Thai Women And The Question Of Money

[wintermute]

Ok, here's a good way to find out what your "teeruk" really thinks of..and you guys can thank me for this piece of golden advice later..propose a scenario, indirectly and drawn as a subtle hypothetical of course, where she would win the lottery. Ask what her "dreams" are with the money and see if it involves you. If you're a smooth talker you can discern her future motives better than a divination rod. I'm sure most will say it includes you but if you have a high degree of interpersonal skill you can figure out if that's a load of nonsense or not.

Now get crackin'

[Mossfinn]

Now get crackin'

Yes, but who's heads?

[wintermute]

Now get crackin'

Yes, but who's heads?

Your mom?

I mean that in the most respectful sense. Of course!

Edited May 10, 2010 by wintermute

[Mossfinn]

Have you seen her these past years, if so, I agree

[cognos]

From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

How else does a family share money?

SC

..and with that in mind, after we were engaged, and i was back working in Canada, I sent her a debit card to LOS with a different number, but SAME PIN number so she could access my funds ( yes, i know that strictly speaking you can't do this, but IF you know the bank manager, then tell said manager that when she comes to this country she will open a bank account at this bank...)

..btw.. this is the cheapest way to send money.. western union charges an arm and a leg

this was killing 2 birds with one stone..I loved her and wanted to help her out, and wanted to "test" her to see what she would do..in my case, my feeling about her was correct, and she did not clean out the account.. rather she was respectful and took small sums ( 3 to 6000 baht) every month or so as needed.

in my case, this showed me what i already knew, our relationship was on solid ground, and not about "show me the money, honey"

[mca]

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

This is the crux for me. I met my wife 15 years ago when I worked with her in BKK. We've been married for 10 with 1 daughter. We're the same age ( early 40s). Her folks are mid sized business owners in KK. Nowhere near " hi-so" but comfortable enough. The issue of money, helping family member financially etc has never been raised once. Her folks and siblings simply don't need my support. Our marriage has just been a normal loving relationship.

" Thai women" and " money" are not inexorably connected. Only in the circles the person making the connection moves in.

[Heng]

Finances are an inherent part of life, much as we'd love to believe that relationships are somehow immune to this rule.

[sarahsbloke]

MCA said

This is the crux for me. I met my wife 15 years ago when I worked with her in BKK. We've been married for 10 with 1 daughter. We're the same age ( early 40s). Her folks are mid sized business owners in KK. Nowhere near " hi-so" but comfortable enough. The issue of money, helping family member financially etc has never been raised once. Her folks and siblings simply don't need my support. Our marriage has just been a normal loving relationship.

" Thai women" and " money" are not inexorably connected. Only in the circles the person making the connection moves in.

SB says

Good for you, unfortunately I don't want to live with a woman my own age, no matter how much money she has.

Your primary requirement for a woman appears to be ....... must be able to support herself.

My primary requirement for a woman is ....... must be 20 or more years younger than me.

Everyone wants different things from a partner.

Edited May 11, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[Heng]

I prefer the local formula of having an equal at home and 20 year olds on the side. Beats the getting skinned by the 'money pit' at home so that you can't afford sides, main courses, or dessert "game plan."

Edited May 11, 2010 by Heng

[givenall]

From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

How else does a family share money?

SC

well said, I agree completely. For some reason I am surprised that someone here quotes Karl Marx, not sure why I should be surprised, but there it is

This is only true, if both couple have a reasonable understanding of the money earned and budgeting the expenditure

I have to create budget for almost everything, since I know my better half could spend everything on one thing, her shopping

[Sisaketmike]

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

It doesn't happen often here, but sometimes it does.

The rest, 99% of the time, are just kidding themselves.

Easy answer. You can't buy love or friends.

[StreetCowboy]

From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

How else does a family share money?

SC

well said, I agree completely. For some reason I am surprised that someone here quotes Karl Marx, not sure why I should be surprised, but there it is

This is only true, if both couple have a reasonable understanding of the money earned and budgeting the expenditure

I have to create budget for almost everything, since I know my better half could spend everything on one thing, her shopping

My point exactly. You prepare the budget according to your ability, she spends it on hand bags according to her need.

If your budget is consistent with that, and also with your aggregated incomes, you'll be happy. If not, then potentially I can see there could be friction...

SC

[BigWheelMan]

MCA said

This is the crux for me. I met my wife 15 years ago when I worked with her in BKK. We've been married for 10 with 1 daughter. We're the same age ( early 40s). Her folks are mid sized business owners in KK. Nowhere near " hi-so" but comfortable enough. The issue of money, helping family member financially etc has never been raised once. Her folks and siblings simply don't need my support. Our marriage has just been a normal loving relationship.

