Abandon Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 when certain Thai's, who are or think themselves to be a good friend, sqeeze my arm, rub my leg, or hold my elbow as if I were about to run off (which I well might). It's always men of course, and I know they are being friendly, that it is a gesture of warmth etc.... that I should try and adjust culturally .... I don't really have a 'touch taboo' but perhaps it is an element of being British ... it makes me feel queezy and eager to make an escape. I have been here nearly 9 years and I still find myself trying to manoeuvre so that my arm is inacessible, or get a coffee table between me and the worst culprits. Anyone else ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 (edited) I quite like it..... *oops.... did I say that out loud...?* totster Edited May 19, 2005 by Totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thetyim Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Agreed. I just cannot get used to it. I squirm when a bloke sqeezes my arm but just have to depart if he tries to touch my leg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricktan Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 it make me feel like moving away most of the time........but we have to be polite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meadish_sweetball Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Yep, I'm the same, I guess it is just the way we are conditioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the scouser Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Once asked a bloke the way to the toilets. Rather than give me directions he not only insisted on taking me, but held my hand on the way Scouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abandon Posted May 19, 2005 Author Share Posted May 19, 2005 u should'a held his on the way back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tufty Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 u should'a held his on the way back <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Many a time after washing my hands in the toilet (oops rephrase that) Many a time after washing my hands after using the toilet I shake somebodys hand than apologize for forgetting to wash them (nobody has hit me yet) Getting back to the original question no it doesn't bother me at all, how many times in the UK has somebody put their arm around your shoulder. I am 100% hetrosexual but have a gay friend who takes me to the airport when I come back to Thailand and he always gives me a hug. Lighten up you lot, are you worried what people think, I've seen many macho guys leaving Jenny's star bar with a Katoy in tow, maybe they are too big to be laughed at. Personally I find it's quite nice to be accepted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kringle Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 It's not for me, a lady fine but no thank you to guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meadish_sweetball Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 u should'a held his on the way back Many a time after washing my hands in the toilet (oops rephrase that) Many a time after washing my hands after using the toilet I shake somebodys hand than apologize for forgetting to wash them (nobody has hit me yet) Getting back to the original question no it doesn't bother me at all, how many times in the UK has somebody put their arm around your shoulder. I am 100% hetrosexual but have a gay friend who takes me to the airport when I come back to Thailand and he always gives me a hug. Lighten up you lot, are you worried what people think, I've seen many macho guys leaving Jenny's star bar with a Katoy in tow, maybe they are too big to be laughed at. Personally I find it's quite nice to be accepted It's not about what people think, it is something of a gut reaction. It would be exactly the same thing if it were only me and the other person alone in a room with nobody else watching - actually, that would probably feel even worse. It just feels very uncomfortable. I also have gay friends, so that is not an issue. The issue is the, in my eyes, excessive touching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abandon Posted May 19, 2005 Author Share Posted May 19, 2005 quite right meat ... it never even occured to me what people would think looking on. I only ever considered what people think when I ask them not to hold my elbow while they are talking to me. And I don't think that it is confined to men either - I would feel the same if it were a woman (other than and attractive one fondling me). In fact, I have had on occasion, been pawed by attractive women and felt the same way - don't like being handled except by a lover, or potential one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnustedt Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bino Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! I hate this one too! Stops up the plumbing right away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayo Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Back when I used to run a resort on Koh CHang, we had a bunch of guys, friends of the family, who were in charge of the landscaping building etc,... Loads of fun these guys were, especially on quite rainy season nights, we'd drink and play music and sing and laugh. One morning I awoke in my bungalow to find one of the older ones curled up on my bed. Needless to say, I was not impressed. When confronting the culprit, with all the obvious pre-conceptions in my mind making me slightly more than angry, he just explained that he preferred to sleep in company of others than by ihmself. He didn't think I'd mind and he had no genuine other motives. Very bizarre. I calmed down and asked him never to set foot in bungalow again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fw1 Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 The blokes selling DVD's on Silom road piss me off. They always pull on your arm when you walk past. ######s that they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sriracha john Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 As mentioned, it's a culturally conditioned response. They don't consider it "excessive touching" and they don't consider it "sexual", either. It's an expression of warmth and friendliness. To overtly resist or to show disgust in any way is going to have negative results. As with overcoming any culturally conditioned response, it's certainly not an easy thing to overcome and many very well may never overcome it. Trying to remember that it is originating from positive and "normal" feelings perhaps can help some people avoid having too strong a reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wanderer Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I hate this one too! Stops up the plumbing right away! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> This bugs the shit of me -as a good slash equals a good f**t, haven't come across it in Pttaya 2 much, but been to Sumui a few weeks ago so prenended i was finished when he came around, anyay he got the picture and didn 't bother me again , probally thought i was a backbacker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Other_Mac Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 As mentioned, it's a culturally conditioned response. They don't consider it "excessive touching" and they don't consider it "sexual", either. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> What about when they're saying "Seedy sex, seedy sex" in your face? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I had this happen once.... it was a little distracting... the same guy then tried to wash my hands for me.... totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rinrada Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 As long as he dosnt try to wipe your...............errr.............nose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 ive seen the thai guys here often sleep together in same bed, fully clothed, but even sometimes huggin spoon style although one guy said his drunk friend started fondling him during a dream of a girlfriend once when sleeping that way, and got boxed out of bed!; or watch t.v. leaning on each other or under same blanket; when very very drunk and the tears start, i've watched them hug the guy, wash his face, cover him w/blanket, or hold him with head in lap until calm....in winter two bodies is warmer than one when there is no heater provided also; and yes they dont use each other for sex partners from what i know... they do visit the working ladies when needed. i think that at least these guys (mostly up country) are used to sleeping from day one next to parents, then grandma/grandpa or w/brothers/sisters... when i was visiting, i was put in the only real bed in the house; my friend says he sleeps there usually with an older non married brother; a son of one of the brothers sleeps with granddad who is on his own.... i hate being held by the arm; israelis are also touchy/feely; men kiss men, women pet u, hug u etc... western personal space is just much larger, thats all; and our kids sleep in own bed in own room from a few days old /or weeks old; anyway whats all that touchy/feely stuff at football games; mock wrestling among school boys, and men sort of punching eachother rather than hugging? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaaaa Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 As mentioned, it's a culturally conditioned response. They don't consider it "excessive touching" and they don't consider it "sexual", either. It's an expression of warmth and friendliness. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> perhaps you are right ! reminds me about men in India or Bangladesh holding hands.... my friend (farang) never could get used to it - he'd always point out such pair to me and say - "see, gays ! shameless !" taken quite some time for me to convince him that there it has different meaning. one my good friend, young canadian girl , told me with disgust , pointing to a chinese women on the back seat of passing car: "see, I knew it ! women are discriminated in Asia ! I've been warned about it before I came here ! this woman is not even allowed to seat in front beside man". I laughed first, thinking she was joking - and then after realising she was serious it's taken for me quite a long time to convince her that it is not the reason why that women was seating there, that in many situations it can be just opposite (woman driving and men on the back seat), and that in asia back seat is considered even better coz it is safer etc. etc. I think it is something like here in Thailand people here say : "YOU !" when seeing farang. for them it is quite friendly and respectfull, coz of their idea that in their own lagnuage it is nothing wrong to address a stranger by "khun". however they simply translate it literally into english and dont' bother to think about how westerners might take it. they have no idea that it can be considered as very rude or impolite, even challenging. simply because in English there is no "khun" and "you" is used for all the meanings and situations. surely - in different cultures same things can and DO have different meaning ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devildog683 Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 nothing a quick arm-bar wont remedy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! I had this happen once.... it was a little distracting... the same guy then tried to wash my hands for me.... totster This is a common practise in all good or aspiring Thai pubs/night spots. I usually say "mai ow khrap" to the massage, as like most people who have been brought up in the Western world, I do feel uncomfortable and unable to relax enough to get the plumbing going... Sometimes I will accept the hot towell, handwash and back/neck massage at the wash basin, and leave a 10 or 20 THB tip... Do as the Thais do, and always with a smile not a scowl, and you'll have no problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
