Is It Possible To Live In Thailand Without The ''family'' Interfering In Your Life?

[kunash]

Is it possible to live in Thailand without the ''family'' interfering in your life?  is it possible to set some ground rules with your TGF, so she understands that you do not like ''in laws'' or ''family members'' giving you advice on what to do?  the TGF has a habit of telling her sisters and friends about everything i do, the money and items i give her, where we will be living. i guess this is the thai way. some things should be kept private though.  and in turn the sisters and friends tell other people.  i just want a quiet life and dont want people interfering in my life and my TGF life. a lot of the 'interfering'  is to do with money, - what to spend my money on, and who to give it to.  i understand if you marry a TG, then you are also marrying the family.  maybe i should find a house about 100km from the mum and dads .

[Lancelot]

Marriage/relationships are what you can live with... and what you can't. Tell your lady what you expect from her and if she balks, you walk. Personally, I would want some distance between me and the relatives, both mine and hers.

Any way, chok dee krab

[hoohoo]

why do you give her money???????????????????

nevermind........................

part of thai girl existence is to support her famillee. ... if you dont understand this how about you no get married!

[Spaniel]

...maybe I should find a house about 100 km from mum and dads and second don't marry anyone from Issan!

[losworld]

Just make sure there is a bit of a buffer between her and the family - like 500 miles!!!

[LuckyLew]

No it is not possible

[villagefarang]

Sure it is possible, given the right partner and approach but not possible in every relationship. Remember it isn't always easy for the girl, being put in the middle of conflicting expectations, from you and her family. And yes, a little distance does help.

[garyh]

The reason she married you will include you have some money, she then must tell everyone how she is benefiting from this. Thus make her look better in everyones eye's, the Thai way is to out do others

[ChangMaiSausage]

why do you give her money???????????????????

nevermind........................

part of thai girl existence is to support her famillee. ... if you dont understand this how about you no get married!

hoohoo I disagree my wife does not support her family if anything I offer money to her father when we visit, her Auntie who we stay with refuses money every time we are there.

Both of us have agreed that we do not want to live close to her family this is why we picked Chiang Mai v's Rayong or surrounding areas.

[rgs2001uk]

I fear in the OPs case its too late, the die has be cast.

Also agree with another poster, why are you paying her?

Living in Surin, some may be able to, many are stuck there with no way out.

Get some distance between you and the family, Pattaya is a good place to start.

Put your foot down from the start and dont stand for any nonsense.

[Eff1n2ret]

I don't think you can entirely exclude the "family" factor if you marry a Thai. Certainly if you don't want a close relationship with them it is essential not to live anywhere near them, but your way of life will still be affected from time to time. I once had to tell my missis (whom I met and married in the UK) that I married her, not her family. She told me later that she was hurt by this, but it drew a line and I don't regret saying it. I'm happy to see her family on high days and holidays, and to part-finance her aged mother. I'm not happy to have her 30+year-old soi dog of a son come and live with us (which is what she was hoping), and if she ever pushes it that far, then I'll just be throwing everything I can get into the back of my truck and leaving.

[eurasianthai]

It is sure possible, marry an orphan

You marry somebody, you marry the family, not specific to Thailand by the way.

[hoohoo]

I don't think you can entirely exclude the "family" factor if you marry a Thai. Certainly if you don't want a close relationship with them it is essential not to live anywhere near them, but your way of life will still be affected from time to time. I once had to tell my missis (whom I met and married in the UK) that I married her, not her family. She told me later that she was hurt by this, but it drew a line and I don't regret saying it. I'm happy to see her family on high days and holidays, and to part-finance her aged mother. I'm not happy to have her 30+year-old soi dog of a son come and live with us (which is what she was hoping), and if she ever pushes it that far, then I'll just be throwing everything I can get into the back of my truck and leaving.

see guys, this fella drew the line!

yet still part -finances the aged mother!

you understand!!!!!!!!! the concept!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ChangMaiSausage]

I don't think you can entirely exclude the "family" factor if you marry a Thai. Certainly if you don't want a close relationship with them it is essential not to live anywhere near them, but your way of life will still be affected from time to time. I once had to tell my missis (whom I met and married in the UK) that I married her, not her family. She told me later that she was hurt by this, but it drew a line and I don't regret saying it. I'm happy to see her family on high days and holidays, and to part-finance her aged mother. I'm not happy to have her 30+year-old soi dog of a son come and live with us (which is what she was hoping), and if she ever pushes it that far, then I'll just be throwing everything I can get into the back of my truck and leaving.

see guys, this fella drew the line!

yet still part -finances the aged mother!

you understand!!!!!!!!! the concept!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hoho if someone in your wife's (if you have a wife) direct family fell ill would you help out? if you have the funds to help. No matter what nationality / country you live in I think most would help out if they could.

