To Do With Fancying Thai Men

[thaipete]

i think everyone should be part of the country they live in, as a Farang here I am a foreigner even the locals think that, this is a kingdom and as UK indoctrinates it's locals to think likewise. However I love this country and it's people. If you have married a couple of Thai men good luck to you but I bet you are the dominant partner. I had 300 Thai girls working fo me and 99% wanted Farang husbands

[thaiclan]

My British (ex) husband proposed within weeks of meeting me and it was me who was worried about that C word!

I do find Thai men very forward and hurried and I feel that is a mixture of culture and language barrier. Admittedly us Westerners do use a lot of language to skirt around the main issues! hehe (I think the correct term is Bull Shit!)

Not an academic observation I know but observing in our local Kareoke bar and the pop culture in general there is a definite preference of angst ridden, emotional tension (often in the pouring rain) in the music videos of the Thai pop songs. Each time I watch a pop song it amazes me that yet again it is about boy and girl in some love tangle that involves tears (often a slap or too) and then an emotional parting or reunion. They seem to have the morose sexy sulk down to a tee! Thats the male and the females btw.

Drunken observations in a kareoke bar. Pay no attention!

[seonai]

ThaiPete - I am not the dominant partner actually. We usually share responsibility and he's fine when I ask him to do stuff for me. He gives me all the money - common in the south don't know in the central regions. If he needs to buy something he asks me for money but it's not 'dominance' it's the way he likes it. We know where each other's limits are now after several years of marriage - took a while but we have it now

300 Thai girls - did you do a survey?

[sbk]

If you have married a couple of Thai men good luck to you but I bet you are the dominant partner. I had 300 Thai girls working fo me and 99% wanted Farang husbands

My what a gross generalization based on very little knowledge it seems. Why do you assume that there has to be a dominant partner? My husband and I make the decisions together, discuss things and then work them out. As equal partners. I trust his judgment and his opinions as he does mine. It is 2007 now and it is possible for people in a relationship to treat the other with respect and honor.

[garro]

If you have married a couple of Thai men good luck to you but I bet you are the dominant partner. I had 300 Thai girls working fo me and 99% wanted Farang husbands

My what a gross generalization based on very little knowledge it seems. Why do you assume that there has to be a dominant partner? My husband and I make the decisions together, discuss things and then work them out. As equal partners. I trust his judgment and his opinions as he does mine. It is 2007 now and it is possible for people in a relationship to treat the other with respect and honor.

Shouldn't you by washing the dishes or something?

[mssabai]

I think it is an interesting topic, but I definitely think you laid yourself open to some cyber bashing there Seonai...braver lady than I!

I too hate generalisations.....BUT......I am going to make one anyway. Thai men I do believe are much less scared of commitment. The dating method here is almost directly opposite to what I am used to back home. I find that at home, men are terrified of being drawn into something, or getting a girl too interested in them until they are completely sure of their own feelings.

Here I have seen that the start of a relationship often involves many many phonecalls, a lot of time spent in each others company and even declerations of love (eek!). I could be cynical and say that Thai men actually enjoy the game of having someone fall in love with them very quickly (whereas English guys are terrified of ending up with a bunny boiler) or I could be nice and say that they are just a bit more romantic and in touch with their feelings this side of the Pacific. Either way it pays to be cautious to avoid getting steam rolled with someone else's emotions. The 'two day rule' does not apply in Thailand, but perhaps it should cos as much as I hate it, it does allow breathing space to work out your own feelings at your own pace.

[garro]

I think it is an interesting topic, but I definitely think you laid yourself open to some cyber bashing there Seonai...braver lady than I!

I too hate generalisations.....BUT......I am going to make one anyway. Thai men I do believe are much less scared of commitment. The dating method here is almost directly opposite to what I am used to back home. I find that at home, men are terrified of being drawn into something, or getting a girl too interested in them until they are completely sure of their own feelings.

Here I have seen that the start of a relationship often involves many many phonecalls, a lot of time spent in each others company and even declerations of love (eek!). I could be cynical and say that Thai men actually enjoy the game of having someone fall in love with them very quickly (whereas English guys are terrified of ending up with a bunny boiler) or I could be nice and say that they are just a bit more romantic and in touch with their feelings this side of the Pacific. Either way it pays to be cautious to avoid getting steam rolled with someone else's emotions. The 'two day rule' does not apply in Thailand, but perhaps it should cos as much as I hate it, it does allow breathing space to work out your own feelings at your own pace.

