Generic Food Topic

[Puwa]

We're all busy people, obviously, and would benefit by cutting the time we spend starting and building up out TV posts on the popular topics of food and restaurant options in Chiang Mai.

So let me propose a system. Once the topic starts, we can quickly cover all the standard queries, FAQs, ratings, and comments, in these simple steps. Simply fill in the blanks:

1) Where can I find good _______ in Chiang Mai? (for the small-minded, "Where is the best?")

2) Go to ______, it's the best.

3) Anyone who thinks _____ is good is an uncultured lout. (alternate, substitute "American")

4) I once visited the country where _____ originates, making me an expert, and you people are deluding yourselves if you think you know what you are talking about.

5) Excuse me, this is slightly off topic, but where can I buy a volleyball net?

6) I suspect that you hold shares in the _____ restaurant that opened up near that bookstore.

7) I'm not cheap, I just know the value of a buck.

8) If you can't afford to pay for good _____, go back to where you came from, loser.

9) I ate at ____ recently, and encountered too many missionaries, which turned me off for reasons I can't fully articulate.

10) If you want a high quality volleyball net, not one of those cheap Thai nets that rip after 5 years of daily use, go to Tesco. (Continental Europeans, substitute "Carrefour")

11) I came to Thailand to escape an oppressive Judeo-Christian worldview, drink cheap beer before 10am, ride a motor scooter in a sleeveless shirt, and fornicate with peasant girls 20 years my junior; therefore, eating at ______ is beneath my standards.

12) That used bookshop isn't even a viable business.

13) I once had a steamy encounter with the entire Mexican men's volleyball team, and let me tell you, they really know how to spike the ball.

14) You people are living on borrowed time. Don't you know that Chiang Mai _____ has the world's highest concentration of mercury, PCBs, and table salt? Here's a graph.

15) I fear that this topic is getting out of hand.

16) Can't we all just get along?

17) Having been divorced four times before moving here, I am somewhat of an expert on the topic of love. All women need is a good plate of ______ and an ATM card.

18) No woman will ever touch my ATM card.

19) Does ______ have vegetarian dishes?

20) I hear that a princess once ate there

21) As moderator, I am warning that any further discussion of princesses, critical remarks about our sponsors, thinly veiled advertisements, or suggestions of happy endings will result in this topic being closed and your visa being revoked.

22) I couldn't find the volleyball net at Tesco.

23) Update: ______ has closed, the owner's partner absconded with the cash, the wait staff stole the beer mats, and the police have confiscated his unlicensed big bike.

24) That's what's wrong with this town, and why it will always be a backwater.

25) Try the sporting goods aisle, but don't ask the staff, because they are all idiots and don't know anything.

26) My Thai friend, the village idiot, says all you need to register a big bike is a few documents and 1000 baht.

27) Party tonight at Tusker's

[lannarebirth]

[alant]

We're all busy people, obviously, and would benefit by cutting the time we spend starting and building up out TV posts on the popular topics of food and restaurant options in Chiang Mai.

So let me propose a system. Once the topic starts, we can quickly cover all the standard queries, FAQs, ratings, and comments, in these simple steps. Simply fill in the blanks:

1) Where can I find good _______ in Chiang Mai? (for the small-minded, "Where is the best?")

2) Go to ______, it's the best.

3) Anyone who thinks _____ is good is an uncultured lout. (alternate, substitute "American")

4) I once visited the country where _____ originates, making me an expert, and you people are deluding yourselves if you think you know what you are talking about.

5) Excuse me, this is slightly off topic, but where can I buy a volleyball net?

6) I suspect that you hold shares in the _____ restaurant that opened up near that bookstore.

7) I'm not cheap, I just know the value of a buck.

8) If you can't afford to pay for good _____, go back to where you came from, loser.

9) I ate at ____ recently, and encountered too many missionaries, which turned me off for reasons I can't fully articulate.