" Thai women" and " money" are not inexorably connected. Only in the circles the person making the connection moves in.

SB says

Good for you, unfortunately I don't want to live with a woman my own age, no matter how much money she has.

Your primary requirement for a woman appears to be ....... must be able to support herself.

My primary requirement for a woman is ....... must be 20 or more years younger than me.

Everyone wants different things from a partner.

Nothing wrong with that and whatever you do, I wish you good luck, success and happiness.

And as you say, everyone has different expectations from a partner.

That sort of arrangement wouldn’t suit me. My wife and I are the same age, a couple of old crones living together both in our late 50s.

My wife has told me that if anything happens to her, I should find another wife. Of course like many other getting wrinkly old Farangs, I too prefer younger women, a girl who I would consider sincere, fanciable and to be honest, shagable.

But as far as having to be a case of, rent a wife, no thanks, I would rather just pay someone such as a part time home help to do some housework and a bit of cooking for me and as for the nooky, it`s easy enough to make a few contacts in town and go out a couple of times per week.

Unless I was lucky enough to find a girl who is sincere, youthful, desirable and she finds me desirable, I love her to pieces and she really loves me, we can support each other through thick and thin, no lies, no bullshit, that of course I came to realise years ago is never going to happen except in some Hollywood movies, than I would rather stay alone and live my life as mentioned above.

But of course, each to his own and I’m not knocking anyone else for how they choose to run their lives.

[fletchsmile]

Basically it boils down to :- relationships in the West, both parties share household expenses when they get involved. In Thailand, the woman expects the man to pay EVERYTHING.

Drivel.

---------------------

Thanks to Desi (OP) for the link to the article - some much more balanced perspectives from a Thai lady. Also liked the quote:...

First of all, let me state the obvious which somehow does not seem obvious to many: not all Thai women are alike. There are all kinds of Thai women whose expectations in a relationship, financial or otherwise, can be different. Also, an average Thai woman isn’t so different from women elsewhere when it comes to basic expectations in a relationship: affection, love, security, status, etc., and different women have a different focus: many are materialistic while others care more about the emotional side, and those who dare want all.

...and liked how after that went on to sensibly describe some of the cultural differences, and some twists in foreign-Thai relationships.

[fletchsmile]

I prefer the local formula of having an equal at home and 20 year olds on the side. Beats the getting skinned by the 'money pit' at home so that you can't afford sides, main courses, or dessert "game plan."

[IanForbes]

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Find this v hard to believe. Western divorces mean EACH PARTY gets 50%. Why on earth would you agree to more??

Actually, I don't believe you did - you just prefer to tell people otherwise.

Yes, most western courts give each party 50% at the time of the divorce. But, what they DON'T bring to the table is how much each party brought to the marriage at the beginning. Many poor women marry wealthy men, and then a few years later when they get a divorce the gal gets 50%. The classic example is Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. They were together for 4 years and she got 50 million dollars. There are probably similar stories about wealthy women divorcing poor men, but you don't hear so much of that.

I'm not going into my two marriages as I've told that story here too many times already. But, it's another case of she gets the gold mine and I get the shaft.

But, as Sarasbloke says... it's all about value for your money. Both my ex wives did me a favour by leaving... even though I didn't realize it at the time.

Go into any relationship with both eyes wide open, and use the brain that god gave you. If you are getting what you pay for then there shouldn't be any complaints. Whatever I give to anyone I consider it a gift. I ask for nothing in return.

Any older man (over 50) who falls in love with some gal in her twenties or thirties better understand that the woman is in the relationship for either money or security. And, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. It is an arrangement that works for both parties. However, that is not to say that the couple might form a deeper bond later. In the high society of India there are MANY arranged marriages that very often work out for the best. The couple might not be initially in love, but they often grow to love each other.

There IS a difference between the INITIAL attraction that brings a couple together, and the bonding that forms later when a couple have been together for a few years. The later bonding is often a more satisfying situation than the instant lust. The bonding is what keeps couples together long after their physical beauty has faded.

[sarahsbloke]

IanForbes said (wrongly)

Yes, most western courts give each party 50% at the time of the divorce.

In the UK if there are children under the age of 16, the wife is usually given the house outright, everything else split 50/50 plus the man pays 10 percent of his income for each child until they are over 19 years old. If the woman gets less than that she should have used a better solicitor.

But as Ian says, I'm sorta thankful she got so much, otherwise I wouldn't have had the courage to dump all responsibility for the 4 kids and move out here to start a new family. I have a pal from the UK who got the same deal, but worse, he had a going away 'for old times' shag, she produced another kid from it, house plus 20 years at 10 percent of his income, she just gave up her job (too hard with the new baby) and wants the award reassessed, so back to court again, 2 years after everything was finalised. Looks to me like no divorce in the UK is ever final!