What is the 2 day rule?

[mssabai]

I think it is an interesting topic, but I definitely think you laid yourself open to some cyber bashing there Seonai...braver lady than I!

I too hate generalisations.....BUT......I am going to make one anyway. Thai men I do believe are much less scared of commitment. The dating method here is almost directly opposite to what I am used to back home. I find that at home, men are terrified of being drawn into something, or getting a girl too interested in them until they are completely sure of their own feelings.

Here I have seen that the start of a relationship often involves many many phonecalls, a lot of time spent in each others company and even declerations of love (eek!). I could be cynical and say that Thai men actually enjoy the game of having someone fall in love with them very quickly (whereas English guys are terrified of ending up with a bunny boiler) or I could be nice and say that they are just a bit more romantic and in touch with their feelings this side of the Pacific. Either way it pays to be cautious to avoid getting steam rolled with someone else's emotions. The 'two day rule' does not apply in Thailand, but perhaps it should cos as much as I hate it, it does allow breathing space to work out your own feelings at your own pace.

What is the 2 day rule?

Waiting at least two days to call a girl either after a date or after meeting her. The guys back home stick to it like the gospel. In fact I think perhaps it does mention it one of the gospels....( )

[sbk]

Well, there you go, if you've got to have a rule about when you can call someone you like, how screwed up is that?

My husband asked me to marry him after 3 months-- we got married at 9 months and celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this year. He said he knew what he wanted, why wait? He does not believe in "the grass is always greener' theory of girls, rather he said, "everything I've always wanted is right here, why would I look somewhere else?"

So, although it does seem to be a trend among us girls, who can say if its generally true or not for most Thai men? Personally, I think in a culture where you are expected to get married it is generally true. You meet a girl you like, you marry her. To me, it seems as simple as that for most men and women here.

[mssabai]

I don't know what you girls/guys think but I have married two Thai men and i feel - since having conversations with Western female pals - that i think I did it initially due to attraction but that attraction was born out of a sense that it's much more clear cut with an Asian man. With a Western man there is a lot of baggage... well I don't know how to explain it but I just find Eastern chaps more straight forward. This probably goes into the discussions about Western men with Thai women... but I really feel 'at home' in my two Thai marriages

I don't agree that men here are more straightforward. Your baggage is a deeply personal thing and not something country lines can dictate. What culture can dictate is how you deal with this baggage and how much of it you reveal to others. Just a suggestion, but maybe IF you do have baggage that is being supressed (and therefore on the surface appearing as straightforward) then maybe it manifests itself through other channels, such as abuse towards those close to you?

[mssabai]

Well, there you go, if you've got to have a rule about when you can call someone you like, how screwed up is that?

My husband asked me to marry him after 3 months-- we got married at 9 months and celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this year. He said he knew what he wanted, why wait? He does not believe in "the grass is always greener' theory of girls, rather he said, "everything I've always wanted is right here, why would I look somewhere else?"

So, although it does seem to be a trend among us girls, who can say if its generally true or not for most Thai men? Personally, I think in a culture where you are expected to get married it is generally true. You meet a girl you like, you marry her. To me, it seems as simple as that for most men and women here.

I am not saying that true love doesn't hit quickly and that relationships cannot be good if they start off very intensly - I am very happy for you that you have had such a great relationship. I had 5 very happy years with my ex after practically moving in with him on the first day. However you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince and whilst you are still testing the water with someone, I feel it is better to have space to asses your feelings as it is difficult to maintain a certain level of clarity without a bit of time and distance.

I don't believe that the essential feelings that Thai men feel at the start of a relationship are any different to men of any other culture. However the accepted 'rules' at the start of relationships here seem different and although it is very flattering for someone to be completely honest with you about the way that they feel right from the beginning, I think a bit of self restriction on both sides can be a very important thing when you barely know the person you have started seeing. I have certainly felt that first rush of lust and seen myself walking down the aisle within months, only to 3 months later, after getting to know him a bit better, realising that he isn't the 'one'.

I don't see what is wrong with taking things slowly?

[sbk]

Nope just find the idea of a rule for calling in two days absolutely ridiculous. I live my own life the way that is best for me, I have not and never plan to follow inane rules such as that merely because it seems to be the norm.

