Advice Needed On Thai 'mothers Day'

[newstart07]

Hi, just after advice and opinions really, my Thai wife is here in UK on a settlement visa, she arrived earlier this year. However she has been telling me that its soon to me Mothers Day in TL, she asked me what I do in UK for Mothers day here, I said, buy flowers, take her out for a meal, or buy things for her garden, things like that..she looked bemused and said "oh no, in TL we always give money to our mums for mothers day" she said she normally gave about £300 to her mom, as its a very important time!! Hmm this isnt a problem as its her own money she would be sending as she is working full time here, however this does seem rather alot in my opinion, I just wondered if this was the norm for middle class families in TL?? What do you send to your mom in TL for mothers day?? Many thanks in advance, Newstart

[Heng]

There's no blanket rule that you need to give your mother money. There are plenty who do though, but there are also plenty of folks who will just give flowers, books, and other non-monetary gifts.

[Riley'sLife]

Yep, August 12th., the Queen's Birthday, is Mother's Day here in Thailand. We just give mother-in-law some fruit. I never give anyone money(!) although the wife does occasionally. 300 quid sounds way over the top.

[Chaimai]

Hi, just after advice and opinions really, my Thai wife is here in UK on a settlement visa, she arrived earlier this year. However she has been telling me that its soon to me Mothers Day in TL, she asked me what I do in UK for Mothers day here, I said, buy flowers, take her out for a meal, or buy things for her garden, things like that..she looked bemused and said "oh no, in TL we always give money to our mums for mothers day" she said she normally gave about £300 to her mom, as its a very important time!! Hmm this isnt a problem as its her own money she would be sending as she is working full time here, however this does seem rather alot in my opinion, I just wondered if this was the norm for middle class families in TL?? What do you send to your mom in TL for mothers day?? Many thanks in advance, Newstart

What exactly did she do last year ?

Bit of an academic question though, because if it is your wife's own money it is up to her (I accept that you probably look at everything as joint over here). I know several guys who would not have been told what is sent back - let alone discuss it.

[phitsanulokjon]

Hi, just after advice and opinions really, my Thai wife is here in UK on a settlement visa, she arrived earlier this year. However she has been telling me that its soon to me Mothers Day in TL, she asked me what I do in UK for Mothers day here, I said, buy flowers, take her out for a meal, or buy things for her garden, things like that..she looked bemused and said "oh no, in TL we always give money to our mums for mothers day" she said she normally gave about £300 to her mom, as its a very important time!! Hmm this isnt a problem as its her own money she would be sending as she is working full time here, however this does seem rather alot in my opinion, I just wondered if this was the norm for middle class families in TL?? What do you send to your mom in TL for mothers day?? Many thanks in advance, Newstart

Certainly its considered an important day, perhaps even more so than back in the UK as Thais have such strong links to their families and it is common to send money back when working abroad whether a "special occasion" or not.

£300 does seem a bit steep from my experience though and I agree its worth trying to work out what your girlfriend has "given" in the past - however too many questions may just create an argument !!! Also at the end of the day, it is her money.

Last mothers day, me and my wife bought my mother in law two new blouses for 150baht from the local market and took her for a meal (700baht) - she was thrilled.

OK so we're upcountry thus prices are only relative but its still the "thought" that counted.

[chickenslegs]

Your wife is working in the UK - so (I assume) she's earning much more than she would in Thailand.

300 GBP sounds ok to me - If you look at it in proportion to her earnings it may be even less than she normally gives.

She must be feeling proud to be able to look after her mum like this - maybe you should offer to go halves with her. I think they call it 'making credit'.

[egg6447]

thats 19800 call me cheap. but i never have probs with people holding there hand out. no such thing in my relationships as hers/mine. been there and still paying the costs. for me no discussion. put a bit more to it and buy her a one way ticket. even make it of her choice. dont want to be nasty here. read this slowly, SHE IS TAKING THE UREA ..

