Getting out of love

[chuang]

Hi there, I would like to relate my exprience, I shall be as brief as possible.

I met my fiance, a Chiangmai girl (office-worker) ten years ago. Now she is 32 and I am 56, she had seen stopped working. During the ten years of our relationship I visited her in Chiangmai about three or four times a year.

At the end of 2002. I stopped working and opted for an early retirement. My purpose is to semi-retire in Chiangmai, long-term stay, So with my 1-year retirement visa I flew to Chiangmai after remitting 1 milloin baht to our joint bank account. To cut the story short, the three months stay there was not what I expected.

Now the bombshell, when quired my fiance told me the 3 million baht I sent over for business over a one-year period was gone. He withdrew everything. What else can I said.

After a month stay, I checked our account, a second bombshell, the 1 million baht I remitted just a month ago had also been withdrawn by her.

The third bombshell came when she said she did this because I have not given her anything during our relationship.

Dear readers, these are what I have given her-

1. I had bought her five cars, now, just left one the rest sold off.

2. 3 motorcycles, the most expensive is a Honda Phantom 200

cc I think 80,000 baht or more.

3. Bought her a two and a half storey townhouse in Amper Muang

4. Built 2 modest single-storey houses on her mother's land.

5. Gave her 1 million baht to build a 2-storey house, but the plan was shelved due to some 'chanot' problems. I never got my million back.

These are all big-items tickets not to mention I have been supporting her, her mother and kid sister, etc, etc etc.

I am now back in my country, her mun hve called and ask me to go back to Chiangmai. My fiance too called many times asking for forgiveness and one more chance.

I have forgave and given her more than one chance.

I would like to know especially from some of our Thai readers

is it part of the Thai culture, is my fiance asking to much or have I given her too little, or am I just a plan idiot.

My friend insisted I leave her, another asked me to seek legal advice to get back whatever I could.

So readers, start your bombardments, life must go on.

What I have written is all true.

A sucker is born every minute..............

 

[Wei]

Gee... sorry to hear that but honestly, I think she is asking for too much... a little bit too greedy don't u think so ?  ??? Sounds like she loves your money more than you.

Your friend is right, perhaps you should seek some legal advice.

[pnustedt]

My Thai wife thinks you are a very nice man and asks if you would like to meet her "sister"?

[lopburi3]

A sucker is born every minute..............

 

Unfortunately your story is not all that unusual.  It happens often.  The smile and manners can really turn our heads and empty our minds.  But it could also have happened elsewhere - it is just that we don't expect such a bite behind the smile when it happens here.  I would not advise getting back with her as it will almost surly not have a happy ending; for you.  I also don't believe you have much legal recourse.  I might be tempted to spend a little time in the PI forgetting the past if you don't want to return to work.  You might well find someone able to help you "get out of love"; and maybe even someone worthy of love.

[mrentoul]

Fifth bombshell: I woke up this morning and she'd sawn off my limbs!

All of them!

How could I not see that coming?

[sevinnow]

You paid a very heavy price indeed, don't waste any more money on legal bills, except the offer to go back and vist and whilst you are there hire a pickup truck and stash as much as you can in the back of it, ie motorbike, fridge, cooker,bedding, clothes, and anything eles you can lift and head down to BKK and sell the lot.

Might give a few moments of satisfaction.

Sev

[cofession]

You must have more money than sense,bad luck any way mate....ben

p.s it's my birthday yeahhhhhhhhhh

[pschef]

Why would one little "Office Girl" need 5 cars and a Honda Phantom. What kind of office was it ???

She must be running a hire business, (hire being the ultimate word) sorry this is too much for my brain  I think its time for Brian & Rinrada take over guys

[nikkiDK]

chuang,

"Penge er kun papir" Danish = "Money is just paper".

All the best

[LPCustom69]

To give that much, and have nothing left, I'm sorry but in your own words, you are a plain idiot. It's easy to be taken advantage of, a little bit. But enough is enough!

[LPCustom69]

To give that much, and have nothing left, I'm sorry but in your own words, you are a plain idiot. It's easy to be taken advantage of, a little bit. But enough is enough! Love isn't cheap, but it's not blind. Good luck in the future.

