Getting Married To A Thai Girl

[markt]

I'm getting married to a Thai lady soon and have heard it is tradition to give the parents a gift (cash only please).

Did they tell you that ?

Ask 'em if they'll accept a cheque from the Thai Firemans Bank.

[RamdomChances]

> At the end of the day its up to you how much you give, I feel its a more

> difficult situation for a falang as you have to do the negotiation yourself,

> but its definatly not "buying your wife".

I know, but it sure looks like it! That's why I opted not to have anything to do with either money and gold for the wedding. IF there's any mileage in showing off, then I think it should go towards a good and fun wedding party at a nice place, with lots of food, drink and entertainment. I.e. funds should be directed at the critical sanuk-contributing-factors. Buying gold and then showing and returning it mostly makes some shops in Chinatown happy, not the bride, groom or guests. And withdrawing money from a bank account for show its just too silly for words. I guess I was lucky my wife did an MBA and realizes these things.

Cheers,

Chanchao

I agree, I dont really like the "showing off" bit the wife does'nt either (she did'nt need to do a MBA to relise that ), but showing money in the wedding made her mum happy and did'nt cost anything and we had the gold to show already, so no prob. I was more interested in the sanuk bits food, drink and music, anyway it was a great day.

I do know people who have got married/engauged and borowwed gold from family members, then taken it to the gold shop to change for new, seems a waste of money to me to, but as long as its not my money I dont realy care.

[no1willsa]

my wife wanted me to give 200,000 baht

it was to show i realy wanted her.

i did but it was unrealistic

in the end i gave 20,000 to save face on all three sides

mine ,mammas and wifeys

she realy is worth 200,000 baht

but i wont tell her

[Bizz]

Started off with 1million down to 500000 then 350000 then silchm nouth, notting.

Funny i really did not want to listen at the start but still got the girl and paid notting over, not saying that she is not worth it but i did listen

Take note all who advised me at the time.

[Superiorbeing]

Where did you meet?? 7/11

Give nothing, why marry one???

[Superiorbeing]

my wife wanted me to give 200,000 baht

it was to show i realy wanted her.

i did but it was unrealistic

in the end i gave 20,000 to save face on all three sides

mine ,mammas and wifeys

she realy is worth 200,000 baht

but i wont tell her

Why is she worth 200,000 baht?? have a great Uni Degree and career then??

Where did you meet?? Another cashier?

[neverburi]

My girlfriend is from a relatively poor rice farming family in Ubon Ratchatani. We've discussed this, and she told me that 100,000 Baht is appropriate.

Would it really be appropriate to make a counteroffer? Should I try 60,000?

IT'S ALL NEGOTIABLE

NB

[rainman]

My advice: Turn it around, say that your mommy is now requesting money from her family, too, and that its a custom in your country. See what happens.

[a2396]

Sorry, but from my thinking the whole idea of Dowery is a corrupting factor in the realtionship, "rotton to the core" and should be illegal, as I think it is in China, even though it is still practiced. It starts the whole ralationship as one driven by money not love. Who says when and how much is enough. I gave $2500 to a family in China whose daughter kissed me off the next week, saying I was to old.

It may have made sense in the "old days" when people stayed in the village and the level of mutual respect and honesty was probably considerabley higher than it is today.

[a2396]

my wife wanted me to give 200,000 baht

it was to show i realy wanted her.

i did but it was unrealistic

in the end i gave 20,000 to save face on all three sides

mine ,mammas and wifeys

she realy is worth 200,000 baht

but i wont tell her

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I gave 20,000 bht also and am providing monthly support to Mama & family + 5000 bht per mo to my little lovely, now she is whining that this is and was not enough. Now she is acting like an icle. I am soon to say bye, bye. What was the saying: "there is no honesty among thieves".

[Pink Mist]

it really is a how long is a piece of string thing, 1000 sin sod 1000 different answers, if you want to keep it going, with realistic posts, good, otherwise she's gone.

[Dickie]

My advice: Turn it around, say that your mommy is now requesting money from her family, too, and that its a custom in your country. See what happens. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Now that's not a bad idea! Dowries used to come with the bride i.e. from bride's family to the groom.

