Dowry

[chuchok]

My step daughter gets married in Nov. Dowry agreed at Bt250,000!   Nice girl, bank clerk. She comes with her own apartment tho.

When in Asia stick to the Asian customs - that's what I reckon

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wish the Asians would do that when they are in western countries then.

I personally think it is a 50/50 thing.Both parties must respect each other and their customs.

However, if a mai noi is ok,then I might just start being selective in my customs.

[gburns57au]

200,000 baht would be for a well educated girl from a mid range family with no kids and the pig tail in the bowl.

Quoting an amount is useless.... each situation is different.... the best advice is, talk with your GF and her family, negotiate... and come to an agreement that is acceptable by all...

Remember, the negotiations should also remain amiable, it's not you against them..

I also think any agreement made between you and the family, is between you and them and should be kept that way...

totster

Sorry mate..I was being just a tad tongue in cheek....forgot the smilies....

Just threw in the pig tail to see how many people picked up on it....

[freeman]

Wow

I see the issue of " dowry " is a hot issue

I believe both sides should respect each other cultures." Dowry" can be negotiated with girl's parents and the best one who can do it is she,herself.

Anyway, thank you guys for your comments.

[sua yai]

My gf is aking you all this question.

After marriage and supposing some sin sod, should the farang be prepared to occasioally support her mother and father?

This an extension of the thread, but the two go hand in hand.

[Ken]

My gf is aking you all this question.

After marriage and supposing some sin sod, should the farang be prepared to occasioally support her mother and father?

This an extension of the thread, but the two go hand in hand.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

IMHO, should the Farang.... not neccesarily. But the wife, yea probably. Assuming she has some kind of income (whether it's from you or a job), I would say that it is "up to her" how much and when to support.

[Felt 35]

yes and is a way of showing the respect for the bride and family from the groom. So all those who refuse to pay come across as having no respect for the bride or her family in the eyes of any Thai.

What about respect for his family and culture!!

[Totster]

yes and is a way of showing the respect for the bride and family from the groom. So all those who refuse to pay come across as having no respect for the bride or her family in the eyes of any Thai.

What about respect for his family and culture!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well, you are marrying in her country.... if you don't like it, marry her in your country..

totster

[Felt 35]

Well, you are marrying in her country.... if you don't like it, marry her in your country..

You don`t get away from the dowry that way. How much is left to the culture then?

[Totster]

Well, you are marrying in her country.... if you don't like it, marry her in your country..

You don`t get away from the dowry that way. How much is left to the culture then?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

But you mentioned respect for "his family and culture" ... in "his" country you would have more control over that....

I didn't say anything about getting away from the dowry...

totster

[Felt 35]

totster

Well for me it would been a shame to tell my family that I had to pay money (dowry) for marry a woman wherever she came from.

In that way I would directly had shown my parents that they had done a very poor job with my upbringing and education. Waisted would be the word, if I not could get married without have to buy here.

BTW, have been married here for years already, but No, had not done it if I had to buy here. Not because of the eventually amount, just plain principle.

I could never Love here if she was bought.

Thats my opinion. What others do or think about the dowry thing, well up to them.

[Totster]

totster

Well for me it would been a shame to tell my family that I had to pay money (dowry) for marry a woman wherever she came from.

In that way I would  directly had shown my parents that they had done a very poor job with my upbringing and education. Waisted would be the word, if I not could get married without have to buy here.

BTW, have been married here for years already, but No, had not done it if I had to buy here. Not because of the eventually amount, just plain principle.

I could never Love here if she was bought.

Thats my opinion. What others do or think about the dowry thing, well up to them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think it's a shame that you believe paying a dowry is the same as buying a wife... in fact I would go so far as to say it is slightly insulting to both Thais and farang who pay this.

totster

[cdnvic]

In that way I would  directly had shown my parents that they had done a very poor job with my upbringing and education.

Considering the amount of spelling, and grammatical errors in the next sentence, I think that's a given.

Waisted would be the word, if I not could get married without have to buy here.

cv

[Heng]

I wonder what these 'soon to be inlaws' would say if the farang in question simply said "I have dozens of Thai friends who put down a sum of money + gold (or whatever) for the sinsod/dowry during their engagement ceremonies, and got all of it back before noon. That's how this is going to work, right? Just wondering so I can arrange safe transport."

[Turok]

Easy answer to this question.

Don't get married. Stay single.

Invest your money more wisely.

You come to Thailand after a divorce or long engagement, or even still married in your home countries and after a 2 week vacation you now want to go ahead and complicate your life more by getting involved with a Thai girl and these unwritten Thai rules? Sorry, I don't get this why some of you guys do this to yourselves. I guess you like pain and tossing away good money and taking upon yourself the non working lazy ass Thai family as being the only provider of funds in teh family. You watch as soon as you marry, the whole extended family becomes unemployed and you must provide for them. Then the fone calls begin and the trips to the bank to slip cash into their accounts begin. Are you ready for this?

Turok

[Totster]

Easy answer to this question.

Don't get married.  Stay single. 

Invest your money more wisely. 

You come to Thailand after a divorce or long engagement, or even still married in your home countries and after a 2 week vacation you now want to go ahead and complicate your life more by getting involved with a Thai girl and these unwritten Thai rules?  Sorry, I don't get this why some of you guys do this to yourselves.  I guess you like  pain and tossing away good money and taking upon yourself the non working lazy ass Thai family as being the only provider of funds in teh family.  You watch as soon as you marry, the whole extended family becomes unemployed and you must provide for them.  Then the fone calls begin and the trips to the bank to slip cash into their accounts begin.  Are you ready for this?

