I've Finally Found Her...

[The Gentleman Scamp]

After almost three years in Thailand I have never fallen in love or loved a girl as more than a friend, until now that is.

Less than three days before leaving Bangkok to move to Hua Hin to start a new job I saw her sitting on the steps of a Sukhumvit office block sending a message on her phone.

It had been a while since I'd seen anything as stunning or sexy but she had a slight vulnerability about her and she didn't hesitate when I coyly invited her for a drink after asking her the way to Soi 5 (she knew I knew the way).

We were both down at the time and needed somebody to talk to, and now, less than a week later, she's snuggled up in bed in my new Hua Hin apartment between the beach and the mountains and I'm here writing this, terrified I will get hurt.

She is 27 years old and not from BKK, her first job after university was fixing the electrics on cars and motorbikes and since then she has raced bikes for money, worked as a bar girl and a 5,000 per hour hostess girl and for the past year has made a modest salery buying clothes, re-designing them and seling them.

She's very sexy, very intelligent, funny, strong minded, and she's very tall for a Thai girl who is so obviously not a katoey.

She's been hurt by every rich guy she's been involved with and doesn't trust easily. She doesn't care that I'm not loaded and initialy she didn't want to move to Hua Hin (somewhere she'd never been) and depend on me, but since we've been here she's not asked for much and has been very helpful.

Her most recent ex was a Sweedish drug dealer who she turned in to the police after he was unfaithful to her.

She's lived the party lifestyle and is bored of it now and doesn't like discos.

She hates her mother and loves her father who lives in Ireland with an Irish woman and sends her money every two months.

Since Splitlid very kindly drove us down here, she as seemed far more confident - uncomfortably so, and she's pointed out all my faults such as the fact that I worry and think too much and I'm like a child one minute and an oldman the next and although I now trust her not to steal my cash or my video camera or to be there when I get home, she is slowly taking control of the relationship and my biggest fear (not that I can show it) is that she'll leave me for not being strong enough, or picking my toenails or something that a stunning farang girl wouldn't put up with.

Other times she's said stuf like "Don't love me too much" or "Maybe you're too good for me" which I've had before from a notorious ex in England who'd had a very rough past and hated herself and couldn't help screwing up relationships with decent men who cared about her - that girl was far worse than this girl but the damage isn't easily forgotten.

In the mornings she seems serious, deep in thought and crtical and in the evenings she's playful, sexy and cute and I prefer the second one.

Our first minor fall out was last night when I wouldn't let her drive the motorbike and she got off and sulked. When I went to sit with her she started to criticise me again, saying I'm not grown up and that I worry too much.

Should I have grovelled and said "Oh I'm sorry babe, it's ok, you can drive" I told her if I said that then her respect for me wouldn't last long.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm asking here but I'm not the first guy to post his feelings about a girl on this forum, and she's not just any girl and I so want it to work as it's been six years since I've alowed myself to get this close to anyone.

P.S. She also thrashed both myself and Splitlid at pool.

If this screws up my head it could screw up my job and even my life here.

I know I've taken a risk but we all do when we like somebody this much and after being alone for so long, chances like this can't be ignored.

[Savage]

Good luck to you. Without wanting to be rude I think you are mad to move in with someone you don't know. Specially when that person has a history of working in bars and dating farangs left right and centre.

It seems to me that looking for love this way is like exercising your lungs by smoking. Just asking for trouble.

I hope I am proved utterly wrong.

[Begs]

Go for it Scampy, and good luck.

[Begs]

Without wanting to be rude I think you are mad to move in with someone you don't know. Specially when that person has a history of working in bars and dating farangs left right and centre.

She is also moving in with someone she does not know so well, a man that has a history of going to bars and dating girls left right and centre.

Seems pretty equal to me!

[elsie]

You know I mean well and I love you, Scampy.

Slow down, mate.

You've just met someone last week. Three days later, you both were moving in together in a new town. Are you sure that'd make a good foundation for a long lasting relationship? Not to mention marriage. I'm not sure, mate. I'm not.

[splitlid]

well......i think you should do what makes you happy.

so what if youve only just met her.

if you feel good about it then do it.

lifes too short to worry about what if..what if...

not like your marrying her after 3 days is it!!!

she may hurt her or you may hurt her.

but if you dont try you will never know.

[bodypaul]

Tread carefully GS but just go with the flow

[chingy_]

job come first, with out job or money there is no love, if she love you enought she should understand that a woman should follow a men where ever he goes, where ever his job take him.

she's young and have much to learn, my opinion that her love for you is 50/50.

when a girl love you, you will see it

why is it that all the ex seem to be a bad guy, maybe she's the one that dump him.

[donx]

Other times she's said stuf like "Don't love me too much" or "Maybe you're too good for me" which I've had before from a notorious ex in England who'd had a very rough past and hated herself and couldn't help screwing up relationships with decent men who cared about her - that girl was far worse than this girl but the damage isn't easily forgotten.

All I can say is RED FLAG! I too have heard these words before. Once from my ex-wife and once from a Taiwanese woman I dated. It has been my experience that when a woman says this, they are giving you fair warning that they are very difficult to deal with. I am too kind and caring person to be able to handle such a woman. Essentially they knew that they could get away with anything with me.

