Why Am I Having Such A Naff Time In The Place I Love?

[newsite12]

Hi Everyone.

Can I start this thread by firstly pointing out that i am not looking for tea and sympathy, and it is not my intention to beg favours of strangers. But I would just like to form a clear picture for all the readers while i am asking you all for some advice (if any exists that can help me out of this).

I came to Korat about 14 weeks ago to be with a girl i totally fell for in the UK whom i met on the internet. We chatted to each other for over a year on Skype as best friends, and became closer and closer, as time went on. (Don't worry, this is not another 'broken heart, lost everything' story).

Anyway, I have had a couple of businesses back in the UK, mostly as an importer, and at one time I was very very comfortable, you could even say I was living the millionaire lifestyle at one point. But it all went pear-shaped with the plunge in the ? and a few other negative factors.Not to mention a split with the mother of my three young children almost wiped me out.

So seeing as things were not going too tickety-boo back home and that I was struggling to barely make ends meet there. I thought I could do a lot worse than to come over to Thailand and hook up with the girl I had fallen for. After all, my dwindling cash reserves would stretch a lot further here, thus buying me time to get my current projects in order. So I ditched my rented house in the UK and put all my things into storage, and paid up the fees for 6 months. Then I bought a 2 week return flight with no intentions of flying back 2 weeks later. So that I could complete my project in a better, more relaxed environment with the girl i fell in love with.

You see... I started a new career in web development a couple of years ago, as I have a very extensive background in internet marketing, which affords me the luxury of being able to work on it from anywhere.

I have been working on a very major web project which is guaranteed to put me firmly back on the map, for the past 6 or 7 months, and which is just about ready to go after many unavoidable delays (which have not helped my situation).

I have been over the past few weeks supporting myself with doing a bit of internet trading, nothing heavy, just enough to keep me in rent, food, pay a few programming fees here and there and cover the bills. I was mainly buying things cheap here and selling them to the west for a modest profit (something i am very good at). But a couple of weeks ago i got an email from Paypal asking me to provide some evidence of the items I am selling. I have had this before, it is a standard security feature that i was prepared for.

So I complied as usual, and gave them everything they asked for, then after about 3 weeks they unlocked the account and allowed me to continue. Then 4 days later, out of the blue I get an email saying that they have reason to believe i am selling counterfeit items, (which I was not). They just assume that because I am selling goods from Thailand to the west. That they are fakes and no amount of reassurance and offers of proof would sway them. They were even sent copies of itemised invoices etc.. But nothing will change their decision.

The short of it is.. They have taken it upon themselves to freeze all my working capital in the account, and have stopped me from withdrawing it for a minimum of 180 days. This is the last thing I needed. It was all the money I have left in the world, talk about all your eggs in one basket. I am in total shock at this. The internet only increases my feeling of hopelessness after reading that this has happened to literally thousands of legitimate traders with no warning or explanations.

So now I am in the situation, I am 6000 miles from home with no return ticket, my project now without the marketing budget required to start it off, and no money to pay my rent. My girlfriend and her family all know my situation and they tell me not to worry and that they will look after me, but this is little consolation to me. They don't have a great deal of money, even though they enjoy a very good standard of living. They all work really hard for what they have.

Now I can't even work. I am at the stage where I need a little capital funding, and my family back home are general workers and make enough to just about exist in 21st century UK. I was always the one who had everything, and now i have nothing. I can hardly ask them for help, and to be honest, I really do not want to go back there with no home or money, that hurts. My kids have even stopped talking to me, because they seem to think I have left them to live at the other side of the world and will never see me again, even though I have tried to explain to them that i needed to do this because I was going insane in the UK with everything virtually gone, and that I was eventually coming back there. This has of course been fueled by my ex.

I have a visa which is good for around 3 months, and i have thought about doing a little English teaching on the side, but I am no trained teacher, I don't know where to start, and I don't particularly want to 'stand out in the crowd' as i only on a tourist visa. It's one thing tapping away on a pc in my room and another standing in front of a classroom full of kids.

I really don't know what to do next. I have considered taking on a partner and selling out some of the equity in my current and future projects which are set to be very lucrative. This is a course of desperation which I really do not want, but i can't see what else i can do. I have literally 1000 baht to my name and i was on the verge of suicide this morning.

