Life In Thailand

[jc14all]

hi fred i think you will not be alone i am sure there are many farang's not happy with there situation albiet for different reasons than yours. i think you need to speak with your wife and tell her how you feel and what is bothering you. ps 5 years is to long get that sorted out. my pet hate with my wife (1 of many) is when we go to her parents home and i can sit there for 2 hours without someone asking me a single question. no i dont speak thai well enough for conversation but my wife can speak good english. best of luck fred it can be a lonely place at times

Language is not a problem at all my wife speaks english very well she teaches english. Just me being ignored but never mind

Wow Fred, it sounds like a tough relationship you are living. If you really desire to save this marriage you will have to take the initiative to break the silence in communication and have a sincere heart to heart talk between you and your wife first. You haven't mentioned any breakdown in trust in the relationship yet so before that happens which doesn't sound far off then communication is essential. The lack of intimacy is definitely a major indication there are compatibility issues.

Communication should be establishing boundaries and agreements while getting to the root of what is standing in the way of understanding. If you both cannot come to an understanding or an agreement, at least to maybe even have a third party come between you two to help reconcile the issues then there can be no relationship. I know this sounds harsh but something is broken and until you both can sincerely talk it out then it will stay broken.

[jubby]

I think I have said to much I have many members on TV who know me personally topic closed

Don't close it just yet Fred. I was thinking maybe you was one of those troll things. Doing everyones washing and not having sex for 5 years. FIVE YEARS ! . Surely not. I can be blunt don't take it the wrong way I just can't really believe it.

Several options I can think of.

Option 1. Stop complaining and accept your status as a Doormat.

Option 2. Take some Hormones , particularly Testesterone. And hope your Balls eventually drop.

Option 3. Consider a Mia Noi

[geriatrickid]

By any chance is the reason you are the househusband due to you not working and being home all day, while the wife works?

If so, then I can see why you would be something around the house.

In respect to the relatives using you as a laundry facility. Time to say no. Finished. Just by doing that they will get the message. You will look after your home, but not theirs. If you and your wife are distanced then either;

1. Have a heart to heart talk with her and explain your feelings. Write down what you want to say first and keep it simple.

2. Consider marriage counseling

If she say, mi-ow, then say, look hon, I can't live like this, please consider my feelings. Give her some time and during that time period consider your options including a quick escape. If she still resists responding then either shut up and accept your fate, or move on.

If you move on, do it fast because their will most likely be an explosion of emotions you haven't seen for 5 years.

Forget about having an affair or a mia noi. That's the loser's way out and for those that say grow a set of balls, well, the people that cheat have no balls because they are cowards for being unable to be honest.

You say you love her. Maybe you do, but I think you have fallen into the rut of complacency and are afraid of what it will be like without the wife. No one should live like this. So sh*t or get off the pot.

[imaneggspurt]

Find a mia noi... you get sex and attention then.

Great advice,...and if she turns out better than the wife ( which dosent seem difficult ) dump the wife !,......if thai women smell weakness they go for the throat, i think hes left it to late to change !

[GungaDin]

This has to be a crank OP.

No actual person would be in this situation and if they were, they wouldn't be seeking advice about it.

Fred is ok, believe me & you are out of order.

He's obviously stressed about his situation, otherwise he wouldn't have posted.

[Travel2003]

Wow Fred, it sounds like a tough relationship you are living. If you really desire to save this marriage you will have to take the initiative to break the silence in communication and have a sincere heart to heart talk between you and your wife first. You haven't mentioned any breakdown in trust in the relationship yet so before that happens which doesn't sound far off then communication is essential. The lack of intimacy is definitely a major indication there are compatibility issues.

Communication should be establishing boundaries and agreements while getting to the root of what is standing in the way of understanding. If you both cannot come to an understanding or an agreement, at least to maybe even have a third party come between you two to help reconcile the issues then there can be no relationship. I know this sounds harsh but something is broken and until you both can sincerely talk it out then it will stay broken.

Sorry pal, but I think you are in the wrong Forum to come with that advice.

You sound like a professional marriage counseler.

Tough relationship?

No breakdown in trust in the relationship?

Campatibility issues?

Sure you didnt take this from Oprah?

Sorry, Im a bit rude now.

This marriage, if we are to believe the OP, has so many issues, again, if we are to believe the OP, which relates to only one of the persons in the marriage.

This marriage is nothing less than fuc_ked.

It does not work anymore.

Nothing to save.

