Worst Joke Ever

[kevjohn]

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."

So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are."

The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are."

The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

[TomTao]

The cow and the old fart.

An ant, a cow and an old fart were debating who is the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said "I give twenty quarts of milk every day, thats wht I'm the greatest!".

The ant said "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry fifty two times my own weight, and thats why I'm the greatest!".

Why are you scrolling down?

Its your turn, say something.

[anon21]

Q: Why did the scientist put a knocker on his door?

A: He wanted to win the no bell prize!

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Edited August 14, 2012 by Silver sea

[kevjohn]

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.

You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent".

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me,

but now my farts, although still silent, they stink terribly."

"Good", the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing".

[anon21]

A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only his underpants. He knocks on the front door, which is opened by the host.

Host says "I have to announce every guest as they arrive, what are you then?"

Guest replies "I am a premature ejaculation."

Host says "I can't announce that to the other guests!"

Guest says, "Well just tell them I've come in my pants!"

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

[anon21]

Q: What did the policeman say to his belly button?

A: You're under a vest.

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

[anon21]

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

A: Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

[kevjohn]

There were three guys waiting to get into heaven.

They were at the pearly gates and Saint Peter told them that to get into heaven,

they had to answer one question, which was, “Have you been faithful to your wife?"

.

The first man told him, that yes, he had been faithful and had never even thought about fooling around.

Saint Peter gave the man a Cadillac and let him in the pearly gates.

The second guy said he had been faithful, but he did think about fooling around a couple of times.

Saint Peter gave him a bicycle and let him in the pearly gates.

The third guy stepped up, and hanging his head down, said that he was unfaithful every chance he got,

and was deeply sorry for it. Saint Peter gave him a skateboard and let him in the pearly gates.

Then one day, the guy on the skateboard, saw the guy in the Cadillac, pulled over by a cloud, crying his eyes out.

The skateboarder asked him why he was crying as he got the Cadillac and he shouldn't have anything to cry about.

The guy in the Cadillac looked up and said, “I just saw my wife skateboard by"

[sunshine51]

Q: How do you make a hormone?

A: Don't pay her!

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Use Tiger Balm as a lube....

[Ron19]

Q: How do you make a hormone?

A: Don't pay her!

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Use Tiger Balm as a lube....

Oh no thanks,thats going no where near my apparatus.

[sunshine51]

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face

is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the

world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I

called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah," says the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"

[sunshine51]

Q: What has 18 legs and two tits?

A: The Supreme Court

[sunshine51]

The Shin:

A device for finding furniture in the dark.

[sunshine51]

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

[sunshine51]

If olive oil comes from olives and rose oil comes from roses

where does baby oil come from?

[sunshine51]

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.

An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her,

"Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?"

As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you

could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars."

She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think

I charge by the inch ?"

[sunshine51]

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hi stranger,

my name is Mike. I'll give you a free beer if you can guess the name of this

bar in three tries."

The man says, "Thanks...Mike's Place?"

"Nope."

"Mike's Tavern?"

"No,"

"Mike's Pub?"

"No, but here's a free beer anyway. Nobody ever get's it. The joint's name

is Sally's Leggs!

"That's a good one." the man says and proceeds to get royally ripped.

The next morning the man is still drunk and sitting on a curb, when a

cop pulls up and ask's him what he is doing there. He responds, "I'm

just waiting for Sally's Leggs to open, so I can wet my whistle!"

[sunshine51]

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

[sunshine51]

What's twenty feet long and smells like urine?

A crowd of old people line dancing.

[sunshine51]

What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?

An armadildo.

[sunshine51]

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I

seen you somewhere before?"

"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the S.T.D. clinic

[sunshine51]

What do tofu and dildos have in common?

They're both meat substitutes!

That's all folks.....

[sunshine51]

One afore ye go....

Deja Moo:

The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

don't try catchin me....you'll just die tired...hah

[David48]

A piece of string walks into a bar. He hops up onto a stool and yells

to the bartender, "Hey! Gimme a drink!"

The bartender picks up the string and throws it into the street.

The string thinks, "I'll show 'im. I'll go back in disguise, he won't know it's me, and at the last

minute I'll humiliate him.

So the string contorts its body into a whole different shape, and frizzes its hair ala a 'fro. It goes back

in, hops onto the stool and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "You're that piece of string I threw out 5 minutes ago."

The string answers, "No. I'm a frayed knot."

[Ron19]

House of ill repute

See if you can work this out

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill..

There were four men ....

one was walking briskly up the hill;

one was inside the brothel;

one was walking slowly down the hill and

the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?

The man going up the hill: was rushin

The man in the brothel: him-a-layin

The man walking down the hill: was finish

Now wait for it ..

Ya gonna hate this

The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green.

Edited August 20, 2012 by Ron19

[kevjohn]

I haven‘t spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don‘t like to interrupt her.

[kevjohn]

How do you know when a woman ‘s about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me …. “

[kevjohn]

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard.

As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went right on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.

This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.

She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through it.

She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us! “

“Oh my goodness!" said Mildred "Am I driving? “

[Robby nz]

I hear that Geman sausage is the wurst

[7by7]

A man goes to the doctor and says "Doc, you've got to help me. Every morning at 6 am I have a bowel movement."

The doctor looks at him quizzically and says "I don't see the problem; I wish I was that regular."

The man replies "You don't understand! My alarm clock doesn't go off until half past!"