[Boo]

It's like everything in life IMO, if you want or are open to something & it comes along then you are going to try to make it a positive rather than a negative. If you meet someone who professes his intentions early on but you are still not sure of your feelings then of course you will want them to go slower but if on the other hand you have those same feelings at the same time then things are going to move along at a faster rate. The other way is also true, you meet a guy you feel an instant connection to but who doesn't progress the relationship at the speed you would like, is he just holding back cause of baggage or is he right to go at HIS own pace?

Ah the conundrums of life eh?

I know though that at the exact time I met my hubby I was feeling disolusioned with dating a series of pointless men, some were fun relationships & with men I liked & respected but none were love (one WAS infatuation who didn't reciprocate quite a strongly to my broken hearts dispare ) but I remember thinking that it was time to stop this silly thailand nonesense &get back to my life & career in the UK, I had no marriage desires or ideas of babies but did want to meet someone I could just get on with & love & respect without having to second guess their intentiosn all the time & whammo, there he was. Had he been a wanke_r or a jerk then we wouldn't have gotten past the first month but he was quietly determined & I was quiety suspicous but we seemed to gel & 7 years down the line are doing ok.

Would we still behere if I hadn't had those feelings, I don't know but it I do beleive we are our own saviours or sabatours

[mssabai]

Nope just find the idea of a rule for calling in two days absolutely ridiculous. I live my own life the way that is best for me, I have not and never plan to follow inane rules such as that merely because it seems to be the norm.

The two day rule is a sad pathetic name that is used purely tongue in cheek. The idea behind it was what I was getting at (giving some distance after initial meetings to let first impressins settle). It is an idea that is deeply entrenched in my generation's culture in the UK (and perhaps elsewhere) and I simply couldn't think of another way of describing what I meant quickly.

[mssabai]

It's like everything in life IMO, if you want or are open to something & it comes along then you are going to try to make it a positive rather than a negative. If you meet someone who professes his intentions early on but you are still not sure of your feelings then of course you will want them to go slower but if on the other hand you have those same feelings at the same time then things are going to move along at a faster rate. The other way is also true, you meet a guy you feel an instant connection to but who doesn't progress the relationship at the speed you would like, is he just holding back cause of baggage or is he right to go at HIS own pace?

story of my life....

[sbk]

Ok, thanks for the explanation.

As for letting first impressions settle, well not everyone makes a good first impression, so if you judge someone based solely on their first impression (whether positive or negative) then you could very well be ignoring someone that is actually really a terrific person.

[mssabai]

Ok, thanks for the explanation.

As for letting first impressions settle, well not everyone makes a good first impression, so if you judge someone based solely on their first impression (whether positive or negative) then you could very well be ignoring someone that is actually really a terrific person.

exactly - that's why you let them settle instead of reacting off them immediately.

[bina]

not sure if this is thai western or just individual specific, but i found that my husband is not verbal about things but he is a complex person though w/o the education that would help him define and explore his complexities...

i find that i dont have patience for most western men that i am exposed to, both anglo/israelis and native born israelis (jewish, cause muslem arab just doent do it by any means up till now) because they just 'think too much'... they spend large amounts of time thinking about what they feel, want, dont want, discuss it, analyze it, and the more they go thru this internalized 'thinking' , the less they seem willing to actually do something about it like have a relationship. when i was divorced, i dated, mostly men that were farmer/animal/outdoor types, not city slicker types (the hi tec, 4X4 jeep sunday driver types). even these guys, mostly fun, warm, quirky individuals, agonized about every step: should i or shouldnt i invite u for the night, what do u see in me, what are u looking for specifically, what problems did u have in your past marriage....etc etc ad nauseaum....

i found my husband to be very forth rite: after a month of conversation about other things, he asked me if i would marry him as i am a good person and he likes what he sees in me. sort of WYSIWYG . no mention of 'space' and 'trying things out' and 'i love u but...'.

he sort of 'cut thru the b.s.' and got to the point.

we dont discuss 'developing the inner me' or 'defining myself in the relationship' , we just function as two parts of a whole in a relationship. it rather reminds me of what i once explained to someone about horse back riding on a horse that u know and ride for a long time. u develop a working relationship with the horse. and it is work. u have to be aware of it's temperament, health, moods (yes they have moods) , if it is enjoying itself or not, u work as a team but each side knows what place it is in. the lines are defined, not ambivalent, or blurred, or u think that maybe it thinks that u are thinking about doing something (second guessing)... (horse as he/or she not it, just easier to write).

maybe i should have married an animal. so much easier joke... i think i like the very male/female (not roles, but 'places' ) feelings we have. not metrosexual, blurred. he cries when unhappy, is masculine aggressive when needed, has what my friends call the proper amount of testosterones but he doesnt worry about the fact that he cries when upset, or whatever. he doesnt self analyze too much i guess is what i'm saying. the opposite of woody allen (my parents' role models sort of in terms of types of jewish anglo new york city males)....

not sure if all thai men are like my husband but i know enough of them and been involved with two previously (one as a student way back when....) and apart from the skin colouration and body type which i really like, something must attract me to thais....... vs. the large amounts of other ethnic and/or relgious groups i can get here.

bina - hope this made sense!!!!!!!

