Breaking Up...

[t.s]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

no, you wouldn't at 40k. you could certainly exit one though.

[t.s]

Well, sometimes people just aren't suited to spend the rest of their lives together no matter how much they try... and we've tried. Over 2 years now (the longest either of us have been with someone... I'm 29, she's 26.)... To cut a long story short, I'm a good enough guy, She's a good enough girl... but just the last few months I've seen resentfullness creap into her... I'm not rich, have no assets, she's only ever asked for me to help send some baht home after a year or so together... she works in a Salon earning 8K baht a month, I earn around 40K+ so I started sending 3,500K a month to her family as they are helping to raise a young child and also have pretty much FA.

Anyway, recently some cousins of hers have snagged farangs who've bought them 2 houses, a village supermarket and a Hilux in one case... another a 500K sinsod after knowing eachother a month... She's (and I via a loan) helped her father buy a plough and she's broke for the next year because of it. And whenever the cousins are brought up I see resentfulness because I can't do what they're doing... and it's gotten to the point that it's time for a chat of, she has to look inside herself and decide if I, as I am, with what I have, am the person she wants to be with, and can be content with that...

Other reasons too, but we might split up and being alone after living in eachothers pockets for 2 years would devestate me, and probably bring on a severe bout of depression, which I'm fearful of happening... but it might be for the best.

Has anybody here gone through such a period in their life and have any advice of how to beat the hurt, lonliness and depression of suddenly being alone after breaking from a person whom you truly love??

to be blunt, everyone has experienced a breakup. get over it, move on.

Dont use depression as an excuse and get out of the house. you can wallow in self pity or get a life, the choice is pretty simple.

Dont you have a life outside your relationship? if not, never make that mistake again.

[barryloei]

40k a month is pretty lame. Even a Thai food stall vendor can make almost as much. I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more. At least 70k.

your are badly informed Runner , there are very few vendors if any making that sort of money and if they are earning that sort of money then its a family run thing with lots of them working in it and the profits being split many ways which will each individual way less then you imagine .

[Ulysses G.]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

[a2396]

40k a month is pretty lame. Even a Thai food stall vendor can make almost as much. I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more. At least 70k.

Food vendors make 40,000 per mo? Not where I live. So, he should give her 100,000 per mo? So much for a relationship not based on money. Of course there are some idiot foreigners giving close to this or more and this is part of the problem. It is setting the tone for the "gold-digging" mentality of the women here.

[Sheryl]

You have already started to see the reality of the situation and of her, keep focused on that and the "truly love"part will dissolve away.

What you will feel loss for will not be the relationship you had but the relationship you thought you had/wanted to have. Just keep that difference straight in your mind.

I think you are already over the actual woman. What you are grieving for, in advance, is the loss of the dream.

that will hurt for a while but just keep in mind that the dream and the woman you perceived her to be are not the actual woman and the actual relationship/person. If you need to, tape a saying to that effect all around your apartment.

Once you've accepted that fact you may feel angry at yourself for having been taken in, seen what you weanted to see etc. that's normal. But forgive yourself, it is a mistake most peopekl make at one time or another and you are young, chalk it up to experience and vow to yourself that next time you will not let what you want to see color your vision.

Plenty of people older and more experienced than you have made this mistake or some variation of it. If you can learn from it you'll be that much ahead of the game.

Lastly, there are some people who aside from the normal grief/sadness of loss of a relationship are just plan afraid of being alone. I don''t know if you are among them but some of what tyou said sounds that way. If so, try to address that directly rather than seeking a way to dull the pain or fill the void. It is a very important skil to be able to be content and comfortable alone and unless one develops it one is always vulnerable to b ad relationships entered in to out of fear of being on one's. There is a lot to be learned from the experience of being alone and while it may feel difficult at first it can in fact be a chance for enormous personal growth. If necessary, get some counseling/short-term therapy to help you through it; don't be ashamed about that or feel it is asign of weakness. It can be very, very helpful and enable you not just to get over the break-up but to come out of it a stronger, more confident person with better understanding of yourself and your values.

