Even if a man is still in good physical shape and could also pass at quick glance for someone 15 years younger than their actual age, is it unkind for them to get involved with women who are half their age?

Personally, I tend to think it is not fair, like being offered a free mint and grabbing the whole jar, which is why I avoid it. Even if some women do not seem to mind at first, and even if basic attraction is there, I still feel that it is not what they would truly choose for themselves if everything were equal. If they have a lot to offer then I think they deserve more, and many would be better matched with someone closer to their own age, someone who shares a similar level of life experience, and a similar stage in terms of what they want from life.

There is also the question of what someone older brings into that dynamic beyond just appearance or attraction, and a bit of financial stability. With age often comes more cynicism, more fixed views, and less openness to new ideas or spontaneous adventure. That shift can quietly shape the relationship in ways that are not always obvious at the beginning. Because of that, it can feel unfair for a younger person to end up adapting to someone who has already done most of what they want to do in life and is no longer approaching the world with the same sense of exploration and possibility.

There is also a sense that I would be taking something that does not really belong to me, even if it is offered freely. I remember what it was like to be at that earlier stage of life, wanting to travel, explore, and figure things out. It does not feel right to step into that space from a completely different point in life and expect it to work on equal footing.

Of course, many men do not think this way and are comfortable pursuing relationships with much younger women as long as they themselves feel happy and fulfilled. From my perspective though, it can sometimes come across as selfish and self absorbed, focusing only one's own personal satisfaction without fully considering the other person’s longer term hopes and desires.

For me, even if the opportunity is there, it is something I usually choose not to act on.

In each and every case, this is for the "much younger woman" to decide, not for some other man's or woman's jealous ass.

Edited May 23May 23 by JackGats

I don’t know what fairness has to do with this; it really comes down to money. The older man has it, and the young woman wants some of it. It's a means to increase their standard of living. You mostly see this dynamic in countries where women are poor. It happens in the West, but not to the same extent in Southeast Asia. Personally, I think these older men in their 60s and 70s who are with women in their 20s look silly.

6 minutes ago, Effective altruism said:

I don’t know what fairness has to do with this; it really comes down to money. The older man has it, and the young woman wants some of it. It's a means to increase their standard of living. You mostly see this dynamic in countries where women are poor. It happens in the West, but not to the same extent in Southeast Asia. Personally, I think these older men in their 60s and 70s who are with women in their 20s look silly.

I am describing a situation where a woman is genuinely attracted to an older man because he appears much younger than his age. She is comfortable with that, finds him attractive, and the mutual connection goes beyond a financial exchange. Of course, the man may have more money due to his age and accumulated wealth, which could mean he is able to do more things with her and take her to more places than a younger man because of his means. However, that is not the focus or foundation of the relationship I am describing. I am talking about a situation where the woman is interested in the man because she sees him as a good partner and someone she can build a future with and enjoy her life alongside.

I don´t think about such things at all, as I have things that regards me and the people around me as well as my choices in life.

As long as they are above a certain age, they can do what they want. But my best guess is that age is quite individual from one person to another.

A 50–60 year old man, or older, chasing 25 year old women or younger is, in my eyes, questionable what motives they might have.

Anyway, sometimes, sometimes destiny has its own strange way in life.

2 minutes ago, BilllyGOAT said:

I am talking about a situation where the woman is interested in the man because she sees him as a good partner and someone she can build a future with and enjoy her life alongside.

Ok, and what would be wrong with that, then?

3 minutes ago, BilllyGOAT said:

I am describing a situation where a woman is genuinely attracted to an older man because he appears much younger than his age. She is comfortable with that, finds him attractive, and the mutual connection goes beyond a financial exchange. Of course, the man may have more money due to his age and accumulated wealth, which could mean he is able to do more things with her and take her to more places than a younger man because of his means. However, that is not the focus or foundation of the relationship I am describing. I am talking about a situation where the woman is interested in the man because she sees him as a good partner and someone she can build a future with and enjoy her life alongside.

Continue repeating that to yourself.

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

A 50–60 year old man, or older, chasing 25 year old women or younger is, in my eyes, questionable what motives they might have.

Questionable??? They want a fresh body for sex and are willing to open their wallet for it. No questions at all in that!

Or maybe they could simply be attracted to each other and both bring something special into the relationship.

Money & looks is always irrelevant in any relationship, IMHO, and has been in all mine. More money and better looks are always a plus, but not a requirement for anyone I've been involved with.

As always, consenting adults can do what ever they damn please, for any damn reason.

5 minutes ago, Gottfrid said:

Ok, and what would be wrong with that, then?