[sbk]

Spot on bina, at least when it comes to my husband.

[bina]

)

u mean u actually understood what i meant?!!

[mssabai]

we dont discuss 'developing the inner me' or 'defining myself in the relationship' , we just function as two parts of a whole in a relationship. it rather reminds me of what i once explained to someone about horse back riding on a horse that u know and ride for a long time. u develop a working relationship with the horse. and it is work. u have to be aware of it's temperament, health, moods (yes they have moods) , if it is enjoying itself or not, u work as a team but each side knows what place it is in. the lines are defined, not ambivalent, or blurred, or u think that maybe it thinks that u are thinking about doing something (second guessing)... (horse as he/or she not it, just easier to write).

That really struck a chord with what I am going through at the moment Bina. My relationship is now getting past the initial first rushes of love to the more mundane nitty gritty of being a long term couple. I am analysing us more as a couple because it is kind of make or break time for me...do I carry on investing in what is going to be a long term relationship, or do I cut my losses after six months and agree that we are not going to be together forever and finish as friends? One major sticking point is that we don't talk about what you referred to (the inner me etc). That has made me think that perhaps he doesn't really know me, and because of my own insecurities, makes me think that he can't be truely in love with me (although he says he is).

Aside from this lack of sharing we have a great relationship, and I completely understand your horse analogy, we work well as a team. We give each other space, we know what each other likes to do, likes to eat, daily routine etc. We get on well with each others friends and family and it really feels like a partnership. I feel that relationships in Thailand are more about a partnership...almost like work, and some relationships exist solely because of business ties and the like. I spoke to a Thai friend about my concerns and he just could not understand what my point was and was flabbergasted that I was thinking of finishing over something so 'trivial'. I am now in a quandry - is it trivial? Is it just a requirement that has been conditioned into me through my upbringing? Do I really mind that much if we don't discuss the inner things? I am just not sure!

[bina]

i have a feeling that in the west we have been filled with lots of mixed messages about what a 'relationship' should be. we spend lots of time analyzing, discussing, comparing, developing, expecting ... and i have a sneaking suspicion that that is our 'western' problem. in our push for 'individualism' and self developent, it makes it difficult to be a couple. the traditional ways of couples were, yes, partnerships. the rules were clear. actually i know of many many couples who were married thru matchmaking (jewish orthodox) and while they do for the most part have an initial attraction, what develops is a partnership not based on 'falling in love/lust' but on each side knowing what their limitations are, expectations etc.

the 'inner me' i think is somewhat of a myth. when we hit old age and are using diapers again, what is more important? the 'inner u', or that someone cares about u enough to clean u up and love u regardless. our inner us tends to change with time. our partnership should , ideally, remain routine. your partner remembers that u hate eggplant in food. u know your partner likes a cup of coffee when arriving home from work. in my eyes, these small things are what make the relationship. i know that this is where my previous marriage fell apart on. the small things. the daily mundane caring things. somehow i think it is our own insecurities that want us to see how we are seen in the eyes of our partner.

it seems to me what u have is healthy and good. i stopped reading any newspapers, womens magazines, etc just to escape reading yet more articles on finding myself (i never really lost me), developing the 'real' me (didnt know i wasnt real until i was told i wasnt by the article), discovering my 'inner joy' (always been an optimist who enjoys everything mostly about life)...

im not saying its not good to try new areas of life, or develop new skills, but thats just what they are: new skills, new areas of life. and they are yours. u dont need to share them for approval's sake. i enjoy my work and i dont care if anon thinks im daft to spend lots of hours and money on a donkey worth 50 shekels. he thinks im daft, but he came with me in the middle of the night to be with me while i gave the donkey its medications. i think thats a good partnership and shows caring and love.