I want to take a job till I get back on my feet, and fund my marketing budget. But where do I start? I'm not even able to work here legally. I would need a work permit etc... I am at my wit's end, and my mind is so confused, I am getting really bad headaches with all the pressure and I never get headaches.

I really love Thailand, and i love my girlfriend and I love her family. I often make merit, and I wai my house and pay respects to the Thai culture and religion, but why has my life turned to ..., when I am in the best place I ever lived?

Is there anyone out there that can help me with some clear advice, as I am finding it increasingly difficult to gather my thoughts, and I have nobody to turn to. What can i do to earn a bit of money to live for a few months? Or where can I find funding? For the first time in my life, I can't work out the answers.

I apologise for pouring this out here. but I don't know what else to do.

What a mess.

[Loz]

check out the prize money!

A perfect webcast oportunity!

[tonititan]

My kids have even stopped talking to me, because they seem to think I have left them to live at the other side of the world and will never see me again, even though I have tried to explain to them that i needed to do this because I was going insane in the UK with everything virtually gone, and that I was eventually coming back there. This has of course been fueled by my ex.

This seems to be fueled by the fact that you did leave your "three young children" to live on the other side of the world. You chose a girl you met online over your own children. You chose your happiness over theirs. No wonder they feel abandoned. My advice? Go home and be with your children before it's too late. The longer you are away, the less likely they are to forgive you and to accept you back into their lives.

[newsite12]

You do sound like a Troll to me, and/or perhaps you were selling counterfeit gear which l suspect as PayPal act on complaints.

Yes, I can see why you might think that, i could have put in a lot more details, But i thought the post were too long as it was.

To clear this up for thew benefit of you and other readers.

I was selling on Ebay and i had many sales, and everyone very happy apart from one guy in the UK who never paid, so to re-coup my fees i started a none paying bidder dispute, in retaliation, he left a negative comment stating i was selling fkes. great attitude when i never sent him anything because of non payment. Then basically it all stemmed from that.

Ebay own paypal, and it was the same day as i got that comment, that they ended my listings and paypal froze my account. (Wheels within wheels).

The fact that i provided everything that they asked for and was absolved and reinstated make this the most confusing to me. But then to be totally banned a few days later, without warning, really knocked me for six.

You try reasoning with these people... and when the big bang comes... there is NO appeals process to fight your corner. i have called many times and all i get is the same line... We are sorry but we have reason to believe and in the T&Cs blah blah. Which is no help. You will also find that they always register their headquarters in a country that has little or no financing regulations. For example, itnthe UK when they tried to do this and the financial services authority told them they had to operate within fair practices, they simply closed down and moved their registered headquarters to Luxembourg,

That is the kind of company it appears to be. To go to all that trouble so that they can get away with this sort of behavior.

Never again will i deal with Ebay or Paypal.

[newsite12]

This seems to be fueled by the fact that you did leave your "three young children" to live on the other side of the world. You chose a girl you met online over your own children. You chose your happiness over theirs. No wonder they feel abandoned. My advice? Go home and be with your children before it's too late. The longer you are away, the less likely they are to forgive you and to accept you back into their lives.

Hmmmm.... The fact s are, that my kids were fine with me and my decision. I totally explained the situation. We were in constant contact via msn and facebook, until last month i found they all deleted me from their facebooks, and so i messaged them, and they added me again, only to remove me again after a few hours, and then i got emails from them that seemed to be strangely written, and NOT sounding like what my kids would write like. The grammar was totally different to that of my kids. Then an email from my ex missus saying stop adding them to my facebook as it was confusing them. She is in fact a very nasty piece of work who was with me until the big money stopped rolling in, then she dumped me for a succession of different men, an airline pilot to name but one. That is the sort of person she is.

My last encounters with my children online were happy ones and we would laugh and joke and they would love to hear about all the strange things in Thailand.

I would mail them gifts etc... there were NO problems between me and my kids.

[BillR]

you had me at hello

[newsite12]

you had me at hello

Sorry...I don't understand that reply. Am I missing something?

[conceptme]

Umm most webdevelopers try to stay away from paypal there are too many horror stories about frozen accounts / refunds when you are selling digital goods.

I had my account blocked when trying to buy something in Thai they didn't seem to trust it luckily not too much money on there Re opening it is a major hassle so I never bothered after a few attempts.

[jdinasia]

Go home and be with your kids.

