The Twenty Commandments Of Pattaya

[Mighty Mouse]

Thou Shalt Not

Drink Bundaberg Rum with Australians as they just can’t handle it.

This should be for export only.

The only reason Aussies export Bundy to Britain is to show you Poms that there are better things to drink than the luke warm dishwater you Brits call 'lager.'

Thou Shalt Not

trust any man who calls himself 'Charlie', would Di to sit on a throne and hangs around with queens.

[kurgen]

Thou shalt not expect anyone to hold a door open for you and thou shalt expect no thanks for holding doors open for others

[dotcom]

Thou shall not attempt to cross any road or street in the Kingdom without first looking right, left, backwards, forwards, and repeating each at least twice before stepping off the curb, and 5-6 times whilst actually crossing.

If thou hast successfully crossed said road, Thou shall remember to do the same before stepping onto the curb, as many consider the sidewalks to be secondary roadways.

I like this one.

I would suggest also looking skyward in case a rogue helicopter goes out of control.

Edited June 20, 2008 by dotcom

[sotsira]

Thou shall never believe a single word a thai bar girl ever says especially when the subject is of money or men!

[plasticpig]

Thou shalt not

Go to Australian bars after 12 0clock midnight, as all oz people have

finished there second bottle of VB beer, and are getting a bit to pissed up, to hold any

kind of conversation with.

Edited June 20, 2008 by plasticpig

[boiledegg]

Thou shalt not

Go to Australian bars after 12 0clock midnight, as all oz people have

finished there second bottle of VB beer, and are getting a bit to pissed up, to hold any

kind of conversation with.

I disagree, if youre ever short of self confidence or feeling a bit down speak to an Aussie after 2 VB's, itll soon make you realise how debonair, sophisticated and intelligent you really are.

[plasticpig]

Thou shalt not

Go to Australian bars after 12 0clock midnight, as all oz people have

finished there second bottle of VB beer, and are getting a bit to pissed up, to hold any

kind of conversation with.

I disagree, if youre ever short of self confidence or feeling a bit down speak to an Aussie after 2 VB's, itll soon make you realise how debonair, sophisticated and intelligent you really are.

. Love it

[Mighty Mouse]

Thou shalt not

Go to Australian bars after 12 0clock midnight, as all oz people have

finished there second bottle of VB beer, and are getting a bit to pissed up, to hold any

kind of conversation with.

At least you chose a good beer....much better to drink when it is icy cold...that's something the Poms have yet to learn.

Second bottle after midnight??? Are you kidding???? Substitute the word "keg" for "bottle."

The reason that we Aussies can't hold any kind of conversation with you Brits during a drinking session, is because you Brits become raging soccer hooligans after a few lagers and want to fight all the people who are much shorter than you lot are.

Thou shalt not

risk your anal virginity in the company of any Brit who sips Twinings English Breakfast Tea whilst his li'l pinky finger is sticking up in the air.

Edited June 21, 2008 by Mighty Mouse

[plasticpig]

name='Mighty Mouse' date='2008-06-21 07:49:21' post='2045123']

Thou shalt not

risk your anal virginity in the company of any Brit who sips Twinings English Breakfast Tea whilst his li'l pinky finger is sticking up in the air.

Kind of funny that one,

Thou salt not

Make jokes about Skippy when in the company of Australians

Who are on there Third bottle of VB, (piss water)

They kind of get very bent out of shape.

Have a nice day, Skip

Edited June 21, 2008 by plasticpig

[wileycoyote]

Thou shalt never ask or change (bring the correct amount ,in the first place)

[sotsira]

Thou shalt avoid riding a motorcycle behind a baht taxi otherwise you will be intoxicated with exhaust pollution

Edited June 21, 2008 by sotsira

[Mighty Mouse]

Thou salt not

Make jokes about Skippy when in the company of Australians

It won't be a joke for long for the Brits, it will be food...Skippy food.

Gordon f---ing Ramsay is currently Down Under checking out all the f---ing kangaroos to make some Skippy recipes to serve in his f---ing restaurants. F---ing hel_l !!!!

Thou Shalt Not:

confuse Upper Class with First, Business or Cattle Class when booking on British Airways.

Upper class is a toffee nosed aristorcrat who speaks with a stiff upper lip and a plum in his mouth.

"Sadly, Homo superior's inability to breed with the lower classes has lead to a decline in the species' genetic pool. Generations of matching cousin with cousin, Miss Faultleroy-Jones with Mr Jones-Faultleroy, and Prince Charles with a horse, has resulted in a weakening of the species and inevitable distortions in mind and body. So the poor Upper Class Brit has a sad tendency towards drunkenness, silly hats, over inflated egos, and implausibly large estates."

Source: UncyclopediA

The decline of the British gene pool is the main reason for their inability to produce a competitive cricket team.

[agudbuk]

Thou shalt not walk through a water puddle unless you are sure there is not a hidden open manhole

[Juzrelax]

Thou shalt wear a rubber when engaging in the dance of the horizontal mumbo.

[AsiaCheese]

Thou shalt not put ice in thine beer, unless thou ist a shandy drinking Aussie <deleted>

I always find it hard to get the ice in the bottle.

Same problem with the anti-baby pill: keeps falling out...

[kurgen]

Thou shalt not put ice in thine beer, unless thou ist a shandy drinking Aussie <deleted>

I always find it hard to get the ice in the bottle.

Same problem with the anti-baby pill: keeps falling out...

Try keeping your finger in for an extra few seconds after you shove it up your arse then mate

Edited June 22, 2008 by kurgen

[london]

Thou shalt ask thyself just one question: why am I here?

[wileycoyote]

Thou shalt smile at every woman under 25 ,but cast thine eyes away from men,women over 25 & kathoy

[boiledegg]

Thou shalt make sure to do his visa run on time as the 500bht a day fine could be invested much wiser in Soi 6.

[batanha]

Thou shalt never wager on a Connect 4 game against a local lass.

Although I can beat the local lasses, I've never seen any other foreigner do so. HINT: Try to get 4 in a row before they do.

[enyaw]

Thou shall not covet thy neighbours bargirl.

Edited June 23, 2008 by enyaw

[Mighty Mouse]

Thou Shalt Not:

shake hands with any Thai man who grows his little finger nail long.

Reason: Those little finger nails are grown and shaped for a snug fit inside each nostril. They then act as a scoop to dig out all the muck that nostrils hold.

If you shake hands with such a person you could end up with this muck all over you...and that's snot funny.

[batanha]

Thou Shalt Not:

Eat fish with red sauce. Especially if you have an open sore in your mouth, or a cut lip.

[plasticpig]

Thou Shalt not

Agree to buy new pick up, when pissed on beer Chang!!!!!!!!

[plasticpig]

Thou Shalt not

Australians.

Edited June 25, 2008 by plasticpig

[wileycoyote]

Thou shalt not:

When drunk,Phone your employer & say " I would like to extend my holiday " and then " You should come here !"

[batanha]

Thou Shalt Not:

Take a girl that has a deeper voice than you back to your domicile, then complain of @$$ pain the next day.

[plasticpig]

Thou Shalt Not

Take photos of girls down soi 6, then leave them on the Camera/phone for wife to find. (very stupid)

[Bagwan]

I like this one.

I would suggest also looking skyward in case a rogue helicopter goes out of control.

I would suggest looking upward at regular intervals in case of falling farangs.

[wileycoyote]

Spin 360 degrees before crossing a road