British army and served in many countries. Never got to know him very well. He and my mother were divorced shortly after he retired. He was interested in most sports as am I to this day.

[Lacessit]

12 hours ago, rumak said:

 

personally i do not recognize the concept of "marriage" .   basically its a legal doctrine which IMO  is not one I want to sign on to .   

living together has been fine for me,  and easy(er) to move on from.   having children is of course a complication.   Men seem to not fare well when the divorce comes !

 

 

The reason men do not fare well in Western countries is a gaggle of gutless jurists betrayed their fellow man to set a 50:50 split of assets in stone. One year for marriage, two years for defacto relationships. Irrespective of what was brought to the relationship by either party.

 

IMO Thai family law is much more sensible. Assets brought into the relationship are exempt, only assets accumulated together are split 50:50. That's fair.

 

It is probably only a matter of time before defacto relationships are brought into the fold of Thai family law, which may or may not impact your comfort level.

 

 

[ChrisKC]

23 hours ago, hankypankee said:

 

I can’t even tell if the subject of this topic is a question or a statement because it’s so poorly written. Then, I might have responded with something about my own personal experiences, but since you didn’t share any information about your own father, and just threw out a hollow subject title, there’s really nothing to engage with here. 

 

It’s like being handed an empty photo frame and being asked to describe the picture — there’s nothing to look at.

 

And then you say "Now plodders and plonkers give it a go". But why would anybody even respond after you just called them plodders and plonkers? So why don't you give it all a go?

Don't bother - he isn't worth it!  He is inviting you to say anything he can troll back to you!

[ChipButty]

I was born in the Army, my old man was a RSM and a <deleted>, I thought violence was a way of life, I have no good memories of him, I have memories of finding my mother with her head in the gas oven I managed to save her life and turn the gas off maybe around 6 years old, all he did when he came in give her a good kicking. He would give out constant beatings, 

I found out many years later I did pass my 11+ exam but he told me I failed, my mother told me years later, I never said anything because he would have known my mother told me, 

I was quite good at school an involved in all the sports especially the football teams, I was a musician I could play all sorts of brass band instruments, he took no interest at all, in anything I did.

He eventually did us all a favour and died of a terrible death, 

The strange thing is, after all the beatings and kickings he gave my mother she stayed with him until he died, mad world I never understood that, 

 

 

[rudi49jr]

My father was born in Germany in 1925 and in 1930, because of the great depression, his father decided to move to The Netherlands, in search of work. After finishing elementary school at 11, my father had to get a job to help feed the family.

WWII broke out in 1940, and he spent three years (1941-1944) in Berlin, while it was heavily bombed by the English. His two older brothers were draughted into the German army and they were both killed at the eastern front. 
After the war, my father joined the Dutch army and was sent to Indonesia, where he spent more than 3 years at the frontline. He very probably saw a lot of bad things happen, but he never told us any of it and always spoke highly of the country and (most of) its people.

He came back to The Netherlands in 1949. At the age of 24, he had already been through more than most people in three lifetimes. Despite that, he was  kind and friendly, and forgiving.
He taught me two things that I have always tried to live by: live and let live, and, most importantly, do not do unto others what you would not want others to do unto you. Two very simple basic rules, that a lot more people in the world we live in today should take to heart.

[StreetCowboy]

4 hours ago, RuamRudy said:

Has anyone mentioned Larkin yet?

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse

 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

They <deleted> you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were <deleted> up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

You'll need someone to work in your old age,  and I'm not sure you can trust strangers' children