Will Family Settle For 10k A Month?

[manjara]

Boy fall for simple girl.

Family want 15k a month to help out family.

Mom and pop and 3 kids.

Im ok with 10k a month, am i being reasonable or not?

....

let me put it to this way - what happens if some months only 5K is needed, or there are 2 or 3 months on the trot that 25k is needed? - do you suspect that you would fast fall out of favour if you did not (or could not) oblige, and/or, on your side is the feeling that its not your obligation therefore you wouldn't oblige?

Understand where I am coming from? ..... the crux of this matter is not wheather or not you should be giving x amount per/month, but wheather or not what is being requested of you is based on genuine need, mutual respect and honesty? Don't think anyone on the forum can answer that for you .................. only you can.

Absolutely right, Maizefarmer! My wife's family never ask for any money, except where it is genuinely needed. My wife's mother had arthritis in her knees which the doctors in BKK said needed her knees replaced (total arthroplasty). We got one of her knees operated on, but now she says she's much better and doesn't need the other one done, even though I ask her about it every time I see her. She knows we would give the money, and she also knows it's expensive (relatively). We give money every month because it's easier, and we do give an amount at Songkran too. I never feel obligated in any way, though

[BSJ]

As I mentioned somewhere yesterday, there's a sucker born every minute. 15000baht a month, doh!

By the way, that's 525600 suckers a year.....but is that just in Thailand???

Edited August 5, 2008 by BSJ

[britmaveric]

Hmmm providing 2 normal monthly salaries for said family, just because you love their daughter?

[inlove]

I love her very much!

Not sure if i love her family.Always asking me about my finances.

Edited August 5, 2008 by inlove

[Chaimai]

I love her very much!

Welcome back. I thought I wouldn't get the chance to ask - if you love her that much to consider paying 15k p.m. to the parents, what have you agreed for the sin sot ?

Oh! - you've gone again, not on the list of members currently reading this topic. You are indeed a strange one "inlove"

Edited August 5, 2008 by Chaimai

[klikster]

Boy fall for simple girl.

Family want 15k a month to help out family.

Mom and pop and 3 kids.

Im ok with 10k a month, am i being reasonable or not?

They will ask for all they think they can get. If it were me, they would settle for zip!

Edited August 5, 2008 by klikster

[lardy]

Don't give them any and your wife can keep giving them what she gave before you married her.

My wife recently had a big row with her older sister, the sister wanted to borrow 1000 baht off us (one thousand), now thats what you call a frugal wife, she lent it on the agreement if she did not pay it back in 1 month not to call her ever again. We got the money back.

A shrewd business woman... What happened to the interest?

The sister "thanked" me personally ......... keep it in the family eh!!

[Pushit]

I love her very much!

Not sure if i love her family.Always asking me about my finances.

You've Been Warned.

[gzu88bv]

Yep! I am all for the troll theory. 57 replies and the Op has disappeared. I cannot even get a straight answer as to how to get a thai drivers license and this chump has 57+ replies (including mine of course) go figure.

I know you are joking, but smart enough to get a driving license.

If not, go to any clinic or hospital in your area and get a medical certificate. At the same time get a paper of residence from your Thai immigration office.

Together with your passport and those documents as well as you home driving license you go to the Land Transportation office in your area and you will be given the Thai license valid for 1 year initially.

[jayjayjayjay]

Am always sceptical when a newbie posts these questions, yes i know all is wecome newbie and long term members, but i always think its a troll

this is a normal type of question for a newcomer, if they had all the anwers already they would hardly be newcomers to the LOS,

roy gsd

Yes sorry point taken, i suppose we were all like this origionally.

Tend to disagree, newbies like to spill there guts and write a novel (been guilty of that? I have). This is the trade mark of an oldtimer TV who's throwing up a carrot OP post, he registers a new account, spends less than 30 seconds typing up an idiotic scenerio that he knows will get feedback, then sits back to see how many responses. Don't was your time! The least he could have done was write up a story worthy of reading!