[newstart07]

thanks for all your input and advice, I appreciate it very much, well she is paying it out of her money, but yes it all goes into our account, so i still see it as 'ours' lol she says in previous years she gives her mum about £300 and just wants to give a simliar amount, and as she so rightly tells me, shes not asking 'me' for any money, so i guess i should be grateful for small mercies! Still it just seems alot to me, a meal or flowers usually goes fine in the UK! Thanks again

[Chaimai]

thanks for all your input and advice, I appreciate it very much, well she is paying it out of her money, but yes it all goes into our account, so i still see it as 'ours' lol she says in previous years she gives her mum about £300 and just wants to give a simliar amount, and as she so rightly tells me, shes not asking 'me' for any money, so i guess i should be grateful for small mercies! Still it just seems alot to me, a meal or flowers usually goes fine in the UK! Thanks again

In isolation, I agree that it is a large amount. If my g/f gave her mother almost 20,000 Baht they would both have heart attacks!

Sounds like your wifes family is higher up the social tree although it is still large in absolute terms. Not my business, but does she send other amounts back throughout the year ? The Mother's Day gift should perhaps be viewed with that in mind.

[Heng]

The amounts are a non-issue as it's all relative. Some give their parents money, some don't. Some buy their parents property or automobiles... so at least you should be happy that you're not doing that I guess?

All's even Steven if she happily takes the news that you've bought mum 300 GBP worth of flowers on Mothering Day.

[Chaimai]

The amounts are a non-issue as it's all relative.

I guess Mother's Day is relative

[MonkeyHouse]

Hi, just after advice and opinions really, my Thai wife is here in UK on a settlement visa, she arrived earlier this year. However she has been telling me that its soon to me Mothers Day in TL, she asked me what I do in UK for Mothers day here, I said, buy flowers, take her out for a meal, or buy things for her garden, things like that..she looked bemused and said "oh no, in TL we always give money to our mums for mothers day" she said she normally gave about £300 to her mom, as its a very important time!! Hmm this isnt a problem as its her own money she would be sending as she is working full time here, however this does seem rather alot in my opinion, I just wondered if this was the norm for middle class families in TL?? What do you send to your mom in TL for mothers day?? Many thanks in advance, Newstart

300 baht sounds nearer to the mark! 20000 baht? bloody hel_l it wont be just mothers day it will be mothers month/s!

[MonkeyHouse]

The amounts are a non-issue as it's all relative. Some give their parents money, some don't. Some buy their parents property or automobiles... so at least you should be happy that you're not doing that I guess?

All's even Steven if she happily takes the news that you've bought mum 300 GBP worth of flowers on Mothering Day.

What? Where do you live? monaco? c'mon man get real!

[Heng]

The amounts are a non-issue as it's all relative. Some give their parents money, some don't. Some buy their parents property or automobiles... so at least you should be happy that you're not doing that I guess?

All's even Steven if she happily takes the news that you've bought mum 300 GBP worth of flowers on Mothering Day.

What? Where do you live? monaco? c'mon man get real!

Where do you live? Somewhere where they charge you extra for electricity?

[MonkeyHouse]

The amounts are a non-issue as it's all relative. Some give their parents money, some don't. Some buy their parents property or automobiles... so at least you should be happy that you're not doing that I guess?

All's even Steven if she happily takes the news that you've bought mum 300 GBP worth of flowers on Mothering Day.

What? Where do you live? monaco? c'mon man get real!

Where do you live? Somewhere where they charge you extra for electricity?

Im sorry you lost me there? what do you mean?

[Heng]

Okay... as in an apartment or rental that you don't own, but have to pay a higher rate of electricity.

You don't have to go as far as Monaco -where I'd wager that you'd actually have fewer people buying things for their parents as there are probably fewer folks who are still in constant contact with their parents through adulthood and their wealth development, higher earning years- to find folks who people feel the need to 'give back' to their parents, and sometimes even grandparents. This is especially true in cases where they were given priviledged head starts (property portfolios, already up and running busineses, etc.) on life by their parents, grandparents, etc. It's IMO much more common in this part of the world, where generational transfer of wealth is more common. Given, for some segments of foreigners visiting Thailand, this will be an alien concept... hence comments like yours.

Edited August 2, 2008 by Heng

[MonkeyHouse]

Okay... as in an apartment or rental that you don't own, but have to pay a higher rate of electricity.

You don't have to go as far as Monaco -where I'd wager that you'd actually have fewer people buying things for their parents as there are probably fewer folks who are still in constant contact with their parents through adulthood and their wealth development, higher earning years- to find folks who people feel the need to 'give back' to their parents, and sometimes even grandparents. This is especially true in cases where they were given priviledged head starts (property portfolios, already up and running busineses, etc.) on life by their parents, grandparents, etc. It's IMO much more common in this part of the world, where generational transfer of wealth is more common. Given, for some segments of foreigners visiting Thailand, this will be an alien concept... hence comments like yours.

