Send Wife Back To Thailand

[tommy27durham]

my wife has been here (uk) for 1 month. (she is here on a 2 year settlement visa) we had a massive argument today over various things and as far as i am concerned enough is enough. I want to send her back. I want to book a flight for her to go back but she is refusing to leave. WHAT CAN I DO???

[the scouser]

If she doesn't want to return, you can't compel her. She has permission to stay in the UK and can legally remain until that expires. I'm sure she'll also talk to friends and acquaintances who will soon advise her that if she has been the victim of domestic abuse, she can get indefinite leave. So, beware any such allegation, real or imagined.

Alternatively, things might be OK again tomorrow.

Scouse.

[tommy27durham]

is that indefinite leave to remain as in permanently, or indefinite leave to remain for her 2 year VISA???

[the scouser]

"Indefinite" as in forever.

Scouse.

[tommy27durham]

there must be someway of withdrawing my sponsorship??? surely she cannot stay if i no longer want to accomodate her and support her???

[Khutan]

Hopefully tomorrow is another day or after Sunday is another week. Let the anger settle a bit before you take any action.

[the scouser]

Tommy,

The woman in question is your wife. You have brought her to a foreign country where, inevitably, she will be without friends and be out of her depth at least initially. "Thai wives" are not just for Xmas, and don't come on a sale or return basis: this is for real. She has all the rights that a "British wife" would have and I'd watch out otherwise, before you know it, she'll have been to see a solicitor and you'll be turfed out of your own house whilst still paying the mortgage.

You can write to the UKBA and tell them that the relationship has broken down, but unless they curtail her permission to stay, which is most unlikely, she can lawfully and legitimately remain in the UK until her current visa expires.

Scouse.

[vinny]

Tommy, consider Ajahn Brahm's talk on Arguments.

[slapout]

Tommy; you did not get the girl from walmart or tesco wirh a return option, if not satisfied. The arguments will happen, just look forward to making up. If a nights rest is not enough to sort it out, give it another night or 10 if needed.

[SnakeBite]

I will stick with the other guys comment about getting stuck for spouse abuse and if that happens, you're SCREWED. Get as many people you know to cover your butt and get in touch with whatever office you need to, to get her the hel_l out of your place.

[jstumbo]

I want to send her back.

Do you still have your receipt?

[yorkieb]

Tommy. Bailing out after 1 month sounds extreme. I feel all here need to know more background to be able to advise you practically. Scouser is right about not under estiamating the shock waves on her in relocation to a new country/culture. From my own experiance my Thai wife has lived outside Thailand all be it in Asia but took alot of adjusting to the UK. And she is still not there yet. The way I deal with it is i trying to imagine how I would cope 6000 miles away stuck in some village............. I dont think I could do it. I have travelled alot in Asia on business and even after 4 week away I miss home and even with all the 5 star hotel food all I want is to sit infront of the TV with a can of baked beans.

I obviously dont know your details but just my humble opinion (unless you have unfortunatley got mixed up with a bad apple) presumably you got married because you love her. You brought her her so be prepared to give ground, make it work, manage her, control the situation.

Personally speaking my wife is mad as a box of frogs. and boy can she go of the deep end. But when it is good there's nothing like it.

Sorry you find yourself in this dredicament and I hope you get some usefull advice from the forum.

Yorkie

Scouser..... wow that domestic violence thing sounds scary. Can they really boot u out of your place... I thought they put them in safe house. And isnt there some process to evidence first.? ..........

[yorkieb]

Last time we had an argued i got a slap around the head from the wife. Can we go the domestic violence route and save the £750 ILR fees.

Yorkie

[drummachine]

Hi Durham,

Moving to the U.K is always traumatic for any Non British Persons. My Wife had alot of sadness at first, especially over missing Som Tam, however we got the ingredients in Chinatown and it all soon picked up tobe be UK the LOS.

It what you make of it, try talking and I do sympathise that sometimes its rough, but it does get better....