[Pinkster]

If somebody lets you down once, its there fault. If somebody lets you down twice, it is YOUR fault

Tough luck my friend.

[sevinnow]

WISDOM ONLY COMES FROM ERROR'S,  I guess you must be the wisest man on Earth.

Regards

Sev

[TRIPxCORE]

Remember this one thing, love is never about money.  If money was the largest factor in her mind, then she didn't really love you.  The whole family is calling you back because they want you to provide some more.  I would not go back with her ever again if I were you and as far as legal recourse, I am drawing a blank

[Thetyim]

Let me put it this way, Chuang.

I would be surprised if you are the only one she is bleeding.

Just keep thinking about all the other men she is deceiving and you willl find it a lot easier to walk away.

You have no choice other than to quit, you have given her far too much and she will only keep asking for more.

When you have lived in Thailand for a few years you will be able to see Thailand for what it really is.

[singa-traz]

Well ... lesson learned ... I will try to visit my fiancee more than 3 or 4 times a year !  :cool:

Opss, forgot ... already have a wife ...  

[MrSam]

Well put by Sev up there...

I've seen there far too ofter here. This is one of the reasons I married a rich woman who hated foreigners (my advice to all men here who are looking for love in all the wrong places).  :laugh:

It was A LOT of work to make her understand that not ALL foreigners are bad, just the one's who live here.  

To be honest though, I've been here so long that I am now actually a little turned off by American women.

A little bit of a repost from another thread I replied in (with more detail)...

Find a rich woman who hates foreigners. Work your way into her heart. Never let her know how much money you have. Never buy her anything over 50,000 baht for a long time... ####, 10,000 would be better.

It all sounds silly, but believe me, there are reasons behind all of it...

It won't work for everyone... and takes a lot of patience. In the end, you'll have something worth holding on to... I do. (god that sounds so cheesy).

About the other girl... don't even go back there... unless it's to get your money back of course  

[Pinkster]

Sev, define WISDOM?

[pschef]

I still dont understand, how much you gave ???

You never did see the writing on the wall, 5 cars and how many bikes. Come on this must be a wind up, I am still waiting for a real responce ??? Booorring or what. :cool:

[chuang]

Well folks, thanks for your opinions, if fact I have already decided to leave my fiancee though there is some sadness given the fact that we knew each other for ten years.

Looking back I feel I am partly to blame for what she is today,

I was too liberal and pampered her too much.

Everything 'tham chai', I think 'tham chai mark kuen'.

No, I don't want anything back from her, just take it as a bad dream or an investment gone sour. I have wished her all the best....life must go on.....so long folks.

[hukster]

I think you should have seen it coming. tjat's the culture difference. Sometime Thai women, because they have not had the amount of money western people can earn, don't know when to stop asking. My fiance and I have had long dicussions about this to the point that she cried for two hrs. This was aways back, when all she talked about was money. Now she understands the culture difference and is relatively frugle.

[Charlie]

Yes, you are an unfortunate idiot and a fool. To your questions.....  Not part of Thai culture, the answer is "Human Nature" all over the world. The real problem is that you are unfortunate to have fallen in love (only one sided) with the wrong girl at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Yes, she is very very much in love with your money/fortune and not with you in particular. If she really loves you.... such a mess would not happened. My advise  is .... Run before she strips you bare, including your pants, so to speak. You deserve a much better girl who really loves you... and not your money. Be patient, she is there waiting to be found by you. Be wise and don't be a fool a second time  ...ever . Period.

All the best.

[LPCustom69]

You have to realize that every once in a while you have got to say no or enough is enough. You were too easy and too kind. As other posters said, Wisdon comes from mistakes. Just understand what you did wrong move on. Don't become jaded in life, just be cautious!

:cool:

[wolf5370]

A little true story. I used to have a Thai Restaurant in the UK. One of my Chefs had been in the UK for about 14 years (on a 5 year student visa!) and had been sending his money home. Apart from the money he lost to me and my bus. partner at cards, he sent every penny (minus fag money - sorry Americans I mean cigarette money!) home to his father. The idea was he would wait as long as possible and then return to Khon Kean and buy a bar. Over the 14 yeaqrs he had managed to save over £20,000 (a million baht at the time). I had to let him go as the government in the UK announced new laws on illegals and the fine would have killed us. He found it suddenly hard to get a job, so decided that that was it and time for the bar. He went home - didn't get any problem at passport control strangly enough.

