seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 I don't know what you girls/guys think but I have married two Thai men and i feel - since having conversations with Western female pals - that i think I did it initially due to attraction but that attraction was born out of a sense that it's much more clear cut with an Asian man. With a Western man there is a lot of baggage... well I don't know how to explain it but I just find Eastern chaps more straight forward. This probably goes into the discussions about Western men with Thai women... but I really feel 'at home' in my two Thai marriages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lancelot Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Western guys are attracted to asian women, so why shouldn't western women seek asian men? Go for it, as you already have. I agree about the baggage part-most western women are pretty self absorbed and into themselves. Interesting that western chicks feel the same about western men FWIW, I do believe that life is more straightforward in asia. When people are just getting by, they don't sit around and moan about the past, they are more into surviving Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 Yes Lancelot, I just sort of get on with my life with my Thai hubby, not like having to worry about all sorts of western hang ups... we just have a laugh and learn together... years ago I posted here about probs we had but time has sorted that out and we now really understand each other... I get food ready for him at lunch and dinner time and I also have complete freedom with talking to other guys... it's cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garro Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 I don't know what you girls/guys think but I have married two Thai men and i feel - since having conversations with Western female pals - that i think I did it initially due to attraction but that attraction was born out of a sense that it's much more clear cut with an Asian man. With a Western man there is a lot of baggage... well I don't know how to explain it but I just find Eastern chaps more straight forward. This probably goes into the discussions about Western men with Thai women... but I really feel 'at home' in my two Thai marriages Good luck to you. You obviously do like them if you keep on marrying them. I would love my wife no matter what country she came from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 Me too I love both my husbands but they are both very different. The general Thai thing is partly initial attraction - a lot of Thai men are extremely fit but I wouldn't say I keep on marrying them Garro ... it's only twice and both times taken extremely seriously Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 The muscles and totally fit bodies and then obviously the minds of my two husbands speak for themselves - it's unfortunate that both of them have chosen to be abusive to me in some way ... but in the end both of them are now obsessed with me and I find that rather difficult ... both of them now want to please me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garro Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 The muscles and totally fit bodies and then obviously the minds of my two husbands speak for themselves - it's unfortunate that both of them have chosen to be abusive to me in some way ... but in the end both of them are now obsessed with me and I find that rather difficult ... both of them now want to please me When you say abusive, it brings up a terrible picture in my mind. Nobody should need to suffer abuse. Keep happy. I was only kidding about the, 'keep marrying them' remark. It is unusual these days to find 'happiness' at the first attempt. I didn't get married until my mid thirties because I always frowned upon the institution; although now I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 Thanks Garro you sound like a sweet pea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceBlondie Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 We joke about Westerners thinking too much and talking too much. And, we joke about Thais doing quite the opposite. There's a lot of truth in those stereotypes. As a precocious teenager I told my neurotic mother, "If you can't do something good about a problem, don't think about it!" If Thai men come with a lot of 'emotional baggage,' it's not noticeable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bingobongo Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 (edited) Me too I love both my husbands but they are both very different. The general Thai thing is partly initial attraction - a lot of Thai men are extremely fit but I wouldn't say I keep on marrying them Garro ... it's only twice and both times taken extremely seriously two husbands? and you don't think you have baggage? you have got to be kidding. if anything you sound so self absorbed you don't even realize it (as most self aborbed people do not). sounds pretty selfish, and remember the old adage "selfish people are not happy people" i get the impression you like passive thai guys, because a western fellow would not put up the "2 husbands" mentaility, so who really has "the baggage"? a western man who who does not want to share his wife, or you? give me (and your ego) a break Edited November 18, 2007 by bingobongo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garro Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 (edited) Me too I love both my husbands but they are both very different. The general Thai thing is partly initial attraction - a lot of Thai men are extremely fit but I wouldn't say I keep on marrying them Garro ... it's only twice and both times taken extremely seriously two husbands? and you don't think you have baggage? you have got to be kidding. if anything you sound so self absorbed you don't even realize it (as most self aborbed people do not). sounds pretty selfish, and remember the old adage "selfish people are not happy people" i get the impression you like passive thai guys, because a western fellow would not put up the "2 husbands" mentaility, so who really has "the baggage"? a western man who who does not want to share his wife, or you? give me (and your ego) a break While it can be tempting to provide psychological profiles of other people on internet forums it is probably not a great idea. People are very complex and trying to make judgments about them, after reading a couple of their posts, seems impossible to me. While these attempts at amateur psychology are quite common, on forums, they usually say a lot more about the person posting them and their own particular brand of hang-ups, prejudices and mental defects. For this reason I personally try and avoid them, but don't let that stop you bingobongo. Edited November 18, 2007 by garro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Well said garro As for the idea that Thai men have less baggage, well, I don't know. I married young and am still married to the same guy. So, I don't know that Western guys collect more baggage as they age or not. However, one major difference that I noticed from the very beginning was the lack of fear of the big "C" word (commitment, if you are unsure what I am talking about). Having had several serious (Western) boyfriends before my husband I was amazed at his total willingness to acknowledge his feelings for me, and his willingness to commit to me. There never was the feeling that I often got at home that "I'd better not commit to this one just in case something better comes along". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 I beleive that bingobingo has got confused by the way seonai has chosen to word her post. Just to clarify in case anyone else gets confused, seonai has had 2 husbands at different times, one she is divorced from but she has to still maintain contact with because they have a son & the other is a new husband. Seonai, your op really wants clear on this so hope you don't mind me clearing it up. Anyway, back to the topic, I have to agree with sbk on the C word, my husband knew within a couple of weeks that he wanted marriage & kids & didn't feel scared to tell me, I told him to take it a bit slow & he didn't get offended & it didn't dent his ego for me to say it but was quietly persistant. I'm not going to make any comparison with western men as I have no up to date knowledge on them or their dating styles but like garro, my husband could be from anywhere but being raised in thailand has meant that he has a differnt approach to relationships so I suppose it was a factor, without reallising at the time but has become apparent the more years we spend together. Seonai, the thought that you still entertain the idea of accepting a partner who has or you know will in future abuse you, as you know, annoys me no end, you deserve much better but as we have discussed in the past at great length, until YOU learn that you deserve better & can accept that sometimes that means being alone then you will always attract these types of men. Sorry gone off on one here but as you raised the point...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 Thanks Boo - know what you mean... sorry also if my wording sounds off... anyway... sometimes starting these threads is not such a great idea!!!!! Sometimes I should just get on with other things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceBlondie Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 That's okay, seonai; I sometimes refer to the wife I divorced 22 years ago as "my wife." I have six kids, ten grandkids, a wife, and a Thai boyfriend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oleg_Rus Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 That's okay, seonai; I sometimes refer to the wife I divorced 22 years ago as "my wife." I have six kids, ten grandkids, a wife, and a Thai boyfriend! Ay, caramba! Senior Casanova can take a break now, there's a new star Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ave Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 We joke about Westerners thinking too much and talking too much. And, we joke about Thais doing quite the opposite. There's a lot of truth in those stereotypes. As a precocious teenager I told my neurotic mother, "If you can't do something good about a problem, don't think about it!" If Thai men come with a lot of 'emotional baggage,' it's not noticeable. For me it's true PeaceBlondie! They also have a baggage but in general they hide it in a better way. My ex Thai boyfriend tried hard to hide it but soon I found out that he was the toughest cookie I've ever met and he tried to be controlling and abusive to me in every way he could because of that huge emotional baggage he carried around. Before I met him he had Thai and farang girlfriends but all of his relationships ended up very badly and they could only last weeks or a few months.. just as well, I guess we all have karma issues to sort out. Fortunatley he's miles away from me now. I'm meeting nicer people nowadays because I have become a better person after dwelling with him and consequently growing and learning a lot of things about myself. Though I must say, most of the Thai guys don't hassle or debate too much which can be a good thing when you want an uncomplicated love life. As long as they don't use their hands to express themselves... Ideally some of us would like a guy who has been exposed to western culture enough to understand us. Some have found such type, To me this means that it all mainly depends on what we really want to concentrate on: stick to the "they are all like that" thinking which is very easy to fall into no matter how sensible and openminded we are or "I will meet the right person wherever he comes from when the time is right and I'm ready for it" way of seeing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dee123 Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 The muscles and totally fit bodies and then obviously the minds of my two husbands speak for themselves - it's unfortunate that both of them have chosen to be abusive to me in some way ... but in the end both of them are now obsessed with me and I find that rather difficult ... both of them now want to please me there are fruit cakes and there are nutty fruit cakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamianMavis Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 The muscles and totally fit bodies and then obviously the minds of my two husbands speak for themselves - it's unfortunate that both of them have chosen to be abusive to me in some way ... but in the end both of them are now obsessed with me and I find that rather difficult ... both of them now want to please me Oh Im so disappointed, I thought there was something about multiple spouses in Thai culture I wasnt aware of... I was about to dump my Japanese girlfriend and go out and start collecting my harem of Thai wives. Dang. Damian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 Damian - where have you been? The Ladies forum pin up... PS I wish I hadn't started this thread but by doing so at least we got to find out Peace's achievements Kudos PB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patsycat Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 For a second there I thought the same!! Seonai be attended to by her fit muscular husbands!