Goodluck.

[shaggs2004]

Hi Tommy

My wife first arrived 4 years ago and the first 3 months were pretty rough for us

She had left the family inc a 9 year old son back in LOS

so as you can imagine it was a really big break for her

The change from village life to living in the UK was as big a cultural difference for her as it was

for me living in the village in Isaan for the first time

Regular contact with home via telephone and web cam really made a difference after a while

but the best thing was her making friends outside my immediate family

Do you have any Thai's local to you ??

With Durham on the end your ID are you in Durham UK if so we are really close to you about 6

miles or so away maybe a chat over a coffee with a long stay Thai in the UK may help settle

things down for you

We could meet for a coffee in Durham 1 weekend PM me if you are local to us

I wish you well

Shaggs

PS Scouser I want the sticker for my car " A Thai Wife is for life Not Just for Xmas " :-)

Edited April 22, 2008 by shaggs2004

[the scouser]

Can they really boot u out of your place... I thought they put them in safe house. And isnt there some process to evidence first.? ..........

If there is an accusation of abuse, whether emotional or physical, the abused party can apply to the court to have the claimed abuser leave the property. I won't comment further as that's not my area of expertise, but I have a pal who used to prepare such cases and he once successfully got an "ouster" on the basis that the husband verbally abused his wife by saying to her that she'd "had more pricks than a porcupine".

Scouse.

[LaoPo]

my wife has been here (uk) for 1 month. (she is here on a 2 year settlement visa) we had a massive argument today over various things and as far as i am concerned enough is enough. I want to send her back. I want to book a flight for her to go back but she is refusing to leave. WHAT CAN I DO???

Tommy, try to bring things back into perspective and reality a bit.

If I read your info correctly you are only together for a very short time. You met each other in October and married in February in LOS and shortly after you arrived back in the UK you lost your job due to the fact that the company went under.

Results: LOTS of stress for you and your wife.

All in all not really a happy & positive start for both of you but extremely difficult for your wife being outside her home country for the first time...

Will sending her back after a big fight make you more happy ?

LaoPo

[bread]

It's interesting to see people's responses with how long it can take a TGF, e.t.c to get adjusted in england one of my main concerns for my GF is the fact that when she leaves Thailand she will be leaving a large family behind and also coming here to have a baby with out any support from her mother/farther e.t.c, it will be hard I.

I think its fairly obvious that Thai people will try to not think about these issues as they are striving for a better life and perhaps some ways they see england as a place of far greater opportunity.

I guess I know in my hart of harts that it won't be that easy for a while as she get's adjusted and you have to give people time to do so though I think if you are prepared to give up after one argument that to be honest you are destined to fail.

[thaigene2]

my wife has been here (uk) for 1 month. (she is here on a 2 year settlement visa) we had a massive argument today over various things and as far as i am concerned enough is enough. I want to send her back. I want to book a flight for her to go back but she is refusing to leave. WHAT CAN I DO???

Can't speak for everyone - but you are bound to have massive' arguments with your new wife - regardless of her nationality/culture. I'm not suggesting you should do anything, but you may want to try to look at things in another way - alwasy hard to do - for me too.

But consider this, and I have no idea if this applies to you or not - it's just a consideration:

A woman who has never lived abroad marries some guy frm another culture, moves to his country, and starts to feel her world cave in - everything she knew in her 'comfort zone' is gone. She is now with you and just you. Thai women need 'friends' they are part of a complicated collective society that is hard to understand - and I've been married to a Thai woman for some years now.

Maybe if you try to show her (at least try - even if you don't understand it) that you can sympathise with the fact she's alone and that you're her ally not her foe, you may begin to move forward. Forward, in my books, is alwasy better than backwards - but it always requires a different approach - hard to do I agree.

