What Level Of Domestic Violence Is Acceptable?

[geriatrickid]

Not off topic. It demonstrates that while we will all say that domestic violence is not acceptable, it is a plague and frequent. The point being if everyone is saying it is not acceptable, why then is there an example like this. (Not picking on Finns as I am sure it is a similar situation everywhere.)

[mccw]

There seems to be a disconnect between what we want to believe and reality. For example, if we take Finland, hundreds of Thai women are either living at the mercy of violent husbands, or are employed as sex workers in "massage parlours". (From Government report of June 2009). Who would have thought? Finland of all places.

http://womensphere.wordpress.com/2009/06/0...und-in-finland/

Perhaps it is time we open our eyes.

that is suprising but whats it got to do with the topic of mans accepting abuse?

It is off topic, but I have to say the Finns are hard people - the local women can (generally) stand up for themselves, but a woman who's been imported is quite likely to be in trouble....

Before anyone accuses me of racism - my mother's Finnish.

it doesnt matter what size the girl is, she can still cut your cock off while your sleeping.

people trafficing/ slavery is a whole differrent creature to domestic violence though, and affects people of many nationalities, europeans, asians, etc, east and west women can be controlled by pimping sons of bitches, not sure if country of origin makes a big differrence. intimidation, violence and drug dependancey are commmon tactics of control apparrently.

[F1fanatic]

There seems to be a disconnect between what we want to believe and reality. For example, if we take Finland, hundreds of Thai women are either living at the mercy of violent husbands, or are employed as sex workers in "massage parlours". (From Government report of June 2009). Who would have thought? Finland of all places.

http://womensphere.wordpress.com/2009/06/0...und-in-finland/

Perhaps it is time we open our eyes.

that is suprising but whats it got to do with the topic of mans accepting abuse?

It is off topic, but I have to say the Finns are hard people - the local women can (generally) stand up for themselves, but a woman who's been imported is quite likely to be in trouble....

Before anyone accuses me of racism - my mother's Finnish.

it doesnt matter what size the girl is, she can still cut your cock off while your sleeping.

people trafficing/ slavery is a whole differrent creature to domestic violence though, and affects people of many nationalities, europeans, asians, etc, east and west women can be controlled by pimping sons of bitches, not sure if country of origin makes a big differrence. intimidation, violence and drug dependancey are commmon tactics of control apparrently.

Yes. It depends entirely on the woman involved.

Getting back to the OP, I still think ANY violence (and a slap is violence) is unacceptable.

If a slap is tolerated its likely that the level of violence offered will escalate......

[WinnieTheKhwai]

when me an my missus first started going out, maybe a couple of weeks in, i took her to a club and i'm quite mow an try get up close like dirty hip hop dancing style; she turned round and smacked me in the face! i say smacked but i mean punched, closed fist, right in the mouth, chipped my tooth an all ; thats when i knew this girl was for me! haha ,,, she appologiesed but said dont ever disrespect her again, we havent and never had a problem since, 4 years and 2 kids later.

i'm suprised so many people say they'd walk over even 1 little slap. most men i know just accept thier womens odd slap as just a bit of moodyness, menstation related, but usually only after they done summin wrong in the first place. B a Man! not like a little lady slap really does you any harm is it. If its regular and she's a real nut then fair enough leave, but i'd thought it would be a wieghing up of all goods and bads, not sum matter of principle like a fassy. If she pulled a knife or summin then i'd be strait outa there though, physco!

lady should never be hit in my opinion and any man who does is a one real cowardly pssyclat

Great post and I agree, just not with the last line. It's perfectly fine (no, ESSENTIAL) to physically stop a person from harming herself or others. (Hitting not being the first option, but I could see cases where restraining a person otherwise is difficult.)

This is where the other poster was coming from who stated that getting violent at least shows a person cares, which some newbie replied to with '<deleted>'. For example, say someone is highly irate and emotional: would you let such a person grab the car keys and drive off in this crazed mood? I submit that those who DO let her drive off are the real cowardly pussycats, and irresponsible at that; the ones who physically restrain the Mrs. from killing herself or others WILL earn their respect, DO show they care, in addition to potentially saving her life and that of others.

