Need Help From Experienced Expat

[colonelsing]

Hello everyone. I am in a desperate situation. At least seems like that to me but perhaps other people with more experience with this kind of thing will know what to do, as I am clueless.

I have been with only 1 woman in Thailand. For last 18 months. I love her very much but I cannot understand her. Four times she has tried to kill herself over petty arguments. The other day I took knife away from her for third time. One other time she tied wire around her neck. I have a heart condition so I don't like to argue, but she doesn't care and fights with me anyway. This last time I thought I was having an attack but she says, "I no take you hospital, I die too." and she gets knife from kitchen and I have to fight and take it away from her again while I think I am dying myself.

She would only calm down when I told her I would put money in her account next day. The next day we go to atm and carrefours and i give her 15000 baht, but she is very angry and wants me to put all the money from my bank account into hers. So I cannot keep on with this. I am not a rich man. So I just go out door and get tuk tuk and go to guest house. I emai friend to tell my gf i went to US. Since she cannot read English I have to send it to friend, so she wouldn't lose face I said I went to US because my mother is ill.

I rent house in Chiang Mai and I left all my possessions because I canot bear to go back. I have no car of my own and live where no public transport at night so I am stuck there when she starts in with this. She is Thai and I am farang and she will convince the neighbors I am no good and all my fault and all this.

Now I am waiting for flight which will take about 5 days I am told and on top of everything else I have not checked in on 90 days reprt date to immigration as I stupidly forgot about it. I am supposed to leave at like 7am on the 11th so if I go there early to check in immigration is closed. Is it possible they will not notice this when I check in. I am afraid if I pay fine I will not have enough money to leave.

This was a terribly long posting so I don't blame anyone who didn't bother to read it all, but if someone did and they know what to do I would appreciate any help. I am mostly worried she will hurt herself. She has a 10 year old niece who lives with us and I am very worried for her also. Maybe her suicide attempts were just for attention but many people here do really kill themselves. What should I do? Please don't just write to tell me I am stupid because I already know this. Thanks.

[Moonrakers]

My advice: Get the hel_l out of there and don't look back.

[uptou]

She would only calm down when I told her I would put money in her account next day.

Well,you already know what sort of therapy she needs so whats the problem?

[mrt273nva]

good for you for not going back to her. no need to leave thailand though. just move to another part of town. you should also get your immigration sorted out asap before it causes you other problems.

[PoorSucker]

Lucky you got out before you "accidentally fell out of the balcony"

[G54]

i had an "emotional" Thai g/f that kept taking a razor to her wrists until I told her to 'go ahead and do it'. She stopped.

Yes, you are better off out of that relationship IMHO. Blackmail both financial and emotional is not good for you with a heart condition.

Why leave Thailand? Leave her. Find somewhere new.

[cloudhopper]

It's quite possible they won't notice the failure to check in (having not done so for an entire year after my first retirement extension some years ago out of ignorance), however the fine for this if they do is 2,000 THB (having paid it myself recently) and it is not the same as an overstay. Best of luck to you colonel.

[DB84]

Move to another house or another part of Thailand.

She is trying to fleece you and obviously doesn't give a dam_n about your health- sorry mate.

Leave her and don't look back. That is the best solution not only from a $ perspective but also for the sake of your health.

Cheers

[quiksilva]

You say you love her but you don't sound happy.

Walk away and enjoy life again.

[rken]

ditto get the hel_l out of the relationship .

[colonelsing]

Thank you to everyone. I will be leaving soon but maybe someday I will come back. I love Thailand and to be honest never expected to find so many good hearted expats here. Yes I travelled alot in army but mostly to middle east and south america, hardly ever in Asia. So I heard all about perverts and sex fiends here but I think there are as many of those in the rest of the world as there are here, and to be honest it is true there are more Thai perverts and pedophiles heere than there are farang.

I just feel the need to respond to Cynthia. Firstly, I dont really understand what you are saying. I dont really know what a troll is and what is the forest and maigo? I will just say this and Gods honest truth.

I have been with one lady for the whole 18 months I have been in Thailand. She worked in a restaurant and was scarred in her face by motorcycle accident, She is not such a young lady and not beautiful by Thai people standards as they were often mean to her. She cried one time, telling me restaurant was closing, which was also where she lived. I felt bad and told her she could live with me and clean or cook or do something. She said i will not sleep with you and I said that is fine. I did not want her to do that.

Time passed and she never said she wanted to leave, so i asked her about this and she said she was feeling love for me and wanted to be my girlfriend. I thought she was a lovely person also, so I agreed and we became involved.