[spud1]

How was you paying your way in LOS if has you state all your money is tied up in a paypal account.

[newsite12]

How was you paying your way in LOS if has you state all your money is tied up in a paypal account.

I would take a weekly drawing from the account while leaving the bulk of it in there, because I was buying the stock using the paypal funds. if i was cash buying stock, then i know better than to leave a large amount of money in paypal.

[simon43]

... I have literally 1,000 baht to my name ...

1,000 baht is more than 166 Mama noodles at 6 baht each - that's over 5 months of food to survive on...

Look after your 1,000 baht carefully and you can see this problem out

Simon

[bangkokrick]

Go home and be with your kids.

Best advice so far, but he has not got the airfare.

Rick

[GuestHouse]

Your midlife crisis has worn itself out and you’re now left with the consequences of the decisions you made during the period you mistook lust for love and blindness to life's rules as freedom.

I trust you followed all the good advice about not bringing anything to Thailand you can’t afford to loose and not burning bridges to back home.

[tonititan]

This seems to be fueled by the fact that you did leave your "three young children" to live on the other side of the world. You chose a girl you met online over your own children. You chose your happiness over theirs. No wonder they feel abandoned. My advice? Go home and be with your children before it's too late. The longer you are away, the less likely they are to forgive you and to accept you back into their lives.

Hmmmm.... The fact s are, that my kids were fine with me and my decision. I totally explained the situation. We were in constant contact via msn and facebook, until last month i found they all deleted me from their facebooks, and so i messaged them, and they added me again, only to remove me again after a few hours, and then i got emails from them that seemed to be strangely written, and NOT sounding like what my kids would write like. The grammar was totally different to that of my kids. Then an email from my ex missus saying stop adding them to my facebook as it was confusing them. She is in fact a very nasty piece of work who was with me until the big money stopped rolling in, then she dumped me for a succession of different men, an airline pilot to name but one. That is the sort of person she is.

My last encounters with my children online were happy ones and we would laugh and joke and they would love to hear about all the strange things in Thailand.

I would mail them gifts etc... there were NO problems between me and my kids.

Ok, maybe things were fine with your kids when you left. But they're obviously not fine now, whatever the reason. You were asking for advice, and I still advise that you need to go home and work things out with your children. Which is more important to you, repairing your relationships with your kids, or living with your girlfriend of 14 weeks in Thailand? Which one do you think is more likely to stick around and be there for you when you're old and gray? I'm betting on your kids. But, only you know what your real priorities are.

You haven't said how old they are, but you said they were "young children." If they are young, there is a good chance that they didn't truly understand the implications of your decision to move to Thailand. Maybe they were fine with it then, but they may very well be confused now that they are seeing that you are not a visible part of their lives. And, hypothetically, if your ex wife is really the one sending you messages from your kids' accounts and cutting you out of their lives, don't you think that's something you need to go home and deal with? If she is as "nasty" as you say she is (although just dumping you doesn't make her nasty.....maybe you weren't there for her just like you aren't there for your kids now?), maybe you should try to get custody of your kids. Or would that ruin your plans to have fun in Thailand?

[leon1503]

SEEMS YOU SHOULD ASK YOU GIRLFRIEND TO ASK HER FRIENDS IN THE AREA DO THEY NEED SOME BASIC ENGLISH LESSONS FOR THEIR KIDS AGED 6 TO 14 YEARS OLD. THINK BASIC , YOU NOT A TEACHER BUT YOU COULD DO IT VERY CHEAP EVEN JUST 100 BHAT PER HOUR . BUT ITS BEST TO ASK THEM TO PAY FOR 5 HOURS . 5 ENGLISH LESSONS OF BASIC ENGLISH FOR 500 TO 1000 BHAT FOR ONE KID IS GOOD VALUE FOR MOST THAI. WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO DO IS START WITH SOME FREE LESSONS OF ENGLISH WITH YOU GIRLFREINDS FAMILY OR FRIENDS. SEE HOW IT GOS , GET SOME PRACTICE . LOOK AT SOME LESSON VIEDOS ON AND ASK TO PRATICE THEM WITH FRIENDS .

[TheLaughingMan]

Jesus who cares if he loves his fuc_king kids or not ... the issue is ebay/paypal can just randomly STEAL ALL YOUR SHIT?! <deleted> is up with that? thats some scary business right there, and they cannot be held accountable? sounds like the biggest scam ever and they are allowed to continue doing this?