( Go. )

Edited April 16, 2010 by WinnieTheKhwai

[F1fanatic]

when me an my missus first started going out, maybe a couple of weeks in, i took her to a club and i'm quite mow an try get up close like dirty hip hop dancing style; she turned round and smacked me in the face! i say smacked but i mean punched, closed fist, right in the mouth, chipped my tooth an all ; thats when i knew this girl was for me! haha ,,, she appologiesed but said dont ever disrespect her again, we havent and never had a problem since, 4 years and 2 kids later.

i'm suprised so many people say they'd walk over even 1 little slap. most men i know just accept thier womens odd slap as just a bit of moodyness, menstation related, but usually only after they done summin wrong in the first place. B a Man! not like a little lady slap really does you any harm is it. If its regular and she's a real nut then fair enough leave, but i'd thought it would be a wieghing up of all goods and bads, not sum matter of principle like a fassy. If she pulled a knife or summin then i'd be strait outa there though, physco!

lady should never be hit in my opinion and any man who does is a one real cowardly pssyclat

Great post and I agree, just not with the last line. It's perfectly fine (no, ESSENTIAL) to physically stop a person from harming herself or others. (Hitting not being the first option, but I could see cases where restraining a person otherwise is difficult.)

This is where the other poster was coming from who stated that getting violent at least shows a person cares, which some newbie replied to with '<deleted>'. For example, say someone is highly irate and emotional: would you let such a person grab the car keys and drive off in this crazed mood? I submit that those who DO let her drive off are the real cowardly pussycats, and irresponsible at that; the ones who physically restrain the Mrs. from killing herself or others WILL earn their respect, DO show they care, in addition to potentially saving her life and that of others.

( Go. )

Uuum, you'll need to run that one by me again.

So you're saying that someone who stops someone from driving whilst they're emotional and crazy is the same as someone who hits someone because they've done something wrong?

Now you've explained it to me so well, I can't understand anymore why anyone would think that getting violent does anything other than show you care.

Edited April 16, 2010 by F1fanatic

[WinnieTheKhwai]

when me an my missus first started going out, maybe a couple of weeks in, i took her to a club and i'm quite mow an try get up close like dirty hip hop dancing style; she turned round and smacked me in the face! i say smacked but i mean punched, closed fist, right in the mouth, chipped my tooth an all ; thats when i knew this girl was for me! haha ,,, she appologiesed but said dont ever disrespect her again, we havent and never had a problem since, 4 years and 2 kids later.

i'm suprised so many people say they'd walk over even 1 little slap. most men i know just accept thier womens odd slap as just a bit of moodyness, menstation related, but usually only after they done summin wrong in the first place. B a Man! not like a little lady slap really does you any harm is it. If its regular and she's a real nut then fair enough leave, but i'd thought it would be a wieghing up of all goods and bads, not sum matter of principle like a fassy. If she pulled a knife or summin then i'd be strait outa there though, physco!

lady should never be hit in my opinion and any man who does is a one real cowardly pssyclat

Great post and I agree, just not with the last line. It's perfectly fine (no, ESSENTIAL) to physically stop a person from harming herself or others. (Hitting not being the first option, but I could see cases where restraining a person otherwise is difficult.)

This is where the other poster was coming from who stated that getting violent at least shows a person cares, which some newbie replied to with '<deleted>'. For example, say someone is highly irate and emotional: would you let such a person grab the car keys and drive off in this crazed mood? I submit that those who DO let her drive off are the real cowardly pussycats, and irresponsible at that; the ones who physically restrain the Mrs. from killing herself or others WILL earn their respect, DO show they care, in addition to potentially saving her life and that of others.

( Go. )

Uuum, you'll need to run that one by me again.

So you're saying that someone who stops someone from driving whilst they're emotional and crazy is the same as someone who hits someone because they've done something wrong?