A vipassana meditation course, if you can get some time off, would also help enormously. I've seen a lot of people come into courses fresh out of abreak-up, in some cases even crying on and off on the fuirst day or so. They are all smiling and invigorated by the last day of the course,it is almost like a rebirth. Quite a few are filled with anger and bitterness at the ex when they enter and wind up grateful to him or her for making them unhappy enough to take the course -- because they get so much benefit from it.

I know this feels like a terrible situation but in fact it is an opportunity that could change your life in a really piositive way. Nobody invests in change when things are going well; pain is nature's way of getting our attention. Make use of it as such and in a year's time you'll be in a better place than you have ever imagined.

[TonySoprano]

This is a depressing thread.

[madjbs]

Food vendors make 40,000 per mo? Not where I live.

In a busy area of Bangkok, a popular food vendor can make 20,000 or even 30,000 no problem.

[loong]

Food vendors make 40,000 per mo? Not where I live.

In a busy area of Bangkok, a popular food vendor can make 20,000 or even 30,000 no problem.

Your point is what?

[Heng]

Seems pretty obvious. Some vendors do well. If you're to widen that to clothing type goods and include some stalls at Chatuchak, MBK, Pratunam center, etc., some clear -that's net, not gross- that amount in a day.

[OxfordWill]

Have been through this, but you know the answers already. Ill throw in some science though which helped me.

The latest research shows that the area of the brain active during severe withdrawl from a drug habit, such as cocaine or meth, is the same area which is active during the first few weeks of a break up with someone. This is why the fear, lonliness and depression etc are to be expected. Knowing that this is a biological fact, necessary perhaps at some point for evolutionary purposes, might help you realise there is an end. As time goes by, as with a drug withdrawl, the feelings will get better (and much faster than all drug addictions would take you!).

I suggest weening yourself off her slowly rather than going cold turkey (might as well keep the analogy to drugs going). She moves out.. or you move out.. you agree to "yuu hang hang" (try some time apart, very very common thai phrase, usually accepted if things are going wrong), then meet regularly, then cut it down to a few times a week, then once a week, then once a fortnight... and it shouldnt hurt all that much since you give yourself time to go through "withdrawl".

[Geekfreaklover]

Have been through this, but you know the answers already. Ill throw in some science though which helped me.

The latest research shows that the area of the brain active during severe withdrawl from a drug habit, such as cocaine or meth, is the same area which is active during the first few weeks of a break up with someone. This is why the fear, lonliness and depression etc are to be expected. Knowing that this is a biological fact, necessary perhaps at some point for evolutionary purposes, might help you realise there is an end. As time goes by, as with a drug withdrawl, the feelings will get better (and much faster than all drug addictions would take you!).

I suggest weening yourself off her slowly rather than going cold turkey (might as well keep the analogy to drugs going). She moves out.. or you move out.. you agree to "yuu hang hang" (try some time apart, very very common thai phrase, usually accepted if things are going wrong), then meet regularly, then cut it down to a few times a week, then once a week, then once a fortnight... and it shouldnt hurt all that much since you give yourself time to go through "withdrawl".

I'm sure I read that explanation somewhere recently in one of the newspapers? Was it the BP or a British rag? Can't quite remember. It could have been online.

I agree, but what works better I find - and most addicts withdrawing find. Is to switch to another drug and slowly reduce it until completley clean. Like alcoholics switching to diazepam and reducing the diazepam until complety clean. Find a gik to take your mind of her. But don't get adicted to the gik as coming off diazepam is worse then coming off booze.

Slowly getting out of a long term relationship with a Thai girl is very dificult. Leaving a gik is easy.

Good luck mate.

GFL

[NaiGreg]

I still remember how painful a breakup can be even after 30 years, but (for the life of me) I can't even remember her face. I do seem to remember she was very pretty, though. [btw, I don't still "feel" the pain, just remember the intensity of it]

Read the book "Siddhartha" by Herman Hesse, if you have not done so before. Or, read it again. You are in the perfect frame of mind for it's profoundness.

