Think Long Think Hard ! Be Warned !

[dmax]

yes at first it was good, my x foreign wife took me to the cleaners ( house / money / and another man plus took my daughter away from her dad ) so i took myself to thailand.there i met my now wife we met in a bar ,(yea i kknow what your all saying but a lot of you have done the same if your honest ) she was happy ,funny full of life,different to the fat slob i left back in the uk . she actually lent me money 20,000 thb about 3 days into seeing her as i had my money transfer from my uk bank mixed up. anyway 4 yrs on and it is a complete and <deleted> nightmare, i go so far as to say i hate her, she curses in front of our 11 mth old daughter, caught her telling the child this morning to "fk off" because the baby was playing with her while she was cutting her toenails, now i am not an easy going person either but i never ever speak to a child like that, my own childhood was very rough and ive learnt a lesson to take care of my kids and dont want them ending up like me, ive spent loads of years jail when i was younger up untill i was 33 yrs old , im now 42 so as i say im no angel but i try to live my life now as best i can and as decent as i can .

getting back to my wife , she has a nasty violent temper that ive rarely seen in a woman, when i look at her she reminds me of her sister ,a big ugly brute of a thing who once busted 9 yr old daughters nose in front of me that was only 3 mths ago and since then ive seen some of my wifes angry aggressive behaviour the same as her sisters, my wife has not lifted her hand yet to our child but if she does she will be sorry.we argue now on average 2-3 times per week , when she gets nasty and moody(also every month womans problems) then i have to bite my tongue which for me is very hard to do , last week she started banging things about in the kitchen in a temper , i told her to relax it got worse when she wouldnt stop , slandering me in thai which i could understand some of calling me "kee" kee this kee that, anyway she wouldnt stop , i slapped her around the face, she lifted a knife , we stood facing eachother i told her to go ahead, she didnt, the baby was crying next door and i said to my wife that she needed to stop her aggressive angry temper as this was affecting the baby. i went in lifted the baby kissed her and packed my stuff and left,

i stayed away only one night i missed my kid too much and to be honest i wanted to be with my wife again to make thing s work, 4-5 days later here we are again at eachothers throats,i feel like crying i just cant cope anymore, i would leave believe me but i fear for my child, my wife would probably take the first clown who came along, also she wouldnt cope without me, in 4 yrs she never once took herself waking to the shops, i allways drive her everywhere,she wouldnt know where or how to buy a stamp/post a letter, pay a bill , i take care of all her banking /personal / work stuff like checking her payslips ,bank statements etc, she works as a cleaner but she got over 10,000 uk pounds in bank now plus ive built her a beautifull bungalow in isaan 3 mths ago ( see my isaan bungalow parts 1/2/3/4) you will see there that we were having problems because she wouldnt get off her ass and communicate with the builders for me even thought i paid for the house for her, there seems to be no respect for me, no appreciation of what i do for her, we are actually now in process of getting her 2 twin 9 yr old boys over to uk ,

i dont know if im doing the right thing but i want to see her happy and do right by her, i know im being a bloody fool but i cannot walk away and leave my child with her,last mth she was putting her makeup on and she had a razor blade sitting beside her to cut eyeline pencils with , i caught the baby going for it ,i got her just in time, also my wife has let her play with batteries thenone day i seen her put a pencil battery into her mouth, she could of choked to death, also the child got broncitis whilst in thailand few mths back , i knew the cjhild was coughing bad but the wife has the usual mai pen rai attitute , was only when her breathing got tht bad i took her to doctors myself were i was told it was broncitis. if i was to meet another thai lady i would wait and think hard before i made any commitment, my x thai girlfriend was a very relaxed girl and jai yen and on reflection i should of stayed with her , we never argued or fought and she never ever spoke any bad of anyone , she worked in a bar also but she hasd a beautifull way with her i met her in hau hin few mths back but shes married now and seems happy enough though we email eachother now and again. ive made a big mistake but cannot get out, and ready for a breakdown if this keeps up.maybe tomorrow will be a better day and we will get along good etc but as sure as night follows day her temper will explode and my patience will break with her , i actually fear the future and that is not right .

my bank account is dwindling too but now im holding on to my own funds and trying to save as much as i can, who knows i may need as much money as i can get soon enough. let this be a lesson to any of you considering a relationship with a thai lady and yes i say thai because ive seen more thai woman with very bad tempers than foreign woman, im not being racist but in my view thai woman have got a more aggresive temper than western woman in my expirience, ive also seen it with my friends and their thai wives and girlfriends, i could tell you some horror stories how these woman have fkd up a couple of guys i know but thats their business. i honestly think my wife doesnt learn by her mistakes,seems she doesnt comprehend that shes ruining everything, when i try talk to her she grunts something in thai....beware !

