Pedophilia In The News……Again

[tutsiwarrior]

I remember taking my 11 y.o. thai niece to the pool at the Rembrandt and the hostile stares there; all westerners...couldn't figure out if the stares were from people outraged at possible pedophilia or outrage at having a dark local girl swimming in 'their' pool...

the hotel and their clientele are not recommended...

[t.s]

having come back and re-read the op some hours later, i still cant see the issue.

Anyone who feels like replying that I should just ignore them…….. Easier said than done!

My questions are this; should I care what people think? Would it bother you to be stared at, and be possibly thought of as a pedophile? Should I deny my adopted son the love and attention he seeks, all to save my possible over sensitivity on my part? Am I alone in (a small way) feeling a victim of these crimes?

first of all, telling you to ignore them and telling you you should not care are essentially the same thing.

are you remarkably old?

are you deformed, unclean, unusual, or unconventional in any way that would justify negative attention: piercings, tattoos, scarification, body art, or wearing assless chaps?

if not, do you actually want to give your "adopted son the love and attention he seeks"? Are your concerns an excuse to avoid responsibility?

are people really looking?

i too am raising a child in thailand and the concerns you raise have never occurred to me.

the issue may be with you. the question you need to ask is why?

[Tonto21]

Why are some people so quick to read between the lines of what others say or write? I want to reply to a few posts that think the problem is me; I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t really understand why you would say it.

As a biological farther of two girls (now all grown up and living in the UK) I never once felt, or thought my actions in public or private could have been misconstrued as anything other than my being a loving and caring Dad, the thought that someone might think I was a perv never entered my head.

Allow me to expand what I said in posting this topic; My stepson is 11 years old, he is tall for his age (could pass for 14, at a push 15) He have a mental age of around 6 years old, and acts like a typical 6 year old in love and infatuated with his Dad. He looks and would appear to any casual observer like a teenage boy, and when he starts to get over clingy and want to sit on my knee. Let’s face it! We, I’m sure we have all been guilty of passing judgment on first impression at some time, right? Picture it; a tall skinny teenage boy sitting on an old farang’s knee, with no sign of the mother, or female partner with me. Do I stop him…….Well I try and get him to be a “big boy” when we are out and tell him he’s going to be a teenager soon, (That calms him down for about 2 minutes, Ha ha) I honestly think before I came along (2 years ago) he had no father figure, so I think this also turns up the outpouring of affection from him.

I too would think nothing of an adult male holding the hand of a small child or the child sat on his knee in a cafe. But don’t try and turn this on me, as if I’m the one with the over active imagination! I can understand the stares sometimes…….This does not mean I have to like it!

Do the stares affect my relationship with my stepson, no, but for my own sanity my wife and I have talked about doing thing slightly different when we go to crowed areas. She’ll no longer go’s AWOL when we are out, (no more shoe and handbag fairy deliveries) and take a more of a vocal roll in controlling him when we are out.

So thanks for any “Couch Time” I’ve had so far, or any I’ve still yet to receive on this subject. Fact is I was really just telling my experiences and asking if anyone had/was getting any fallout from all the child sex press.

[IanForbes]

That's a fair reply, Tonto. I understand your concern. And the answer is yes to having similar situations happen to me. Because I'm single, and I take thousands of pictures, and have hundreds of photos of the Thai family I take care of, I always spend an hour or so in Customs when I return to Canada from Thailand. I'm treated like a criminal and some sort of pedophile as the customs agent go through every electronic device in my luggage and search through the thousands of pictures on my computer. Of course, they never find anything that is improper, but that doesn't mean I haven't been treated like a creep. It is just something that I have to put up with, or change my life style and not take pictures at all.

[roamer]

Try this one on for size. My first wife was Swedish. We had a daughter and then separated, as our kid grew up she lived mainly in Sweden with Mum but spend extended vacations with me wherever I happened to be. One year that was Spain and she was 14 and we were going up in the hotel lift talking English. The four tourists behind us were Swedish....why is it that people who speak slightly more obscure languages never assume you might also speak it ? Well when they got to the bit that went "....wonder where he picked her up from etc" my daughter turned around and let them know in fluent Swedish that I was her father and they were totally disgusting and should be ashamed of themselves. Cue some gobsmacked rapidly reddening faces, went even redder as she explained in English to the rest of a packed lift exactly what was going on.

The next few days were spent watching the offenders scuttling out of the way every time they caught sight of us.