[Pink Mist]

Dickie we are talking about different customs in different cultures.

As one poster in a previous thread about this subject once pointed out a "Sin Sod " is not a "Dowry".

[ZOVOX]

I stumped up 100k when i got married, plus another 100k for the hotel reception and party, and the gold. I had no problem with this because i saw it as a gift rather than 'buying my wife'. But, i did make it clear that i would not be giving any money to them every month, because the mother would pass money to her daughters, who in turn gives money to her husband, so it removes their responsibility to take care of themselves. Before you know, you're looking after the entire extended family and friends. Instead, i buy gifts for the in-laws, which is much nicer than being treated as a walking atm, for both me and them. I just bought a house for the mother-in-law, and she is over the moon !!!

[Potter]

My advice: Turn it around, say that your mommy is now requesting money from her family, too, and that its a custom in your country. See what happens. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My girlfriend has brought this subject up several times. One time (a couple of years ago) she brought it up while her mother was visiting. I was also asked what I thought about "x" amount of baht.

I told them it was kind of hard for me to understand. In my home country/culture it was the parents that paid the celebrations and gave presents to the newly married couple. I was sorry that our 2 cultures are so different in this matter. And I really liked her daughter a lot. I promised whether being married or not, I will always love her and take care of her. Of course we didn't need to decide anything soon. Today we are still not married.

Thailand is a big country. What is expected in one part may be way different from what is expected in an other part of the country. Most people that get married are not millionares. When agreeing with a price it should also be clear who will get the gold and money as well as who is paying for the party. Also as some people have said, it also matters if the lady has been married before (who wants to pay for a used lady with babies, the thais will say).

An other consideration to make is that if you do pay a lot, then at other times where money is needed, you will again be expected to pay a lot. This could be a funeral, family accident, investment or other cases where there is a need for money. Most westerners come from a rich culture. Most got some kind of social security. In Thailand the families take care of who ever are in the families. The entire social structure is way different from western countries. If somebody gets an accident family members will go out and sell their private gold to help each other.

Not so long ago I read in the thai news papers all written in thai language. 2 movie stars are going to be married with each other. The price will be 40 million baht. The more money one has got - the more money will be asked for. Most forreigners are believed to have a lot of money.

Unless the family has got a lot of money you should expect that they will always come back and ask for more. That is one way or the other. If a thai has money, why would the thai want to marry a forreigner would some thai people say. I have heard that sentence in thai.

Old William Shakespeare got the saying "to be or not to be". In Thailand the verb to be does not exist. However sayings they do have. The saying is: "You want or you don't want". It applies to so unbelievable many situations.

Good Luck to You all!

[JSixpack]

I'm getting married to a Thai lady soon and have heard it is tradition to give the parents a gift (cash only please). Is this true and if so how much to avoid insult.

Secondly what are the implications in the event of a split sometime down the road, in terms of Thai Law. Am I signing my life away.

Thanks

Camster

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A very delicate issue. As you see you’ve gotten answers all over the map. It boils down to how you feel about it and your own financial situation.

What you can do is try to judge the family’s intentions and find out, if you can, the average that’s being paid in the village. One guy was told by the family in a very poor village that he needs to pay B300,000 and husbands of the sisters affirmed it. Later he discovered that 10,000 was more like what had been paid for the sisters.

You can pay the money but still find that the family is greedy. One guy I know paid 30,000 for his well-used wife w/ 2 kids of her own by her ex-husband and then when he was on a visa run the family descended and took all the appliances in his house. The wife absolutely could not prevent their interference and though he moved several times, she would always inform the family of their whereabouts. Divorce ensued.

Contrary to what’s often said, Thai men may pay no sin sod whatsoever. I know of one case in which the bride paid for the entire wedding as well. Things are actually pretty flexible, as they usually are in Thailand. If they think maybe you’re good for a sin sod, then why not ask, the more the better, right?

Also, you may consider just going through the public Buddhist ceremony and the living together for a few years before you have a legal marriage w/ it’s legal obligations. Thai men often do this. It’s the ceremony that’s often regarded as most important anyway.