Nothing I guess. It's hard to explain the feeling. Still feels a bit unfair in a way. Like the woman is being shortchanged. Like she hands you a twenty to change for her into smaller bills and you hand her back a ten and a five and only four ones. She notices, but doesn't complain because she thinks it is still good enough. But it is still unfair to her even though she accepts it.

1 hour ago, BilllyGOAT said:

There is also a sense that I would be taking something that does not really belong to me, even if it is offered freely.

This statement makes no sense, adult consenting people are not properly.

1 hour ago, BilllyGOAT said:

From my perspective though, it can sometimes come across as selfish and self absorbed, focusing only one's own personal satisfaction without fully considering the other person’s longer term hopes and desires.

34 minutes ago, Hummin said:

A 50–60 year old man, or older, chasing 25 year old women or younger is, in my eyes, questionable what motives they might have.

58 minutes ago, Effective altruism said:

Personally, I think these older men in their 60s and 70s who are with women in their 20s look silly.

These are rather odd naive statements that are probably from cultural norms and upbringing of stigmatization, given that young women and older men have been perusing each other for thousands of years.

Edited May 23May 23 by novacova

1 hour ago, BilllyGOAT said:

For me, even if the opportunity is there, it is something I usually choose not to act on.

Such moral fortitude is rarely seen on TV.

6 minutes ago, novacova said:

These are rather odd naive statements that are probably from cultural norms and upbringing of stigmatization, given that young women and older men have been perusing each other for thousands of years.

A 70-year-old gramps with a 20-year-old woman looks downright silly.

11 minutes ago, novacova said:

This statement makes no sense, adult consenting people are not properly.

These are rather odd naive statements that are probably from cultural norms and upbringing of stigmatization, given that young women and older men have been perusing each other for thousands of years.

You are right, and often traded right after they became women!

Cave man mental at its best if you ask me

4 minutes ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Such moral fortitude is rarely seen on TV.

What point are you trying to convey, that it’s somehow immoral for an adult couple to have a relationship that that are decades apart in age?

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

You are right, and often traded right after they became women!

That is an irrational blanket stereotype judgement, solely based on your cultural conditioning.

2 minutes ago, novacova said:

What point are you trying to convey, that it’s somehow immoral for an adult couple to have a relationship that that are decades apart in age?

The main point I tried to convey, without much success, apparently, is that TV members, the majority, are less picky when it comes to being able to accept women half their age without experiencing an internal debate about whether this might somehow be unfair or unkind.

Edited May 23May 23 by GammaGlobulin

6 minutes ago, Effective altruism said:

A 70-year-old gramps with a 20-year-old woman looks downright silly.

That woman is in her 40’s

Just now, GammaGlobulin said:

The main point I tried to convey, without much success, apparently, is that TV members, the majority, are less picky when it comes to being able to accept women half their age without experiencing and internal debate about whether this might somehow be unfair or unkind.

Affirmative

8 minutes ago, Effective altruism said:

A 70-year-old gramps with a 20-year-old woman looks downright silly.

Looks like he is fresh off the boat from Bermuda.

4 minutes ago, novacova said:

That is an irrational blanket stereotype judgement, solely based on your cultural conditioning.

At least it comforts you knowing you can have a young lady if you want, and also trade in the one you got at any time if you get tired of the nonsense.

I have enough experience with women to know, average younger women cant satisfy my needs for a quality life

A couple of footnotes to my OP. I am suggesting a situation where the age gap is no more than roughly a doubling in age, with the people involved still being at least somewhat socially relatable to one another, not a tripling in age or some extreme difference between the man and the woman.

Also, this is not really a question of morality, at least not in the way I am exploring the subject. The question is more whether the woman is getting as much out of the relationship as the man is.

The man may be gaining a younger partner who is potentially more energetic, more open minded, more physically attractive, healthier, and more physically capable than a woman closer to his own age. So the real question becomes: what does the man offer that is of equal value in return, in a genuine give and take sense?

As I said from the beginning, this is not mainly about financial exchange. It may benefit the woman if the man has more money or greater stability, but that is not necessarily the driving force bringing the two together. What interests me more is whether the woman may be settling for less than what she could potentially have with a man closer to her own age, someone who may have a longer future ahead of him and who is less likely to become elderly, physically dependent, or in need of caregiving much sooner in the relationship.

Swings and roundabouts. Some girls like a more relaxed temperament - they make like the idea of youthful vigour but young guys can be real bores, silly, doing things the girl has no interest in, concerned with too much competitiveness, etc. Not saying they want a boring old bugger but sometimes they may find a sense of humour in the older guy that is preferable. Not to mention the other things like security.