Since then I have never been with another woman, as I said. All my money goes to make her happy, which also made me happy. But I cannot afford to buy a house. I rent a house in CM but cannoit afford one, but told her I would save money until I could. Also I agreed to take care of her 10 year old niece, who I also love. I took care of her mother alsoa nd bought her an 80000 baht massage machine as she has arthritis. Some months I have put every cent I have into my girlfriends account, as stupid as that is, just to prove I love her and trust her. Now her niece is sad becasue away from her 17 year old brother, so I said he can live with me too. I agreed to marry her last year but she demanded sinsot and party which cost as muchas I make in 6 months so I could not afford it. yet if I even do internet or read a book, she cries and says I dont give her time. I cannot have friends bercause she is jealous of them too. I came here to see things and travel but do not even leave the house without her.

On top of that I have had attacks with my heart where she told me she was angry and didnt care if i died.The last episode whcih led to my leaving as I said because I refused to put all my money in her account again.

The fact is the only thing I am guilty of here is being an idiot. I still have no hard feelings towards her and I will always love her, a fact which is apparently beyond your comprehension. I gave this woman a better life than she ever had , as she was married twice before and has 2 children which she abandoned and which I agreed to adopt even though I have 3 daughters myself.I have also done many things for Thai people which I wont go into here but the fact is I was good to Thailand, as for the most part Thailand was good to me.You say you heard my story before which means some other poor slob has gone through this. There are I am sure many Thai women who are screwed over by farangs. But I believe that many of their problems are result of their own greed and deceit. So you can lie in your own bed or run in the forest or whatever the---- you are talking about.

As for efveryone else thank you and good luck to all. Perhaps I will return and meet some of you, God willing.

[roygsd]

Hello everyone. I am in a desperate situation. At least seems like that to me but perhaps other people with more experience with this kind of thing will know what to do, as I am clueless.

I have been with only 1 woman in Thailand. For last 18 months. I love her very much but I cannot understand her. Four times she has tried to kill herself over petty arguments. The other day I took knife away from her for third time. One other time she tied wire around her neck. I have a heart condition so I don't like to argue, but she doesn't care and fights with me anyway. This last time I thought I was having an attack but she says, "I no take you hospital, I die too." and she gets knife from kitchen and I have to fight and take it away from her again while I think I am dying myself.

She would only calm down when I told her I would put money in her account next day. The next day we go to atm and carrefours and i give her 15000 baht, but she is very angry and wants me to put all the money from my bank account into hers. So I cannot keep on with this. I am not a rich man. So I just go out door and get tuk tuk and go to guest house. I emai friend to tell my gf i went to US. Since she cannot read English I have to send it to friend, so she wouldn't lose face I said I went to US because my mother is ill.

I rent house in Chiang Mai and I left all my possessions because I canot bear to go back. I have no car of my own and live where no public transport at night so I am stuck there when she starts in with this. She is Thai and I am farang and she will convince the neighbors I am no good and all my fault and all this.

Now I am waiting for flight which will take about 5 days I am told and on top of everything else I have not checked in on 90 days reprt date to immigration as I stupidly forgot about it. I am supposed to leave at like 7am on the 11th so if I go there early to check in immigration is closed. Is it possible they will not notice this when I check in. I am afraid if I pay fine I will not have enough money to leave.

This was a terribly long posting so I don't blame anyone who didn't bother to read it all, but if someone did and they know what to do I would appreciate any help. I am mostly worried she will hurt herself. She has a 10 year old niece who lives with us and I am very worried for her also. Maybe her suicide attempts were just for attention but many people here do really kill themselves. What should I do? Please don't just write to tell me I am stupid because I already know this. Thanks.

Dont forget empty vessels make the loudest noise, if she wanted to top herself then there is nothing you or anyoneelse can do to prevent it.

Dont you think it odd that someone so intent on topping hemselves is so procuppid with money? Particularly your money!

She is taking liberties with you because she knows she can get away with it, nice guys are always crapped on first.

As for the child that is the parents responsibility and deep down you know that already, she is very unlikely to harm the child so dont worry on that score.

Who gives a shit what the neigbours think? They have probably heard her rants and maybe have heard of her before you came along, I am sure you have had neighbours in the past who you avoided not for what they did but because of your inbuilt radar,these neigbours have got a better measure of her than you had I suspect.

No need to flee the country, fortunately they are not all greedy nutters, take some time to chill out somewhere far from her and if you are still worried about the child then write a letter to the Police (translated into thai) explaining her odd behaviour and your fears and keep a copy for future reference.

If you had transffered all your assets to her you would be out on your ear, or worse!

She dont give a toss aout you and you know it, the 15K you gave her was severance pay and money well spent in my opinion.

No matter how old we get we all mess up from time to time, its allowed!