Well i was meaning it was very unlikely, I mean out of 100,000 thais how many buy there mum a house on mothers day, i wouldnt of thought many, so HENCE the reason i said get real.

I thought thats what you meant about the electric? No i dont rent an apartment, i have my own house in bkk so therefore i pay the going rate. But whats that gots to do with anything?

Edited August 2, 2008 by MonkeyHouse

[cocopops]

Why on earth would you marry somebody that you don't trust to tell you the truth about what is really a trifling sum in the greater scheme of things?

Edited August 2, 2008 by cocopops

[MonkeyHouse]

Why on earth would you marry somebody that you don't trust to tell you the truth about what is really a trifling sum in the greater scheme of things?

And posting on the internet about whether or not you should trust your wife? What the <deleted> is wrong with you people? It ain't the Thai girls who are taking the p**s when they make marriage vows, methinks.

About time.

[teacup]

Never and nothing from me………..no money, gold, palatial estate, Lexus, or buffalo.....

Once a month is a mother day for me, with just a phone call away……sawadee ka, how are you doing ….etc.

She’s happy when I’m happy and well. Isn’t this the best gift the mom can ever have?

[richard_smith237]

I can’t see what’s wrong with B 20,000.

The lady is apparently earning UK wages and is using her own money so there are clearly no untoward intentions that would normally be suspected by many of the more candid TV members.

It seems a lot for many, acceptable for others and not much for some. To me this is nothing more than an indication of the slanted spread of wealth and the fact that the majority of TV members have experience ranging towards the less wealthy section of this economic spectrum.

The same can be argued for Sin-sod.

Based on the thread so far, it seems to me that many people make judgments based on their own experience and might not view this with a wider perspective. I’ve never discussed Mother’s day presents / gifts of money with anyone, but I doubt there is a bench mark or a rule that says if you earn x baht then you pay x Baht come Mothers day, it seems a highly personal thing even if putting a price on something like this seems wrong from our western view point.

I know a 'friend' who values his parents extremely, misses them and feels the guilt of being away for 6 months between visits, he has taken financial care of his parents, bought his Mother a car for her birthday and bought his parents house. If he could he would do a lot more.... This may seem extreme for some, but not for him.

[Heng]

Well i was meaning it was very unlikely, I mean out of 100,000 thais how many buy there mum a house on mothers day, i wouldnt of thought many, so HENCE the reason i said get real.

I thought thats what you meant about the electric? No i dont rent an apartment, i have my own house in bkk so therefore i pay the going rate. But whats that gots to do with anything?

Not meant as a flame, MH, it was an example to show that if you are not exposed to it personally, you'll say something like "get real," suggesting that it is unheard of. It's rare, but it happens and was an extension of my comment that it was *all relative.* People also do things like name their businesses or new property acquisitions (new apartment complexes are common in this case) after their parents or grandparents as well on father's and mother's day as well as a "gift." Nothing wrong with a card and flowers either though. It's the thought that counts.

[Heng]

Never and nothing from me………..no money, gold, palatial estate, Lexus, or buffalo.....

Once a month is a mother day for me, with just a phone call away……sawadee ka, how are you doing ….etc.

She’s happy when I’m happy and well. Isn’t this the best gift the mom can ever have?

What about when she's 90, can barely see, wears adult diapers, and needs to go to the hospital because her arthritis is acting up? I bet Sukanda or Shaniqua or whoever is being paid $9.50 an hour to take care of those things, but I'm not sure if that's the best gift a mom could ever have.

[tracer]

Hi, just after advice and opinions really, my Thai wife is here in UK on a settlement visa, she arrived earlier this year. However she has been telling me that its soon to me Mothers Day in TL, she asked me what I do in UK for Mothers day here, I said, buy flowers, take her out for a meal, or buy things for her garden, things like that..she looked bemused and said "oh no, in TL we always give money to our mums for mothers day" she said she normally gave about £300 to her mom, as its a very important time!! Hmm this isnt a problem as its her own money she would be sending as she is working full time here, however this does seem rather alot in my opinion, I just wondered if this was the norm for middle class families in TL?? What do you send to your mom in TL for mothers day?? Many thanks in advance, Newstart

Is this HER mothers day or the queens Birthday???