In the UK a single parent with two kids is ENTITLED to a minimum income of 15,000UKP a year with no taxes, the woman can always get sole custody and never has to work again (unless she wants to). Not that I'm picking fault with my ex ........ If I could have grabbed the kids and the income, I would have done it too.

Edited May 11, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[StreetCowboy]

IanForbes said (wrongly)

Yes, most western courts give each party 50% at the time of the divorce.

In the UK if you have children under the age of 16, the wife is usually given the house outright, everything else split 50/50 plus the man pays 10 percent of his income for each child until they are over 19 years old. If the woman gets less than that she should have used a better solicitor.

Seems fair enough. You're only there to provide for the next generation, and if you can enjoy it and take pride in them, you'll be a happy man.

I would have thought till the children had finished full-time education.

Simple route to a productive and happy life.

If you don't want to look after your kids, buy an elastrator.

SC

[djlest]

Quite a fun post indeed...

I think just like the huge rifts between thailand political and social status, so will the rifts become apparent with the answers to this question.

Heres my odd experience...

My present GF of 6 years

(not one of my best relationships - yet one i endure to prevent me from massive financial loss due to companies set up in her name etc)

When we met - she was successful and a business owner and with a nice car and a rented condo

I moved in with her way too quick - before realizing who she really was and how 'OLD SCHOOL' Thai she really was...

The first shock came when i proposed we move into a big house together

after all she was paying rent for a condo, and so was i... so why not combine the 2 and get a nicer abode...

Makes perfect sense to us westerners... right? but wait for this....

During the house hunting (in her brand new Honda civic) the question came up (so sharing rent?)

her reply was a vicious

'NO WAY! Woman in thailand not need to pay, man need to pay for house... if you in Thailand have to do Thai way - All man have to pay for house in Thailand)

I felt nausea and sick, i felt i was definitely being used, and i felt this was the beginning of a long and terrible journey that maybe i shouldn't get into...

After getting out of the car and swearing never to speak with her again.

She came to a compromise - ok then - pay rent - was what she said.

I tried again and found a lovely 3 bedroom house for 11,000 baht

After signing the contract - the first 12 months was (NO YOU HAVE TO PAY - I NOT GET MONEY)

Haha! yes - just the stereotypical bar girl type replies...

But this is a woman with her own company, her own income, here own car...

exactly!!!!

and so the layers of Thai become ever more complex to decypher as to what we really mean to them?

However...

After 6 long years of dating this same individual, (who despite all the above flaws is very very loyal - but still an absolute

Now we finally pay 50/50 for rent

BUT

I pay all Bills

I also make her about 25,000 a month extra for her business by marketing for her

And pay her 10-20,000 for her to drive clients around for me.

So, some might argue that she stays with me for the above,

who knows?

But i stay with her because

123 (it makes life easier to have a thai, i have 2 companies in her name, we both use each other and thats the cold harsh reality)

So evidently not everything in Thailand makes sense..

Use and Be Used - seems to be what most situations we are all in - but fail to realize

(perhaps jaded by love and that comfortably numb Thai way)

sorry i couldn't be more positive... but be careful - not everything is black and white here.... only skin...

Edited May 11, 2010 by djlest

[kaewmala]

Thanks to desi for posting the link to my blog. As many have already said, there's no one-size-fits-all formula. I personally see nothing wrong either if an older man (or woman) wants to pay a huge amount of money to a young woman (or man) for companionship. Rent-a-wife, rent-a-toyboy, whatever deal, so long as both parties are consensual adults and happy with it. If a man is willing and happy to be a meal ticket, why shouldn't he be? And the same applies to a woman.

Personally, I don't see why all this sponsorship business should be a big deal (though I just wrote a long article about it ). It seems simple enough to me. Just as Ian said, go in with the eyes open and use the brains. And I'll add, be a man about it too.

cheers,

[ThaiFelix]

Fi said

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

I fully agree!!

[ThaiFelix]

Fi said

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Find this v hard to believe. Western divorces mean EACH PARTY gets 50%. Why on earth would you agree to more??

Actually, I don't believe you did - you just prefer to tell people otherwise.

You pay more if you have kids. I knew a lady back home who divorced her plastic surgeon husband after 10 years and one child. She had a hair salon in her front room and made heaps due to little overheads. Apart from a cash settlement of 60% I think, he also had to pay her $700 per week for both of them so they could continue to "live to the standard they were accustomed to". And that was about 20 years ago!!