[dumball]

Any buisiness man of merit , or family for that matter , should be aware of the need to keep a minimum of 3 months in hand of ALL outgoing expenses to cover ones ass in an emergency , you seem to have failed on that very basic neccessity of economics . Not only that , you jumped head first into the sitation you have found yourself to be in Thailand , for a striking similarity to the lack of forward planning you used in your 'Very successfull ' buisiness plan , even down to failing to purchase a return ticket for 6 months just in case the scenario you find yourself , occured .

I can feel no sympathy for you , not only did you abandon your own children for a thoughtless venture into a strange and foriegn land of which you know so little , you have now throw your silly self on the auspices of a poor family you truly know not a wit about , shame on you sir !!!!!!!!!!

[leon1503]

Hey take it easy ok . i,m making money in thailand teaching english to kids 6 to 14 year olds and getting paid good money . and i dont even need to spend any of my own funds that much . and my thai is pretty good also so that makes it much easier to teach them .

[TheLaughingMan]

Hey take it easy ok . i,m making money in thailand teaching english to kids 6 to 14 year olds and getting paid good money . and i dont even need to spend any of my own funds that much . and my thai is pretty good also so that makes it much easier to teach them .

You totally misunderstand.... posting all is caps with a deliberately enlarged font says "IM RETARDED!" What is this your first week posting on the net? Everybody knows not to do that.

[newsite12]

SEEMS YOU SHOULD ASK YOU GIRLFRIEND TO ASK HER FRIENDS IN THE AREA DO THEY NEED SOME BASIC ENGLISH LESSONS FOR THEIR KIDS AGED 6 TO 14 YEARS OLD. THINK BASIC , YOU NOT A TEACHER BUT YOU COULD DO IT VERY CHEAP EVEN JUST 100 BHAT PER HOUR . BUT ITS BEST TO ASK THEM TO PAY FOR 5 HOURS . 5 ENGLISH LESSONS OF BASIC ENGLISH FOR 500 TO 1000 BHAT FOR ONE KID IS GOOD VALUE FOR MOST THAI. WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO DO IS START WITH SOME FREE LESSONS OF ENGLISH WITH YOU GIRLFREINDS FAMILY OR FRIENDS. SEE HOW IT GOS , GET SOME PRACTICE . LOOK AT SOME LESSON VIEDOS ON AND ASK TO PRATICE THEM WITH FRIENDS .

Thanks for the advice Leon.

My girlfriend has actually suggested this move, she actually advised that more mature students who already have a basic smattering of English will pay well for lessons polishing it up for getting a job where the salary is much higher if the person is able to converse in very good English. and i am considering it already. Also, thanks for the number crunching on the mama post, i am already doing that... luckily i love mama and much superior to bachelors Supa Noodles in the UK.

Thanks so far for all the advice guys. The first reply with reference to busking actually took me back to where i funded my European backpacking in my younger days. I wish my mate was here, an ace banjo player, between us, we could thrash out a mean Dueling Banjos (The tune from Deliverance). We cleaned up across France, Belgium, Holland and Germany on that one tune. We never went hungry, and we always had plenty of beer money... Wish he was here now, but having said that..It was a head turner of a tune in the west, but i doubt the Thais would pay much heed to it.

Also, i don't think we would last 5 minutes in Thailand with such a rigid "NO WORKING" policy against farangs holding tourist visas.

[newsite12]

Any buisiness man of merit , or family for that matter , should be aware of the need to keep a minimum of 3 months in hand of ALL outgoing expenses to cover ones ass in an emergency , you seem to have failed on that very basic neccessity of economics . Not only that , you jumped head first into the sitation you have found yourself to be in Thailand , for a striking similarity to the lack of forward planning you used in your 'Very successfull ' buisiness plan , even down to failing to purchase a return ticket for 6 months just in case the scenario you find yourself , occured .

I can feel no sympathy for you , not only did you abandon your own children for a thoughtless venture into a strange and foriegn land of which you know so little , you have now throw your silly self on the auspices of a poor family you truly know not a wit about , shame on you sir !!!!!!!!!!