On the other hand, if you are the type that knows how to handle such a woman, then disregard my warnings.

[falong]

Our first minor fall out was last night when I wouldn't let her drive the motorbike and she got off and sulked. When I went to sit with her she started to criticise me again, saying I'm not grown up and that I worry too much.

Should I have grovelled and said "Oh I'm sorry babe, it's ok, you can drive" I told her if I said that then her respect for me wouldn't last long.

Why wouldn't you let her drive the motorbike?

[Halo]

Best of luck,sounds more like a wind up.

1 week with that history and you are both willing to move in together??? Couple of lost soles, but only one winner.

[IamMaiC]

Our first minor fall out was last night when I wouldn't let her drive the motorbike and she got off and sulked. When I went to sit with her she started to criticise me again, saying I'm not grown up and that I worry too much.

Should I have grovelled and said "Oh I'm sorry babe, it's ok, you can drive" I told her if I said that then her respect for me wouldn't last long.

Why wouldn't you let her drive the motorbike?

Yeah Scamp What's the big deal about driving the motorbike? and by the way Good Luck Everyone deserves a Loving Caring and Supportive Relationship Whoever you are Striaght or Gay or whatever. You do what you think is right but do watch out Sir. Follow your Gut and everything will work out.

[elsie]

Definitely not a wind up. I know the man. And I also got a text from him on that Thursday night (or Friday morning, Scampy?) saying exactly the same thing. In a much shorter version, of course.

Edited August 31, 2004 by LovelyCutie

[Insight]

Well, she's obviously not with you for your money

[IamMaiC]

Best of luck,sounds more like a wind up. 

1 week with that history and you are both willing to move in together???  Couple of lost soles, but only one winner.

You Know Who are we to Judge what scamp does?? If he Loves this girl and she said yes to staying with him What's the wind up?? Maybe because Scamp said she use to be a bargirl?? There are Good Bargirls Right?? Good Luck Scamp I hope it goes well.

Is that the lucky lady in your Avatar??

[Neeranam]

You meet a sexy, beautiful girl, who used to work as a bar-girl/hostess girl(what reason did she do this job do you think?). She moves in with you so soon!

She doesn't care if you aren't loaded. You will pay in some way or another man!

I don't want to sound negative but it doesn't look good!

Sounds like a rich guy probably saw through her and saw that she was a gold-digger and dumped her. She is looking for ane nice easy guy while she plans her next big kill.

Don't be a sucker.

It most likely is destiny and danger.

My feeling is it probably won't be too dangerous, she will make up some excuse to leave, maybe only for a couple of weeks. Enjoy "it" while you can.

Never met ANYONE, let alone know anyone who can handle this sort of woman.

No offense to you, but what have you got to offer her? She can pick anyone.

I could be wrong. There is a small chance of you having a 50 year long wonderful relationship.

[warriors]

I wish you the best of luck, but to me there seems to be more red lights then green lights flashing.

Remember love is BLIND so be carefull.

When you feel not right it takes a brave lover to walk away.

But it must be done or you will get eaten alive.

Once again my Best wishers go with you both.

[Insight]

You know I mean well and I love you, Scampy.

Slow down, mate.

You've just met someone last week. Three days later, you both were moving in together in a new town. Are you sure that'd make a good foundation for a long lasting relationship? Not to mention marriage. I'm not sure, mate. I'm not.

Do have to agree on that one.

(Well it is better to get all the pessimism out the way first...)

In my own experience, and this is just my experience, a girl moved in very quickly with me in my early days out here - took her less than one month. She was also repeating the same old "you're too good for me" <deleted> constantly.

This low self-esteem really did bring out the worst in our living-in situation; it came to the point where it would be difficult enough to get out the door just to go to work, for her paranoia of me running off with somebody else.

At one point, talking about a chubby Thai girl I work with, she seriously yelled out "You like her! You like fat lady!". Laughter well overtook the frustration at that point, but it didn't last long.

Eventually I had to boot her out - it was all too much. My job (the reason I'm here in the first place) was in jeopardy owning to her insecurities. That itself is another story all together....

This experience, combined with the stories from several friends in Bangkok who have also let people move in quickly with them (from all walks of Thai life), has made me very cautious of who I let park here, probably more so than the UK I'm afraid to say. I am always questioning motives when something like this occurs so soon.

My 3p’s worth, but you ain’t me, and she ain’t her…

[IamMaiC]

I could be wrong. There is a small chance of you having a 50 year long wonderful relationship.

It would not suprise me if it lasts this long!!!! I'm sure Scamp is Level Headed Well I hope he is Just because she was a Bargirl They are all the same?? I just recently read Stephen leather's Private Dancer It is about a farang that falls for a bargirl and she was married but her husband hit her all the time.

