Gordon Browns Afterlife

[WeeGB]

While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a

heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his

nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.

So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly

Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems

there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're

not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says

the PM.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says

that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to

spend one day in hel_l and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where

you'll live for eternity."

"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown.

"I'm sorry ... But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that,

St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all

the way to hel_l.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.

The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22 C.

In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is

Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped

him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc.

The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there... Everyone laughing,

happy, and casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times

they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The

Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and

relax, Gord!"

"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly.

"This is hel_l, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it

just gets better from there!"

Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is

a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls

hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with

the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime

promises.

They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to

go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator

and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is

waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening

the gate.

So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,

good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other

than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse

joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes

great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He

doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone

special!

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me

for this!"

The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in

hel_l and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity."

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown

reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought

I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really

think I belong in hel_l with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,

all the way to hel_l.

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren,

scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste, looking a

bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse

and more desolate.

He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained

together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic

bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with

grime.

The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I don't

understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was

a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank

tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland

full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were

campaigning; today you voted for us!"

Edited April 22, 2008 by WeeGB

[WeeGB]

While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a

heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his

nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.

So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly

Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems

there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're

not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says

the PM.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says

that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to

spend one day in hel_l and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where

you'll live for eternity."

"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown.

"I'm sorry ... But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that,

St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all

the way to hel_l.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.

The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22 C.

In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is

Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped

him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc.

The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there... Everyone laughing,

happy, and casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times

they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The

Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and

relax, Gord!"

"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly.

"This is hel_l, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it

just gets better from there!"

Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is

a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls

hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with

the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime

promises.

They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to

go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator

and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is

waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening

the gate.

So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,

good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other

than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse

joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes

great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He

doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone

special!

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me

for this!"

The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in

hel_l and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity."

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown

reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought

I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really

think I belong in hel_l with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,

all the way to hel_l.

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren,

scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste, looking a

bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse

and more desolate.

He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained

together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic

bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with

grime.

The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I don't

understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was

a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank

tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland

full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were

campaigning; today you voted for us!"

Sorry for the way hel_l keeps coming out as hel_l, I've edited it twice and it's still the same...must be a glitch in the Matrix!

[Chang_paarp]

Sorry for the way hel_l keeps coming out as hel_l, I've edited it twice and it's still the same...must be a glitch in the Matrix! biggrin.gif

Not a special thing for you, just one way the software at TV keeps the PC systems from blocking the site. Better access for all.

That joke could be repeated with the previous Aussie PM's name included. Could even have used the "non core promises" line.