It's tought moving into another culture - especially the UK, where if they think it's going to be comfort-zone and it turns out to be a housing estate - even a commercial estate - and it's bleak, cold, damp, anti-social with all those little idiot idiot shits running around causign trouble and blaiming 'foreigners' for all the shitty life there (when it's the rich who are to blame for keeping everyone if the shitty conditions) -- all the things we like to leave behind when we go to Thailand? Can you blame her - seeing that for the first time?? Mate, I sure can't. But then again maybe you had an argument about sex? No advice there !

Edited April 22, 2008 by thaigene2

[thaigene2]

I want the sticker for my car " A Thai Wife is for life Not Just for Xmas " :-)

Nice one Shaggs - then again you also forgot to mention the credit card debt and Thai family remittances are for life - not just January!

[tommy27durham]

thankyou shaggs for the offer, she already has 2 thai freinds here who she sees for 4/5 hours a few times a week, and she is on the phone to friends and family back home everyday. ive learnt her to adjust her driving over here and bought a car for her. i am working again so finance issue isnt a problem. She is from central bangkok with a small family and no kids have been left behind as she hasnt had a kid yet. I just dont understand how she is so homesick??? ive told her she can go, BUT NOT TO COME BACK! (bit ridiculous after 1 month)

[bread]

"then again you also forgot to mention the credit card debt and Thai family remittances are for life - not just January! "

loving the above quote !!!

coming from a single one parent family with only one sister I still cant get my head around the bond and the control family seem to have it's crazy but thats our culture and thats there's I guess so one excepts this I think or maybe a relationships with a Thai ain't for you

Also with regards to not understanding how home sick she can be the only thing I think is that women do seem to miss familey friends e..t.c more how many men do you knwo that jsut don't really give a f'''K and will just move on leaving people behind women don't ~( in my opinion) seem to do that

Edited April 22, 2008 by bread

[Prakanong]

"I still cant get my head around the bond and the control family seem to have"

The family ties and filial piety are very hard for a lot of us in the western culture to get their heads around - I know it, see it and have experienced it but ..... I admire it and respect it but do not partake in it - my colleagues in Singapore understand we are different us Ang Moh's

Tommy

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to take up shags offer rather than your wife and talk to him??? - he has been there and has the t-shirt. I am from Durham as well and could never imagine taking a Thai wife back there unless we had been together a long time and probably a good few years in Asia where I live - visit no problem though as they would love her to death

[mrtoad]

"I still cant get my head around the bond and the control family seem to have"

The family ties and filial piety are very hard for a lot of us in the western culture to get their heads around - I know it, see it and have experienced it but ..... I admire it and respect it but do not partake in it - my colleagues in Singapore understand we are different us Ang Moh's

Tommy

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to take up shags offer rather than your wife and talk to him??? - he has been there and has the t-shirt. I am from Durham as well and could never imagine taking a Thai wife back there unless we had been together a long time and probably a good few years in Asia where I live - visit no problem though as they would love her to death

Good advice, and I think one that the OP should take on board. Until he provides a few more details it all seams a little raw at present to make such a decision to try and boot her out.

Edited April 22, 2008 by mrtoad

[Prakanong]

"I still cant get my head around the bond and the control family seem to have"

The family ties and filial piety are very hard for a lot of us in the western culture to get their heads around - I know it, see it and have experienced it but ..... I admire it and respect it but do not partake in it - my colleagues in Singapore understand we are different us Ang Moh's

Tommy

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to take up shags offer rather than your wife and talk to him??? - he has been there and has the t-shirt. I am from Durham as well and could never imagine taking a Thai wife back there unless we had been together a long time and probably a good few years in Asia where I live - visit no problem though as they would love her to death

Good advice, and I think one that the OP should take on board. Until he provides a few more details it all seams a little raw at present to make such a decision to try and boot her out.