[jayjayjayjay]

I love her very much!

Not sure if i love her family.Always asking me about my finances.

Logged in then logged out again!!

Ozzydom, why don't you check which other TV member logged off just before this post then logged back on just after it was made! LLORT

[ozzydom]

I love her very much!

Not sure if i love her family.Always asking me about my finances.

Logged in then logged out again!!

Ozzydom, why don't you check which other TV member logged off just before this post then logged back on just after it was made! LLORT

Thanks mate ,way ahead of you, its in hand.

[tamsin]

actually, the above comment Ive posted is something Id like all farang guys to consider. Ive seen so many threads on TV over the years...how much should I give, should I or should I not.

I think in every case the above sentiment applies. the amount of it will vary depending on how much you earn, how much you want to give

but the principle should be the same I think....

You didn't reply to my post asking how much farang women should give their Thai husband's family. Farang women are white too, and therefore cashcows the same as the men? And if not, why not? I think you MiG16, as a Thai woman, would be best placed to advise

[thaimate]

Boy fall for simple girl.

Family want 15k a month to help out family.

Mom and pop and 3 kids.

Im ok with 10k a month, am i being reasonable or not?

i do not want to appear rude,but i give my wifes familly nothing ,i did not buy or rent her she is my wife .occasionally her brother asks for "a loan" and she politely tells him to go forth and multiply ,or get a decent job.

[Beacher]

actually, the above comment Ive posted is something Id like all farang guys to consider. Ive seen so many threads on TV over the years...how much should I give, should I or should I not.

I think in every case the above sentiment applies. the amount of it will vary depending on how much you earn, how much you want to give

but the principle should be the same I think....

Right, ok, those of you with the same sentiment: NEVER forget you bought your wife. And as long as you keep making your payments on time her family would never let her leave you, after all you are a GOOD CUSTOMER.

<deleted>. We send 5k per month usually. Thai GF and me both work so both contribute to our family income. Mother in law has no income, husband has died and 5k is nearly what I spend on ciggies a month so I don't think it's unreasonable for my MOTHER IN LAWS total monthly income. If you resent it it will never work though. My gf gets pissed off when mother in law plays the lotto.... I tell mother in law to enjoy herself - it's her money she can do what she wants with it!

Who knows - fingers crossed our kid will pay attention for when we're old.

By the way - I would never pay any sort of dowry.

Wow 5k a month on cigarettes works out to 80 packs if you're buying the more expensive ones (like Marlboro). That means you're smoking close to 3 packs a day, and I'm sorry to say it but at that rate you won't likely be around for long. If you love your wife and her family you'd better start giving them around 50k amonth because...need I say it.

[G54]

15K a month to the family? No. It is too much for a 'simple' girl.

There are factors to take into account on how much you should give [if you want to give].

Is she working?

Will she continue to work?

Will there be a loss of income from the daughter if she marries?

How much does she contribute to the family on a monthly basis?

What about Sin Sot? Any paid?

What quality of life do they have now?

Consider how much the family might be earning a month. Are you going to double their income with 15K?

Many other factors to take into account too if you sit and think about it for a while.

Look at their lifestyle. What work do the family do? What house / tin hut do they have? They have motorbikes? A Car? A fridge? A washing machine?

You can judge if they are taking the p*ss or not.

[TopDogger]

I don't give my wife fooooook all, coz I'm not married...

If a GF started the old mama in hospital, papa sick crap they'd soon be shown the door... Fair enough IF the parents are to old or sick to work, this all needs to be verified however, and if the parents have multiple children which most do, is the sibling you have the only one thats being lent on for cash?

I don't know why so many seemingly grown men come on here asking all these questions, do you still need a lollypop lady to cross the road? Its pretty obvious if the girls family are taking the piss out of you or not.

Excellent point TopDogger. What's the family situation?