[bkkjames]

Seeking permission from nearest available Mod to edit the OP to add in a few line breaks?

[somtampet]

You have stated on more than one occasion that she goes crazy,and her family seem to have a bolt loose somewhere.

My question is

WHY THE hel_l DID YOU HAVE A REALTIONSHIP WITH A LOONEY AND HER LOONEY FAMILY.

I think your ubringing thught this was normal.

MY FRIEND,THIS BEHAVIOUR IS NOT NORMAL

[angiud]

I cannot read it all because of the lack of stops and periods end

[Patsycat]

Paragraphs please, my poor eyes are rolling around and re reading lines...

[dmax]

sorry just feeling a bit rough now when i wrote this, paragraphs and grammar are the last thing on my mind

[sharecropper]

The guy has a serious emotional dilemma and all you can do is patronise him and criticise his lack of punctuation?

Not everyone on here has had the education some of you have had.

[somtampet]

PATHETIC POSTERS

The guy is an emotional wreck,and you take the mickey about his writing,for gods sake children grow up

[canuckamuck]

I removed my post because I thought it sounded like a cheap shot

Edited March 19, 2010 by canuckamuck

[otherstuff1957]

Take your child & leave her. Do it now, it won't get any easier if you wait.

[rixalex]

Sad story.

No point pointing out the mistakes you have made. We all can see them, as well as you can. What's done is done.

Start planning for your future - a future without her. Keep squirreling money away like you are doing. Set down on paper a plan of action. You have your life, and more importantly the life of your baby to consider. No time to feel sorry for yourself. Get on with what needs to be done. Cut the cancer out.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I couldn't really read through all that, but either way it's 10 years late as I've been married roughly that long.

[a2396]

Attached is a corrected version of his post with paragraphs. Quite a horror story. Of course all women in LOS certainly not like this. But, caution should be advised in any relationship, marriage or otherwise. Unfortunately, common sense goes out the window with many guys once they arrive here.

OP_Post_dmax_RTF.rtf

[SeanMoran]

sorry just feeling a bit rough now when i wrote this, paragraphs and grammar are the last thing on my mind

Hollywood would gladly edit this storyh into something worthy of production on 70mm for the entertainment of the masses. You should take the opportunity now, before someone else gets in first.

[sokal]

here we go with another warning about Thai women. This time from a jail bird. I could hardly read it... what was the age difference between the two ?

[saintofsilence]

I can understand where your coming from I was married a thai a few years back and she would go crazy with knives I had to hide every sharp object in the place and sleep with one eye open.

I put up with it for 18 months and after she smashed my place up and locked me out , then she told me she was killing herself , the cops came and took her away and I gave her a ticket back to thailand.

The longer you leave this the worst she will get and harm could come to some one . It seems as if a lot of these girls have mental disorders and all they want is as much as they can get for the least amount of work as possible.

Since my marriage I have been very reluctant to go down that path again but I have met some that do have a full brain, look good and are not money hungry bitches.

Another word of advice be sweet to her and send her home for holiday then call her and tell her to stay the f k away , and you take care of your daughter.

good luck

Edited March 19, 2010 by saintofsilence

[dmax]

Take your child & leave her. Do it now, it won't get any easier if you wait.

i dont want her taking the baby to thailand with her. also i dont want to split up because i split from my ex wife 12 yrs ago and it hurt my other daughter back then, i seen the pain she went through and she still tells me it hurt her a lot, kids are definately adversely affected by break ups, what im trying to do is hang on , my heads telling me to get out ,my heart wont let me go. if i went now my wife would lose her job, she would have no money coming in and would probably go back to thailand , if she loses her job and cannot do things without me there then my kid suffers as a result of that. im going to stay on for the long rough ride .

