Worst Joke Ever

[loong]

I was in a restaurant and ordered spaghetti

I thought "This doesn't taste right"

Turned out it was an impasta.

[loong]

10 people only had one small umbrella between them and it was really p*ssing down.

How is it that they all managed to stay dry?

They were all indoors

[laislica]

Teacher: John, where on the map is The United States?

John: It is there.

Teacher: Correct. Now Amanda, who discovered The United States?

Amanda: John.

Yup, true stories are best LOL

[AlanAunuum]

i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust

[loong]

i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust

Being pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners.

It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford.

Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck.

In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million.

Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment.

[AlanAunuum]

oh then i should have said dyson vacuum cleaner (in the UK we call them hoovers)

[GarryP]

i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust

Being pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners.

It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford.

Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck.

In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million.

Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment.

Loong You have lost me on this one. Really!!!

[silver sea]

My vacuum cleaner tried to kill me , but I managed to fight it off. Talk about Dyson with death!

[silver sea]

i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust

Being pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners.

It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford.

Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck.

In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million.

Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment.

Perhaps they should have tried the Dyson Ball Cleaner.

[silver sea]

Knock, knock.

Whos there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in its hot out here.

Knock, knock.

Whos there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce?

Yes, lettuce us alone, we are newly weds!

Knock, knock.

Whos there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce?

Yes, lettuce us pray. (I´m a priest!)

Q: What do you call the study of jokes about lettuce?

A: Dunno, but it's not rocket science.

[loong]

Q: What do you call the study of jokes about lettuce?

A: Dunno, but it's not rocket science.

Sorry, but that is too clever to qualify as a worst ever joke

[loong]

i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust

Being pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners.

It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford.

Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck.

In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million.

Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment.

Loong You have lost me on this one. Really!!!

Don't worry

If you don't understand then it just means that your mind is not in the gutter

[WitawatWatawit]

What do you call a vegetarian DJ with a rash? Spin-itch

(if that's too obscure, I shall refrain from making up any more)

[loong]

What do you call a vegetarian mechanic with a rusty vehicle? Car-rot

[loong]

Thomas the cat was biting his master's feet and got carried away

Tom-ate-toe

[loong]

The manager of the greengrocers received his bonus in vegetables

and he gets a pretty good celery already.

Edited August 24, 2014 by loong

[loong]

Why do they call a small spicy pepper that burns your mouth a chilly??

[loong]

Went out to the garden this morning and most of the lettuces were on their sides and jerking.

"Oh God", I thought, "we'll be eating seizure salads for a month now!"

[loong]

How do you circumcise a redneck

Kick his sister in the jaw

[loong]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

Edited August 24, 2014 by loong

[loong]

Pattaya police investigated the death of a Farang.

They found that he had been shot 27 times, his throat had been cut, he had suffered extensive burns after being doused in petrol and fallen 15 floors from his balcony to the street below. Apparently, he only fell because the rope around his neck had snapped.

The Pattaya police spokesman stated that this is the worst case of suicide that they have ever seen.

[loong]

Why do women have Orgasms

So they can moan even when they are enjoying it !

[WitawatWatawit]

Should CP Group be listed on the SET as chicken stock?

[silver sea]

I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.

[silver sea]

A certain Scandinavian airline lost my friend's luggage, so he said to their representative: "Are you telling me that it's vanished into Fin Air?"

[moojar]

A very young man had been on a date the night before, and his father is quizzing him about it.

"So son, how was the date hmmm?"

"It was great dad, I lost my virginity!"

"Oh, I am so proud of you! You're a man now! Tell me all about it!"

"Well dad, after dinner we drove up to Kissing Point and parked. Things got a bit steamy and, well, one thing led to another and we ended up making love in the back seat. :-) "

"Woo hoo, good on you son! So, when are you going to do it again?"

"Not for a while I think dad, my arse is a bit sore."

[moojar]

A blind man walking past the fish shop: "Mornin' ladies."

[moojar]

The prostitute says: "Faster, faster!"

The mistress says: "Harder, harder!"

The wife says: "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

[laislica]

Should CP Group be listed on the SET as chicken stock?

Insider joke?

Please explain.

I used to work for Reuters and we had tla's for everything, I got sick of them.

Plain English please LOL

Tla's = three letter acronyms

The Brit Navy had even 5 letters HOVPU, they had not learned to combine tla's LOL

Which is of course a helicopter operator's voice processing unit, (could be found on an aircraft carrier).

The ACC became the TDC or through deck cruiser, when the Gov said there would be no more ACC's because they were too expensive!

(OK, I'll get my coat)

(Don't blame me, you started it)

Edited August 27, 2014 by laislica

[moojar]

Three Indians walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of Sikh joke?"