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Damian - where have you been? The Ladies forum pin up... PS I wish I hadn't started this thread but by doing so at least we got to find out Peace's achievements Kudos PB Yeah, and you are now the ladies' forum polygamist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 18, 2007 Author Share Posted November 18, 2007 Oh Gawd !!! It's this typing fast business honest... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dissolution Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Oh my gawd! Why all this fuss about Thai men? Leave some for the asian-but-not-Thai fellas around here. On another note, I have never actually met/known a 'western' woman, so... can't really comment. Which means: Post +1! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikisue Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Sorry but I am a litlle confused about this post. The fact that it's been mentioned that it is a lot more easier with a Thai guy 'less baggage' but in the same breath speak about abuse is just contradicting. I feel that it is a very sterotyped view and have to say a bit naive to look upon 'thai guys' as they are all the same. Each man or woman has had their own life experiences that have contributed to their 'baggage' (we all have some). Just because some don't express or share it as much doesn't mean it is not present. And can manisfest in some other way i.e. abuse/ drinking etc. etc.. We can live in any country and marry anyone from that country and decide they are better or easier than western guys. But that's because we are attracted to them. Same as most western men will say Thai woman are easier than western females. It's not a question of being easier or less baggage but a case of personal preference. I know some Thai men who are very complicated and some western guys or are much more easy going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceBlondie Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 But Damian, seonai got us thinking that a woman in Thailand can have two husbands, not that a man in Thailand could have two wives! Are you willing to be one of two husbands to a woman? Of course, there are some general rules with exceptions. Or, you can say that all generalities are false, including this one. What many of us Westerners of both genders and preferences have noticed, often or generally, is that lots of Westerners spend most of their waking hours thinking about the nuances of this and that, the effect of things we did or that were done to us decades ago, and it keeps interfering with our behavior here and now. My divorced friend tried dating women again, and he spent an hour and a half listening to this neurotic woman give details of her two failed marriages and her son's failed marriage. He dropped her like a hot potato. The last Western woman I dated wasn't quite finished with her third husband yet, weighed about 265 pounds, and wouldn't stop talking unless her mouth was full. However, she is the only person I ever knew who claimed to have owned an Hispano-Suiza classic car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 i used to think more along the lines of "western vs. thai" until i started dating a thai guy who was not "typically thai" at all, and then i dropped all comparisons realizing that everyone is an individual (with exception of their cultural norms and priorities). i have seriously dated 2 thai guys and they were as different as can be. my current one is very straightforward and honest to a fault, super smart, but also a bit misogynistic. my former boyfriend was exactly the opposite of all those things. my farang boyfriends have fallen all along the spectrum in between. i dont think thai guys have less baggage than farang, in fact a lot of thai guys i meet are seriously messed up. it comes down to what sort of connection you have with a person, whether you understand each other and are willing to work through the things you dont understand, and whether or not you can ultimately accept said cultural differences because you care about the person as an individual. overall, i love being with thai guys, but because of the cultural differences (so far) i am unable to take a relationship with them as seriously as i would one with a farang guy who came from a similar background and had similar priorities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fletchsmile Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 (edited) I don't know what you girls/guys think but I have married two Thai men and i feel - since having conversations with Western female pals - that i think I did it initially due to attraction but that attraction was born out of a sense that it's much more clear cut with an Asian man. With a Western man there is a lot of baggage... well I don't know how to explain it but I just find Eastern chaps more straight forward. This probably goes into the discussions about Western men with Thai women... but I really feel 'at home' in my two Thai marriages The muscles and totally fit bodies and then obviously the minds of my two husbands speak for themselves - it's unfortunate that both of them have chosen to be abusive to me in some way ... but in the end both of them are now obsessed with me and I find that rather difficult ... both of them now want to please me ....Seonai, the thought that you still entertain the idea of accepting a partner who has or you know will in future abuse you, as you know, annoys me no end, you deserve much better but as we have discussed in the past at great length, until YOU learn that you deserve better & can accept that sometimes that means being alone then you will always attract these types of men. Sorry gone off on one here but as you raised the point...... We often see what want to see, and just because we can't see something, doesn't mean it isn't there. Many people would say anyone who abuses someone else has baggage, regardless of their race or gender. Baggage comes in all shapes and sizes, though, and I guess one person's baggage is another's prized possession. Edited November 19, 2007 by fletchthai68 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamianMavis Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Abuse as an expression of baggage... hmmmmmmmm Damian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 Some good points here and, yes, of course my OP was a generalisation - just an experiment to see what people might say really... a little thought that popped into my whizzing mind (sorry I keep using the same smiley it's because I can't get mine to work so this is the only one I can do on the keyboard!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now