[Loz]

Dmax,

I am so so so sorry to hear you are having this kind of problem. I've read your posts in the past and feel like I kind of know you. I hope you can find it in you to cut free from this source of anxiety. You do deserve a good and happy life. Nobody has the right to make you feel bad.

I suggest a plan of action. I know there will be times you want to try and reconcile but trying and picture an aligator. Have you ever been to the aligator farms in Florida? The aligator is a not such a whiley beast, in fact its brain is tiny but what it does have is a survival instinct. SELF preservation. I think you wife has SELF preservation at heart too. And will snap at anything challenging her equilibrium. You have to think of her as an aligator, not capable of adapting. Only knowing one way. AND THAT WAY DOES NOT FLY WITH YOU!!!

Basically she has what she wants and you are not needed. You have what you need too (your self, your sanity, your kid and your cash) so take it and find someone better to invest in.

BEST OF BRITISH LUCK TO YOU, MATE

[Penkoprod]

Cut your losses, take your baby and run !!!!!

Let the devil take the hindmost. Make sure you leave your wife NO access to any funds as soon as possible. In the case of joint accounts, open up a single account and leech the joint accounts assets' to that new one.

Get as far away and as removed form the mad cow as you can, and try not to look back.

Rebuild your life bit by bit. Harsh and cruel decision, i know but one that you will HAVE to take.... and the sooner, the better, IMO

Thanks for the warning and the lesson to us all

Penkoprod

[gotlost]

WE don't have to be warned we already have read Private Dancer.

[Loz]

Take your child & leave her. Do it now, it won't get any easier if you wait.

i dont want her taking the baby to thailand with her. also i dont want to split up because i split from my ex wife 12 yrs ago and it hurt my other daughter back then, i seen the pain she went through and she still tells me it hurt her a lot, kids are definately adversely affected by break ups, what im trying to do is hang on , my heads telling me to get out ,my heart wont let me go. if i went now my wife would lose her job, she would have no money coming in and would probably go back to thailand , if she loses her job and cannot do things without me there then my kid suffers as a result of that. im going to stay on for the long rough ride .

Ok, fella.

Well thanks for the genuine warning and good luck.

You can always vent here if it gets too much again. PErsonally next time she picks up a knife, I'd pick up a camera. might be nice remind her sometime when she is more lucid. have to say though, I wouldn't have slapped her.

[SeanMoran]

sorry just feeling a bit rough now when i wrote this, paragraphs and grammar are the last thing on my mind

Hollywood would gladly edit this storyh into something worthy of production on 70mm for the entertainment of the masses. You should take the opportunity now, before someone else gets in first.

yea listen to mr perfect sean moron wouldnt it be good to be in your shoes

Thanks for the insult. I start to see more reason for her to have a motive now. Whiy don't you ask her to get on the keyboard now and tell us all her side of your story, before we call Spielberg, eh?

[Loz]

to the people who make fun of his writing:

GROW THE <deleted> UP!!!

What good would that ever do?

thats a point...

[ThailandLovr]

Take your child & leave her. Do it now, it won't get any easier if you wait.

i dont want her taking the baby to thailand with her. also i dont want to split up because i split from my ex wife 12 yrs ago and it hurt my other daughter back then, i seen the pain she went through and she still tells me it hurt her a lot, kids are definately adversely affected by break ups, what im trying to do is hang on , my heads telling me to get out ,my heart wont let me go. if i went now my wife would lose her job, she would have no money coming in and would probably go back to thailand , if she loses her job and cannot do things without me there then my kid suffers as a result of that. im going to stay on for the long rough ride .

dmax, you are not thinking rationally. This woman is ruining your life. Staying in that relationship is no solution.

You must leave your wife, with or without your child. My heart goes out to you.

Edited March 19, 2010 by ThailandLovr

[bifftastic]

dmax,

sorry to hear about what you're going through mate. It must be truly awful.

I know you blame yourself for your last divorce and you think you hurt your child with the break-up.

When parents break up it does hurt the child sometimes, but if they stay together that can also hurt.

Sometimes life hurts, I know it's hard, happened to me. When I was a child I blamed who I blamed, but now I'm an adult I can see who's 'fault' it was and have got over it.