That being said, Thai-farang marriages generally seem to work out better when the girl and her family are being paid, regularly, what is by Thai standards big money. Are the farangs merely fools? Maybe, but they’re happy and in many cases unknowing fools, so does it really matter?

[RamdomChances]

A very delicate issue. As you see you’ve gotten answers all over the map. It boils down to how you feel about it and your own financial situation.

Very true

contrary to what’s often said, Thai men may pay no sin sod whatsoever.

Simply not true, you may not know any who have paid, or the money has just been for show, but I've known many Thai men pay sin sod, its quite normal up here.

Also, you may consider just going through the public Buddhist ceremony and the living together for a few years before you have a legal marriage w/ it’s legal obligations. Thai men often do this. It’s the ceremony that’s often regarded as most important anyway.

Yes and no, to the family the buddist ceremony is th most important, and you are right many thai couples dont bother getting it registered at the ampour, but then again they dont have to get visas either, if you dont get the marrige regestered you have not legal right as a husband.

That being said, Thai-farang marriages generally seem to work out better when the girl and her family are being paid, regularly, what is by Thai standards big money

I have to admitt I dont know that many falang/thai couples, only about 4 or 5 all have been married for a number of years and none of them pay their wifes an allowance of regular payments to the family (thats not saying that they dont help out now and again)

[TizMe]

I have gotten around the family problem with a simple solution.

My wife gets a monthly allowance. All expenses must come out of this allowance. if she wants to loan her brother, sister, parents or cousins money then she must take it out of her allowance.

[a2396]

I gave 10,000 Pounds last week to the Parents of my wife, 740,000 baht.

Why?

Cos i can afford to give 20 times more and still not skip a heartbeat.

If you are poor just give a packet of biscuits or whatever else you can afford. I am sure the complainers are just too poor to get married in any style, therefore they complain about the Sin Sod, if you don't like it, just move on, and for those of you that cannot afford to give a few quid to the family of the girl you love, what are you doing trying to join the family in the first place?

Stick to western women who have no family values is my advice to the poor amongst you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What family values? This dowery or extorsion in my mind has no relationship to an family integrity. I gave dowery and they expect the money to continue indefinately, while trying to up the amount at every opportunity. I previously gave $2500 US + jewlery to a Chinese lady, who ditched me after 2 weeks, saying her Mother decided I was to old. The whole idea (dowery) is garbage.

[Doctor John]

I gave 10,000 Pounds last week to the Parents of my wife, 740,000 baht.

Why?

Cos i can afford to give 20 times more and still not skip a heartbeat.

If you are poor just give a packet of biscuits or whatever else you can afford. I am sure the complainers are just too poor to get married in any style, therefore they complain about the Sin Sod, if you don't like it, just move on, and for those of you that cannot afford to give a few quid to the family of the girl you love, what are you doing trying to join the family in the first place?

Stick to western women who have no family values is my advice to the poor amongst you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What family values? This dowery or extorsion in my mind has no relationship to an family integrity. I gave dowery and they expect the money to continue indefinately, while trying to up the amount at every opportunity. I previously gave $2500 US + jewlery to a Chinese lady, who ditched me after 2 weeks, saying her Mother decided I was to old. The whole idea (dowery) is garbage.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Get a woman your own age then, you will not pay anything!

You think young women fall over you for your charm and wit?

Pay up and stop bitching.

[Heng]

LOLZ!

[Doctor John]

I previously gave $2500 US + jewlery to a Chinese lady, who ditched me after 2 weeks, saying her Mother decided I was to old. The whole idea (dowery) is garbage.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Funny how you did not think it was rubbish when you thought you was getting a young girl for 2500 USD.

you only think it is rubbish when it did not work out the way you planned.

[Dickie]

Unless I'm mistaken, SEA dowry is to make up for the fact that a worker in the family has gone, making the family less profitable. If the family is skint, however, then taking a mouth to feed out of it makes it better off, money-wise, so in that situation I think it perfectly reasonable for the bride's family to pay the groom for making them better off.

Having reviewed things over a while I don't think I'll be getting hitched to a woman from a dowry country. Why pay when there are sooooo many countries where it isn't necessary and the girls are just as 'honey' like this one or this one.