My choice for today.

 

From: THE England thread

 

Reference: Germany knocked out of the World Cup by Korea on a Video Assistant Referee decision ...

 

27 minutes ago, wilai said:

If any of you bump into any Germans in the bars tomorrow.......Don't mention the VAR!

 

My choice for today comes from The England Thread, for this brilliant exchange of wits (the subject is penalties) ...

 

9 hours ago, alfieconn said:

Iv'e always said it, if you hit them anywhere in the top half of the goal no one's stopping em, only chance might be  if you hit it straight down the middle and the GK just stands there !

 

9 hours ago, RonniePickering22 said:

 

Where's your scientific statistics to back up such a huge claim?? 

 

8 hours ago, alfieconn said:

My record is 100% when i put the wife in goal in the garden ?

 

Best and most eagerly awaited post of the day ...

1 hour ago, Jai Dee said:

All 13 rescued from flooded cave, says Thailand navy SEAL unit

Read more here... 

 

 

From the Can't wait to see the look on the English expats' faces when England topic in the Soccer Forum:

 

7 minutes ago, Old Croc said:

You'd be surprised how many Aussies are supporting a Croatian sporting team for the first time in their lives.

 

For reasons, you don't have to look far past the hypocritical screeching when our inept, cheating cricketers got caught out, the hysterical ranting when the English hero divers accidentally found the kids, apparently without any support from the rest of the world (knighthoods imminent?), your sooky, egotistical F1 driver  propelled to greatness (!) courtesy of a, superior to all other cars, Mercedes, drug cheat cyclists, etc., etc. etc.

 

9 minutes ago, Jai Dee said:

From the Can't wait to see the look on the English expats' faces when England topic in the Soccer Forum:

 

 

Do you have the authority to send him to Pattaya Beach in Chiang Mai for two weeks, seems a cave vocation would do him the world of good. ?????

Edited July 12, 20187 yr by vogie

They say that comedy is in the timing.

 

This was brilliant ...

 

9 minutes ago, surangw said:

the boys ever get their bikes back ?

 

 

From the Very disappointing visit to Pattaya topic in the Pattaya Forum:

 

6 hours ago, Damrongsak said:

21 hours ago, NanLaew said:

Meanwhile, in Loei...

... It's so peaceful you can hear the fruit ripen.  Unless the roosters are crowing or the next door Wat has an all-night party.

 

 

Plenty of great funny quotes in this topic ... https://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/1052071-photos-scores-of-police-and-military-descend-on-pattaya-walking-street/

 

But this one gets my vote for "Quote of the Day" ...

 

55 minutes ago, tryasimight said:

I'm here here for the Virrage People tribute band audition. 

 

 

 

From the Going where no president has gone before, Trump wants Space Force by 2020 topic in the Whirled News Forum:

 

4 minutes ago, ezzra said:

Ground Control to Donald Trump
Ground Control to Donald Trump
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground Control to Major Tom (ten, nine, eight, seven, six)
Commencing countdown, engines on (five, four, three)
Check ignition and may God's love be with you (two, one, liftoff)

 

From the Thai banks ‘prepared’ amid warning of global ATM attack topic in the Thai News Forum:

 

1 hour ago, Shiver said:

Missus just got up and noticed my ATM on top of my phone.  "Why you go ATM you still have money from last week?".  "Because I don't trust banks not to mess up, and if for example the ATM's were to stop working for a few days, the person with 1000 baht is suddenly a rich person".

 

She wandered off muttering something, so I opened email and in mere seconds saw the headlines in the ThaiVisa email.  "See?  might never happen, but what does it cost to put a little aside as insurance?".

 

She retired back to bed because the farang never has anything relevant to say.  Thankless life.  At least the dog came to greet me and show appreciation for my being there.  Or he wants to go and do, dog duties..... I think it's because he knows it's smart to go to the ATM ?

 

From https://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/1054679-google-search-message-unusual-traffic/

 

10 hours ago, daocat555 said:

The captchas are getting so hard that pretty soon only computers will be able to solve them. 

 

From the Yeah here comes the rooster topic in the Pub Forum:

 

5 hours ago, Crossy said:

My diagnosis is that your rooster has a throat infection, note the somewhat strangled crowing.

 

My wife gets some stuff from the local Mom and Pop Shop specially for chicken health, it's powder that you dissolve in their drinking water, makes it look like Red Fanta (I've not tasted it, I don't like Fanta). I'll see if she has some I can take a photo of.

 

Give some to your Roo and he will be back in full voice in no time.

 

From https://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/1058338-cyclists-get-free-train-rides-saturday-for-car-free-day/?do=findComment&comment=13389000

OK this one is a couple of days old but it's a bewdy!

 

From the Chevy Colorado Topic  in the Motoring forum:

 

On 11/26/2018 at 2:21 PM, kannot said:

To ease negotiations along at a  stumbling point I produced this which the bank wrapped for me ????..it seemed to help especially as it came out of  7-11 bag.????