However you lost me at 'is the sibling you have the only one thats being lent on for cash?' If you are earning serious multiples in tens compared to the other siblings shouldn't your contribution be relative to theirs? I.e. other sibling earns 15k a month and contributes 1k. You earn 300k a month and contribute 10k - who's making the more generous contribution?

All relative.

rite enough! And I personally wouldn'thave a problem with that provided its kept relative to needs...

[TopDogger]

byoung2 - can I hazard a guess that you are not Thai. Absolutely no offence but such logic is alien to a Thai family - I hesitate to say that the plan is to milk the Falang for what you can, because that is unfair on many who don't. However, there is no 'fairness' - 'take what you can' is directly related to what the Falang sees as 'give what you can'.

Try and inject a bit of Falang economic strategy and planning into something and you will be told "not your family/business". Which, of course, it is not - until the next major item of expenditure comes along.

Anybody ever see the male siblings contributing to anything ? No point if there Falangs within the 'family'.

Well, if thats the attitude the family has the girls won't be too far short from that either, if they choose to admit it or not... It would be time to put her and her family back on the shelf imo, you'll be saving yourself a lot of trouble in the long run..

[ShugNorris]

ShugNorris, you've been fleeced already by my standards! She'll likely divorce you within the year. Who's gonna pay for the monthly payments on the car, and BTW, who's name is the car in.............. hello............. wake up and smell the somtum!

From an outside perspective it may look that way. Sin Sod is Thai Culture which I eventually came round to understanding (not entirely agreeing though) I'm 23 and just forked out £5000, seemed a bit ridiculous. Anyway, if I can get everything I need, a nice house (swimming pool ), a decent car and a little bit of land in her name (leased by me for 90 yearsfor, err, one baht? Need to look into that bit) it'll be good. I have a limit whereby I'm not going to spend any more than I wouldn't be able to pay back to the bank in the UK for more than four years. I will still work in the UK and rent a flat there probably. I'm in the Military so I have lodgings there and can afford to pay a little more out of my salary because of this. Leave the Navy at 30 with Land and house and car etc all paid for and then can see what I want to do then.

I've known her for two and a half years already, she's from Southern Thailand... She spent three months in shitty, cold and grey Scotland and is still happy enough. Her family actually seem Ok too, they took all the cheap corners for me in organising the wedding haha. Weddings on Friday and I'm the type of guy who looks forward to recieving the cards from the guests. Maybe get back 100 000 which'll mean I'll break even on the Sin Sod.. but will have still paid for the wedding if you know what I mean...

Only time will tell...

- Shug

[TopDogger]

I'm 23 and just forked out £5000, seemed a bit ridiculous. Anyway, if I can get everything I need, a nice house (swimming pool ), a decent car and a little bit of land in her name (leased by me for 90 yearsfor, err, one baht? Need to look into that bit) it'll be good.

Do you not think you should have looked into that before handing over 5k? Thats what the average Thai would earn in 5+ years...

Edited August 6, 2008 by TopDogger

[Tolley]

15k baht sounds a little exxy to me.

It is very easy really. Just say you can't afford it. Tell your prospective wife if she works you will put in half of what she puts in.

That should sort out her intentions. I am with others here that don't mind forking out from time to time but if the family wants a salary at least get your wife working for it and then you will know how genuine she is.

As others have stated you will probably pay a dowry and gold and buy a house in her name and you will never ever have even a single thing bought for you.

When you visit the family you will pay for everything and all the neighbours will come over for the free food and drinks and remember even the birthday or xmas present you get from your wife will be from your money.

You have money you call the shots don't let them suck you into something you are not comfortable doing.