The big questions should be, how is it possible to put up with this for so many years, and how can you get out of it.

What is there to save?

If the story is a fact of course.

[Travel2003]

This has to be a crank OP.

No actual person would be in this situation and if they were, they wouldn't be seeking advice about it.

Fred is ok, believe me & you are out of order.

He's obviously stressed about his situation, otherwise he wouldn't have posted.

I believe you if you say so.

But surely there must be someone he can talk to personally.

Not in a Forum.

It is so much better to talk with a friend, face to face.

Have a sit down and pour it out, and then listen to advices.

Or at least a telephone, voice to voice.

He has been around for some time, and know the though crowd here.

[Beardog]

I tried being the hero in my teens & was destined to right the wrong of the sinking ship. I am now older & more tempered & spirited. To not have sex in3-6 months(being way to lenient here) is insufferable.

It is one of the few joys that compensate for all the drama that goes on. If talking with her -Not at her does not work- if it were me I would tell her to hit the bricks & don't let the door hit you on the way out. Better to get out of this dead end & start enjoying life again. I have ducked out before when the passion is gone, but she does not seem to cherish you in any way. Don't be a hero Try 1 more time to get her to talk- if it doesn't work pack her stuff up when she is out & tell her to call mama. Or you move out & work out the details on the condo or house. Sometimes it is tough being the bad guy in the relationship but it is better than going down with the ship.

[Gary A]

Fred, You need to pack a bag and head for a farang ghetto for a while. I wouldn't put up with a woman treating me that way even for one day. I love my wife too but she has things that she considers to be her duty. If I touched her washing machine, she would be quite upset. I know she isn't crazy about sex. She never was but it is her duty to keep me happy and it takes some sex to do that. You need to throw a fit and tell her that you are NOT willing to live like that and you must mean it.

[jubby]

By any chance is the reason you are the househusband due to you not working and being home all day, while the wife works?

If so, then I can see why you would be something around the house.

In respect to the relatives using you as a laundry facility. Time to say no. Finished. Just by doing that they will get the message. You will look after your home, but not theirs. If you and your wife are distanced then either;

1. Have a heart to heart talk with her and explain your feelings. Write down what you want to say first and keep it simple.

2. Consider marriage counseling

If she say, mi-ow, then say, look hon, I can't live like this, please consider my feelings. Give her some time and during that time period consider your options including a quick escape. If she still resists responding then either shut up and accept your fate, or move on.

If you move on, do it fast because their will most likely be an explosion of emotions you haven't seen for 5 years.

Forget about having an affair or a mia noi. That's the loser's way out and for those that say grow a set of balls, well, the people that cheat have no balls because they are cowards for being unable to be honest.

You say you love her. Maybe you do, but I think you have fallen into the rut of complacency and are afraid of what it will be like without the wife. No one should live like this. So sh*t or get off the pot.

OK, grow a set of Balls and get a Mia Noi but be totally honest with the wife about it. No cheating or dishonesty then atleast in my world

[KevinBloodyWilson]

Well onother thing is I have not had sex in 5 years ignore that too?

Fol de rol

[perousing]

there is some good advice posted for you here fred, i hope you can get your situation sorted out all the best

[tb86]

wow tough break man, talk to the wifey and let her know what your thinking... Then let her know your leaving town for a week or so to clear your head, dont tell her where, just go have some fun visit some friends, drink some beers if thats your thing, take some time away from your situation and take a good look look at whats been going on. Figure out what you have been doing wrong and what you have been doing right. Then once you have decided what it is you want you need to be honest with yourself and decide if the relationship is salvagable,if it isnt save yourself the years of suffering and move on .... nothing worse than being in a one sided relationship. hard situation to find yourself in, i feel for you, really do, good luck man

[ozzieovaseas]

You should definitely stop doing the washing for anyone else, show them how to 'press the button' and make them do it themselves.

I tried that but they can not even press a buttom

m

I had the same problem!!!

I found the button is a little easier pushed when the washing machine is located DOWNSTAIRS...or maybe more appropriatel,closer to the kitchen!!!

Now no-one can seem to remember what to do when the machine stops

[ozzieovaseas]

By any chance is the reason you are the househusband due to you not working and being home all day, while the wife works?

If so, then I can see why you would be something around the house.

In respect to the relatives using you as a laundry facility. Time to say no. Finished. Just by doing that they will get the message. You will look after your home, but not theirs. If you and your wife are distanced then either;

1. Have a heart to heart talk with her and explain your feelings. Write down what you want to say first and keep it simple.