[sarahsbloke]

Every little detail of your private lives will be discussed with neighbours/family/friends.

You have to just live with it, but I never give out money to anyone.

Some daft bugger told my wife 'she need to boom boom' me 4 times a day to guarantee pregnancy

I caught a group of the neighbours wives going into great detail about the size and shape of their mens private parts .... (they don't know I understand Thai)

Edited May 5, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[robblok]

My wife isnt that close with her family anymore now that she sees them for what they are. They still visit and stuff but she wont go into details about what we do or give them money. With the right partner a lot is possible, with the wrong one you set yourself up to fall.

Remember you cant change someone completely.

[hiihii]

social justice is the way to go! if op has $s he should share with the village! and be happy about it!

even abhisit says its one of his 5 talking points for a better thailand!

[eurasianthai]

Remember you cant change someone completely.

Indeed.

And there is a saying in French that says, sorry for probably a pretty approximate translation, do not put your finger in between the tree and its bark.

You're not the tree and you're not the bark...

[tigerfish]

its a game they play, and a very dangerous one at that, if your not careful.

your tg tells another friend that you have given her this and that and x amount of money. then the friend goes off and tells her bf/husband what you have done for your tg. hopeing that the guy will feel compound to go out and buy her something better, i.e gold worth more in weight and value, plus more pocket money. then she comes back and tells your tg how much money her fella has given her and shows off the new gold neckles, braclelet, ring etc. and the game goes on.

its called keeping up with the jones!

Edited May 5, 2010 by tigerfish

[fullcave]

The reason she married you will include you have some money, she then must tell everyone how she is benefiting from this. Thus make her look better in everyones eye's, the Thai way is to out do others

Got news for you mate, it's not only the Thais...

[chiangmaibruce]

OP, You start out using the word "interfering" then mention particular traits that don't necessarily constitute "interfering" at all - like sharing the news with the family. First up I would suggest you go out and get hold of the book "Thailand Fever" by Paiboon Publishing to get a handle on the nature of some thai traits that differ from our own.

To answer your question though ... yes you can live in Thailand without having the family interfering (in a way that annoys you). The first step is to choose someone who is basically compatible and communicate with them about how you feel about family etc .... and keep communicating. As others have stated, if the gap is too wide in expectations then you obviously are going to have problems.

We live in the same city as the wife's family and I have NEVER regretted it a moment. They never cease to be a tremendous help to us ... they bring food most times they come ... more than happy to mind little CMB every chance they can get ... mind our house + pets when we are away .... and on it goes. Yes I have had the occasional growl at them but mainly it's me at fault or some simple misunderstanding.

Generally though .... fabulous people

[Steely Dan]

Are there any dating services where all the women registered are orphans? Just a thought.

[enginerevision]

Every little detail of your private lives will be discussed with neighbours/family/friends.

You have to just live with it, but I never give out money to anyone.

Some daft bugger told my wife 'she need to boom boom' me 4 times a day to guarantee pregnancy

I caught a group of the neighbours wives going into great detail about the size and shape of their mens private parts .... (they don't know I understand Thai)

[jackdawson]

what's this "family' and "TGF" stuff ?

[SoiGirlHunter]

my wifes brother tried 4-5 times to rip me off, each time i seen it coming a mile away and politely evaded the scams.

i never had any argument with him but after his last last scam attempt he stormed off, later that night my wife called

and said he was planning to have me killed!

[eurasianthai]

what's this "family' and "TGF" stuff ?

Indeed

[kevkev1888]

what's this "family' and "TGF" stuff ?

TGF = Thai girl friend

Family = Her Family

[GungaDin]

Privacy, like logic, is a concept unknown to most Thais.

Ever noticed how they (women) hate to be alone?

If my cleaner had kept her big mouth shut I wouldn't have been burgled last October.

You need to be at least 200 miles away from your future in-laws.

[wintermute]

If my cleaner had kept her big mouth shut I wouldn't have been burgled last October.

Maybe that was the whole plan. If you treat people with contempt don't be surprised if they try to get back at you.

[IanForbes]

There is an old saying... Never a borrower nor a lender be. It's true. If you want to give something to someone then fine, but ask for nothing in exchange. I would always live a good distance from any inlaws, and certainly farther than an easy bus ride away.

The same story has been played over and over on thaivisa and the replies have always been the same. There is no one size fits all, but the similar stories give warning that others have failed to heed good advice.