Now quite a few years on have a Thai step-daughter of 15, when we return to LOS on holiday its not usually a problem, often curious, sometimes fascinated attention from Thai's if we are chatting away on the Skytrain in English. Then when she breaks off to talk on her phone in perfect Thai before resuming English, the looks are usually what I would describe admiringly envious at her bi-lingual capability and our obviously close relationship. Often prompts Thai's to talk to her about where she lives etc.

The exceptions. Thai "Khun-ying's" or wannabees of the same ilk, disdain and hostility, they understand the relationship but disapprove. Western tourists, usually female, they often look wide-eyed and nudge each other, guess its because it ticks all the boxes on their trip to the

"exotic" and sinful East, exactly the same people who wouldn't give us a second glance back in the UK.

Long stopped caring and my daughter doesn't give a hoot

[thaisomchai]

This is an interesting topic. I understand the difficulty certainly.

But I do want to comment that I find my own reactions very different depending on the part of Thailand I am in.

In Hua Hin and in Bangkok, when I see a farang and a ( usually younger) Thai woman or man . .or a Thai kid who doesnt look "luk kreung" I DO tend to think badly and wonder about the situation. I wouldnt ever say anything to either a companion or . . .heaven forbid . . .to the person himself! Not my business.

But when I am in Udon, and I see the same thing . . .I automatically assume that it is a man and his wife and/ or his kid.

[elkangorito]

when I see a farang and a ( usually younger) Thai woman or man . .or a Thai kid who doesnt look "luk kreung" I DO tend to think badly and wonder about the situation.

Maybe I'm strange but I don't think anything. I mind my own business.

[thaisomchai]

when I see a farang and a ( usually younger) Thai woman or man . .or a Thai kid who doesnt look "luk kreung" I DO tend to think badly and wonder about the situation.

Maybe I'm strange but I don't think anything. I mind my own business.

So do I . .and what goes on in my mind . .IS my own business.

[mahtin]

Sad that we need such a thread.

[nisakiman]

Just another piece of sensationalist reporting seized upon by the gutter press for the prurient punter.

Paedophilia is no more prevalent today than it was 50 or 100 years ago. We just read about it more, and people somehow assume that it is all around us. That, of course is bullsh*t.

The vast majority of men (and it's always assumed to be men who are the suspects) are normal guys who like kids: for no other reason than that they like kids and want to help / guide them.

In their drive to sell newspapers, the gutter press have driven a wedge between adults and children which will have serious ramifications for the upcoming generations.

Fortunately not all countries have signed up to this foolishness. Thailand, as yet, seems to be unaffected, as is my adopted country of Greece, where showing affection to an unknown child is still seen as a positive, rather than as a perversion. Thankfully.

Lord, the press has a lot to answer for. I hope they get their just desserts in the final reckoning.

May those that started this witchhunt (in their drive to sell newspapers) rot in hel_l. They have done more damage to society than they can possibly imagine.

[DLock]

Interesting topic.

We have one of my wife's nephews staying with us while he goes to school in Chiang Mai. He is 12 years old. I am 40.

Sometimes he will come out with me if I have to buy something and maybe we will eat out or play video games or if he needs to buy something I will buy it.

I do feel the stares from Westerners that perhaps this is an inappropriate relationship. Do I blame them? No. But I do feel uncomfortable being possibly unfairly questioned and judged...or am I being too sensitive? I'm not 100% sure, but I too am guilty of questioning some young Thai / older foreigner situations in the past, so I don't want to be "that guy".

There is really no easy solution except to try and ignore it, or in my case, try to take the wife every time he is around.

It is sad that this is the state of the world.

[007]

I don't have children on my own, but yes, I am more careful when 'handling' Thai kids as a teacher.

My girlfriend has three children from an earlier marriage. For some reason she let them stay at my apartment last year for a few weeks. A few stupid Thais suggested that my partner brought the older one (15 yrs. old) to my apartment so that I can have sex with her.

Some people really have only Som Tam for brains...

Edited June 21, 2010 by 007

[elibangkok]

I think you're missing some of the picture here.

It could be argued it is a good thing that strange looks are given and attention paid to these types of situations.

If the posters here, who are surely innocent, are sometimes more careful in their actions in public wouldn't it stand to reason that those who are guilty are also more careful?

Shouldn't we, as a society be, if anything, over vigilant concering pedophilia? It might be worth the discomfort the OP feels if it stops other pedophiles from operating openly.

[elibangkok]

Woops, double post

Edited June 21, 2010 by elibangkok

[Jingthing]

I don't think it is a good thing at all that innocent people should be made to feel like the public thinks they are serious criminals. Its a horrible thing.

[TheLaughingMan]

I think you're missing some of the picture here.

It could be argued it is a good thing that strange looks are given and attention paid to these types of situations.