His father was an elderly man with no wife (she had died) and a middle aged married daughter. When he got home he found that his dad had given all the money to the daughter over the years to run a tiny kiosk on the dirt tracked they lived beside. Becuase the area was very poor, it never actually made any money, but sucked up all his savings as time passed. He went home to a bounty of about £200 and a begging sister who was worried about loosing the family hovel because the shop was suddenly failing (well he was not sending cash to inadvertantly keep it going at least).

See, they do it to themselves to! This was a beloved father and son. Somehow the shop stayed ticking over after the sister's husband actually got a job!

People that have never had money, do not know how to manage it. They waste it and see no harm in it. My chef can never expect to earn that sort of money again - he would never get another visa and his english never got better than basic speach.

It is quite possible she actually never meant you any harm by bankrupting you - the usual idea that westerners can just pop outside and peal a few notes off the pavement at will seems eternally prevalent.

[MrSam]

Fag money...  :laugh:

Reminds me of one of the first times I talked to a Brit and he asked me if I "cared for a fag"... ???

I gave him a weird look... then I realized what he was saying...

[pschef]

Fag was a word used in Jail for a Burri/ gigarete, Fag in American is a Gay. just for the people who dont Khow Jai. I was in UK recently with my wife ( Thai ) 10 years married. She was missing her food, I asked a friend if he knew of any Thai restaurant in that area, he told me NO but we have a very good Vietnam place. Okay I took my wife, we looked at the menu after a few drinks( as usual) I said this looks very Thai to me(She agreed ) Next we come to order and the girl is speaing in perfect Thai ??? I asked can I speak to the owner, OH yes she from Issan I found it very funny, my wife was over the moon. But what a load of <deleted>, the place was owned & running by Thais. You are saying they cant get visas, I rest my case for my peers :cool:

[Pinkster]

I have similar story. Around 2 years ago, i made  very short visit to Santa Ponsa, in Spain. One evening i took a walk and came across a small, but elequent looking 'Thai' restaurant. The food was a mixture of Thai and Chinese. It was good food. There was 2 staff out front, and i as was only customer i sat talking to them for while.

Turn out both call Shanghai 'home' and neither had ever visited Thailand. The chef, was spanish!

Strange when i ask why call restaurant 'Thai' they not forthcoming in answer.

[Roger13]

99% of so called "Indian Restaurants" in UK are Owned and Staffed by Bangladeshis. And most of them come from a remote town in the NE of Bangladesh called Sylhet.

I guess we got a bit of Topic again ...

[pschef]

Yes lets start the topic, who knows what you are eating? or from where. I love Thai food, but I repeat how do they get visas. I know one of the girls/waitress was married to a farrang. ???

[wolf5370]

Had a Thai restaurant in the UK myself about 7/8 years ago. All my staff where Thai. My head chef (and business partner) had been in the UK since he was 5 - dad came over on a visa with his family working for a Thai import/export company. Stayed until he got citazenship and started his own business. His wife also cooked. My other staff were all Thai students - including overstays. I had to get rid of them about 7 years back following a change in law in the UK which meant they could fine me personally 5 grand per illegal working for me. I sold up shortly after. I know loads of restauranters in the UK (Thai and Chinese) that still hire illegals and students without work permission. Cash in hand job. Some are almost definatly over stays, and most are not actually studying at all!

There are colleges in London (etc) that will help you get the student visa and then sign off on attendance even though you don't turn up - they just get the course fees and do not have to provide the course! Also, there is a very large Thai community in the UK, mostly of wifes and children/relations thereof. Many of then work in restaurants.

I have noticed though that a large percentage are from Isaan with a few from North (Chiang Mai/Tak/Sukothai sort of area). So food would be Laos or Northern biassed. I have noticed this as foods like Penang is not available in many Thai restaurants in London.

PS: My restaurant also cooked Chinese food, and yet we had no Chinese cooks. For any unknown chinese meal, we basically bought and copied them from good chinese restaurant - reverse engineering on food!