[MiG16]

ok, to those that seem to suddenly want to direct their queries to me

I believe I said the OP, and anyone else, should do what makes them comfortable. if he thinks he has enough money and WOULD like to give it, then so be it. the amount is up to him

BUT if he DOESNT feel right about it, then dont.

its simple. at least the way I see it..

and to the person that ask what a farang woman should give?

again my answer would be I dont think ANYONE, man or woman, is OBLIGED. They have to decide for themselves.

my point is, I think we are all grown up and adult enough to be able to determine what is appropriate and reasonable? sometime we may take customs into account, but customs are not law. if the custom in certain society says a guy is expected to cough up a million baht dowry because other guys in same society have done it for other girls, but the said man cannot afford to do it, then DONT.

and to the person wondering if Im dating the OP. answer is no. but I can say anything online and not be able to prove it cant I. maybe I am his GF, maybe Im not.

whatever, what does it matter?

in the end we each make our own decisions. we can get input from others (but even those input need to be screened). and then you make a decision. might be totally opposite to any suggestions given. isnt that what makes us adults? that we are prepared to accept the consequences of our own decisions?

hope you are all having a nice day

[ShugNorris]

I'm 23 and just forked out £5000, seemed a bit ridiculous. Anyway, if I can get everything I need, a nice house (swimming pool ), a decent car and a little bit of land in her name (leased by me for 90 yearsfor, err, one baht? Need to look into that bit) it'll be good.

Do you not think you should have looked into that before handing over 5k? Thats what the average Thai would earn in 5+ years...

Considering her Dad has a semi-decent house, lorry, an old pick up truck, a pretty new (expensive) pick up truck, a new motorbike and err, an old motorbike plus about 4 rai of rubber tree land plus his job which he had BEFORE I even met him the first time, I dont really think there's much coming over him. Of course 100 000 is a decent sum of money for him but it can't be that much if he gave his daughter 200 000 of it. Even if she comes to the UK for a while I can use that money.

I've been pretty careful with handing over that cash and it's worked out ok, her family are good people and are always welcoming and I never have to buy them anyway. Like I said, I've known her for more than two and a half years and know her pretty well.

Anyway, I've set my limits and they've only ever asked me for one thing, a bottle of Scotch Whiskey and 200 Benson and Hedges... which I failed to provide. I showed up with a bottle of Famous Grouse and he said, 'you can get that here...' haa (I know famous grouse isn't the best, it was the best price !)

Oh, her alcoholic uncle asked me for 100 baht.. he's a degenerate so I just gave him it anyway, he's actually a nice bloke... but a degenerate haha

No disrespect to you intended but I dont really care if you think i've been fleeced, I dont think I have...

I know it's easy to visualise a Thai family of the girl wanting money, sounds like the OPs are the stereotypical type and that's how I visualised it at first also. Every family is different and I think that my girlfriends seems ok.

[TopDogger]

Well you said yourself it seemed a little ridiculous, what assumption was I supposed to make? Isn't the Sin Sot supposed to be shown/given @ the wedding, how come its been handed over and is being divided up already?

[petitechevre]

why do TV members always get with the poorest and least educatdd girls?

Out of all the people i know with educated girlfriends, i have never seen a family asking for 100baht...

[cynthialee]

i beg to diiffer. according to poll tv members only go for middle class hiso types. very educated and well monied!

of course in public all i see is the kind you refer to petite. go figgure!

Edited August 6, 2008 by cynthialee

[TopDogger]

I had a bit of a laught @ that poll also..

[mgjackson69]

I would never put the family on an "allowance"...but, up to you

[tamsin]

why do TV members always get with the poorest and least educatdd girls?

Out of all the people i know with educated girlfriends, i have never seen a family asking for 100baht...

I believe MiG16's initial response to all this puts to bed once and for all that it's only the poor and uneducated girls who believe all farang are walking ATMs.

[proskipper]

II have the same problem as many of you. How much?

My gf earns 4K a month and pays no rent or food or school fees, also I will be taking care of her child and she has been married before.. In laos where she's from it would be difficult for her to find a husband. So I'm thinking maybe 10K to take care of her and bills when she stops work, and family get the rest.

Does anyone know what school fees are for 8 year old?