If the posters here, who are surely innocent, are sometimes more careful in their actions in public wouldn't it stand to reason that those who are guilty are also more careful?

Shouldn't we, as a society be, if anything, over vigilant concering pedophilia? It might be worth the discomfort the OP feels if it stops other pedophiles from operating openly.

what planet are you living on? Pedophiles do not act openly. Its pure fantasy. They keep their acts secret so when you see a father with his son/daughter shopping in a mall its ridiculous to assume an evil situation.

[Loz]

As a teacher here, I have to say I touch my students. A pat on the shoulder, a tug on the arm when moving them around (like big chess pieces), a high five when they do something really well or surprising.

All of this is banned in the UK I think by now. I also film classes on occasion when they are presenting. I use these films to show parents how well they are progressing in terms of fluency and vocab and general confidence which are hot topics for most.

I don't think you are allowed to film kids in the UK anymore. parents aren't allowed to film school plays for google's sake!

I never feel like a "wrongun" when I am doing this. Sometimes when I am out in the mall and a kid or bunck of kids greet me, I get stares and questions from thai adults. "How do you know her?", "where do you know them from?" etc...

I am tempted to say its my ex girlfriend (high school kids) because its none of their business. But I don't for the kids sake and say I am their teacher. The look of surprise, that kids might actually like to say hi to a black teacher in public is almost as astonishing as their face when I reply to the obligatory "where u come form?" with, "England".

Thais genuinely don't believe that with black skin, I could come from England. <deleted> ignorant hicks!

So, do I worry about intereacting with kids? do i <deleted>!! If the parents and the School like my methods and the kids enjoy and learn in my class, I'll be damned before I will let what some ignorant twunt thinks affect my behavior.

Just carry on regardless. If you are not a wrongun, who cares what morons think?

[Tonto21]

I think you're missing some of the picture here.

It could be argued it is a good thing that strange looks are given and attention paid to these types of situations.

If the posters here, who are surely innocent, are sometimes more careful in their actions in public wouldn't it stand to reason that those who are guilty are also more careful?

Shouldn't we, as a society be, if anything, over vigilant concering pedophilia? It might be worth the discomfort the OP feels if it stops other pedophiles from operating openly.

what planet are you living on? Pedophiles do not act openly. Its pure fantasy. They keep their acts secret so when you see a father with his son/daughter shopping in a mall its ridiculous to assume an evil situation.

Hi Elibangkok, I see what you’re saying, but I think this way of thinking is very simplistic to what is a very emotive subject and dose nothing to combat, or protect children from pedophiles.

In the main all these stares and whispering dose is create hurt. Basically your comments are tantamount to saying, (an actual quote I overhear a woman say, after reading a news item in the paper) “ Well, I think it’s better to locked up 10 innocent men than have let one pedo get off with it” …………………..!

LaughingMan”s comments are spot on, These prevs are sick, not stupid! They move in close nit circles on their own underground network. Anyone who is under the impression these sickos go out, pick up a child, take them for a shopping trip then wine and dine them in a fancy restaurant followed by a moonlit walk along a beach before going to their room are seriously deluded……There is only one thing they want, and it’s not being seen in public!

[nisakiman]

So, do I worry about intereacting with kids? do i <deleted>!! If the parents and the School like my methods and the kids enjoy and learn in my class, I'll be damned before I will let what some ignorant twunt thinks affect my behavior.

Just carry on regardless. If you are not a wrongun, who cares what morons think?

Good for you Loz!

The misguided bloody do-gooders of this world will be the death of us all if we let them.

[witold]

My first thought is that vast majority of stares are probably simple curiosity looks.  In the US, most people would stare if they saw a middle aged white adult with several young/teenage black kids at a playground or whatever.  Same in Thailand.  As a tourist in Thailand, you don't expect some old white guy with a 10 year old boy or girl so you stare.  In both cases, the people staring are not thinking you are a pedophile or anything like that... they are just curious because the image doesn't conform with what is standard.  

[greytown]

I think you're missing some of the picture here.

It could be argued it is a good thing that strange looks are given and attention paid to these types of situations.

If the posters here, who are surely innocent, are sometimes more careful in their actions in public wouldn't it stand to reason that those who are guilty are also more careful?

Shouldn't we, as a society be, if anything, over vigilant concering pedophilia? It might be worth the discomfort the OP feels if it stops other pedophiles from operating openly.

Yeah let's foster paranoia and presume people guilty unless proven innocent. That's the way to go!...

Edited June 22, 2010 by greytown

[mahtin]

Yeah let's foster paranoia and presume people guilty unless proven innocent. That's the way to go!