Q: How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two: one to change the bulb, and one to hold the p***s ... oops! I mean ladder.

Psychoanalysis is about saying one thing and meaning your mother.

Two flies on Kojak's head.

1st fly: "Smile!"

2nd fly: "Why?"

1st fly: "We're on Telly."

Two flies on Kojak's head.

1st fly: "Smile!"

2nd fly: "Why?"

1st fly: "We're on Telly."

oh dear...

You're showing your age warfie if you can remember Kojak

Sean connerlly and cilla black where on the Micheal parkinson show so Micheal says to Sean I hear your a bit of a lady's man Sean

"yeah it has been said " replys Sean

It's said you can make love all night asks Micheal

"sure can " says Micheal

Cilla's ears prick up so after the show they get together for a few drinks and cilla get talking to Sean they hit it off together so leave together and go for a meal after the meal Sean asks cilla back to his hotel room sure says cilla

So there they are together on the bed and pretty so they are making love so afterwards cilla turns to Sean and says ok now I can find out for sure if you can make love all night

So Sean says yep no problem just put your hand on my cock and see what happens

So she do's so and sure enough it grows and they are making love again

So afterwards Sean say right cilla just remember to keep your hands on my cock every time and there won't be a problem so that's what happened and they made love all night long

So it's morning time and cilla turns to Sean and says wow Sean it's true what they say you really are a sex machine but tell me is that your secret me keeping my hands on your cock all the time ? So Sean says "well not really cilla it's just that the last time I slept with a scouser she stole my wallet "

Two flies on Kojak's head.

1st fly: "Smile!"

2nd fly: "Why?"

1st fly: "We're on Telly."

Two flies on Kojak's head.

1st fly: "Smile!"

2nd fly: "Why?"

1st fly: "We're on Telly."

oh dear...

You're showing your age warfie if you can remember Kojak

I had better shut up as well.

Two flies on Kojak's head.

1st fly: "Smile!"

2nd fly: "Why?"

1st fly: "We're on Telly."

oh dear...

You're showing your age warfie if you can remember Kojak

I had better shut up as well.

Silver Sea is obviously no spring chicken either, you told the joke in the first place...

That's very true, although that's not why I am called Silver sea!

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No, but close."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The encounter finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No, but still close."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Page down

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear: "No, but close. I'm Norwegian."

That's very true, although that's not why I am called Silver sea!

Who loves ya, baby?

Hey Ron, why do you choose to post your content as images? The image above was obviously copied from a website, because the words "front yard" are a link.

This is really an extreme PITA for people who read the forum using the Thai Visa app on a mobile device. When the image opens, we have to slide it side to side to read each line.

It also presents more bandwidth usage for mobile users who have volume based subscriptions, and slower page loading.

Can't you just simply copy and paste the text instead?? It would be easier for mobile users and normal PC users to read.

That's very true, although that's not why I am called Silver sea!

Who loves ya, baby?

Gold Seal?

That's very true, although that's not why I am called Silver sea!

Who loves ya, baby?

Gold Seal?

Hi Thaddeus. I am certainly in my golden years, but so far, my hair has not yet turned silver. (Silver sea has another meaning for me).

Q: What is green and wobbly and hangs from trees?

A: Giraffe snot

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

I was in the jungle and I saw a monkey with a tin opener.

I said: "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana."

The monkey replied: "I know that, silly. This is for the custard."

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Hey Ron, why do you choose to post your content as images? The image above was obviously copied from a website, because the words "front yard" are a link.

This is really an extreme PITA for people who read the forum using the Thai Visa app on a mobile device. When the image opens, we have to slide it side to side to read each line.

It also presents more bandwidth usage for mobile users who have volume based subscriptions, and slower page loading.

Can't you just simply copy and paste the text instead?? It would be easier for mobile users and normal PC users to read.