Even Siddhartha had a break-up (with a surprise ending)

-NG

[loong]

Food vendors make 40,000 per mo? Not where I live.

In a busy area of Bangkok, a popular food vendor can make 20,000 or even 30,000 no problem.

Your point is what?

Seems pretty obvious. Some vendors do well. If you're to widen that to clothing type goods and include some stalls at Chatuchak, MBK, Pratunam center, etc., some clear -that's net, not gross- that amount in a day.

One poster claims that food vendors make 40,000 Baht per month

Another poster states " Not where I live"

Then someone else " A popular food vendor in a busy area of Bangkok can make 20 or even 30,000 Baht per month, no problem"

20 or 30,000 Baht is not 40,000, so I ask again "Your point is?"

I would have thought that the statement that a popular vendor can make 20,000 or 30,000 per month is agreeing with the "Not where I live" poster. ie a vendor in a really good area can only make 20,000 or 30,000, so the majority of vendors can no way earn 40,000.

But then the addition of "no problem" doesn't make sense.

So what is he saying? A popular vendor in a busy area of Bangkok can earn 20,000 or maybe 30,000, so most vendors earn 40,000 ? No of course not.

So what is the point that he's making?

And in response to you. Yes a small minority of vendors have a really good business, but most can only dream about 20,000 Baht profit per month

[samuibeachcomber]

Well, sometimes people just aren't suited to spend the rest of their lives together no matter how much they try... and we've tried. Over 2 years now (the longest either of us have been with someone... I'm 29, she's 26.)... To cut a long story short, I'm a good enough guy, She's a good enough girl... but just the last few months I've seen resentfullness creap into her... I'm not rich, have no assets, she's only ever asked for me to help send some baht home after a year or so together... she works in a Salon earning 8K baht a month, I earn around 40K+ so I started sending 3,500K a month to her family as they are helping to raise a young child and also have pretty much FA.

Anyway, recently some cousins of hers have snagged farangs who've bought them 2 houses, a village supermarket and a Hilux in one case... another a 500K sinsod after knowing eachother a month... She's (and I via a loan) helped her father buy a plough and she's broke for the next year because of it. And whenever the cousins are brought up I see resentfulness because I can't do what they're doing... and it's gotten to the point that it's time for a chat of, she has to look inside herself and decide if I, as I am, with what I have, am the person she wants to be with, and can be content with that...

Other reasons too, but we might split up and being alone after living in eachothers pockets for 2 years would devestate me, and probably bring on a severe bout of depression, which I'm fearful of happening... but it might be for the best.

Has anybody here gone through such a period in their life and have any advice of how to beat the hurt, lonliness and depression of suddenly being alone after breaking from a person whom you truly love??

I would n't worry to much,she's being got at by possible older cousins who have snagged older dumb farangs who will soon wise up to all the stupid spending they have done.my advice would be to separate from her.Get your own place,stop sending the monthly stipend to her parents,keep in touch with her but keep your hands in your pocket.She will soon realise that the grass is n't always greener,and if she really cares for you will want to come back soon enough,and you will have taught her a valuable lesson.If she does n't come back you will have learnt a valuable lesson too,that she never really loved you for who you are,and you will be better off without her.You are both young,and she should realise there's plenty of time to grow emotionally and materially.You have to show her you can do without her if money(or lack of it) is her main criteria.

[nycboy57]

Well, sometimes people just aren't suited to spend the rest of their lives together no matter how much they try... and we've tried. Over 2 years now (the longest either of us have been with someone... I'm 29, she's 26.)... To cut a long story short, I'm a good enough guy, She's a good enough girl... but just the last few months I've seen resentfullness creap into her... I'm not rich, have no assets, she's only ever asked for me to help send some baht home after a year or so together... she works in a Salon earning 8K baht a month, I earn around 40K+ so I started sending 3,500K a month to her family as they are helping to raise a young child and also have pretty much FA.