No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm responding to those who think that any and all physical action is always deplorable. I'm saying that sometimes it is not only necessary, but the responsible and caring thing to do.

Now you've explained it so well to me, I can't understand anymore why anyone would think that getting violent does anything other than show you care.

Right! If I didn't care I'd just leave and have a party somewhere. Hitting someone takes effort and commitment.

[mccw]

when me an my missus first started going out, maybe a couple of weeks in, i took her to a club and i'm quite mow an try get up close like dirty hip hop dancing style; she turned round and smacked me in the face! i say smacked but i mean punched, closed fist, right in the mouth, chipped my tooth an all ; thats when i knew this girl was for me! haha ,,, she appologiesed but said dont ever disrespect her again, we havent and never had a problem since, 4 years and 2 kids later.

i'm suprised so many people say they'd walk over even 1 little slap. most men i know just accept thier womens odd slap as just a bit of moodyness, menstation related, but usually only after they done summin wrong in the first place. B a Man! not like a little lady slap really does you any harm is it. If its regular and she's a real nut then fair enough leave, but i'd thought it would be a wieghing up of all goods and bads, not sum matter of principle like a fassy. If she pulled a knife or summin then i'd be strait outa there though, physco!

lady should never be hit in my opinion and any man who does is a one real cowardly pssyclat

Great post and I agree, just not with the last line. It's perfectly fine (no, ESSENTIAL) to physically stop a person from harming herself or others. (Hitting not being the first option, but I could see cases where restraining a person otherwise is difficult.)

This is where the other poster was coming from who stated that getting violent at least shows a person cares, which some newbie replied to with '<deleted>'. For example, say someone is highly irate and emotional: would you let such a person grab the car keys and drive off in this crazed mood? I submit that those who DO let her drive off are the real cowardly pussycats, and irresponsible at that; the ones who physically restrain the Mrs. from killing herself or others WILL earn their respect, DO show they care, in addition to potentially saving her life and that of others.

( Go. )

hitting a woman is very differrent to just restraining them. I've honestly never had a girl go that crazy on me though.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

hitting a woman is very differrent to just restraining them. I've honestly never had a girl go that crazy on me though.

Me neither, but I can easily imagine it. Sometimes all it takes is being on the wrong kind of birth control pills.

[samuibeachcomber]

how about the emotional latins,fiery to say the least.so a partner is angry with you,you've done something to really stir the emotions and a slap is as good a way of telling you the other is not happy,but it also tells you they care enough about the relationship to do something so drastic.and please i am not advocating violent abuse towards another,just an emotional response.would you rather have a slap on the face or the indifference of not caring and walking away cos you just dont care about the person anymore.

[Bottlerocket]

I've been married here in Thailand for 11 years and I've never experienced the kind of abusive conduct described by the OP nor any farang sob story I've read hear. It boils down to class, really. Who are some of these guys marrying?

Do you walk out at the first event, do you allow it to happen once but warn not again, or do you just accept it as part of the life, mai pen rai?

I think I would lay off the drink for awhile, spend more time at home, and seek some kind of counseling.

[SAW]

Depends on the situation, if shes just caught you in bed with her sister shes every right to give you a good slap.

[JUDAS]

Each to their own but, I wouldn't want to be walking on egg shells waiting for the next assault from my wife.

[GuestHouse]

I wonder how many Thai women beat up on their Thai husbands?

[Boo]

From what I have seen over the years, quite a lot. The men hit back though, which imo is only fair. Don't dish it if you can't take it.

[slapout]

Interesting, comical read. I am waiting for the S&M and Bondage comments/proponents to step forward. Time for a cool one and a nap.

[thaibeachlovers]

NONE.

[canuckamuck]

A slap might be easier to deal with than the three day silent treatment, but I wouldn't know; last time I was slapped I was a teenager in the early 80's and I surely deserved it.

But I can't imagine living with a woman who thinks it's OK to hit. I think she would be out the door pretty quick.