i just remember asking so many thai men 'do u love your wife', as a majority of them had been married off by their parents at a relatively young age (bannork issaan men). they all used wording to the sort: my family, caring, i take care of them, etc. when i asked what they liked/loved about their wives, most said: she works hard, she's a good mother, she takes care of the family. no one said: she's a great musician, she has weird interesting ideas, she's creative. when asked about the 'creative' side of their wives they often said 'she can do what she wants if she enjoys it', 'noone can stop someone from liking to do something'....

my husband will pick up his guitar in the evening before sleep, or on a saturday, and play and sing. he does it in the bedroom. when i asked why he doesnt want to study more with a teacher, or play so we can all hear, his answer was: i do it for myself i dont need someone else to enjoy it or tell me if its good or not.

i think thats the way he sees me also. he doesnt expect me to ask him for confirmation about myself. if i like something. good. if not, ok. its not for him to interfere with myself.

this conversation in itself would drive most thai men bananas i tend to think, but i could be wrong. maybe its just cause i know mostly uneducated farm boys.

mssabai: go for it.... why break off and look for something else? thousands of people are looking for just that, what u seem to have. crazy love wears off but bedtime lust should still also remain in one form or an other also, not too too mundane... other then that, u might find someone that 'sees the real, inner you' but is so quirky that he will be impossible to live with. life, as anon tells me all the time, is impermanent. u dont know what is lurking around the corner (he was a monk for a year...)

bina

[Goinghomesoon]

Thanks Bina. I was searching for some way to describe my BF and I and I think you got it. Personally I could not have had this relationship in my 20s or early 30s. Back then I quite enjoyed the agony of all that *internal dialogue*. Maybe a certain mental maturity is required to get to the type of partnership you describe. Lucky SBK seemed to come upon her match quite early in life

[bina]

thanx ghs,

u may be right... i'm glad i'm managing to make myself clear on keyboard....

bina

[mssabai]

Thanks Bina. I was searching for some way to describe my BF and I and I think you got it. Personally I could not have had this relationship in my 20s or early 30s. Back then I quite enjoyed the agony of all that *internal dialogue*. Maybe a certain mental maturity is required to get to the type of partnership you describe. Lucky SBK seemed to come upon her match quite early in life

I think you are right goinghomesoon. I am 25 and do think I need a few more angsty 'feelings' talks before I come to what seems to be the general consesus that they are not worth the oxygen!

But thankyou Bina for your lovely, articulate advice. You have certainly made me look at my situation with a less 'western' perspective I think . But I am not sure I am ready to give up on the crazy love dream just yet! Guess it's not just the boys who have the fear of settling down....

[LaoPo]

we dont discuss 'developing the inner me' or 'defining myself in the relationship' , we just function as two parts of a whole in a relationship. it rather reminds me of what i once explained to someone about horse back riding on a horse that u know and ride for a long time. u develop a working relationship with the horse. and it is work. u have to be aware of it's temperament, health, moods (yes they have moods) , if it is enjoying itself or not, u work as a team but each side knows what place it is in. the lines are defined, not ambivalent, or blurred, or u think that maybe it thinks that u are thinking about doing something (second guessing)... (horse as he/or she not it, just easier to write).

That really struck a chord with what I am going through at the moment Bina. My relationship is now getting past the initial first rushes of love to the more mundane nitty gritty of being a long term couple. I am analysing us more as a couple because it is kind of make or break time for me...do I carry on investing in what is going to be a long term relationship, or do I cut my losses after six months and agree that we are not going to be together forever and finish as friends? One major sticking point is that we don't talk about what you referred to (the inner me etc). That has made me think that perhaps he doesn't really know me, and because of my own insecurities, makes me think that he can't be truely in love with me (although he says he is).

Aside from this lack of sharing we have a great relationship, and I completely understand your horse analogy, we work well as a team. We give each other space, we know what each other likes to do, likes to eat, daily routine etc. We get on well with each others friends and family and it really feels like a partnership. I feel that relationships in Thailand are more about a partnership...almost like work, and some relationships exist solely because of business ties and the like. I spoke to a Thai friend about my concerns and he just could not understand what my point was and was flabbergasted that I was thinking of finishing over something so 'trivial'. I am now in a quandry - is it trivial? Is it just a requirement that has been conditioned into me through my upbringing? Do I really mind that much if we don't discuss the inner things? I am just not sure!

Sorry to jump in young Lady...

Being a male, with some experience in life and love, I think you:

think too much, talk too much, write too much, analyze too much and calculate too much....about LOVE.

Why don't you start to accept life and love in general and start enjoying yourself and your partner for the time being ?

You're only 25 and the whole world is in front of you.