10) If you want a high quality volleyball net, not one of those cheap Thai nets that rip after 5 years of daily use, go to Tesco. (Continental Europeans, substitute "Carrefour")

11) I came to Thailand to escape an oppressive Judeo-Christian worldview, drink cheap beer before 10am, ride a motor scooter in a sleeveless shirt, and fornicate with peasant girls 20 years my junior; therefore, eating at ______ is beneath my standards.

12) That used bookshop isn't even a viable business.

13) I once had a steamy encounter with the entire Mexican men's volleyball team, and let me tell you, they really know how to spike the ball.

14) You people are living on borrowed time. Don't you know that Chiang Mai _____ has the world's highest concentration of mercury, PCBs, and table salt? Here's a graph.

15) I fear that this topic is getting out of hand.

16) Can't we all just get along?

17) Having been divorced four times before moving here, I am somewhat of an expert on the topic of love. All women need is a good plate of ______ and an ATM card.

18) No woman will ever touch my ATM card.

19) Does ______ have vegetarian dishes?

20) I hear that a princess once ate there

21) As moderator, I am warning that any further discussion of princesses, critical remarks about our sponsors, thinly veiled advertisements, or suggestions of happy endings will result in this topic being closed and your visa being revoked.

22) I couldn't find the volleyball net at Tesco.

23) Update: ______ has closed, the owner's partner absconded with the cash, the wait staff stole the beer mats, and the police have confiscated his unlicensed big bike.

24) That's what's wrong with this town, and why it will always be a backwater.

25) Try the sporting goods aisle, but don't ask the staff, because they are all idiots and don't know anything.

26) My Thai friend, the village idiot, says all you need to register a big bike is a few documents and 1000 baht.

27) Party tonight at Tusker's

very good, made me smile

the answer is of course burger king

[Steve2UK]

28. Feel free to ask/post about anything you like - doesn't have to be Chiang Mai specific - e.g. dealing with ants, 150 baht ATM fees etc. The fact is that the CM forum is the only real forum on ThaiVisa - all the others are just cunningly contrived camouflage for it (surely you didn't think the posts elsewhere are genuine - did you?).

29. Don't waste your time using the search function - it'll only take you to those fake posts mentioned in #28. If the topic on your mind isn't in that day's CM posts then, in practice, it doesn't exist (think of the goldfish memory principle - but substitute hours for seconds).

[WaiWai]

Excellent, Puwa ! Pretty much eliminates the need for the whole thaivisa forum.

28. Feel free to ask/post about anything you like - doesn't have to be Chiang Mai specific - e.g. dealing with ants, 150 baht ATM fees etc. The fact is that the CM forum is the only real forum on ThaiVisa - all the others are just cunningly contrived camouflage for it (surely you didn't think the posts elsewhere are genuine - did you?).

29. Don't waste your time using the search function - it'll only take you to those fake posts mentioned in #28. If the topic on your mind isn't in that day's CM posts then, in practice, it doesn't exist (think of the goldfish memory principle - but substitute hours for seconds).

30. The answer is 43

31. You're not in [.....] now.

32. Those are mere generalizations. Not all [.....] people are the same, you know.

33. If you don't like it here, go home.

34. If you can't afford a/to [.....], you should not be living here.

35. If you learnt the language, these problems would never occur.

36. Try using the search function.

Oh, this is worryingly easy.

Edited May 24, 2009 by WaiWai

[WaiWai]

Strike out #34.

Puwa has it covered:

8) If you can't afford to pay for good _____, go back to where you came from, loser.

(Note: it's always better if "loser" is misspelt.)

[getgoin]

Only a loser would take the time out to write such bullsh.t.

[Rasseru]

38. When you have nothing to say yourself, while away those hours by making a template for others to use when posting.

Edited May 24, 2009 by Rasseru

[WaiWai]

36. 7-11 has great [......}

37. Is that the one down the little soi with the noodle stall on the corner, opposite where the [.....] used to be?

[Bill97]

Many thanks Puwa. I'm headed out to get a volleyball net now.

[orang37]

Good one, Khun Puwa !

39. Conflatulate yourself with the triumph of your vocabulary over substance.

best, ~o:37;

[WinnieTheKhwai]

This is brilliant, Puwa!!!!