Anyway, recently some cousins of hers have snagged farangs who've bought them 2 houses, a village supermarket and a Hilux in one case... another a 500K sinsod after knowing eachother a month... She's (and I via a loan) helped her father buy a plough and she's broke for the next year because of it. And whenever the cousins are brought up I see resentfulness because I can't do what they're doing... and it's gotten to the point that it's time for a chat of, she has to look inside herself and decide if I, as I am, with what I have, am the person she wants to be with, and can be content with that...

Other reasons too, but we might split up and being alone after living in eachothers pockets for 2 years would devestate me, and probably bring on a severe bout of depression, which I'm fearful of happening... but it might be for the best.

Has anybody here gone through such a period in their life and have any advice of how to beat the hurt, lonliness and depression of suddenly being alone after breaking from a person whom you truly love??

I would n't worry to much,she's being got at by possible older cousins who have snagged older dumb farangs who will soon wise up to all the stupid spending they have done.my advice would be to separate from her.Get your own place,stop sending the monthly stipend to her parents,keep in touch with her but keep your hands in your pocket.She will soon realise that the grass is n't always greener,and if she really cares for you will want to come back soon enough,and you will have taught her a valuable lesson.If she does n't come back you will have learnt a valuable lesson too,that she never really loved you for who you are,and you will be better off without her.You are both young,and she should realise there's plenty of time to grow emotionally and materially.You have to show her you can do without her if money(or lack of it) is her main criteria.

Hi I am new to this and living in Bkk from NYC for two years, I am one of those old timers who came here after a 10 year relationship to a beautiful German actress I met in my acting class. She and I were inseparable for 10 years and we got into a cult in the States and the guru got her to leave me or me to get out of the commune we lived in. After 9/11 and being alone through that I was so depressed but due to liver condition could not take anything for the pain. Finally two years ago came to Thailand as a courier for $150 roundtrip and found paradise. Then I met a Thai woman that worked in yellow pages and was making 5000 baht a month. I was given advice by other farang that I should stop her from working and give her money to stay with me. What a mistake. Another guy said easy to get hard to get rid of. I finally saw that she was not for me after about four months and gave her money to leave. She never stopped calling and emailing and I was told to change sim cards that I still had the hook in my guts. I didn't listen. Went with other females here and was not happy. She was so cute and small and I finally took her back that was six months ago. Paid off her debts to credit card, Paid for her to go to school for massage and spa, she got a diploma. I said I would give her 500 baht for every deep massage she gave me. She would put the headphones on and watch soap operas and massage me for about an hour. I got a hernia operation at Bumrungrad and it didn't go well, and she stood by me. The big problem with us is that sex was not what I wanted and she constantly accused me of cheating on her when I was never cheating on her. I loved her and finally five months ago told her to go and she i filled two huge suitcases for her which I bought her. I had taken her on two foreign trips and even though she didn't ask for money for father and sisters this time, she was going to school for massage every day and she had allot of clothes and shoes and an Iphone 2G i gave her and 12000 baht to go to her father or sisters and give me 30 days without sms or emails or calls. She lasted 3 days and tried to break into the condo i was renting. She didn't know I changed the locks. Since then she has gotten 14 different email addresses on gmail that I block as soon as I realize it is hers. She has written everyone on my email from sister to friends. Accused my therapist and friends here of telling me that I should leave her. Still accuses me of being with women that I never was with. I removed her from the gym membership that I gave her since she was stalking me. She has threatened to kill me that she cannot eat or sleep and will have to sell boom boom now that the money ran out. I never have answered her emails and phone numbers have changed and have moved out of the apartment.She is 31 and I am 62 and I am told don't look it. I say this to you that even with all this it hurts and I am trying to date but I feel burnt out. Most of the women I meet are girls that have jobs. Some as old as 50 but still feel money is an issue. Not like it would be in NYC where I couldn't get a date being retired on disability pension. I go to Bikram Yoga and swim and exercise and talk to people in the states on Magicjack. I feel that the decision to leave her and get her out of my life was the best and I do not regret any breakup I have had. This too shall pass. Good luck and hang in there.If I was your age I would just learn the language and meet some really nice girls who go to school and work.Even now I am trying to do that. Landmark was a good course I took and 12 step meetings and meditation and exercise are all important.Attitude of gratitude is also important. Go to hospitals and try and be of help to those less fortunate. People who cannot see or walk or anything. Many people are suffering here and could use a hand.These are things I am working on myself. Life is great and make the best of every heartbeat. Time goes by fast and before you know it you are in your 60's and you say where did it go?Sorry for the length of this and I guess it might be cut down or removed but if it stays it was good for me to remember and to share my experience to those that might benefit. Take what you need and leave the rest another slogan. ONe day at a time, Keep it simple, But for the grace of God. Cheers.

