andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Ive known my g/f for over a year now and she's never asked for money for anything, although I have sent her the odd few 1000 to pay for her text's she sends me.But resently she's been moody and not wanting to talk(on phone)so eventually I got it out of her that she was having trouble with her bank. She has 4 sons 2 of them live with her sister they are 15 and 17 and twin boys age 6 who live with her ex husbands sister. They all live up Isaan way. I have no idea what she earns, she works in the office of a holiday complex and is just a general dogsbody, I always thought about 8000 -9000 a month. But when I asked her how much she sends for the 4 sons every month she said 20,000, so I said what about your ex does he not contribute, she replied he same same 20,000. I said ok show me your bank details where it shows the money you send home, it went all quiet then a OK, so I wait and see. So does anyone know what would be the average a mum sends home to support just the 2 older boys to pay for food, clothing and school needs etc. Then at least I will have something to go on.As I've said I dont know much about Thai wages so just guessing on the 8000. I'm sure those boys dont live on 40,000 a month, that for sure. Thanks Andy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabum Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Wait, you want to know because you are considering sending the sufficient sum? Are you that daft? Go ahead, and then she can get pregnant by a few more guys over the next few years and you can increase your payments based on per new child that joins the group....... Surely that was not your intention? Why would you be believing any incarnation of the sick buffalo story anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I'd look on the bright side. You've had a very clear and loud warning. I'd advise you heed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahtin Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 How much time have you actually spent with her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Wait, you want to know because you are considering sending the sufficient sum? Are you that daft? Go ahead, and then she can get pregnant by a few more guys over the next few years and you can increase your payments based on per new child that joins the group....... Surely that was not your intention? Why would you be believing any incarnation of the sick buffalo story anyway? I'm not that stupid, she will not get a penny from me I just want to know how much the average send home is so I can let her no I'm no f***ing mug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Guesthouse is normally succinct (and accurate) in these cases. However, ... tell more of your story. Where did you meet, how long have you spent with her in the last year, how old is she, how old are you, what do you do, where does she work, where does she live, what are your plans for visiting Thailand in the next 12 months, what are your long term plans, how long have you been coming to Thailand ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 How much time have you actually spent with her? Last year 8 weeks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumball Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 You say you have already been sending her 1,000 's to pay for texting , but you are not Efing stupid enough to send money for her children , hope you are being truthfull here , mmmmmmm . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petesear Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Your GF probably only earns 4/5k a month as a general 'dogsbody'. Is she asking you to send her money because her other sponsors have stopped their contributions? I have a mate in London who has been conned out of money to the tune of nearly £20k, I kid you not! And he only spends 3wks a year with the lovely girl. You know what you need to do..... Walk away, don't look back, no matter what sob stories you hear. Good luck.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Guesthouse is normally succinct (and accurate) in these cases.However, ... tell more of your story. Where did you meet, how long have you spent with her in the last year, how old is she, how old are you, what do you do, where does she work, where does she live, what are your plans for visiting Thailand in the next 12 months, what are your long term plans, how long have you been coming to Thailand ? First met last year when visiting a relative who's married to Thai man. she's 40 I'm 52, came back 2 more times last year for 3 weeks at a time.I'm semi retired so was planning on coming back this year for 3 or 4 more trips at 3 weeks a time (but who knows) Ive a good friend in KL so might try there.Ive been working non stop for many years so a lot of traveling to catch up on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaiflyer1 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I'm no f***ing mug No .....no..... dont thank me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edwardandtubs Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Why not just get another girlfriend who doesn't have children by another man? If she's not good enough for the father of her child, she's not good enough for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 You say you have already been sending her 1,000 's to pay for texting , but you are not Efing stupid enough to send money for her children , hope you are being truthfull here , mmmmmmm . Yes I sent her some photos with a 1000 note in for text and a couple of letters and each time a 1000 in so no regular payments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Why not just get another girlfriend who doesn't have children by another man?If she's not good enough for the father of her child, she's not good enough for me. To be honest I was not looking for girlfriend but we met and it was a good excuse to come back to Thailand and we've had some good times, only learned about the kids on last visit but did'nt bother me as not long time comittment planned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surface Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Why not just get another girlfriend who doesn't have children by another man?If she's not good enough for the father of her child, she's not good enough for me. This has to be the dumbest thing I've ever read on the internet. Congrats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 First met last year when visiting a relative who's married to Thai man. she's 40 I'm 52, came back 2 more times last year for 3 weeks at a time.I'm semi retired so was planning on coming back this year for 3 or 4 more trips at 3 weeks a time (but who knows) Ive a good friend in KL so might try there.Ive been working non stop for many years so a lot of traveling to catch up on. The heart is a funny thing. The head is much smarter and the fact that your topic title uses the phrase 'rip off' suggests that you think you are being ripped off. My g/f had a son, who sadly died, and she was sending 1,000 baht a month for sister to look after him. She was earning 6,000 Bt p.m. + tips as a bar cashier and paid 2,000 pm shared rent. The 20,000 is therefore way-off the mark. The Thais are masters at extracting cash for all sorts of good causes. i really believe that they think that money grows on trees in Farang countries and we have a never ending supply of cash. She hasn't been quick off the mark to work the conversation round to money. Either set down exactly what you are prepared to pay your girlfriend to help support her (your obligation) or follow your instincts and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neeranam Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 she replied he same same 20,000 If you hear any woman say "same same" dump her. Why on earth do you think that you should have to give a Thai woman money? And for her family? There's one born every minute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pop_corn Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetsetBkk Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Is this in any way related to your recent thread "Swift Money Transfers, Do transfers to Thailand need a reason to be sent ?" ? (PS: The answer is 'Yes') Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Is this in any way related to your recent thread "Swift Money Transfers, Do transfers to Thailand need a reason to be sent ?" ?