Dillema

[The Philosopher]

Firstly this is not a troll but I would like to get some views on nasty situation that is transpiring and I would like to get some opinions on a few things. My wife (Thai now British) has been in the UK for now over 10 years. She has lots of Thai friends and to all intents and purposes has become the catalyst for introducing new Thai girls to the thriving Thai community in the town where we live in UK.

About a year ago a new girl appeared on the scene sponsored by her husband to be. The husband to be is in his late fifties and has a very successful medium size privately owned business which is very successful in the town. He is divorcee ex British wife. I have met the guy a couple of times and he is a steady down to earth guy. I do recognise the strength of his business in the area due to the visibility of his outlets and things like local radio advertising. I will call him Joe.

My wife tells me that the girl Joe has sponsored is to all intents and purposes going to scam him out of everything she can once her marriage and citizenship is through then she will go back to Thailand.

She has been boasting to the other girls about how much money and material things she can achieve. She is no fool she is in her late 30’s was married to a Japanese for many years. She has a house in Thailand where she keeps a Thai boyfriend, Joe thinks he is a cousin who works in Bangkok and lives in the house. She is getting very restless at the moment as she is having to stay in the UK more than she wants to meet immigration criteria need to enable her to meet her goals. This seemingly has made her more vocal than usual.

My wife has stopped seeing her because she does not want to be around when Joe finds out and says why did you not tell me. The Thai girl has also been making veiled threats to the other girls in the community about things that could happen to them in Thailand if they tell Joe.

I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I would not call Joe a friend but he is a steady guy about to be ripped to bits by a very cool scam artist. I am pretty sure he had no idea and my wife wants to stay well away.

Your collective thoughts would be appreciated, should I let him know.

[Scott]

If you don't come up with anything else, you can always send him an anonymous letter, laying everything out. Let him know your a guy, you know he's a good person and he's going to get scammed.

He needs to know this and part of it is that she is basically bending, if not breaking the immigration rules. It's not just a personal issue between two people, but possibly a legal one.

Best of luck.

[scottyd]

I'd agree with the above. You really should tell this guy. You could send him an anonymous letter like suggested, but me personally I would tell him face to face.

This woman is not that clever if she is babbeling her plans out to random people that are relativley close to "Joe". Textbook error.

Regarding the threats towards the girls. They are not in Thailand anymore, and the chances of her following up on her threats are as minimal as me getting sucked off by Pamela Anderson when I get home.

Tell him and get the witch sent back home.

edit: Remember Joe may not want to hear what you have to say, so don't get offended if he acts like a naive fool when you tell him.

Edited March 10, 2009 by scottyd

[ukrules]

Tell him everything, you have nothing to lose. He probably won't believe you and if he was a good friend h would likely avoid you but as he's not a good friend I'd give him a heads up anyway. At least this way even if he doesn't believe you he might start to notice some warning signs in the future.

[Moonrakers]

I'd try to find some evidence before saying anything if possible, otherwise it is likely that he will believe her and you'll be marked as a jealous trouble maker (or something else).

Maybe get a conversation recorded using your (mobile) phone for example.

[bunple]

would you want someone to tell you?, I know I would.

[GrahamF]

I agree with the responses here. I would tell him and give him specifics if you have any, this would make it more believeable to "Joe". As he is not really a close friend you have nothing to lose. You may also want to mention to him the veiled threats, although I don't think she could make good on them.

[desertrat]

"she keeps a Thai boyfriend, Joe thinks he is a cousin"

Cousin, brother, uncle this stuff is par for the course often their husband.

[The Philosopher]

Thanks for the advice all I will let him know

[aussiejosh]

Really good responses so far. I wonder though, have you heard her say this or is it just what you have heard through people? Information generally changes significantly multiplied by the number of people in the chain.

Definitely consider the letter and telling him though, if your given the power to stop someone from being robbed in an alley by giving them a heads up there is a mugger in there just waiting; you would, wouldn't you?

[The Philosopher]

Really good responses so far. I wonder though, have you heard her say this or is it just what you have heard through people? Information generally changes significantly multiplied by the number of people in the chain.

Definitely consider the letter and telling him though, if your given the power to stop someone from being robbed in an alley by giving them a heads up there is a mugger in there just waiting; you would, wouldn't you?

It came directly from my wife and a close friend of hers who both wintessed the girl making the claims

[kiakaha]

i've been in several situations, in thailand and nzl, over the years where thai girls/women are talking in thai right in front of the foriegn husband, and basically slagging him off, not knowing that i speak and read thai to a very high level(often thai is more useful by not openly using it, just keeping it as a secret)...but would i ever tell the bloke....nope, its really none of my goddam business.

[OxfordWill]

I wouldnt present it as fact but as hearsay, because that is what it is, unless you have evidence. Simply (probably anonymously) relating to him what you have heard, in a simple and short way.

[PhilHarries]

Well it has been said but if you do tell him the chances are he won't want to hear it, or he will confront her and she'll fend him off with a pack of lies likely telling him you've been coming on to her, and he'll end up hating you.

Then it either turns out to be true and he realises what a tw@t he's been but it's too late or it turns out to be false and you've lost a friend however distant.

Or, he goes away and thinks things through and makes provisions to safeguard himself. If she turns out to be a good 'un he's lost nothing but if she turns out to be the gold digger you paint her as he's protected at least some of his assets.

Maybe that's the way to go, just give him friendly advice about not throwing his all in with her straight away but wait and see how the relationship develops.

Rocks and hard places are definately what springs to mind.

[saorsa]

i've been in several situations, in thailand and nzl, over the years where thai girls/women are talking in thai right in front of the foriegn husband, and basically slagging him off, not knowing that i speak and read thai to a very high level(often thai is more useful by not openly using it, just keeping it as a secret)...but would i ever tell the bloke....nope, its really none of my goddam business.

If you see a guy about to turn into a dark side street where you know there is a mugger waiting for a victim....would you warn him not to go down that street, or is that still none of your business??

[theoldgit]

Just a thought, could you arrange for the girl to be made aware that her intentions are known and if she doesn't back off "the beans will be spilled".

I was scammed by a Thai woman, and am fighting back, which she doesn't like.

People advised me to be careful, but I didn't listen, but there was no proof at that stage. There were plenty of alarm bells ringing, but I ignored them, to my cost.