The first line in my post said i wasn't looking for sympathy. I also stated that i did have funds, but they got locked up unexpectedly while i was showing my girlfriend how to turn a profit in online trading. As for jumping head first... this move was 9 months in the planning. I can get back to the UK any time i want... I don't want to, it is more character building to rough the storm and get help and advice on how to claw my way out of the mire.

Don't tell me I am abandoning my children,.. What the hel_l do you know about it?... How many farangs in Thailand have family and children over in their native country???? Are they ALL abandoning their families never to return??.... Who says i know nothing about Thailand??... i have traveled a hel_l of a lot, and done it the hard way. Why would Thailand be so scary and dangerous??/... Do you think i never studied anything about this place???

Your post is full of totally unqualified assumptions, that are totally inaccurate. the fact that you can read my thread and extract and twist so much negativity into it so you can assassinate my character, says a lot about you.... SHAME ON YOU SIR!!!!!!!

I am not a grammar nazi by any standard, but if you want your comments to hold any credence, i suggest you learn to spell.

Maybe you would be good enough to chip me some Mama money for some basic English lessons, sort of clean it up a little.

[Patsycat]

Right - that's two with marmalade and two with marmite and two with vegemite,

[tonititan]

SHAME ON YOU SIR!!!!!!!

No, shame on you for posting all of these details, opening yourself up for criticism, asking for advice, and then getting defensive when people are giving you the kind of feedback and advice that you don't want to hear.

[newsite12]

Any buisiness man of merit , or family for that matter , should be aware of the need to keep a minimum of 3 months in hand of ALL outgoing expenses to cover ones ass in an emergency , you seem to have failed on that very basic neccessity of economics . Not only that , you jumped head first into the sitation you have found yourself to be in Thailand , for a striking similarity to the lack of forward planning you used in your 'Very successfull ' buisiness plan , even down to failing to purchase a return ticket for 6 months just in case the scenario you find yourself , occured .

I can feel no sympathy for you , not only did you abandon your own children for a thoughtless venture into a strange and foriegn land of which you know so little , you have now throw your silly self on the auspices of a poor family you truly know not a wit about , shame on you sir !!!!!!!!!!

The first line in my post said i wasn't looking for sympathy. I also stated that i did have funds, but they got locked up unexpectedly while i was showing my girlfriend how to turn a profit in online trading. As for jumping head first... this move was 9 months in the planning. I can get back to the UK any time i want... I don't want to, it is more character building to rough the storm and get help and advice on how to claw my way out of the mire.

Don't tell me I am abandoning my children,.. What the hel_l do you know about it?... How many farangs in Thailand have family and children over in their native country???? Are they ALL abandoning their families never to return??.... Who says i know nothing about Thailand??... i have traveled a hel_l of a lot, and done it the hard way. Why would Thailand be so scary and dangerous??/... Do you think i never studied anything about this place???

Your post is full of totally unqualified assumptions, that are totally inaccurate. the fact that you can read my thread and extract and twist so much negativity into it so you can assassinate my character, says a lot about you.... SHAME ON YOU SIR!!!!!!!

I am not a grammar nazi by any standard, but if you want your comments to hold any credence, i suggest you learn to spell.

Please don't go down the bad spelling route, doesn't go down well here as many guys first language is not English.

Or they haven't figured out how to download a spell checker.

Hey... That's potential work for me. He slates my situation, I slate his English, he hires me, I eat more.

[tonititan]

Jesus who cares if he loves his fuc_king kids or not ... the issue is ebay/paypal can just randomly STEAL ALL YOUR SHIT?!

None of us advising the OP to go home ever said he didn't love his kids. But this man's situation cannot be only about money, independent from his other responsibilities in life. If he was young, single, childless, debt free, etc., it would be one thing. He's not. His lack of money most likely will affect his children in the near or distant future. If he continues to live here without any income, how will he continue to support his children at home? He needs to think about putting his family first.

[bermondburi]

Any buisiness man of merit , or family for that matter , should be aware of the need to keep a minimum of 3 months in hand of ALL outgoing expenses to cover ones ass in an emergency , you seem to have failed on that very basic neccessity of economics . Not only that , you jumped head first into the sitation you have found yourself to be in Thailand , for a striking similarity to the lack of forward planning you used in your 'Very successfull ' buisiness plan , even down to failing to purchase a return ticket for 6 months just in case the scenario you find yourself , occured .

