Omg! My Daughter Works In A Bar

[Mali1964]

Thanks for all the replies, some very good ones. It seems she will do what she wants regardless of what I say, I will meet up with her next feb and try and get her to come and live with me in isaarn to carry on with her education.

Where she works/stays is a karaoka type drinking den thai punters mainly with the odd farang. I do care for my daughter and love her very much, I just don't want to see her go down the wrong road. My sons fine 23 years old in the thai army.

Amazing thailand, never a dull moment.

Regards. Typhoon.

After you let her know of your love & concerns for her maybe then you can talk to her about other possible avenues to go down.

Does she have any chance of going to uni, maybe help to get her away from issarn for a while, this is going to cost you money but would kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

I've a daughter in the UK soon to be 21 so i know what its like when their this age.

Best of luck.

Edited December 30, 2008 by Mali1964

[spiderman2]

I wonder how many people who have wrote on this post have been involved in the p4p scene, arent we all hypocrites when its someone elses daughter......or son!

[typhoon]

Thanks for all the replies, some very good ones. It seems she will do what she wants regardless of what I say, I will meet up with her next feb and try and get her to come and live with me in isaarn to carry on with her education.

Where she works/stays is a karaoka type drinking den thai punters mainly with the odd farang. I do care for my daughter and love her very much, I just don't want to see her go down the wrong road. My sons fine 23 years old in the thai army.

Amazing thailand, never a dull moment.

Regards. Typhoon.

After you let her know of your love & concerns for her maybe then you can talk to her about other possible avenues to go down.

Does she have any chance of going to uni, maybe help to get her away from issarn for a while, this is going to cost you money but would kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

I've a daughter in the UK soon to be 21 so i know what its like when their this age.

Best of luck.

I think to get her living under my roof and away from her mother is my best option to start with next year. Its not going to be easy.

[whiterussian]

wise. karaoke will lead her to the inevitable.

Maybe a trip to Pattaya might be in order... but be sure to take her to the most sleazy, repugnant dive, full of the rudest hags.

Or better yet, try and get her work abroad.

We forget that the lowliest Thais working in farangland, maybe in a kitchen... they earn masses more than high earners here.

You are a farang... do your farang magic...

One girl i know (29?) has been working in a kitchen in england for many years... she has paid off a 4,000,000 baht house here already. That is HUGE money to your average Thai.

edit: actually thats not true, i know a girl 23? who works in a strip joint as a waitress (good money with the tips!), she is a neice of the boss. And has never sold herself, but still... What is your daughter going to do? become a mamasan? - or snag a rich farang?

Edited December 30, 2008 by UKWEBPRO

[samuibeachcomber]

so you are returning to live in isaan..........for good?i wish you all the best,and it would seem the best for her to live with you.working in a provincal thai town in a karoaki bar does not sound good.but will isaan be any fun,once children have left the village or farm they very rarely go back willingly.

I know money is not the major worry here but you must wonder where it all went,presumably to your ex wife.anyone who has children and has gone through those teenage years knows its not much fun wether together as a family or where parents are not together,usually with love and attention by one or both parents they usually come through those teenage years ok but not till early to mid 20's.............they need to know they are loved and wanted.i have 3 children all now in their mid 20's and 2 of them went through very difficult times.

[torrenova]

OK, I've seen all ides of this from being both sides of the bar and having been in Thailand for enough years.

Firstly, I have, as a bar owner, been propositioned by the mother of a girl to have her come to work for me. The mother knew exactly what she was doing and was pimping her daughter out. I refused to give her a job.

I know a few other girls who were effectively "sold" to the mamasan by their mothers when they were virgins to be deflowered by the highest bidder with the mamasan getting a cut and the mama getting the rest. This is only at Thai owned and run bars. I have never heard of this knowingly happen at a western owned bar. Figures from girls I know and trust range from 15k to 30k.

The old mama and daughter show has been around longer than I have been coming to Thailand. There were even stories about 3 generations working at one point in Bangkok. Not difficult if you think grandmama might have only been 40 something. hel_l, mathematically you could probably get 4 generations in !

Why ? well if mama was a hooker and achieved more than she would otherwise have done then why not her daughter ? Sex and making love are not the same and sex for money comes before making love in every hooker's mind.