[IanForbes]

Thanks to desi for posting the link to my blog. As many have already said, there's no one-size-fits-all formula. I personally see nothing wrong either if an older man (or woman) wants to pay a huge amount of money to a young woman (or man) for companionship. Rent-a-wife, rent-a-toyboy, whatever deal, so long as both parties are consensual adults and happy with it. If a man is willing and happy to be a meal ticket, why shouldn't he be? And the same applies to a woman.

Personally, I don't see why all this sponsorship business should be a big deal (though I just wrote a long article about it ). It seems simple enough to me. Just as Ian said, go in with the eyes open and use the brains. And I'll add, be a man about it too.

cheers,

It was a well written blog, Kaewmala. Congratulations for being precise and succinct. You covered most of the bases.

As you pointed out there are always exceptions. Everyone has a slightly different spin on the same subject. Specifics don't really matter so long as everyone agrees.

My generalization of judges awarding 50% to each spouse in the sake of a divorce was just that... a generalization. Some judges award totally unfair settlements... depending on whose eyes are viewing it. But, I also pointed out that there is often value for the money spent. It cost me a lot emotionally and financially with both of my divorces. The financial settlement was especially unfair in my second marriage because I had paid for everything and she brought nothing to the marriage other than her companionship. However, a year after she left I realized she had given me my freedom back. I was no longer responsible for her drug addict son and poverty stricken daughter. A few years later I was debt free and could do anything I wanted. And, when I retired I had my whole pension to spend on just myself. Now, life couldn't be better.

[OxfordWill]

I think I'm in love with the author's brain.

My only criticism would be the chart she came up with- I thought that could be improved in certain areas, but I appreciate what she is trying to do. One possible better approach would be to use a real life example for each category, rather than attempting to generalise the same.

As for the article itself, a good read, although I was left with the impression that the author was holding back some of her own analysis. Almost trying to be too impartial- works well in certain areas of publishing but on a blog I hope for either solid reducible objectivity; providing the best most charitable argument for all sides considered- or a staunch and brave defence of the author's own take on the issue- I found no clear sign of either and alot of questions- which would be acceptable if I didn't have the feeling that this particular author could do so much more than that if she let herself. Hopefully, there is a part 2.

A refreshing & enjoyable blog, at any rate.

Edited May 12, 2010 by OxfordWill

[Samuian]

Anyone mature enough male or female wouldnt come ánywhere

close to formulate a question like this!

[marquis22]

If a Thai woman is not working be prepared to cough up 20,000 baht a month....

This answers my query I have had for some time.

You chat to Thai women on the net and she asks, " Will you support me?"

Now I know how much dough she really wants.

[sweeneythailand]

well if you love each other what the hel_l just be shure not to get taken for a house car bike bank in her name then your fine rent a house its cheep car bike in your name 20,000 pm is a good wage for thailand and she will look after your every need

Edited May 12, 2010 by sweeneythailand

[Colabamumbai]

My experience here is somewhat limited. The first girl I proposed to tole me her first husband paid $80,000 bhat plus gold for sin sod. So she was expecting much the same or maybe less. She has since decided that she does not want to marry again.

The second lady to talk about money took me to mother who asked for $100,000 bhat and 4 bhat of gold which is worth about $17,500 bhat per bhat 15 grams, so another 70,000 bhat there. When I mentioned that the first husband had paid nothing it brought pain to mothers and daughters heart. I of course mentioned that the daughter was no longer a virgin.

I met a lady yesterday for the first time who wanted to know how I would look after her. She said that she wanted a car and an house. She looked like she had not showered in a few weeks. She had a notebook with her list of demands.

I find this all quite amusing although it is true.

Another lady a nurse in Chaing Mai that I am talking to says 500,000.00 bhat for her parents for a car and a new house or she will not marry again.

I do remind them that in India the family pays the husband to take the woman.

The fact that they will get the $400,000.00 baht immigration guarantee to marry a Thai when I am dead seems to be of no consequence. They want the money now, for used merchandise.

This is just a true cronicle of some of my experiences with thai women.

[Markaew]

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Value works both ways

You are amazingly naive about Thailand. Spend some time looking at previous threads. This topic has been beat to death especially for those that never get it no matter how much it is explained.

[sweeneythailand]

If a Thai woman is not working be prepared to cough up 20,000 baht a month....

This answers my query I have had for some time.

You chat to Thai women on the net and she asks, " Will you support me?"

Now I know how much dough she really wants.

she may have 10 others on the same hook. i have met a few who do the net thing, after work in the bar they go to the internet shop, to talk to there boyfreinds. and get sent money every month from lots of unsuspecting guys. and meet them when they get to thailand. they go home and another one arrives take heed.