[mhatami]

Having dealt with thai people for past 10 years, I have notices that they are very short sighted people. They do not think long term in love, marriage, money, etc.

If she wants money just be glad that it happened now and not later, and I am sure you have affine future ahead of you. No relationship will survived if it s based on $$$$.

My advice to you is don’t get hung up on luv and relationship with Thai gals, just have fun and may be in future the right on will come alone

[G54]

Resentfulness because you are not able to satisfy the comparably extravagent lifstyle her sisters have managed to bag themselves .......... that says everything you need to know, doesn't it.

Well, look at like this: chances are pretty strong the relationships the sisters are in are not going to last more than a few years at best either (500k after only knowing the girl for one month - thats good decision taking?) - let go and move on, and if what I have said regards the other sisters comes to pass, you'll be able to grin and be glad it wasn't one of them you landed up with and that you didn't come out 500k poorer.

Wish you all the best.

Have to agree with Maizefarmer.

I recently broke up after 9 months when relations from Phuket arrived and started the same talk about rich Farang buying their way into love. Houses, cars etc.

It IS going to hurt you for a while especially after a loving relationship turns on its head after the whisperings in the girls ear. Now will she ever be happy being seen as a Thai lady with a 'poor' Farang by comparison?

How long it takes you to get over the hurt will depend on you, your social life and any friends you may have who can help get you through it.

Try to keep busy. Lose her number. Change yours. Go and get drunk and forget the phone while you do, lest you are tempted to phone/text her. (I was foolish enough to have kept the same number until I had to change it).

Simply put, make as clean a break as you can.

Best of luck.

[Sabum]

Khun Yimmy I understand and believe YOU don't enter a relationship base on MONEY, but I'm to say most of them do. Sad My friend but I think this is a fact of life, i.e., if you have no means(money, a job etc) of taking care of her than she might as will find work and be single happy and free, love takes a backseat when it comes to support and physical well being.

Right.... uh, try telling that to the millions of educated women that have the motivation and ambition and sense of self worth to get their own dam_n money by working a job. They have the luxury of actually loving their mate for the sake of love... believe it or not.

[skippybangkok]

Dump and move.........

Not easy to find a partner with the same goals, but they are out there........ takes alot of time and a bit of luck

[thithi]

so she just wants to be like her cousins... so do u?

[easyride]

40k a month is pretty lame. Even a Thai food stall vendor can make almost as much. I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more. At least 70k.

So you judge people by how much they earn.

"Try to earn some more" - what a ridiculous thing to say. 100k a month? a lot of people don't earn that much in the Uk, so not easy here unless you work in a specialised field.

'appen this blokes a banker......

[sassienie]

Well, sometimes people just aren't suited to spend the rest of their lives together no matter how much they try... and we've tried. Over 2 years now (the longest either of us have been with someone... I'm 29, she's 26.)... To cut a long story short, I'm a good enough guy, She's a good enough girl... but just the last few months I've seen resentfullness creap into her... I'm not rich, have no assets, she's only ever asked for me to help send some baht home after a year or so together... she works in a Salon earning 8K baht a month, I earn around 40K+ so I started sending 3,500K a month to her family as they are helping to raise a young child and also have pretty much FA.