I agree with Brit and a few others who say that the train has left the station and there is next to nothing you can do. As you say you are overseas, then you can do even less. The time to get her educated was in years 0 to 18 (realistically 12 or 13), not after she grows up.

Can I ask what problems you have had with her during and after puberty ? If she has been a tearaway and putting out left, right and centre then you have no chance.

As for her establishment, most karaoke places are for Thais. Is it male or female staffed ? If male staffed then they tend to pimp off the girls and bleed them for cash before shagging them. If it is female staff, then the staff beg drinks from the customers and host them before shagging them for money. Either way, most places run with sex either in the foreground or background.

I worry for the OP dearly. However there is little he can do. A lying, cheating and thieving mother is not the sort of role model a young girls needs and if she sides with her mother, then all the OP can do is offer a shoulder to cry on. I doubt it will ever be used though unless more coin can be gained from doing so.

Cynical ? too right I am. I have been involved with it for years and I just hope the the OP's girl is just having some fun and earning some money. The realistic part of me says that is not the full story.

Edited December 30, 2008 by torrenova

[Briggsy]

You could ensure she is fully aware regarding sexually transmitted diseases and contraception. In that environment there's a good chance she'll get knocked up and the lad'll be long gone before you even know about it.

[Maverell]

I can understand your concerns, I do feel however, if Mum is above the 'Bar' and owns it, I'd be very suprised if she'd allow her daughter to 'entertain' the punters.

Plus, as mentioned before, your daughter is over 18 years old and would be considered as being an adult, able to make up her own mind.

As you point out she is 18 and she can do what she wants. I will go and see her when I return to Thailand.

Actually - isn't 20 the age in Thailand for working / entering a bar?

Yes the law states 20 years old, but in some bars other laws seem to apply.

[Geekfreaklover]

I can understand your concerns, I do feel however, if Mum is above the 'Bar' and owns it, I'd be very suprised if she'd allow her daughter to 'entertain' the punters.

Plus, as mentioned before, your daughter is over 18 years old and would be considered as being an adult, able to make up her own mind.

As you point out she is 18 and she can do what she wants. I will go and see her when I return to Thailand.

Actually - isn't 20 the age in Thailand for working / entering a bar?

Yes the law states 20 years old, but in some bars other laws seem to apply.

Yes, especially when the lawmakers and law enforcers are regular patrons.

[Insight]

To the OP - Top two reasons women choose to work in bars (IMHO of course):

1. Unplanned teenage pregnancies.

2. Coerced by greedy parents with moral bypasses.

It's not always (in fact hardly) poverty driven with limited options.

Sorry!

[OlRedEyes]

Your kids will end up going in the direction they want to go. All you can do is make sure you give them options and advice.

[DP25]

If this were my daughter I'd already be at the bar with a shotgun in my hand.

[samuibeachcomber]

To the OP - Top two reasons women choose to work in bars (IMHO of course):

1. Unplanned teenage pregnancies.

2. Coerced by greedy parents with moral bypasses.

It's not always (in fact hardly) poverty driven with limited options.

Sorry!

for some its just easy money,hey loads of retail shop assistants,bank tellers do short time,a means to an end,easy money.

[think_too_mut]

It is getting there.

Nobody took me serious when I said many of us will be dead and our (Thai wife's) house may be for sale for a song.

Especially the expensive condos. Abandoned. Most surviving wives would not even try to sell the former nest.

The demographic is merciless.

[Mali1964]

If this were my daughter I'd already be at the bar with a shotgun in my hand.

speechless

[Chaimai]

If this were my daughter I'd already be at the bar with a shotgun in my hand.

This is 2008 John Wayne, NOT 1908 !

[DP25]

speechless

To get her out of there.

[Birdman]

speechless

To get her out of there.

..-if she wants to

[dave9988]

Are you sure she is working in a bar...?? The only reason I ask is that this appears to have been 'sprung on you', where did she live with her Mother, in a village or Town...?? Does her Mum see her regularly or live nearby.......??

Yes she is, I should have made it clear she lives with her mother above the bar her mother owns in a large town not to far from Bangkok.

This is why her mother seems not to care.

honestly, i don't see what the big deal is if it is a family business.

has she stopped studying altogether?

what is the atmosphere of the bar like and what does she do there?