citizen821 Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I had this happen once.... it was a little distracting... the same guy then tried to wash my hands for me.... totster <{POST_SNAPBACK}> This is a common practise in all good or aspiring Thai pubs/night spots. I usually say "mai ow khrap" to the massage, as like most people who have been brought up in the Western world, I do feel uncomfortable and unable to relax enough to get the plumbing going... Sometimes I will accept the hot towell, handwash and back/neck massage at the wash basin, and leave a 10 or 20 THB tip... Do as the Thais do, and always with a smile not a scowl, and you'll have no problem. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I personaly love the whole touchy feely thing. It's like nothing here in the States. Granted it took awhile too get used too. The ability to escape the preconcived notions of if you touch people of your own sex then you must be gay, What the ###### is all that about anyway. The only person that has a problem with it is you, and it's your responsibility to get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I had this happen once.... it was a little distracting... the same guy then tried to wash my hands for me.... totster <{POST_SNAPBACK}> This is a common practise in all good or aspiring Thai pubs/night spots. I usually say "mai ow khrap" to the massage, as like most people who have been brought up in the Western world, I do feel uncomfortable and unable to relax enough to get the plumbing going... Sometimes I will accept the hot towell, handwash and back/neck massage at the wash basin, and leave a 10 or 20 THB tip... Do as the Thais do, and always with a smile not a scowl, and you'll have no problem. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I personaly love the whole touchy feely thing. It's like nothing here in the States. Granted it took awhile too get used too. The ability to escape the preconcived notions of if you touch people of your own sex then you must be gay, What the ###### is all that about anyway. The only person that has a problem with it is you, and it's your responsibility to get over it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I think it's a matter of personal preference... I don't need to get over anything, I understand, and I know that it is not a "gay" thing... understanding and knowing will not stop me (and I suspect others) from feeling slightly uncomfortable. Big well done to you citizen821 for adapting so well, you must be very proud... totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
citizen821 Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I've also had men start massaging me whilst I'm using the urinal - yuk! Often in Bkk restaurants/nightclubs and I've protested! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I had this happen once.... it was a little distracting... the same guy then tried to wash my hands for me.... totster <{POST_SNAPBACK}> This is a common practise in all good or aspiring Thai pubs/night spots. I usually say "mai ow khrap" to the massage, as like most people who have been brought up in the Western world, I do feel uncomfortable and unable to relax enough to get the plumbing going... Sometimes I will accept the hot towell, handwash and back/neck massage at the wash basin, and leave a 10 or 20 THB tip... Do as the Thais do, and always with a smile not a scowl, and you'll have no problem. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I personaly love the whole touchy feely thing. It's like nothing here in the States. Granted it took awhile too get used too. The ability to escape the preconcived notions of if you touch people of your own sex then you must be gay, What the ###### is all that about anyway. The only person that has a problem with it is you, and it's your responsibility to get over it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I think it's a matter of personal preference... I don't need to get over anything, I understand, and I know that it is not a "gay" thing... understanding and knowing will not stop me (and I suspect others) from feeling slightly uncomfortable. Big well done to you citizen821 for adapting so well, you must be very proud... totster <{POST_SNAPBACK}> As a matter a fact I am. It took some doing but you wouldn't belive how good it feels once there. This is my first trip here and I have to say it's great. No more TT for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Burr Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 Am British, so, am not into the touchy, feely stuff. Try going to the States where perfect strangers want to give you a hug and an air-kiss! Yuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas_Merton Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 ....i think that at least these guys (mostly up country) are used to sleeping from day one next to parents, then grandma/grandpa or w/brothers/sisters... when i was visiting, i was put in the only real bed in the house; my friend says he sleeps there usually with an older non married brother; a son of one of the brothers sleeps with granddad who is on his own.... i hate being held by the arm; israelis are also touchy/feely; men kiss men, women pet u, hug u etc... western personal space is just much larger, thats all; and our kids sleep in own bed in own room from a few days old /or weeks old; anyway whats all that touchy/feely stuff at football games; mock wrestling among school boys, and men sort of punching eachother rather than hugging? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Being typically British, I too had this aversion to physical contact with other men, but after over 30 years as an ex-pat, a lot of this time in Israel, I have eventually gotten over it. It takes about 15 years to loosen up and then you don't think about it any more. Surprisingly, despite agreeing with what Bina writes here about sleeping arrangements, I notice and experience very little physical contact between adults in the countryside (north of Sukkothai). My impression from my family especially, is of a restraint any middle-class English family in the 50s would be proud of. This whole discussion is very interesting and has made me realise, one of the reasons, why I keep getting strange looks from my colleagues now I have returned to the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuketsiam Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 i like it when i see Thai girls holding hands, I know they are not gay, but I find it sexy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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