(PS: The answer is 'Yes') No that was for a Christmas present, That money never arrived, it was paid into the wrong account because HSBC cocked up, still waiting for the money to be credited to my account. I resent it by Western Union Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 she replied he same same 20,000 If you hear any woman say "same same" dump her. Why on earth do you think that you should have to give a Thai woman money? And for her family? There's one born every minute. I thought I made it clear I was not going to give her a penny . And never had any intention of giving her any. Wanted to know the average so I could ask her. " Who you trying kid 20,000 a month" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetsetBkk Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Is this in any way related to your recent thread "Swift Money Transfers, Do transfers to Thailand need a reason to be sent ?" ?(PS: The answer is 'Yes') No that was for a Christmas present, That money never arrived, it was paid into the wrong account because HSBC cocked up, still waiting for the money to be credited to my account. I resent it by Western Union I'm confused. In that thread you said you used the Nationwide SWIFT form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyg75 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Is this in any way related to your recent thread "Swift Money Transfers, Do transfers to Thailand need a reason to be sent ?" ?(PS: The answer is 'Yes') No that was for a Christmas present, That money never arrived, it was paid into the wrong account because HSBC cocked up, still waiting for the money to be credited to my account. I resent it by Western Union I'm confused. In that thread you said you used the Nationwide SWIFT form. Yes sent through Nationwide but then it goes to HSBC who do all the transfers, that the problem Nationwide wont give me the money back until they get it from HSBC. My argument is that I did the transfer with Nationwide so they should pay me then get the money from HSBC themselves,but they wont have it. You would not belive the amount of phone calls I've made over this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetsetBkk Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Yes sent through Nationwide but then it goes to HSBC who do all the transfers, that the problem Nationwide wont give me the money back until they get it from HSBC. My argument is that I did the transfer with Nationwide so they should pay me then get the money from HSBC themselves,but they wont have it. You would not belive the amount of phone calls I've made over this. Thanks very much for the explanation. I send money every year from my Nationwide account to my Thai bank and have never had a problem, but it's always a worry for the couple of days that the money has gone from the UK account and before it turns up in the Thai account! As for your g/f, I really think you need to consider whether she's worth all the hassle. The numbers don't add up - where does she get 20,000 baht to send to her boys after her own expenses? You need to think long and hard about it all. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Yes sent through Nationwide but then it goes to HSBC who do all the transfers, that the problem Nationwide wont give me the money back until they get it from HSBC. My argument is that I did the transfer with Nationwide so they should pay me then get the money from HSBC themselves,but they wont have it. You would not belive the amount of phone calls I've made over this. I did not believe this when I first read it. I worked for HSBC for many years and did not know that Nationwide routed through HSBC. I still didn't believe it so I checked on Nationwide's website. Whilst there is nothing about this in the SWIFT payments out, they do say they use an agent for incoming SWIFT payments and the code MIDLBG22 should be quoted. I know that is HSBC's SWIFT code. Irrelevant to the topic but my apologies for doubting andyg75 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeGB Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Why on earth are you even bothered about contributing to bringing up someone else's kids? Just tell her no, it's not your responsibility, and if she does the moody, not talking, crying a lot scenario, walk away. Even if she doesn't, still walk away, this situation is only going one place, to the nearest ATM machine. I have two sisters in law, here in Thailand, one has just had a baby, and when she goes back to work , is going to pay the other sister in law 3000 baht a month to look after him, though in truth, she's such a good hearted, lovely woman, she'd probably do it for free. As far as I know, this is about the going rate. 20,000 Baht? Ridiculous. You'd pay less than that for childcare in most western countries. For goodness sake, listen to your head, not below your waistline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottyd Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 It has been said before many times, but I think it still holds true, "Would you do it in your home country?". I don't think anyone in england expects a new partner to help support their existing family, it is just not the done thing. Yes, support is often given, but never asked for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Back to the core of the topic My little neighbor got 4500 bahts/mo from her absent father - she’s in bkk and in high school tho Seriously……Ask yourself "what am I getting out of this relationship?" If the answer is not a positive one, get out. Don’t ever use “money” to buy “love & affection” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martian Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Just tell her that she and the childrens' father(s) were the ones who had the fun making the kids, they can be the ones responsible for providing for the kids. Then tell her you're not contributing to the support of those children and if she wants to continue her relationship with you..fine, but shes never to bring up the childrens' support again and if she doesn't want to continue the relationship...her loss. Don't let her try to give you a guilt trip because of sympathy for her. It is a different story if your relationship proceeds and you are the only man in her life and marriage enters the picture. You can never marry a person who has children and not expect to contribute at some substantial level. Kids come with her as part of the package or as other people call it...baggage....and in these times baggage has to be paid for. Politely stand your ground and live with whichever way it goes. Plenty of fish in the sea...especially S. E. A. Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballbreaker Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 (edited) First off long distant relationships are a waste of time and money so listen to your gut feelings and enjoy the travel instead. Most Thai women send anywhere from 1-3000 a month but it will depend mostly on their monthly salary. I would ask how she can afford to send 20k a month when she makes far less. A friends Thai GF pays a sister 5K a month to take care of 12 year old son but I'm sure that's only because she currently has farang BF. Remember that if you found one ladies company you enjoy their is always another fish in the sea. Cut you loses and move on. Edited February 18, 2009 by ballbreaker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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