Wife Not Same As Before Kids

[WilliamCave]

Hello all,

Maybe women are best to answer this question that have had kids. It is in regards to my wife, and me...Before we had our kids my wafe was very how do I say this,,very sexually active in the bed room. ..After we had our 1st child the sex drive of my wife was low and now that we have the second child and the second is now 2 years old. She does not seem to get arroused like before. I spend time with her alot and my kids and am very concous to there needs and try being romantic to help her. It seems her hormones have changed alot..Will this come back and is it a medical condition or is she lacking something in here diet.

any input would be grateful...any women experience this before.

and it is a serious thing so thoue of u that want to be rude lor make a joke of it leave the coments out thanks

Thanks in advance

[lazeeboy]

kids take a strain on you ,looking after them can be very taxing and energy draining,try little romance and make her feel like a women not just a mother,worked for me .

[473geo]

ok .....serious question...do you take the kids out for a day or two on your own?...away from the wife as an overseer...giving her complete rest?

Do you take them away to see granma...which I'm sure they love....giving her complete rest?

Do you give her complete rest from you?...........serious question!!

I guess you see where I'm coming from....no more detail required...ok

Be in control not the 3rd baby

Best wishes

[torrenova]

Good point about giving her time to herself, or to do things which she could do before she had the kids. I take mine out and usually have a maid to help but I do know where the OP is coming from.

[joskydive]

Only a suggestion but why don't you give her a Ladies Day? That means - let her go and have a nice massage, buy some nice clothes, have a meal outside etc., all the relaxing things, just to make her feel like she's a lovely woman again. Sometimes having children and worrying about them all the time doesn't give her time for herself (and you) to feel like there is anymore romance.

The other thing that might be wrong is she could be rundown and need some multivitamins especially if she has heavy periods, bad diet and sleepless nights, but if that's the case I'd take her to a Doctor anyway.

Good Luck and hope things are better soon.

[BigSnake]

Sounds like a bit of both. A two year old can be a heck of a pain for the Best of a Mom. Give the wife a break, bring in a NANNY once or twice a week. Take the wife out for a little QUAILTY Time and let the Nanny deal with the little Nightmare(2yr old) for a couple of hours. A no "brainer" just give the nanny your mobile number, just in case. Good luck, give it a shot.

[Dakhar]

been in the same boat for about 3 years now. When u have the answer please post it.

[nidge]

I had a vaguely similar experience. I hope the cause for your problem is not the same as mine.

I have 1 baby, now he's 18 months old. After my wife got pregnant sex almost stopped. Approx 2 months before birth it really did stop and started again a few months after birth.

I tried taking my son out all day to give her a rest, i even had him for 2 days while she stayed at her mums house to rest. Many times she went to her mums all day and slept for most of it.

I tried massages, cuddles, kisses but all were rejected. Nights in romantic hotels left me awake on the edge of the bed while she was fast asleep. (can anyone be so tired that the sleep 8-10 hours at night and then in the daytime too?) The offer of getting a maid/nanny was constantly rejected. I tried multi vitamins too.

In the end i had to push really hard to find the root of the problem. She eventually told me she doesn't like sex and never did. Slowly too many thoughts in my mind clicked into place. I ended up taking an extreme cause of action and am now in the process of looking for a new house somewhere else in Thailand.

Good luck with your wife, i hope your solution is simpler and less emotional.

Nidge

[Sheryl]

This is an extremely common occurrence...everywhere but I think especially among Thai women of conservative background.

Big question as the last poster alluded is whether or not she actually enjoyed sex to begin with. If not (or if she is conflicted about it due to a conservative upbringing) she may feel it is no longer necessary/important. In old-fashioned Thai culture it was common for a couple to be sexually active after marriage until the children were born and then for the man to "spare" his wife this burden by availing of prostitutes etc to her presumed relief. Times are changing but there are still women around raised in that tradition.

If she did enjoy sex then simple fatigue could explain it, or it might also be post-partum depression; if the latter there would be other signs as well, for example increased irritability, not looking after her appearance, loss of interest in other things she used to like, change in eating patterns etc.

I think a good heart-to-heart talk would be the place to start. You need to figure out which of these possibilities it is and then address the cause accordingly.

[PeaceBlondie]

What Sheryl said.

Of course, I know nothing about Thai women, but I hear enough to think that many Thai women are raised to think of themselves as asexual, nonsexual. That sex is just to make babies. Almost as if they were all old fashioned Catholics or Victorians. Even middle aged gay Thai men seem to have a subdued sex drive. Maybe it is the Thai food.

[jkinbkk]

We (that's my wife and i) experienced a similar thing.

My suggestion is based on the fact that my wife's sister and parents are more than willing to help.

I don't know your circumstances, but if you live in Thailand and your wife's family is happy and able to help short-term then I strongly suggest you and your wife get away together and alone for a few days.

Do not choose a destination too close to your home as your wife (and you) will miss your kids and the temptation to cut the trip short might prevail.

Take a flight/package (3 days, 2 nights) somewhere, domestic or overseas (Singapore/HK/Vietnam/Malaysia).

We do this about once every 4 months and it really brings us back to where we left off before the hectic schedule and commitment of kids filled our lives.

Hope you find something that works for you?

[JohnC]

one other point you may consider is that many women feel that after childbirth they have become less attractive to their partner or the male species, this can also be coupled with post natal depression and/or just sheer tiredness. I would suggest you approach the problem in a number of ways. First and foremost should be a full medical to ensure there is not an underlying problem, secondly as stated above some pampering, maybe some new clothes etc and of course also as stated above some "me" time for Mum. She may feel overwhelmed and think her life as she knew it has ended and now she is a full time Mum with no future so a good heart to heart chat away from the kids might also help. These are only suggestions from my own experience in raising five kids with my wife who had a lot of medical problems as do a lot of women and we men do not fully understand what they are going through. i hope you can both get through this.