2. Consider marriage counseling

If she say, mi-ow, then say, look hon, I can't live like this, please consider my feelings. Give her some time and during that time period consider your options including a quick escape. If she still resists responding then either shut up and accept your fate, or move on.

If you move on, do it fast because their will most likely be an explosion of emotions you haven't seen for 5 years.

Forget about having an affair or a mia noi. That's the loser's way out and for those that say grow a set of balls, well, the people that cheat have no balls because they are cowards for being unable to be honest.

You say you love her. Maybe you do, but I think you have fallen into the rut of complacency and are afraid of what it will be like without the wife. No one should live like this. So sh*t or get off the pot.

Good post GK... i basically think this is the best advice so far especially the last few paragraphs..

but just to throw in my 2 bobs worth..

Firstly..I think marriage counselling is wasted on the average thai wife...no offence but IMO she will never agree to pay someone to tell her what she needs to do or what she is doing wrong..actually from the profile of what OP described of his wife i think she would have a very closed mind to outside help simply because most thai females believe that they should NEVER change or adjust their thinking as they are right..ALWAYS..their family and friends constantly tell them so,and you will NEVER convince them otherwise

AND the more you do the more chance you will look like the bad guy..of course this whole scenario is not unlike the situation of relationships with western women

Secondly..An issue that i dont think has been looked at, as far as those saying "pack up and leave" and do this and that...

Maybe the OP has a lot invested in this relationship..Probably he has paid for the home and everything is more than likely in her name.This is the sad place you can find yourself in..very precarious because to walk out means you walk out with nothing..

Sadly a lot of Thai wives know this and take advantage of the fact that the guy simply cant walk away.

Its a hard thing because as long as he is paying the bills a Thai woman will be happy,even if they lead seperate lives,she still has her family and all the other comforts so it matters nothing to her.

To the OP: If it was me i would discreetly dissapear for a few hours every now and then..even go away overnight if you want..and do so unnanounced..by doing this you are doing nothing wrong and if your wife cares one iota then your abscence will draw attention to the fact that you have needs to.

If she asks you where you have been (this will always happen very quickly) then you say you need some time alone to think...in a quite place.

If she objects then you say "everyone else around here does what they want to without any thought of me, so now i will be doing the same"

Maybe she will then be motivated to indulge you..

[ozzieovaseas]

Well onother thing is I have not had sex in 5 years ignore that too?

Hi

You are extremely open about your marriage here.

So I will dare to ask you, why is it she has denied your cravings for 5 years?

Unless of course, you are the one that has lost the mojo.

yes I am open about it maybe I should not be, yes she has denied my cravings and always has a different excuse but I trhink I said to much just leave it as that

5 years with various excuses?

Please do understand me when I say I kind of find that a little bit hard to believe.

I dont want to offend you by saying you lie, but put yourself in another person's place, and you might see why it is hard to believe.

Also hard to understand why you are still married.

Yes you love here and all that, and I understand that, but at the same time you seem to know that the situation is not what it is suppose to be.

Right?

hehe...i seem to be following you around trav..and funny that you seem to post on threads where you dont believe what the OP is saying.

On my recent thread (you know the one) you accused me of all sorts of BS because i was posting for someone else, you didnt believe it..notwithstanding the fact that these are ALL annonymous writings/forums after all

Now you dont believe what this guy says either!

I dont know why you waste your time posting to people you think are BSing you

why dont you find a post that you consider legit and then offer your pearls of wisdom there

[Penefattore]

So what can I do?

Divorce.

[dumball]

It has been said "Patience is a virtue , possess it if you may " but in your type of situation for a mere 5 weeks , despite whatever you have sunk into this 'So called relationship ' , I would be long gone and she would not see my ass for dust. I feel nothing you say or do will make one iota of difference , she has you where she wants you and that is how it will remain , my god man , you have become the ultimate scivvy , plus , plus and you PAY FOR THAT PRIVELAGE ? Get your important paper work in your hip pocket , grocery list in hand , get in or on your means of transportation and head for the store . Now here is the most important part , have a sudden and irriversable attack of amnesia , drive until your vehicle runs out of fuel and start all over , NEVER look back to your place of 5 years incarceration again , NO MAN DESERVES THAT KIND OF TREATMENT no matter what the reason .

[Heng]

I'd say trade in and get a different model, but from what I've seen, most guys get pretty much the same model again, just a different year. Same no win situation.