Anyway, recently some cousins of hers have snagged farangs who've bought them 2 houses, a village supermarket and a Hilux in one case... another a 500K sinsod after knowing eachother a month... She's (and I via a loan) helped her father buy a plough and she's broke for the next year because of it. And whenever the cousins are brought up I see resentfulness because I can't do what they're doing... and it's gotten to the point that it's time for a chat of, she has to look inside herself and decide if I, as I am, with what I have, am the person she wants to be with, and can be content with that...

Other reasons too, but we might split up and being alone after living in eachothers pockets for 2 years would devestate me, and probably bring on a severe bout of depression, which I'm fearful of happening... but it might be for the best.

Has anybody here gone through such a period in their life and have any advice of how to beat the hurt, lonliness and depression of suddenly being alone after breaking from a person whom you truly love??

There are many foreign guys now that are warning; don’t get involved with Thai women. Love them and leave them. Short time is safe time.

Especially these days because of the world economic crisis, many are becoming desperate and seeing Farangs as an easy option to gaining a lot of money quickly.

In my own experience, I found this a few months ago, when I discovered my wife’s married sister in law selling herself on social networking sites with the knowledge of her husband.

There are probably many Thai girl Farang guy marriage success stories out there, but the message is clear: buyer beware, they are becoming more deceitful and cunning.

Check out this post I found on craigslist:

http://bangkok.craigslist.co.th/w4m/1057763943.html

Edited March 25, 2009 by sassienie

[Lickey]

A 17 yo girl arranged with my mrs a 4am appointment for "getting married make-up & tussley hair ect, it turns out she had been married? twice before but never signed the papers, only the big party, also she has grossed 200.000 bht for mum and dad in dowry, all thai BFs, and in a lowly village in NW Thailand, so, falangs, beware!!

[t.s]

I'm sure I read that explanation somewhere recently in one of the newspapers? Was it the BP or a British rag? Can't quite remember. It could have been online.

I agree, but what works better I find - and most addicts withdrawing find. Is to switch to another drug and slowly reduce it until completley clean. Like alcoholics switching to diazepam and reducing the diazepam until complety clean. Find a gik to take your mind of her. But don't get adicted to the gik as coming off diazepam is worse then coming off booze.

Slowly getting out of a long term relationship with a Thai girl is very dificult. Leaving a gik is easy.

Good luck mate.

GFL

what alot of effort to tell the OP to go get laid

[JimmyConway]

Hey Yimmy this should put a smile back on ya face.

[samuibeachcomber]

nice one JC...................pattaya theme tune?

[qualtrough]

Food vendors make 40,000 per mo? Not where I live.

In a busy area of Bangkok, a popular food vendor can make 20,000 or even 30,000 no problem.

My mother-in-law clears north of 40K running a veggie stall at a local market. She works dam_n hard at it too. Bought us a car with those profits.

40K for a farang is comparing apples to oranges anyway. Thais can rely on their family network, local connections and knowledge, and don't have to worry about work permits, visa runs,etc. 40K is not a lot of money for a farang, especially one wooing a woman. I don't think the OP's prospects would be very good back home either given an equivalent income back home. At any rate, you will never catch up with those dumb farang husbands. I had a friend in a similar situation. He was making very good money here, but these guys were older Eurotrash and dumping obscene amounts of money on their wives. Move on, and try to improve the income situation. At the very least you will have more money for beer to drown your sorrows in.

[sassienie]

Hey Yimmy this should put a smile back on ya face.

:D :D

The best yet.

So now you know whats in the water, dive in at your peril.

[coalminer]

Hey Yimmy this should put a smile back on ya face.

The best yet.

So now you know whats in the water, dive in at your peril.

And this one?

Even better