It does seem a little early - I remember returning home from work in Singapore to see a beaming smile on my ex's face as she pulled me into the room to show me her good work - she had used the auto washed to wash all my suits and even my bloody Barbour jacket - I admit I shouted like a loony and she ran and crid on the bed - I had grovel a bit when I realised what I had done as I should have pointed out things to her that we take for granted like do not wash and dry expensive suits and not my beloved Barbour

[Drewcifer]

I just dont understand how she is so homesick??? ive told her she can go, BUT NOT TO COME BACK! (bit ridiculous after 1 month)

This seems overly harsh, and I think part of your problem. Can I ask how long you two have been married and how long you have known her?

[mrtoad]

It does seem a little early - I remember returning home from work in Singapore to see a beaming smile on my ex's face as she pulled me into the room to show me her good work - she had used the auto washed to wash all my suits and even my bloody Barbour jacket - I admit I shouted like a loony and she ran and crid on the bed - I had grovel a bit when I realised what I had done as I should have pointed out things to her that we take for granted like do not wash and dry expensive suits and not my beloved Barbour

PK, it's a common thing, my missus decided to wash and then tumble dry a Boss, Rohan and Quiksivler fleece when she was over in the UK with me. The most expensive tumble dry I've ever endured. Have to say, I was not to pleased, but hey these are the things tha we laugh about later on in life.

[darklightmatter]

To begin neither one of you can file for divorce as you both have not been married for more than one year. So pan the relationship out and maybe some sort of compromise can be achieved. If your wife is not prepared to compromise then you will have the ball in your court.

Ask for some sort of counselling by going to RELATE. Phone them up and make an appointment get some sort of evidence that you have done this. If your wife refuses ask again and do the same thing make an appointment get some sort of evidence that you have done this. This is very important evidence against your wife. As this will prove that she is not prepared to compromise.

Then you have to wait it out a year... I have no idea what you can do...but I know one thing your wife will find the whole affair very boring so she will make some sort of move. A year is a long time you could do loads of things sell your house go abroad if your wife is not prepared to follow you than tough shit on her. Remember you have 365 days to plan your defence. As soon as the year is up send her a petition only 20% of men file for divorce you will not lose that much about 2%-5% that is all.

If you really think that it is all over stop any payments to her family and tell her mother that her daughter is a lying cow (lose face) also no money (mother loses face).

The last thing you want to do is introduce her to Thai people in the UK they are bad news they will help her get the most out of you they are f*** evil people when they get together as a clan. She will tell lies about you and they will believe her and not you. Keep well away from interfering Mr and Mrs Nobodies especially Thai/Farang couples they can/will cause you more harm than good.

It's your relationship not theirs.

And also posting your problem on the net can make your relationship even worse (she will use that against you)

Go to "relate"

Welcome to the Som Nam Naa club

[Lucifer]

I want to send her back.

Do you still have your receipt?

You don't always need a receipt. If you've paid by Credit Card, then a Card statement would suffice.

[scotty123456789]

thankyou shaggs for the offer, she already has 2 thai freinds here who she sees for 4/5 hours a few times a week, and she is on the phone to friends and family back home everyday. ive learnt her to adjust her driving over here and bought a car for her. i am working again so finance issue isnt a problem. She is from central bangkok with a small family and no kids have been left behind as she hasnt had a kid yet. I just dont understand how she is so homesick??? ive told her she can go, BUT NOT TO COME BACK! (bit ridiculous after 1 month)

So you have bought her a car, have a new job, and I suppose your not short of dollers.

Dont you think that maybe your mrs needs a little TLC? and not a car.

You dont understand why she is so homesick??? come on, think about it, new country, culture, no friends/family with her, different weather, food etc etc

Tell you something, my wife has come here exactly the same, leaving her family, weather, food all them things behind, and im fooooking skint.

But our life is perfect, we love eachother where there always for eachother, and I could never buy her a car

What im trying to say is, its love they need, and me and the enemy are like best friends too aaaaahhhhhhh

Maybe you should try being her friend too, as well as her husband.....

How would you feel if you gave up your family, moved to los, no mates, and you had a row and she said sling ya hook, dont want you know more, go back to farang land??

How would you feel, how would you feel my friend.