ENJOY IT, and don't worry and analyze so much; especially also not about the differences in culture (and men) between the UK and Thailand; it will take you a long time to understand only a fraction...why worry so much now ?

Time will tell....always

LaoPo

[mssabai]

we dont discuss 'developing the inner me' or 'defining myself in the relationship' , we just function as two parts of a whole in a relationship. it rather reminds me of what i once explained to someone about horse back riding on a horse that u know and ride for a long time. u develop a working relationship with the horse. and it is work. u have to be aware of it's temperament, health, moods (yes they have moods) , if it is enjoying itself or not, u work as a team but each side knows what place it is in. the lines are defined, not ambivalent, or blurred, or u think that maybe it thinks that u are thinking about doing something (second guessing)... (horse as he/or she not it, just easier to write).

That really struck a chord with what I am going through at the moment Bina. My relationship is now getting past the initial first rushes of love to the more mundane nitty gritty of being a long term couple. I am analysing us more as a couple because it is kind of make or break time for me...do I carry on investing in what is going to be a long term relationship, or do I cut my losses after six months and agree that we are not going to be together forever and finish as friends? One major sticking point is that we don't talk about what you referred to (the inner me etc). That has made me think that perhaps he doesn't really know me, and because of my own insecurities, makes me think that he can't be truely in love with me (although he says he is).

Aside from this lack of sharing we have a great relationship, and I completely understand your horse analogy, we work well as a team. We give each other space, we know what each other likes to do, likes to eat, daily routine etc. We get on well with each others friends and family and it really feels like a partnership. I feel that relationships in Thailand are more about a partnership...almost like work, and some relationships exist solely because of business ties and the like. I spoke to a Thai friend about my concerns and he just could not understand what my point was and was flabbergasted that I was thinking of finishing over something so 'trivial'. I am now in a quandry - is it trivial? Is it just a requirement that has been conditioned into me through my upbringing? Do I really mind that much if we don't discuss the inner things? I am just not sure!

Sorry to jump in young Lady...

Being a male, with some experience in life and love, I think you:

think too much, talk too much, write too much, analyze too much and calculate too much....about LOVE.

Why don't you start to accept life and love in general and start enjoying yourself and your partner for the time being ?

You're only 25 and the whole world is in front of you.

ENJOY IT, and don't worry and analyze so much; especially also not about the differences in culture (and men) between the UK and Thailand; it will take you a long time to understand only a fraction...why worry so much now ?

Time will tell....always

LaoPo

I think your post was meant as friendly advise but it came off as rude to be honest. I was going into detail about my relationship because it was very relevant to this thread and I received a lot of interesting viewpoints back that I am very greatful for. How do you know that I think too much and talk too much about love? You don't know me. You can pass judgement on how much I write, but based on a wordcount, I don't think it was an awful lot and is the only time I ever gone into personal detail on a thread.

I am "analyzing" both because I am quite happy being single, and because there are other issues within our relationship that I am not prepared to dig out for your rather judgemental appraisal. I don't see the point in being in a relationship if I do not feel completely satisfied about his feelings and my feelings. I understand that you have had experience in love and that I am "only 25" but I still think that I am entitled to question the relationship that I am in - I do have the whole world in front of me which is why I want to make sure that I am making the right choices now and not waste time with someone when I could be having a better time on my own. What makes you think I don't enjoy the time I spend with my partner and that I "don't accept life"? I have had a fantastic time with my partner as I mentioned in my post, and as for accepting life..yeesh - you REALLY don't know me do you?

I think you cast too much judgement on people's lives based on single posts, as I have discovered before.

[sbk]

Well, to be honest, that came off as rather rude as well. Lao Po is, IME, a very nice poster who actually has some valuable advice to offer.

[PeaceBlondie]

In my limited experience and knowledge, I do think that we westerners think too much, analyze motives, put off making decisions until we get more data, etc. Not all of us, not all the time, but generally. Non-westerners in many countries are more pragmatic, keeping their thoughts to themselves, not spending endless hours agonizing over hypotheticals. My Thai partner doesn't sit and discuss what he should have done way back when, how his alcoholic father neglected him, why his senile mother is crazy, etc. But he knows his main job is to take care of his partner, and I need to realize my duties to take care of my Thai man.

[mssabai]

Well, to be honest, that came off as rather rude as well. Lao Po is, IME, a very nice poster who actually has some valuable advice to offer.

Sorry if it sounded rude, however I made in no way any judgements towards him, merely defended my point of view.