You maybe think you can somehow put right the wrong you did before by sticking with this relationship.

You can't. I'm not even sure you did wrong before but you probably think you did.

You're telling yourself 'i'm not gonna let it happen again for the kids sake' right? well this is a different situation, a different woman.

You need to talk to someone, get some professional advice mate. I'm not suggesting social services as they can be quite heavy handed but someone, maybe your GP? not sure how well you know him/her.

What's your situation? Can you look after the child yourself? if you can then you need to get this mad woman some help, get her away from the child and try to help her work through whatever disorder she quite clearly has. But away from you and the child at first.

If you're in the UK then you should use the resources available to you and, depending on where you live, there are people who can help.

It's not a nice thing to do in the first instance but you can have someone sectioned under the mental health act and then treatment can begin. This is traumatic at first but removes the danger of violence, makes sure the child is safe, and gives you the opportunity of helping her.

I hope some of what I have said will be of some comfort or help, feel for you bruv, I really do.

[dave30]

To the OP. Mate good on you for coming on here and telling the truth. The thing is with all these guys taking the piss about the writing. The same thing will be happening in there relelationship'S with there Thai partners but they wont admit it.

8 OUT OF 10 Thai - Farang relelationships fail. But when they have kids i would say its more like 10 out 10 fail. ( how many thai - Farang familys with there own children who are 12 or over do you see on a day out ) i must have seen about 2 the whole time i have lived in thailand i have been here for 5 years ! )

I am to with Thai girl ( we have been together for 5 years now ) and we have a kid . Going ok so far but being honest i cant see us still together in 10 years. The culture thing is just to different. There will come a time were i will say i have had enough and hopefully if we to part ways can stay friends for are child's sake.

Most Thai - Farang relationships only works with weak and desrate farangs who will put up with anything just to stay with there thai partner. Most Farangs who can think and act for them selfs soon get fed up and just say enought is enough. I am yet to meet a Thai - Farang couple who have been together ( i mean lived together in Thailand , not with the guy just coming here for 2 months each year ) for more than 11 years is the longest i have seen, with my mate but they have just broke up. Apart from that its seems to be 7 or 8 years max.

[SnS]

How many wives have you had?

[barrybankruad]

Take your child & leave her. Do it now, it won't get any easier if you wait.

i dont want her taking the baby to thailand with her. also i dont want to split up because i split from my ex wife 12 yrs ago and it hurt my other daughter back then, i seen the pain she went through and she still tells me it hurt her a lot, kids are definately adversely affected by break ups, what im trying to do is hang on , my heads telling me to get out ,my heart wont let me go. if i went now my wife would lose her job, she would have no money coming in and would probably go back to thailand , if she loses her job and cannot do things without me there then my kid suffers as a result of that. im going to stay on for the long rough ride .

Ok, fella.

Well thanks for the genuine warning and good luck.

You can always vent here if it gets too much again. PErsonally next time she picks up a knife, I'd pick up a camera. might be nice remind her sometime when she is more lucid. have to say though, I wouldn't have slapped her.

Do you not have any friends or relatives who might be able to assist should you decide to run with your baby? You are going to have to sooner or later. No parents who could be family to your little one for a while at least.

Good Luck. You will need it.

[lopburi3]

A number of flames have been removed and warnings are being issued. Please keep it on track and civil.

[noahvail]

dmax,

Two on-topic (I hope) things.

First, staying together "for the sake of the kids" means it's an unhealthy relationship between the adults. The kids see through it very easily, and often blame themselves for the parents' problems.

Second, you're obviously under a whole lot of stress right now - who wouldn't be? Another poster said to develop a plan - good advice. The first step is to get as much relevant information as you can. It would be worth the money to spend an hour with a good divorce lawyer; write down a list of what you want to say and what you want to ask.

After you get solid legal information, then take a long weekend for yourself (and your child if you can) to sort out your plan as much as you can, leaving spaces for stuff that inevitably arises. You may or may not be able to put a fairly accurate time frame on the steps of your list, but get some idea of how long it will take for these different steps. That will give you a time goal (it makes the time go faster) and an action/result goal.

Best of luck to you. Let us know how you make out.