Why Am I Having Such A Naff Time In The Place I Love?

[onnut]

to the OP, your ex sounds like somebody I knew! I am getting the chills just by reading your posts. you are not an ex pro golfer by any chance are you? I think thats who she married last time I heard.

nasty horrible women she was indeed.

I feel for you, I really do. dont take any notice of the nasty replies on the forum. concentrate on the helpfull ones and may I wish you good luck! sorry I cant be more helpfull.

Edited September 17, 2010 by onnut

[sarahsbloke]

So if she was "always a whore," that means she was a whore when you met her, a whore when you married her, and a whore when you had two more kids with her (after the first unplanned pregnancy). It sounds like you weren't bothered by the fact that she was a nympho, as you called her, when you started a sexual relationship with her. It also sounds like you knew she was a cheater when you comforted her throughout her divorce. Did you really expect things would change by marrying you? I'm sorry, but if you choose to start a relationship with someone you know has a long history of cheating, I can't feel sorry for you that you were cheated on as well.

Many men in Thailand do expect the women they meet (in bars?) and marry to change .... why should our expectations of women we met in the UK be any different?

[flowerman134]

Sorry I just don't get why you can't live in England and visit your children. She can't just tell you that you are not allowed to see them.

[Valdezugar]

You have chosen cheap love/sex over the welfare of your own children, how could you?

Making merit to your own house won't help you, the Gods hate people like you.

"Ye reep what ye shall sow" I hope you end up in the gutter where you belong

There's a lot of venom on here. The guy is asking for ideas and is clearly not interested in snotty, self-righteous <deleted>. Who are you, or any of you, to judge. Just offer some advice or shut the f up!

While teaching is the obvious route, op, for immediate cash, I also like the idea of doing freelance design or writing work with the likes of elance. I take it you already max'd out your credit cards?

Isn't Livinginexile the guy who knowingly bought a house from a Thai lady who scammed her foreign boyfriend? If he is then his fire and brimstone curse is way rich . . . .

[sarahsbloke]

This is the internet, and people can make all sorts of stupid claims.... The above is an example.

A UK Court will absolutely not absolve a parent of responsibility for his/her children unless the children are over the age of 18. But if saying otherwise helps justify you justify to yourself that not providing on going support is right for you then go ahead with your dream pot view of how these things are.

I think the 600k UKP she got off me is enough to care for 2 children for 10 years don't you?

5,000 pounds a month (all paid up front) + benefits of 1,250 pounds a month ....... not enough in your opinion.

How much do you think I should have paid then?

Anyone here paid more in child maintenance?

Totals to about 75,000UKP a year (without interest)

Yep this is the internet, all sorts of judgemental <deleted> get to post on it.

Edited September 17, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[tonititan]

So if she was "always a whore," that means she was a whore when you met her, a whore when you married her, and a whore when you had two more kids with her (after the first unplanned pregnancy). It sounds like you weren't bothered by the fact that she was a nympho, as you called her, when you started a sexual relationship with her. It also sounds like you knew she was a cheater when you comforted her throughout her divorce. Did you really expect things would change by marrying you? I'm sorry, but if you choose to start a relationship with someone you know has a long history of cheating, I can't feel sorry for you that you were cheated on as well.

Many men in Thailand do expect the women they meet (in bars?) and marry to change .... why should our expectations of women we met in the UK be any different?

They shouldn't expect women in any country to change. Just like women can't expect men to drastically change who they are as soon as they get married. Yes, sometimes it works out and the person does in fact change, but you can't be mad at your spouse for being the same person they were when you met them.

[Patronus]

Sorry, but I have lost my thread a bit on this thread - so to speak.

It is about the:-

Nastiness of PAYPAL/EBAY ?

The consequences of inept business planning ?

The failure of relationships ?

Or, a Business Opportunity for TV members ?

[Loz]

So if she was "always a whore," that means she was a whore when you met her, a whore when you married her, and a whore when you had two more kids with her (after the first unplanned pregnancy). It sounds like you weren't bothered by the fact that she was a nympho, as you called her, when you started a sexual relationship with her. It also sounds like you knew she was a cheater when you comforted her throughout her divorce. Did you really expect things would change by marrying you? I'm sorry, but if you choose to start a relationship with someone you know has a long history of cheating, I can't feel sorry for you that you were cheated on as well.

Many men in Thailand do expect the women they meet (in bars?) and marry to change .... why should our expectations of women we met in the UK be any different?

They shouldn't expect women in any country to change. Just like women can't expect men to drastically change who they are as soon as they get married. Yes, sometimes it works out and the person does in fact change, but you can't be mad at your spouse for being the same person they were when you met them.

Best advice I ever heard on the subject is this:

Women marry men thinking that the will change in time. Men marry women thinking they will never change. Both are wrong!

[Loz]

Sorry, but I have lost my thread a bit on this thread - so to speak.

It is about the:-

Nastiness of PAYPAL/EBAY ?

The consequences of inept business planning ?

The failure of relationships ?

Or, a Business Opportunity for TV members ?

Welcome to the world of multitasking. A female member will be along shortly with a brief tutorial for the more inept members*

*I've not had to deal with an inept member since I stopped drinking

Edited September 17, 2010 by Loz

[Patronus]

Welcome to the world of multitasking. A female member will be along shortly with a brief tutorial for the more inept members*

*I've not had to deal with an inept member since I stopped drinking

Multitasking ?