Also a lot of women like to feel beautiful and be reminded of such and the older guy will be more appreciative. That's one thing that bores me with young women - sick of telling them they are beautiful and how lucky I am. <deleted> that.

44 minutes ago, novacova said:

That woman is in her 40’s

Not if she worked in a bar

8 minutes ago, Hummin said:

At least it comforts you knowing you can have a young lady if you want, and also trade in the one you got at any time if you get tired of the nonsense.

Again, you respond out ignorance and a predisposed judgement. You justify your presumptuous rationale by either or a combination of your cultural stigmatizations and your own lack of social confidence.

14 minutes ago, Hummin said:

I have enough experience with women to know, average younger women cant satisfy my needs for a quality life

That’s your own failed experience with younger women. It’s ridiculous and pathetically silly to impose your social experiences on others. Some guys just don’t have the tools to navigate through various social spheres. A lot of guys date one or two women or until they find someone who will accept them as opposed to finding an ideal partner which takes time.

Most younger women looking for a serious relationship want serious confident experience men, like taking the bull by the horns and laying down the tracks. Older women tend to be desperate and lonely, just a guy, any guy will do.

Over the years being in th the one thing that really stands out is that there’s a lot of desperate men looking to hook up with desperate women, easy to spot.

27 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Swings and roundabouts. Some girls like a more relaxed temperament - they make like the idea of youthful vigour but young guys can be real bores, silly, doing things the girl has no interest in, concerned with too much competitiveness, etc. Not saying they want a boring old bugger but sometimes they may find a sense of humour in the older guy that is preferable. Not to mention the other things like security.

Also a lot of women like to feel beautiful and be reminded of such and the older guy will be more appreciative. That's one thing that bores me with young women - sick of telling them they are beautiful and how lucky I am. <deleted> that.

So basically you're saying that if a man is double a woman's age, he might have other things to offer which a younger man closer to her age can't provide, and in that sense she's not being short changed because she may sacrifice some things, but gains others. So it's still a win-win for her?

15 minutes ago, novacova said:

Again, you respond out ignorance and a predisposed judgement. You justify your presumptuous rationale by either or a combination of your cultural stigmatizations and your own lack of social confidence.

That’s your own failed experience with younger women. It’s ridiculous and pathetically silly to impose your social experiences on others. Some guys just don’t have the tools to navigate through various social spheres. A lot of guys date one or two women or until they find someone who will accept them as opposed to finding an ideal partner which takes time.

Most younger women looking for a serious relationship want serious confident experience men, like taking the bull by the horns and laying down the tracks. Older women tend to be desperate and lonely, just a guy, any guy will do.

Over the years being in th the one thing that really stands out is that there’s a lot of desperate men looking to hook up with desperate women, easy to spot.

Sure, you know everything about others who thinks and feel differently than you. To be honest, those I have met who used the same excuses as you didnt make much impression with me. You are the creator of your own illusions, not mine.

When I first arrived here almost 20 years ago, seeing young and attractive women going out with/attached to much older men, made me cringe a bit.

Now that I've been here for those 20 years and observed what has occurred with friends of mine, both men and women, I've come to the conclusion that relationships here can be based on completely different criteria, and not that which constitutes a "normal" relationship in other countries and societies.

For example a wealthy older man can provide a younger woman with a good standard of living and funds through which she can take care of her parents and extended family, and in return she looks after him and cares for him and it is a mutually beneficial relationship which suits both parties. Sex doesn't always play a major part in these relationships, especially if the man is quite a bit older, and that seems to be acceptable to both parties (based on my experiences).

In a few instances of which I am aware, the younger woman actually loves and dotes on the older man and treats him with a great deal of respect and it doesn't come down to the nuts and bolts of cash, more mutual respect and a desire to look after her partner. Sure she and her family will benefit in the long run, but looking at it from the male side of things, he has been looked after, taken care of, nursed and fed through his dotage and has lived out his final years in relative peace and comfort.

I can't see anything wrong with this scenario and hope to be part of it in the not too distant future!

32 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Sure, you know everything about others who thinks and feel differently than you.

You mean when it comes to folks being socially confident opposed to awkwardness? Of course it’s easy to spot, here on the forum and out on the street. There’s nothing wrong with social awareness, it’s just how some folks are, accept it.

33 minutes ago, Hummin said:

To be honest, those I have met who used the same excuses as you didnt make much impression with me. You are the creator of your own illusions, not mine.

Not sure what who if any you’ve met, don’t have much confidence in your credibility. What excuses/illusions exactly, generalizations without specifics doesn’t mean anything especially when no excuses and illusions were made.