300 pound sounds a bit pricey....

[Furbie]

Entirely depends on the family and their status. One of the women I used to work with took her mom on holiday every year for Mother's Day, to some pretty exotic location too -- much more than 20,000 baht, I assure you. My GF will usually go home with about 5,0000 baht worth of gifts.

Your GF/wife, whatever may also be feeling guilty about not being there for M-day. I see nothing strange about this amount of money if someone is earning an ok living. For Christmas I plan to give my father a new top of the line Blu-ray DVD player, it will run about the 400 USD. Am I scamming anyone?

[MonkeyHouse]

Well i was meaning it was very unlikely, I mean out of 100,000 thais how many buy there mum a house on mothers day, i wouldnt of thought many, so HENCE the reason i said get real.

I thought thats what you meant about the electric? No i dont rent an apartment, i have my own house in bkk so therefore i pay the going rate. But whats that gots to do with anything?

Not meant as a flame, MH, it was an example to show that if you are not exposed to it personally, you'll say something like "get real," suggesting that it is unheard of. It's rare, but it happens and was an extension of my comment that it was *all relative.* People also do things like name their businesses or new property acquisitions (new apartment complexes are common in this case) after their parents or grandparents as well on father's and mother's day as well as a "gift." Nothing wrong with a card and flowers either though. It's the thought that counts.

That will not just happen in thailand but anywhere in the world, of course you have to be the sort of person who can afford it!

So what are you getting your mum heng? luxury yatch? naming your empire after her? or just some plain old flowers?

Edited August 3, 2008 by MonkeyHouse

[Heng]

That will not just happen in thailand but anywhere in the world, of course you have to be the sort of person who can afford it!

So what are you getting your mum heng? luxury yatch? naming your empire after her? or just some plain old flowers?

IMO it's less common in cultures that don't maintain close ties with their parents and elder generations of their own family.

As for myself, every year I just get mom a new potted jasmine plant (about 120 Baht). She just plants it herself next in line from the previous years plant in the front yard. When she no longer has the strength, I'll get her a wheelchair and wheel her out to watch me or my son or my next child (on the way in 9 months) do it.

[MonkeyHouse]

That will not just happen in thailand but anywhere in the world, of course you have to be the sort of person who can afford it!

So what are you getting your mum heng? luxury yatch? naming your empire after her? or just some plain old flowers?

IMO it's less common in cultures that don't maintain close ties with their parents and elder generations of their own family.

As for myself, every year I just get mom a new potted jasmine plant (about 120 Baht). She just plants it herself next in line from the previous years plant in the front yard. When she no longer has the strength, I'll get her a wheelchair and wheel her out to watch me or my son or my next child (on the way in 9 months) do it.

[Heng]

[bina]

we send money... on father's day and on mother's day...

his parents are poor, have no use for new clothes (they put the stuff we bought them in a box for safekeeping), but they do need the money for meds, food stuff they normally wouldnt buy, ivomac for the dogs, bits and pieces for a sprayer, etc.

hubby doesnt send per month. we send on father's day and mother's day and occasionally if requested for something; this mother's day we will send a lump sum...a small one for us, for them it will go a long way ( or a short beer/lao way)... i dont care. its their present, they can do with it what they want.

when we were there to visit, we gave each about 300 baht as that was what we had and that was fine for them...

i can tell u that on thai mother's day here, all the thai workers all over the country are sending presents /money and every phone booth has thais lined up making calls (in past years before cell phones were big in israel or among thai workers), and those (now adays the majority) with cells phones are making longer then usual calls... there's even a deal for calling home on mother's day from some of the phone card companies who are aware of the thai foreign worker market. it is a big holiday for the workers here (in agriculture that is. restaraunt workers dont get thai holidays as they get our holidays). since a large percentage of the workers are sending home money to wife, this month they send it to the parents, or a portion of it anyway.

i have never, in 8 years seen anyone want to send flowers or candy as they see that as useless and expensive for nothing. the usual gifts are the cheap hand/face creams, powders, parfumes, t shirts, sports shoes . i watch what they buy in the local shops here, and often help with the packaging and mailing since they dont often have access to sending mail. several go for sending watches but the majority go for sending money and letting parents choose what is needed to buy. these are obviously poor agricultural bannork types.

so no, its not a story for sending money...

bina

israel