 

From the Another one gone topic in the Pattaya Forum:

 

5 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Only sport I watch religiously is F1 and only sport I practice religiously is in the bedroom ...... it’s called sleeping

 

Normally a baiting flame post like this would be removed by a moderator, however things in the In Your Face forum are a little more relaxed.

 

From the  Taiwanese model goes viral after helping struggling mother sell fish topic:

 

14 hours ago, Bundooman said:

If it posts like a pratt - and it reads like a pratt…….then it...……...

 

From the POTY semi final topic in the General Forum:

 

5 minutes ago, geronimo said:

I once had a racing snail and I removed its shell to make it faster, but if anything it was more sluggish!

 

I just couldn't let this one go unnoticed...

 

From the Video: Pattaya pulling out all the stops for "huge number of tourists" this Christmas topic in the Pattaya News Forum:

 

2 hours ago, Justgrazing said:

Eh .! I know of Shrove Tuesday but  Chlitmatt Day Tuesday is new on me .. 

 

From the Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson SLAMS 'snowflake generation' topic in the Entertainment News Forum:

 

17 hours ago, 55Jay said:

Don't worry, Dwayne, just gets better after 50. 

 

Can't imagine how kids under 30 walk and chew gum at the same time like "we" did. 

Music gets louder and worse. 

1.50 1.75  2.0 reading glasses ain't enough anymore. 

New movies suck, so you start watching old favorites again. 

Comedians under 40 aren't the slightest bit funny.  

Comedians that are funny are dead. 

Start eliminating favorite foods because they give you gas.

And finally, you can never EVER trust a fart again! 

 

 

From the Are things on the upturn topic in the Offshore Workers Forum:

 

17 hours ago, NanLaew said:

Only fossils work in the fossil fuel industry these days.

 

Signed,

A Fossil

 

6 hours ago, Jai Dee said:

From the Are things on the upturn topic in the Offshore Workers Forum:

 

 

 

well, I may be a dinosaur but I haven't been fossilized yet...

 

in later millennea folks upturn the earth by the ancient local market and the anthro pathologists are brought in for their assessment 'looks humanoid, and a humanoid falang no less and appears to be in the embrace of a female of the local species...'

 

 

First good laugh of the day ...

 

10 minutes ago, HAKAPALITA said:

Basically i can stand the Gobby Geldoff / Jagger type Shit person, but many do. George Formby is my type. 

 

7 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Good old George, great boxer and grill inventer.

 

On 1/24/2019 at 3:33 PM, tutsiwarrior said:

 

well, I may be a dinosaur but I haven't been fossilized yet...

 

in later millennea folks upturn the earth by the ancient local market and the anthro pathologists are brought in for their assessment 'looks humanoid, and a humanoid falang no less and appears to be in the embrace of a female of the local species...'

 

 

If youy say so, but dont know <deleted> your bablin about.

From the What movies or TV shows are you watching (2018) topic in the Pub forum:

 

On 1/29/2019 at 1:05 PM, faraday said:

You're misinterpretating what's being discussed.

 

It's all the pc nonsense that pervades the media, in an attempt to make everything 'correct & inclusive'.

 

When facts are distorted, which we can all see they weren't in this case, then that's ok.

 

It just boils my pish when facts ie gender/orientation/skin colour or whatever, are deliberately switched, to make 'everthing ok'.

 

I expect in 50 years time, Boris Johnson will be portrayed as a Nigerian transexual, with Tourettes.

 

From the Phang Nga man kicked to death by domestic elephant topic in the South Thailand News Forum:

 

12 hours ago, Briggsy said:

There was a murder that occurred in Thailand. A husband killed his wife. His defence was that he was "Moho hew" (enraged with hunger) because his food was late. The phrase is known in Thailand and the condition is considered by Thais to be fairly common when denied food. Test the phrase out with your missus the next time you are hungry.

 

From the The "beautiful Thai girl" myth? topic in the General Forum:

 

2 hours ago, NanLaew said:

But while you were in the UK, you weren't looking to get laid were you? Over here, you can be a legendary Lothario all in your own lunchtime. I can almost see you now at Changi, head spinning like a top, smiling at any young thing in a skirt (must be a skirt!), patting down you comb-over while surreptitiously licking your eyebrows, tripping over baggage...

 

From the Club for expats topic in the Pattaya Forum:

 

6 minutes ago, champers said:

Unless you are Bill Gates, I would ditch the idea of offering financial help to those "in need" in Pattaya. You will attract the lowest of low pondlife keen to scam the shirt off your back.

 

I know it's a serious (and probably quite painful) subject but the following comment was an absolute pearler.

 

From the Anal Fistula Surgery topic in the Heath and Medicine Forum:

 

29 minutes ago, lovesthespicy said:

I guess hes the endboss of anus doctors in Thailand so if you've got a problem in that area hes the man to see. 

 

From the Attention all Aussies - vegemite topic in the CM Forum:

 

36 minutes ago, Spidey said:

Wheras in Australia they throw the babies away and keep the afterbirth.

 

From the Wife won't pay any bill topic in the Marriage and Divorce Forum:

 

9 hours ago, Youlike said:

Take her lipstick, write "No money no Honey" on the mirror and sleep in the other bedroom tonight. That 'll teach her.