[mrbojangles]

If a slap is tolerated its likely that the level of violence offered will escalate......

Nail on head.

Depends on the situation, if shes just caught you in bed with her sister shes every right to give you a good slap.

However, I think anyone would agree, this would be mitigating circumstances.

[Huey]

No woman I have been with for any appreciable time ever hit me out of anger. And I can proudly say I never hit a woman. I can't say what I would do if my wife hit me. She's so feminine I can't imagine what I could do to make that happen. If she hit me for real out of anger chances are I probably would have deserved it.

It's different to me if a woman hits a man then if a man hits a woman.

A guy hitting a woman in fully inappropriate unless he is defending his life.

A girl hitting a guy, *shrug* I don't know. Like I'm a decent sized guy and to really cry over getting hit by a girl just seems bitchlike to me.

Though I will admit once when I was a kid I think, 15yrs old, I got punched in the chest by a homely looking girl with big thick bottle cap glasses, I had slept with her Thursday, and in my infinite 15yr old wisdom, dumped her Friday. Monday she found me in the stair well in-between classes and tapped on the shoulder. I turned around to a slamming punch in the chest that almost knocked the wind out of me and a pissed off X, yelling "How the F are you gonna F me Thursday and dump me Friday, you think that's funny N?" as she proceeded to throw more blows and I ducked and dodged for my life as the hundreds of kids in the hall and stairwell laughed so hard I think some must have pissed themselves.

Luckily my Spanish teacher who looked like a aged Tony Montana gripped her up from behind and saved me or else I might not be here today to type this.

[bjoe97]

Absolute 0-tolerance for domestic violence here.

I am living together with my Thai wife very happily since about 12 years now and we never had a confrontation that was not be resolved nearly as smooth as silk.

I guess if real violence would ever happen our relationship would be beyond repair and we both know that.

So far we never even came near the point of any form of violence and I'm pretty sure we never will.

i do not think anyone in their right mind would have a confrontation with your wife

she carry's a blade does she not

and to all those who screamed" she stop crimes being committed"

but you two are a perfect match and far more advanced than many

i had to stop a Thai lady beating her Japanese husband, blood all over the place, he was doing nothing to stop it

[bjoe97]

when me an my missus first started going out, maybe a couple of weeks in, i took her to a club and i'm quite mow an try get up close like dirty hip hop dancing style; she turned round and smacked me in the face! i say smacked but i mean punched, closed fist, right in the mouth, chipped my tooth an all ; thats when i knew this girl was for me! haha ,,, she appologiesed but said dont ever disrespect her again, we havent and never had a problem since, 4 years and 2 kids later.

i'm suprised so many people say they'd walk over even 1 little slap. most men i know just accept thier womens odd slap as just a bit of moodyness, menstation related, but usually only after they done summin wrong in the first place. B a Man! not like a little lady slap really does you any harm is it. If its regular and she's a real nut then fair enough leave, but i'd thought it would be a wieghing up of all goods and bads, not sum matter of principle like a fassy. If she pulled a knife or summin then i'd be strait outa there though, physco!

lady should never be hit in my opinion and any man who does is a one real cowardly pssyclat

Great post and I agree, just not with the last line. It's perfectly fine (no, ESSENTIAL) to physically stop a person from harming herself or others. (Hitting not being the first option, but I could see cases where restraining a person otherwise is difficult.)

This is where the other poster was coming from who stated that getting violent at least shows a person cares, which some newbie replied to with '<deleted>'. For example, say someone is highly irate and emotional: would you let such a person grab the car keys and drive off in this crazed mood? I submit that those who DO let her drive off are the real cowardly pussycats, and irresponsible at that; the ones who physically restrain the Mrs. from killing herself or others WILL earn their respect, DO show they care, in addition to potentially saving her life and that of others.

( Go. )

good point, one man was trying to take on a whole street gang( i was more worried about the street gang to be honest) so my mate slapped him! seemed to wake him up from his drunken stupor

[StreetCowboy]

A clap in the chops wi a clarty cloot

Symbolism is all-important.