[G54]

Find a mia noi... you get sex and attention then.

Great advice,...and if she turns out better than the wife ( which dosent seem difficult ) dump the wife !,......if thai women smell weakness they go for the throat, i think hes left it to late to change !

Have to agree with that sentiment. For some reason, being very nice and good-hearted about everything seems to be seen as weakness by many Thai women. Then you are on the way down to being lower in the pecking order than the soi dog.

Not that I am advocating any violence or such. But I have noticed many times the woman seems to respect you more here when you do put your foot down. Sadly.

[Geekfreaklover]

Shes got you right where she wants you, baby. Not putting out for five years and having you do all the house work. Now that might not be a bad thing if she is paying all the bills and the rent and the food etc.

If you are paying and doing all the house work then it is time to reconsider how you want to live your life.

[Jonathanpattaya]

So why did I move to Thailand for? Back in my home country I was very happy with my wife she lived there for 5 years never ever had a problem apart from the high phone bills back to Thailand. Now I am here

I get threated like I don't exsist. Her behaviour changed a lot she only talks to family members all day and

night and friends to. She never talks to me apart from did you have a nice dinner? ( which I cook every day by my self anyway ) I do the washing for 4 people every day ( since I am the only one who has a washing mashine) i clean the dishes for every body and so on. And I can list many other things which would be to

time comsuming. And she has changed her religious things. In my country she just meditate at night time

here she spends at least one hour in the morning and at night time praying to all about 1000 buddhas and kings and queens or what ever which she has upstairs in the house. So what can I do?

just ignore it?

I feel for you but it really is time you put the trousers on.

[robblok]

I'd say trade in and get a different model, but from what I've seen, most guys get pretty much the same model again, just a different year. Same no win situation.

Not all guys some guys really learn after the first mistake believe me i have.

[pattaya_girl]

Buy some nice trendy new clothes, aftershave ect... Maybe a haircut, a new look for yourself.

Let the dirty dishes pile up, let the dirty washing pile up, and get yourself out for a few nights out... Honest, I bet it will make you feel a lot better, and then she might start to think about the way she is treating you,.

Good luck.

[khundon]

Fred2007

What I find amazing is that after 1100 posts and years of marriage to her, you haven't learnt much about some Thai women.

Learn how to multi task, two finger w***ing will need to be high on your list, plus washing, ironing, cooking etc, all at the same time. This will enable the wife to spend more time on the phone, on her knees praying to Buddha and allowing her more time in front of the nearest ATM, emptying the money from your joint account.

I'm sure she will appreciate that.

Either that, or catch the next flight home and have a good look for the set of gonads you left in your good old homeland. I doubt that the dog has bothered to eat them yet.

[Heng]

I'd say trade in and get a different model, but from what I've seen, most guys get pretty much the same model again, just a different year. Same no win situation.

theres only one model over here

A BIG THIRSTY cadillac..and they are all gas...err...money guzzlers...and they all come in BROWN

Sure, if you keep going to the brown Cadillac dealership.

[soloman]

There are certainly some good snippets of wisdom on this thread and I will add mine.

I find that some people in my country stop trying once they have got what they want - ie a husband, a wife.

A saying comes to mind "What it takes to get me, it takes to hold me". Unfortunately this is something that you need to enforce as soon as they start taking you for granted. Once the balance of power moves too far for too long in one persons direction, it is very hard to swing it back your way. They already know what they can get away with and they will not change, or adjust. Maybe for a little while they will adjust, but before you know it you are back into the same situation. Some people will take crap all of their life because they cannot leave. Some people will leave despite being deeply in love with the person because they make their mind up that they will not take this crap for the rest of their life.

The ball is in your court. Play it as you wish.

[Jai Dee]

Posts containing unnecessary crudity have been deleted from this topic.

Please keep it clean and respectable.

[Heng]

I'd say trade in and get a different model, but from what I've seen, most guys get pretty much the same model again, just a different year. Same no win situation.

Not all guys some guys really learn after the first mistake believe me i have.

Yeah, that's why I said 'most.'

More than a few ways to avoid situations like the OP has.

[GungaDin]

<snip>

Some people will take crap all of their life because they cannot leave. Some people will leave despite being deeply in love with the person because they make their mind up that they will not take this crap for the rest of their life.

The ball is in your court. Play it as you wish.

Ahh, the wisdom of Solomon. & a good post too.