When you stand at the front of a long que at the ATM and count your every baht, then read the receipt, then recount your money while picking your butt. Then look into the machine looking for the camera while every one behind you waits and doesn,t complain.

You drive the wrong way down a one-way street and shout at the guy driving the right way

Good one!

Comparing the bar girls and the katoey and finding the latter to be better looking

when your once lovely sexy teeruk, turns into an old ugly porky

The decorators turn up three weeks late and you don't bat an eyelid.

You missed the Thais who you were supposed to meet at 14.00,because they were on time and you didn't get there till 15.00

you finish your phone conversations with "urr urr urr candylat" or however it is spelt.

When you have a motorcy helmet - and no motorcy.

When you meet a farang puying and panic cause you cant figure out if she is a katoey.

When you have toilet paper in every room in the house - except the bathroom.

When you find yourself avoiding pedestrians while driving your motorcy on the sidewalk.

The day you first strap a full propane tank to your motorcy and drive home.

When on your visit back you kick off your shoes before entering an office.

When you push your way to the counter in front of someone who was there first, you just been here wayyyyy too long.

hmmm, let me try this one:

when you start posting on TV Forum ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

More like when you got banned 5 times already and you keep coming back

Hey, Darknight. Where's Adriana?

When you don't bother to que at the 7-11 and just push to the front like everyone else.

When you start wrapping up in the cold season

When you sit cross-legged eating at Mc Ds or KFC.

When the thought of using toilet paper instead of a bum squirter repels you.

When you remove your skivvies then pick them up with your bare foot.

When you find your foot tapping to the music being screeched at a Muay Thai boxing match.

Oh dear, maybe I have been here too long

When you travel you don't even think of looking at a map.

You don't care what is happening in the rest of the world.

When someone asks you if you know something you nod your head when you haven't a clue.

A smile comes to your face when a fat guy wearing a wig and dress appears on a tv programme.

Even though you have an electric shower, you use it to fill a pail and throw it over yourself.

You start thinking if the ghost in your house is responsible for your good/bad luck.

On the day of the lottery draw you stand at successive sellers and stare at the numbers waiting for 'divine intervention.

When you arrive in Bkk and think, why the ###### are all these Thai people rushing.

You think of taking the dog on your motorbike.

You don't take any notice of ladyboys.

You start rubbing your male friend's leg.

If something isn't sanook you don't bother doing it.

You get great delight in saying "pai thieow".

You don't like eating alone.

You start using 7/11 as a bank for change of 1000 note, buying something for 5 baht.

You start throwing stones at dogs.

You start using thai words as they describe things more accurately than English, even if you are speaking to a Thai fluent in English.

You start calling your farang friends using Koon.

You have to tell the taxi driver where to go.

You meet an ex girlfriend working as a mamasan.

When someone asks how long you have been in Thailand you forget and say, "lai bpee laew"(many years).

You think nothing of having to move two cars in a parking lot to get out.

When someone honks their horn at you, you feel like killing them.

When someone dies, you smile.

You never arrive at a meeting early.

What, you mean 7-11 isn't there to give change?

You don't own a pair of proper shoes, only flip-flops.

When your 'going to town' clothes are clean shorts and a clean t-shirt,

When you start eyeing the skin whitening cream

you finish your phone conversations with "urr urr urr candylat" or however it is spelt.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ka nii na?

When switching chanels on TV you stopped for too long on some talk show or soap and actually enjoy it,

Sizzler became fancy diner for you,

yep, you know how to pronounce "uar" or whatever that moanin' means,

and most - you know the routes of evil green buses

When you don't have to be told to stand up for the Thai National Anthem ...

On a vacation back in your home country you nearly starve to death looking for the ticket booth at the food court.

cv

When the "pooyai's" speakers go off at 0600 and they don't bother you anymore...

You know you've been here too long when you see a motorcyclist get wiped out in a serious manner and you don't feel any pity for him at all. It worries me but that's the way it is unfortunately , even when the guy's lying on the road screaming in agony. Going to spend a bit of time next month in a country where life has a lot more value and a lot more people respect their own safety and the safety of others. Then I'll come back in a new state of mind and hopefully then I'll have a bit more sympathy for the plight of Thai accident victims.

When you step over the gecko instead of on it.

All from an email a while back:

"You know you've been in Thailand too long when....."

< You ask the taxi driver how much money he makes and how many children he has.

< At work you have at least three different kinds of snacks on your desk.

< At the bus stop you stand in somebody else's shadow.

< You know what the parking attendant's whistles mean.

< You think that fixing a leaky faucet means telling your wife to tell the maid to find a plumber.

< Turning a corner you almost hit a couple of tourists and you hiss : "Stupid farangs !"

< Instead of cursing the music at the supermarket, you hum along.

< For teachers : Rebuking a student you say, "You didn't do your homework, did you ?" She replies, "Yes", and you understand.

< You don't bother to turn down the TV when talking on the phone.

< Somebody has to stand in front of your desk for about three minutes before you look up and notice them.

< You offer garlands and gold leaf at the Erawan shrine before calling your stockbroker.

< A culture is not something people have, but something the doctor does to find out what you have.

< Tripping over a hole you fall on the sidewalk - and smile at giggling onlookers

Turning a corner you almost hit a couple of tourists and you hiss : "Stupid farangs"

Sheeeit... I can relate to this!

Have I been here too long?

Turning a corner you almost hit a couple of tourists and you hiss : "Stupid farangs"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sheeeit... I can relate to this!

Have I been here too long?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No, you are just a dangerous driver.

Did I miss this one? Barging into an elevator without waiting for the people to get out.

When you start keeping your old beer cans and water bottles to sell to the scrap dealer.

When you start rummaging through your neighbour's garbage looking for old beer cans and .....

When you start rummaging through your neighbour's garbage looking for old beer cans and .....

Sheesh RDN....

talk about keeniow mak!!!

50 satang per can hey?

When you take visitors from back home out for dinner and become genuinely surprised when they assume you are going to order separate dishes and not order jointly.

When you dont think twice about getting into the car with someone who is clearly too tipsy to be a good driver.

When you suddenly realize you have learned the names of 15 species of fish in Thai that you dont have a clue what they are called in English or your native language.

The same as above, but for plants/trees.

When you catch your head inadvertently nodding against spirit shrines or something else a Thai would wai.

When you pay the bill for your farang friend for the 20th time in a row and it doesnt bother you, because you are "pee".

The thought of walking two flights of stairs to the local restaurant to order a meal is too much, so you call your girlfriend to get something for you instead.

When you start wiping the fork and spoon with a paper napkin before using them.

When you begin to see the little green busses as evil.

When you wonder what all those lines are painted on the road for.

The first time you dig in your nose in public. WAY TOO LONG.

When you begin to see the little green busses as evil.

When you wonder what all those lines are painted on the road for.

The first time you dig in your nose in public. WAY TOO LONG.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

digging your nose in public, but cover your mouth when using a toothpick