SC

[F1fanatic]

how about the emotional latins,fiery to say the least.so a partner is angry with you,you've done something to really stir the emotions and a slap is as good a way of telling you the other is not happy,but it also tells you they care enough about the relationship to do something so drastic.and please i am not advocating violent abuse towards another,just an emotional response.would you rather have a slap on the face or the indifference of not caring and walking away cos you just dont care about the person anymore.

The problem is that any normal woman who REALLY cares, won't slap you (even if they've caught you having sex with their sister), they'll either scream abuse at you, walk away - (too stunned to do anything) or put everything into it and attack. A slap just doesn't do it - it means they're thinking about it and don't want to be hit back.

Attacking is pretty unusual in a woman - we need to have entirely lost control. Only a tiny minority of women will lose control in this way - its not that they care more - they are just more violent than the average woman.

[eurasianthai]

None

I second this one.

And not domestically only...

[Kf6vci]

Who is continuing an argument with fists? It implies a total breakdown of communication. Tell me about the language gap, is that the roots to the issue of female DV?

My wife is not the type, no matter what. But mind, you can wound as badly with cruel words.

[sarahsbloke]

I must be seeing the wrong type of girl, while in Thailand

GF1) Didn't hit me, but I had reports of her having a knock down full on fight with her Thai husband in the road where she lives. (neighbours blabbed)

GF2) Attacked me with a large knife, punched me in the head when I was asleep, poisoned my food, and stamped on my bare foot in high heels.

Wife) punched me in the chest (that's it so far), but I have hidden her 8 inch switch blade, just in case.

GF1 and GF2 were both seeing the local witch to cast harmful spells on each other (not sure if that counts as DV)

You guys must have a really dull life!

Glad I started this post, I was beginning to think DV was normal out here.

Edited April 18, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[F1fanatic]

Who is continuing an argument with fists? It implies a total breakdown of communication. Tell me about the language gap, is that the roots to the issue of female DV?

My wife is not the type, no matter what. But mind, you can wound as badly with cruel words.

Precisely. I refer you to my previous post - the average woman does not attack physically never mind how great the provocation. They can't win and know it.

They've got to have entirely lost the plot to attack. It might happen once - if it happens again, you know she's naturally violent and things are not going to get better....

[dominique355]

Physical violence is only one part, there is also verbal and emotional abuse and violence.

Most people seem to agree here that physical violence is totally unacceptable, but what about emotional and verbal violence?

And what about violence against children?

While I firmly believe that none of it is acceptable, many of us (including my Thai wife and I) come from backgrounds, which were not so anti-violence as we are now.

[F1fanatic]

Physical violence is only one part, there is also verbal and emotional abuse and violence.

Most people seem to agree here that physical violence is totally unacceptable, but what about emotional and verbal violence?

And what about violence against children?

While I firmly believe that none of it is acceptable, many of us (including my Thai wife and I) come from backgrounds, which were not so anti-violence as we are now.

You're right and I'm not sure how I missed it - talking badly to someone is far worse than hitting them.

My mistake.

[sarahsbloke]

Sorry, but you are joking,

Precisely. I refer you to my previous post - the average woman does not attack physically never mind how great the provocation. They can't win and know it.

these Thai ladies are far stronger and far fiercer than the average western man (or woman), and their attacks are all out, no holds barred.

Once when I was with GF1 some ferrang insulted me, I wasn't bothered but she rushed at them, then picked them up (and they must have weighted twice as much as her) and threw them across the road ....... I couldn't have done that.

Another time, I saw a guy touch a girls bum, she grabbed a pool cue and beat him unconscious, she was tiny and he was a 6 footer. (this was in the Happy Bar last year)

But I will agree with you on this one

You're right and I'm not sure how I missed it - talking badly to someone is far worse than hitting them.

Given a choice of having my head kicked in or being given a good tongue lashing ...... I'll take the kicking every time.

Edited April 18, 2010 by sarahsbloke