A few months from here you will look back at this situation and kick yourself for allowing her to take advantage of your good nature, until then, go find another nice location and the odds are new company will find you soon enough.

Go visit the immigration and pay the fine, one less problem to worry about,

Good Luck,

Roy gsd

[roygsd]

I stopped reading after 'hello everyone'

THanks for sharing your important news, now go tell someone who gives a toss!

roy gsd

[roygsd]

ok make that 4 mins

Reading these posts are not mandatory,

UP to U as they say,if you wanted the 2 mins back why read any more?

Your problem not the O/P's.

Roy gsd

[Dustoff]

"The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities"

~Sophocles~

Wherever you end up, perhaps you could seek counseling to discover why you seek victimization...

[Maigo6]

I think this may not be a troll post.

I knew a guy in Pattaya who was with a woman who had hit him over the head with bottles a few times, I often wondered why he put up with it, he would do nothing at all except pay to be stitched up, then go back to her.

I knew another guy who had to be 6' 2," 200Lbs and he was petrified of his GF who was about 145cms and 35Kgs, she was really violent towards him, yet he was with her for years.

Funny old world.

[Moonrakers]

I think this may not be a troll post.

I knew a guy in Pattaya who was with a woman who had hit him over the head with bottles a few times, I often wondered why he put up with it, he would do nothing at all except pay to be stitched up, then go back to her.

I knew another guy who had to be 6' 2," 200Lbs and he was petrified of his GF who was about 145cms and 35Kgs, she was really violent towards him, yet he was with her for years.

Funny old world.

Similarily many men and women the world over stay with partners who are abusive either physically and/or emotionally.

I had a relationship with a Fillipina girl once and it was a nightmare, yet I still stayed for with her for 6 months. Why? Not really sure to be honest, except that maybe I was hoping that things would improve.

[ozzydom]

Off Topic posts and those containing sarcasm and innuendo have been removed from this thread.

Any more one-line sarcasm will result in warnings .

[OxfordWill]

Christ.. she is mental! Best of luck.. hope you don't become ruined.

Just so you know, Thai guys have this happen too.. had a good friend deal with a psychotic thai girl who used to cut her wrists (the wrong way) in his bathroom every week or so, usually timed just as he had gone out to see a friend or have dinner, so he would rush back.

Edited August 6, 2008 by OxfordWill

[thomast]

Its not love, only infatuation. Love takes many years to grow, needing great friendship and having many interests in common. Doesnt sound like you got that. Maybe also she is scared that you may walk out on her, so she puts on these tantrums to let you know what she will do if you do. Not good.

Edited August 6, 2008 by thomast

[Pierrot]

Talking about mental torture, I used to know a guy, every time his wife wanted something he was not ready to give, she didn't let him sleep, she used to keep him awake all night until he agrees. He used to go to business trip just to be able to sleep.

[colonelsing]

I received some personal messages from kind people but I do not know much about computers to answer them so I will say thank you here. leaving soon, but a few minutes ago I passed a beggar on the street. he was fairly young man.I guess he figured I would give him money as I had money in my hand and was counting it. I did not give him any money, as I was concerned with my own problems and often the beggar thing is some mafia scam as we all know.Then I noticed I was 100 baht short. The thing was I dropped 100 baht out of my pocket and didnt see it. The beggar ran after me and gave me the money. Can you believe tthis? So I gave him 100 baht and after that i went back and gave him another 100 baht not because I am generous but this incident got to me and showed i guess why I really do love Thailand. The majority of people on this forum are very good people, but a few could learn from the beggar.

Things sometime turn out for the best anyway. A friend from my army days heard of my situation and offered me a job in Vietnam, similar to security work I did when I first came to Thailand. I am seriously considering taking the job, as in America I will have to work and the main skill I have learned in my career is how to kill and this is not in big demand in US.

I know there are many errors in this posting but I am not really concerned with it right now. Thank you also to moderator people on this forum. I think you are doing a good job. This is not a suck up message because what would be the point?

[OriginalPoster]

Hello everyone. I am in a desperate situation. At least seems like that to me but perhaps other people with more experience with this kind of thing will know what to do, as I am clueless.

I have been with only 1 woman in Thailand. For last 18 months. I love her very much but I cannot understand her. Four times she has tried to kill herself over petty arguments. The other day I took knife away from her for third time. One other time she tied wire around her neck. I have a heart condition so I don't like to argue, but she doesn't care and fights with me anyway. This last time I thought I was having an attack but she says, "I no take you hospital, I die too." and she gets knife from kitchen and I have to fight and take it away from her again while I think I am dying myself.