I have tried that but it just won't work.I will keep trying and if I can find a way that works,will most certainly post as you wish.Sorry for the inconvenience,but it is the only way I can post at the moment.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher ... and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. - George W. Bush

A Bus Load of Politicians Crashes

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer said, "I buried 'em all... out back."

The sheriff then asked, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

"Aussie Bank Robbers" joke

A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.

After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it.

In the wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to get rich.

Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.

The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, are more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.

The first safe's combination is cracked and inside the robbers find only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

'Well,' says one robber to another, 'at least we get a bit to eat.'

They open up the second safe and it also contains nothing but vanilla pudding and the process continues until all the safes are opened and there is not one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold to be found.

Instead, all the safes contain containers of pudding.

Disappointed, each of the mobsters makes a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.

The following morning, a Sydney newspaper headline reads, 'Australia's largest sperm bank robbed early this morning.'

"Greedy Kiwi" jokeThis aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep... "Mate", the aussie said, "Over there we shear them".The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone

Hey Ron, why do you choose to post your content as images? The image above was obviously copied from a website, because the words "front yard" are a link.

This is really an extreme PITA for people who read the forum using the Thai Visa app on a mobile device. When the image opens, we have to slide it side to side to read each line.

It also presents more bandwidth usage for mobile users who have volume based subscriptions, and slower page loading.

Can't you just simply copy and paste the text instead?? It would be easier for mobile users and normal PC users to read.

I have tried that but it just won't work.I will keep trying and if I can find a way that works,will most certainly post as you wish.Sorry for the inconvenience,but it is the only way I can post at the moment.

I may have found the way.Are the previous four posts as you need them to be ?

I am hosting a charity concert

for people who struggle to reach orgasm.

If you can't come, please let me know.

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.

Hey Ron, why do you choose to post your content as images? The image above was obviously copied from a website, because the words "front yard" are a link.

This is really an extreme PITA for people who read the forum using the Thai Visa app on a mobile device. When the image opens, we have to slide it side to side to read each line.

It also presents more bandwidth usage for mobile users who have volume based subscriptions, and slower page loading.

Can't you just simply copy and paste the text instead?? It would be easier for mobile users and normal PC users to read.

I may have found the way.Are the four previous posts as you requested ?

I may have found the way.Are the previous four posts as you need them to be ?

Perfect- much better indeed. Myself and lots of other mobile users thank you for your extra effort on your part!

Funny Political Jokes -- Australian Newest Political Jokes

Darren Lockyer, the Pope, John Howard and a school boy were all on the same airplane when the engine failed and they realised there was four of them but only three parachutes.

Darren Lockyer got up and said, I am a sporting superstar and must live so that I can continue my career to beat the Kiwis and the Poms in the tri-nations series.

He grabbed a parachute and jumped off the plane.

John Howard got up and said I am the smartest Prime Minister Australia has ever had and I have to live to continue to govern the country.

Then the Pope said to the school boy, well I am old and have lived my life so you should take the last parachute.

The school boy replied, “No, it's ok, the world’s smartest Prime Minister just took my school bag so there’s one for each of us!”

I may have found the way.Are the previous four posts as you need them to be ?

Perfect- much better indeed. Myself and lots of other mobile users thank you for your extra effort on your part!

Your welcome.Thanks very much.

Hey Ron, why do you choose to post your content as images? The image above was obviously copied from a website, because the words "front yard" are a link.

This is really an extreme PITA for people who read the forum using the Thai Visa app on a mobile device. When the image opens, we have to slide it side to side to read each line.

It also presents more bandwidth usage for mobile users who have volume based subscriptions, and slower page loading.

Can't you just simply copy and paste the text instead?? It would be easier for mobile users and normal PC users to read.

I have tried that but it just won't work.I will keep trying and if I can find a way that works,will most certainly post as you wish.Sorry for the inconvenience,but it is the only way I can post at the moment.

I may have found the way.Are the previous four posts as you need them to be ?

Yes, plain text, very good.