So The Farang that loved her because he grew up in the west he was expecting her to be faithful to him well it's a long story if you get a chance download it and read it It's a good read I couldn't put it down

Sure from our point of view about scamp it does not look Good I feel the same But who am I to tell him what to do or how to feel?? Maybe she does not want to be a bargirl anymore, who knows why she is with him. Thai girls are alot different from western girls They want someone to take care of them

And in the process they will take care of their man, I should know I married a Thai Girl. Best Thing I did in my whole life. I was tired of western girls and don't think a western girl will not do the same as the girl that Scamp knows, They do.

Like I said before Chok Dee Scamp

[rainman]

You have to understand ...us men only have so much blood in our bodies and we can use it for only either one of two things at a time. To think, or to ... I don't know what i would use mine for if i had a beautiful girl snuggled up in bed in my Hua Hin apartment

[elsie]

At least, I can say I didn't raise Red Flag because she was a BG. Scampy and I are mates. That's so why I won't say anything to him just because he wants to hear it. I want him to be happy. But of course, it's his life and it's his choice. I warn mates to slow down when they're moving too fast only once. And this time, I have.

[davethailand]

good luck scampy, Although i agree with LC.

I'll be driving through H H on my way to KL in october, i'll give you a bell.

Quote from Savage-

Specially when that person has a history of working in bars and dating farangs left right and centre

<deleted>

[IamMaiC]

At least, I can say I didn't raise Red Flag because she was a BG. Scampy and I are mates. That's so why I won't say anything to him just because he wants to hear it. I want him to be happy. But of course, it's his life and it's his choice. I warn mates to slow down when they're moving too fast only once. And this time, I have.

That's good of you LC Even if she is a former BG don't they deserve Love Also? I applaud those girls to deal with Some bad people and still Smile I wish him Luck I am not saying if the Relationship goes sour we told him so because I don't wish that on anyone I'm sure he is a Mature young man and he knows how to handle these things, But let's let him update us on this because I do like hearing about this.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Thanks for all the replies - I'm surprised at the response but chuffed also.

Today has been fine, she's been lazy but while I was out buying some noodles I came back and she was scrubbing all the laundry in the bath.

I told her last night I didn't want her criticising my character and that I've always been a bit hyper and busy minded and if she didn't want that then she should tell me there and then 'cause I am unlikely to change.

I respect the fact that she hasn't tried to hide anything from me and has been very matter a fact about her past, though I wouldn't say proud.

I asked her last night if she'd ever made love on the beach and she said, "Yeah, loads of times" which I obviously didn't like but how can I complain when I can't remember how many sexual partners I've had myself.

I didn't let her drive the motorbike last night because...

A: Last time she drove it was one handed as she was trying to fix the strap on the helmet; now I may have ended up at HH Police Station TWICE yesterday for going down a 1 way street but I do drive with care as it's something 'm not used to in Bangkok - or England for that matter.

B: I like my life to be in my hands.

C: After the discussion, plus the fact I look young for 30 - I felt that being a passenger to a girly driver would only do further damage to my masculine pride.

She talked more about her life today and where she's from (north somewhere) and why she gave up 'the work' last year - basically she had lots of money but was wasting it and wasn't happy. Then she went on about how much she loves her dad (who's only 17yrs older than her)

We playfight a lot and she tries to punch my spagglepods and I try to put cooling talc on her fanny and she's lovey dovey a lot of the time and it's all good fun for now.

She's also had no mysterious phonecalls and has no scars on her wrists and she's anti drugs but has the occasional joint with her dad.

I think it's really sexy that she used to race motorbikes and has a degree in electronics.

By the way, I agree with all the comments, positive and negative - I am very open eyed and have still not let go 100% as I am scared of falling completely because I don't yet know where I will land.

She has called me twice since I have been typing this asking where I am and have I got her sticky rice and BBQ chicken yet. I had actualy offered to take her out to a seafood restaurant.

What isn't a good sign is that I feel I really sghould go now or else I'm going to get a bollocking, but that's theway with most Thai GF's isn't it?

P.S. Dave, you're welcome - with any luck we'll still be together in October.

[IamMaiC]

Isn't love grand I'm glad to hear scamp your not 100% percent sure yet She seems OK But it's hard to know other then seeing how she acts for real

I hope it works and you'll belong to a new club for a while the broke beaten and smiling club Just kidding Good Luck scamp Hey how is Hua hin for you? I would like to go one day Heard alot of good things

[12call]

Welcome to the Scamp and Ning Show.

[Up2U]

So, she's 27 - been there, done that.

It could very well be that both of you have caught each other at the time when you both want to settle down to a quieter life.

If so, good luck to you both.

Wish you well - just don't try and dig up each other's past - accept each other for what you are now.

[davethailand]

I think it's really sexy that she used to race motorbikes and has a degree in electronics.

at least if you fall off your bike and smash your phone you can get them fixed.

[britmaveric]

Scampy- wish you the best, but be careful! Takes long time to really know someone so its hard not to be skeptical.

[kenk3z]

Oh, just enjoy yourself, and don't think too much.

It could last another 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, or 30 years.

Any advice we give you over the Internet is pure speculation, tainted with our own experience.

Having given that caveat, I'd like to say, don't even consider getting married.

Otherwise, just enjoy yourselves and whatever time you spend together. What a great way to start out in a new place!

kenk3z

P.S. I'm certain I fell in love my first day in BKK.