I can feel no sympathy for you , not only did you abandon your own children for a thoughtless venture into a strange and foriegn land of which you know so little , you have now throw your silly self on the auspices of a poor family you truly know not a wit about , shame on you sir !!!!!!!!!!

The first line in my post said i wasn't looking for sympathy. I also stated that i did have funds, but they got locked up unexpectedly while i was showing my girlfriend how to turn a profit in online trading. As for jumping head first... this move was 9 months in the planning. I can get back to the UK any time i want... I don't want to, it is more character building to rough the storm and get help and advice on how to claw my way out of the mire.

Don't tell me I am abandoning my children,.. What the hel_l do you know about it?... How many farangs in Thailand have family and children over in their native country???? Are they ALL abandoning their families never to return??.... Who says i know nothing about Thailand??... i have traveled a hel_l of a lot, and done it the hard way. Why would Thailand be so scary and dangerous??/... Do you think i never studied anything about this place???

Your post is full of totally unqualified assumptions, that are totally inaccurate. the fact that you can read my thread and extract and twist so much negativity into it so you can assassinate my character, says a lot about you.... SHAME ON YOU SIR!!!!!!!

I am not a grammar nazi by any standard, but if you want your comments to hold any credence, i suggest you learn to spell.

Maybe you would be good enough to chip me some Mama money for some basic English lessons, sort of clean it up a little.

Like you said ,people make too many assumptions when they know f@#$all about it !

[flowerman134]

I don't understand how you could abandon your children in the UK just so you could come to Thailand and try to nail a Korat girl.

Go home and take care of the family you have already created. Save your money and come to Thailand as sex tourist like all the other sods.

[dumball]

The main point you missed , money IN HAND for 3 months , the funds you had were not in your hand , it was in the hand of an outside entity that could and did lock your access to them , you planned your move to Thailand 9 months in advance , you know much about Thailand and how it operates , but you still failed to purchase a return flight (Money in YOUR hand) . You seem to be unaware that you cannot teach without a work permit , you are also unaware you cannot even busk in Thailand without a permit , for all of your reading(Perfect English) you seem to have failed to learn even the smallest detail about what you can or cannot do in Thailand . Time will tell .

[newsite12]

Jesus who cares if he loves his fuc_king kids or not ... the issue is ebay/paypal can just randomly STEAL ALL YOUR SHIT?!

None of us advising the OP to go home ever said he didn't love his kids. But this man's situation cannot be only about money, independent from his other responsibilities in life. If he was young, single, childless, debt free, etc., it would be one thing. He's not. His lack of money most likely will affect his children in the near or distant future. If he continues to live here without any income, how will he continue to support his children at home? He needs to think about putting his family first.

I really don't mind the critiques. I fully understand that all the facts are not present in the original post which i thought to be too long as it already stands. I intended to fill it in blank spots as i go, just to clarify points for the readers.

My children are well supported, i give up my house and a S**tload of cash for their well being. I basically left myself almost broke so that i could provide for their future.

My arrangements coming here were that i am returning to the UK in November to sort out a few things and have some time with the kids before returning here for another spell. I could (at one time) webcam with them on msn, and we could interact well. There was absolutely no indication other than my children's love for me. I can't believe for a moment that all of a sudden, they would all three decide to cut me out.

As for my ex... she is an habitual slut. My kids would complain tome that she would have a different man in her bed every week, this was not good for my kids to see. That is the sort of person she is.. i had to step in when my 8 year old daughter complained to me that one guy who would drive 80 miles after work every day to get there, was constantly following my daughter around the house and sitting next to her and cuddling her all the time, and emailing her like 3 times daily. Whilst paying no heed to the other 2 kids, and not even as much attention to their mum. When i read these emails.. it screamed out pedophile to me... How would most men react to that???

So obviously i stirred up a load of trouble till she dumped this creep.. the consequences were, that i was barred from seeing my kids for months afterwards. A small price to pay in my opinion to guarantee the safety of my daughter.

You see..... There are always extenuating circumstances to all my actions. I have been through a heck of a bad time. I needed this fresh start. My new project WILL eventually be started, and it WILL make a lot of money, and that is all part of my long term plan to rejuvenate my future and give my kids a really good upbringing. When they are 16 they will no longer be in their mother's care. i will have them, and 2 of them have already stated this as what they want. That is what my ex hates.. because once she loses the kids to me, then she will have no financial support. She may even have to get her first job ever.