She would only calm down when I told her I would put money in her account next day. The next day we go to atm and carrefours and i give her 15000 baht, but she is very angry and wants me to put all the money from my bank account into hers. So I cannot keep on with this. I am not a rich man. So I just go out door and get tuk tuk and go to guest house. I emai friend to tell my gf i went to US. Since she cannot read English I have to send it to friend, so she wouldn't lose face I said I went to US because my mother is ill.

I rent house in Chiang Mai and I left all my possessions because I canot bear to go back. I have no car of my own and live where no public transport at night so I am stuck there when she starts in with this. She is Thai and I am farang and she will convince the neighbors I am no good and all my fault and all this.

Now I am waiting for flight which will take about 5 days I am told and on top of everything else I have not checked in on 90 days reprt date to immigration as I stupidly forgot about it. I am supposed to leave at like 7am on the 11th so if I go there early to check in immigration is closed. Is it possible they will not notice this when I check in. I am afraid if I pay fine I will not have enough money to leave.

This was a terribly long posting so I don't blame anyone who didn't bother to read it all, but if someone did and they know what to do I would appreciate any help. I am mostly worried she will hurt herself. She has a 10 year old niece who lives with us and I am very worried for her also. Maybe her suicide attempts were just for attention but many people here do really kill themselves. What should I do? Please don't just write to tell me I am stupid because I already know this. Thanks.

The answer is obvious, I can't believe that you need advice on this. Marry her immediately, before she gets away. If she refuses your proposal, get her knocked up and then she'll have no choice.

[Head Snake]

not a suck up message ....?

I think it is.

What are you drinking to make you think this made up story is even interesting?

Its some pretty bad kiiinternet.

[Khonwan]

I received some personal messages from kind people but I do not know much about computers to answer them so I will say thank you here. leaving soon, but a few minutes ago I passed a beggar on the street. he was fairly young man.I guess he figured I would give him money as I had money in my hand and was counting it. I did not give him any money, as I was concerned with my own problems and often the beggar thing is some mafia scam as we all know.Then I noticed I was 100 baht short. The thing was I dropped 100 baht out of my pocket and didnt see it. The beggar ran after me and gave me the money. Can you believe tthis? So I gave him 100 baht and after that i went back and gave him another 100 baht not because I am generous but this incident got to me and showed i guess why I really do love Thailand. The majority of people on this forum are very good people, but a few could learn from the beggar.

Things sometime turn out for the best anyway. A friend from my army days heard of my situation and offered me a job in Vietnam, similar to security work I did when I first came to Thailand. I am seriously considering taking the job, as in America I will have to work and the main skill I have learned in my career is how to kill and this is not in big demand in US.

I know there are many errors in this posting but I am not really concerned with it right now. Thank you also to moderator people on this forum. I think you are doing a good job. This is not a suck up message because what would be the point?

Hi colonelsing

I’m sorry to read things didn’t work out. I had hoped we may become neighbours here in Mae Wong. Forget the cynical plonkers here who have nothing better to do than ridicule posters to pass their time – your account of the beggar should (but won’t) put them in their place.

Going purely by your account in this thread, I believe your departure from your situation is probably the best solution.

I wish you well in the future and hope you’ll stay in touch.

Best regards

Khonwan

[colonelsing]

Thank you Khonwan. am very sorry I never got to meet you. I read much of your posting about farming and such and you obviously are kind and know what you are talking about. Another suck up message I guess according to snakehead. By the way, I never said this story was interesting. I just asked for advice. But nothing about it is made up. Who has nothing better to do than make up problems on the internet? Perhaps you do. After all you have Captain Kirk's picture in your email so obviously you are into fantasy. And for giving compliment to moderator people, I have commanded men for many years and it was always my philososphy to tell people sometime when they do a good job and mostly on this forum I hear complaining. I am sure you would be the type to very quickly jump on your computer to tell people what they have done wrong.

[stickman]

Run. No good can come of being with someone like this.

[thaimate]

every time i read a letter like this i thank god for my wife,i have just promised myself never to tell her to stop nagging me about my health,spending to much and not saving and also i will never ever say ive already had one mother i dont need another.

[Maestro]

...I have not checked in on 90 days reprt date to immigration as I stupidly forgot about it. I am supposed to leave at like 7am on the 11th so if I go there early to check in immigration is closed. Is it possible they will not notice this when I check in. I am afraid if I pay fine I will not have enough money to leave.

The above is the only advice the OP asked for.

When you leave Thailand the immigration officer is not checking to see if you have missed your last address report. Remove the reminder slip from passport, present your passport at the immigration counter on your way out and you will get your exit stamp. No fine, as long as you are not on overstay.

I am now closing the topic.

--

Maestro