Turok

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well....somebody's had a bad experience...

totster

[cdnvic]

Well....somebody's had a bad experience... 

totster 

And he's not bitter at all either.

cv

[Felt 35]

I think it's a shame that you believe paying a dowry is the same as buying a wife... in fact I would go so far as to say it is slightly insulting to both Thais and farang who pay this.

Well I said it was my opinion, not that others are wrong or right!

Considering the amount of spelling, and grammatical errors in the next sentence, I think that's a given.

Sorry for that, but guess you got the point.

[wolf5370]

erm...one of the top 3 questions on this forum I reckon, must come up at least once a quater give or take.

The others are: any thing to do with 'comparing Bar Girls to western/hi-so/non-BGs' and anything to do with 'double pricing'.

IMHO discuss it with your lady in private. She will (or has) discuss it with Mum (Dad probably will not get involved). If you're worried do as someone said earlier - offer to pay for the wedding and party and see how that goes down. Ask you lady what she thinks - ask her if the money will be returned (is just for show etc).

If you have a true history with the girl and the parent's know this, odds are they will not ask for much; will be happy with the offer of paying for the wedding or will return most of it to help you get started. If you have know her for three days (she was serving you your dinner at the hotel?) then they may be skeptical of you. They may then ask for more money (perhaps an incredible amount) to either frighten you off or just to see your reaction. Take it slow and build a relationship with her, and them, and try again when you actually know her last name.

A lot of replies in posts you find searching this forum will relate to the class/education/job/wealth etc of the young lady. I don't think this is particularly true. From what I have seen, the most incredible SinSot requests come from the so-called 'lower classes'. Mostly 'higher classes' will return the money after the wedding. That is not to tar anyone with a brush of course, I am just stating what I have seen of the extreames (which is presumably where the worry is).

Short answer is - let your girl be your leading light.

[carnex]

My brother in law is paying 2.9million baht

[Bochum]

My brother in law is paying 2.9million baht

Jeeze

She must have just finished University and graduated as a Doctor. The parent's must be very rich and sorted and she is a Virgin.

[Zpete]

Sumfin that bugs me with Thais.

Ask them if they would like sumfin.......

Always the reply is......

"Up to you"

So negative, pssssssss me orf.

[lazeeboy]

Sumfin that bugs me with Thais.

Ask them if they would like sumfin.......

Always the reply is......

"Up to you"

So negative, pssssssss me orf.

me too.....

[Zpete]

Sumfin that bugs me with Thais.

Ask them if they would like sumfin.......

Always the reply is......

"Up to you"

So negative, pssssssss me orf.

me too.....

.....and I always thought that it was the gal's family that paid the dowry for taking her off thier hands.

I would pay nuffin, I reckon I gunna need dowry to help keep her.

Buggarem.

[BusyBee123]

i understand from my ex girlfriend the dowry is to give something back to her mama for bringing her up.... either way we split up as i'm happy to buy a 5m house but not happy to pay 200k to buy a bride, she should be paying me! never had so many calls saying we can be boyfriend girlfriend ok mai not have to get marry. single is the best way in thailand for sure.

[BlackArtemis]

Not all families want you to pay sin-sod. Further more I was always taught, you marry not just the girl, but the family as well. This rings truer, louder, and clearer in asian societies. If you want to marry into this culture, you're expected to to try to assimilate. Now, this does not mean that you should pay out 15billion baht sin sods and ensure the family buffalo has 1st class health insurance, but have an understanding of how things work.

Furthermore, if you see a big problem with the family, make sure you see just how much clout they have with their daughter, because even moving half way across the world won't be getting rid of them.

[7by7]

When I married my wife I did not pay any sinsot. Her father never asked for it and I did not even know of this custom until I read about it after we were married. When I asked my wife she said that as she had been married before there was no reason to pay anything.

My step-son is getting married in August and his fiance's parents have asked for 200K, which is what they paid when their son married. I understand that most of it will be returned discreetly after the wedding, which her parents are paying for.

[guavagirl]

It works both ways....I am a farang girl with a Thai man. We are not married but have discussed this issue in the past. He says that his family has to give my parents something as it is in his culture and they would not be comfortable with anything else. So if we ever marry his family is more than willing to dish it out for my parents. I laugh at this but he says he has to do it, but that after they can give the money back to his parents or to us for our future.

But he is from a well educated established family. If he was from a poor family this may be different.

[Mossfinn]

Not all families

When I married

It works both

A thread first posted in 2005, resurrected in 2008 and a further Lazarus in 2010, come on guy's it is not as if we have enough Sin Sot threads to keep us amused,

So hopefully this will kick you off again......... Husband Selling

[BlackArtemis]

look at the post above me, I didn't resurrect it.

You are probably the type to whine if a person didn't search a forum before posting too.

[Mossfinn]

look at the post above me, I didn't resurrect it.

You are probably the type to whine if a person didn't search a forum before posting too.

My apologies, I missed the Bee.

It is not hard to miss a resurrected thread, I have done it myself and I was not attacking or criticising you.

I certainly don't whine OK maybe sometimes, but certainly not regarding the search option.

Again, my apologies if you have taken this the wrong way.

Moss