The Off Topic Thread

[thithi]

geeeeeess why the mod removed the threads huh? they should be in here.

they are the pub games and YES! entertainments!

any idea if the Pattaya Story thread is a kind of PUZZLE or JOKE?

[Zpete]

BRING BACK OUR THREADS

Edited March 15, 2009 by Zpete

[Mossfinn]

There is really no need to shout and be rude is there? They have been moved Here just a click away.

Moss

[sbk]

Indeed, it was felt that Farang pub was overrun with these games and they needed to have their own special place.

[TruthWillOut]

so what can i post in this bit please?

[sbk]

Farang pub is for threads related to social life, word play and games threads go in the Jokes, riddles and puzzles and games forum.

[TruthWillOut]

ok cheers, wasnt sure, there are so many links to trivia.

[thithi]

so those who stick with the Farang forum have got to deal with Thai internet while going to that game forum.

oh well....

[sbk]

Or just go straight to that forum instead

[AlexLah]

When is it going to rain?

Boing, boing, boing........

[thithi]

yeh if there is nothing to do with this forum, I will.

[AlexLah]

You can always offload here in the off topic Fred.

[BIGTOE3]

Two ladies talking in heaven:

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,

and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating,

so I came home early to catch him in the act.

But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.

Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally

I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

BT

[BIGTOE3]

George Carlin on age102.

(Absolutely Brilliant)

George Carlin's Views on Ageing

Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .... . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

BT have a good day

[Mossfinn]

Nice one BT, nice one.

Moss

[AlexLah]

Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(Long and loud laugh)

Surround yourself with what you love.

Booze and hungry girls, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mossfinn]

Nice Chest set, I mean Chess set

Moss

[BIGTOE3]

> Summary of Life

> GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

>

> 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

> 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

> 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

> 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

> 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food...

> 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

> 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

> 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

> 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

> 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

>

>

> GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

> 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

> 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

> 3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

> 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

> 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

> 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

>

>> GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

> 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

> 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

> 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

> 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

> 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

> 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

> 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

>

> THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

> 1) You believe in Santa Claus.

> 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

> 3) You are Santa Claus.

> 4) You look like Santa Claus.

>

> SUCCESS:

> At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

> At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

> At age 17 success is . having a drivers license.

> At age 35 success is . . having money.

> At age 50 success is . . having money.

> At age 70 success is . .. .... having a drivers license.

> At age 75 success is . . having friends.

> At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

>

Hope you all have a good day after all - Its the first day of the rest of your Life

BT

[TruthWillOut]

you've got some real classics there BigToe, cheers .

[BIGTOE3]

you've got some real classics there BigToe, cheers .

Thank you and to Moss too for having enjoyed them. BT

Now I know why the kids read like they do!!!

From the diary of a Pre- School Teacher :

My five-year old students are learning to read.

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,

"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

" A f r i c a n Elephant "

BT

[Kan Win]

Han-it got all quite in here since they booted out all the games freds into the Yolker section

Yours truly,

Kan now post on this forum

Win

[Zpete]

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather..........

..........not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car

I'm not your type.

I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

[AlexLah]

Oh my god, the stuff is already here and there only two person that can save the planet.

Have to wait another week.

Exciting!

[BIGTOE3]

Oh my god, the stuff is already here and there only two person that can save the planet.

Have to wait another week.

Exciting!

What makes you think there are two that can save the planet ?? read below...

WHY

We are in DEEP trouble...

The population of this country is

approximately 60 million. ( UK)

32 million are retired.

That leaves 28 million to do the work.

There are 17 million in school or at Universities.

Which leaves 11 million to do the work.

Of this there are 8 million employed by the UK government.

Leaving 3 million to do the work.

1.2 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden, and fighting in Afghanistan .

Which leaves 1.8 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils. And that leaves 1 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit.

Leaving 512,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 511,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Is it any wonder that we are in such a mess and that I am stressed out through trying to cope on my own?

See there are NOT TWO

BT

[AlexLah]

were frikkin doomed!

[thithi]

yawnnnn

*o*

[AlexLah]

What what what, yawn?

Finally had a few drops of rain today.

[BIGTOE3]

yawnnnn

*o*

Not A very good comment Thithi, I thought you better

BT

[cashill]

I hate the sand between my sandwich

[AlexLah]

The rain has come!!!!!!!

Finaly my raindance worked!