Edited December 30, 2008 by dave9988

[dave9988]

Btw its comical that all the middle aged balding fat farang want to know her name and location so they can go and pick her up.

Keep dreaming, you almost never see an attractive young Thai girl with any of you, let alone a luk krung.

go pick up another troll at nana!

[dave9988]

To the OP - Top two reasons women choose to work in bars (IMHO of course):

1. Unplanned teenage pregnancies.

2. Coerced by greedy parents with moral bypasses.

It's not always (in fact hardly) poverty driven with limited options.

Sorry!

Lol. Not all bars involve old men calling out the numbers of girls. There are tons of bars that you would probably not dare enter where drinks cost 300 baht each and the waitresses are knock outs who only go with guys with 5 million baht rides and make 60k a month in tips ---- not saying taht this is OP's daughter cause but the point is that NO, not every bar is like the shit hole you visit in nana plaza

[Chaimai]

Btw its comical that all the middle aged balding fat farang want to know her name and location so they can go and pick her up.

Keep dreaming, you almost never see an attractive young Thai girl with any of you, let alone a luk krung.

go pick up another troll at nana!

And was the point of that rant (and your next one) - been drinking Dave ?

[typhoon]

I'll get back to some these posts later, real busy today on deck freezzzzzing outside.

Regards.

[dave9988]

Btw its comical that all the middle aged balding fat farang want to know her name and location so they can go and pick her up.

Keep dreaming, you almost never see an attractive young Thai girl with any of you, let alone a luk krung.

go pick up another troll at nana!

And was the point of that rant (and your next one) - been drinking Dave ?

no, i am just pointing out how comical is that all the playboys are going to check up on her (who are obviously taking the piss at OP).

[Ulysses G.]

Noone knows where she is working.

[Briggsy]

Btw its comical that all the middle aged balding fat farang want to know her name and location so they can go and pick her up.

Keep dreaming, you almost never see an attractive young Thai girl with any of you, let alone a luk krung.

go pick up another troll at nana!

And was the point of that rant (and your next one) - been drinking Dave ?

Dave has not been here long and if you notice the confrontational nature of the majority of his posts, I don't think he'll be around much longer.

[britmaveric]

Btw its comical that all the middle aged balding fat farang want to know her name and location so they can go and pick her up.

Keep dreaming, you almost never see an attractive young Thai girl with any of you, let alone a luk krung.

Odd - I think we have all seen absolute stunners with middle aged balding fat farang, so your theory is false.

Back to the op - I think working in a thai place is far worse situation than a farang place.

[Briggsy]

Back to the op - I think working in a thai place is far worse situation than a farang place.

I agree.

Drug use is found everywhere. But hard pushing of drugs on young women is much more often found in Thai joints. As is a coercive environment in which young women (note: little right to refuse in Thai structure) may be heavily pressured to do things they don't want to by older men (note: every right to push for what they want in the patriarchal seniority based system)

I hope for the OP's daughter's sake, the mother is ultra-defensive of her daughter.

We are all products of the environment in which we were raised. Thus if you were raised by your mother above a bar owned by your mother, it is hardly surprising you end up working in a bar with all the moral values that entails.

[Geekfreaklover]

It is a very sad situation.

The best thing would be to offer an alternative career, a different choice in life.

I recall going to visit a friend in rural Isaan not long ago, and this friends mother in-law was openly suggesting / offereing that I, or a farang friend, take care of her 14 year old grand-daughter. Needless to say, I walked away from that conversation.

The Grandmothers only thought was about the money that she could gather from palming off her grand-daughter to a rich Farang.

Children that are treated in this way will havel serious social issues in later life. the abused becomes the abuser and so on.

It is never nice to see these trends of social behaviour.

Edited December 30, 2008 by Geekfreaklover

[Chaimai]

Keep dreaming, you almost never see an attractive young Thai girl with any of you, let alone a luk krung.

go pick up another troll at nana!

And was the point of that rant (and your next one) - been drinking Dave ?

Dave has not been here long and if you notice the confrontational nature of the majority of his posts, I don't think he'll be around much longer.

He seems to have disappeared for now Briggsy (although he knows a lot about Thailand - and this forum/members - for someone who has only been around for a month ??)

Edited December 30, 2008 by Chaimai