Hmmm. Think I read about that in one of the wives' magazines.

(or should I have said one of the wife's magazines ?)

[Thakkar]

When you meet a woman for the first time and listen to her tales of woe, of past relationships and mistreatment at the hands of a past spouse. You tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, it is human nature to want to believe someone when they sound so sincere, but it depends on how cynical you are. I personally try to go through life not being a twisted and cynical individual. I do understand that in some facets of life, it pays you to be cynical. But if you apply that attitude to everything in life. You run the risk of becoming bitter and twisted in the mind. That is not a healthy attitude to live by if you want to enjoy life with a carefree will.

If I was to go through life rejecting everything people say to me as a lie. I don't think it would be too long before I developed a personality in line with a lot of people that use this site, with a twisted and skeptical perception of everything they see, hear and read. That in my view, is not a healthy personality. I think it would be very difficult for anyone to like me if I was like that. It wouldn't be a very nice thing to go through life if nobody liked you.

That is a reasonable explanation for things in general, but you've still failed to understand what others have been saying. I agree that what has happened to you is unfortunate, but you CHOSE to put yourself in that position. It's commendable of you for trying to give the children the best life possible, but leopards don't lose their spots. It was YOU that called her a whore... not us. We are only reacting to what you have told us. Unfortunately, you've made your bed and now you have to lie in it. There is nothing wrong with this discussion and maybe some newbie reading this thread might learn something and not jump out of the plane without a parachute.

I send 6000 baht a month to a family in Kanchanaburi, and yet I haven't had any interest in the mother of the 3 children in 5 years. I only send the money as a form of charity to help the children. But, I don't send more than I can afford to give away, and I do so without any expectations of anything in return. It doesn't concern me what the mother does so long as the children are well cared for. So far she's been a reasonable mother, and I visit once a year for a short time just to see the children. i suggest you might try the same thing. Unfortunately, you were foolish in getting the woman pregnant with your OWN children. When you CHOSE to do that then you put your own personal life at risk.

Ian's post reminds me of this quote, and I'm paraphrasing: Life is like a game of chess. You are free to make the first move. Subsequent moves are predicated on the earlier moves. You cannot escape the consequences of your actions.

To be fair, the OP said at the outset that he's is not looking for sympathy. Some negative posts have made him understandably defensive and in an effort to justify his actions/defend his honor, he has gone on to air more of his personal dirty laundry, much of which goes way beyond the intention of his opening post.

OP's made some regrettable choices, but they were HIS choices. After a rough ride, it's understandable that he feels entitled to seek comfort in the arms of a genuinely good Thai woman. However, even this choice, I fear, is compounding his problems. If the UK courts are indeed as father-unfriendly as he describes, his six months in notorious whore-monger heaven (as Thailand will no doubt be depicted by his wife's lawyer) will not help his case when it comes to his children.

When you're in the midst of a personal crisis, it's difficult to see or think straight, but that's exactly the time when you need that capacity. I genuinely feel for the OP, but he's hardly in an existential crisis and the solutions to his problems lie mostly with himself. The OP has to be his own best friend and saviour and to help himself: stop drinking so as to think straight, do some serious self-appraisal, take responsibility for his actions and choices, stop looking for someone else to blame (even if there really *is* someone else to blame), decide on one important goal and set himself on the road to that goal without distractions.

Buck up, good luck and get to it.

[GuestHouse]

............

That is when all these guys started coming around the house, and my daughter telling me she was frightened of one of them. That's when I had enough, and I turned to social services... waste of time... I started to launch a custody battle.... waste of time. It only fueled her to twist and manipulate the kids against me.

..........

She took that Playstation that I bought him for his birthday a week earlier, and she smashed it up and threw it in the bin while he screamed his heart out.. I am crying my eyes out now while I am typing this. But some people need to know the truth.

OK you had a tough time getting the Welfare Office and the Courts to listen to you - I get the bit about it being 'easier for you to walk away" - But leaving your children in this kind of a mess. The mind boggles.

[BangrakBob]

man up

[GuestHouse]

OP's made some regrettable choices, but they were HIS choices. After a rough ride, it's understandable that he feels entitled to seek comfort in the arms of a genuinely good Thai woman. However, even this choice, I fear, is compounding his problems. If the UK courts are indeed as father-unfriendly as he describes, his six months in notorious whore-monger heaven (as Thailand will no doubt be depicted by his wife's lawyer) will not help his case when it comes to his children.

When you're in the midst of a personal crisis, it's difficult to see or think straight, but that's exactly the time when you need that capacity. I genuinely feel for the OP, but he's hardly in an existential crisis and the solutions to his problems lie mostly with himself. The OP has to be his own best friend and saviour and to help himself: stop drinking so as to think straight, do some serious self-appraisal, take responsibility for his actions and choices, stop looking for someone else to blame (even if there really *is* someone else to blame), decide on one important goal and set himself on the road to that goal without distractions.

Buck up, good luck and get to it.

Stunning Post and Spot on Advice.

[Thakkar]

When you meet a woman for the first time and listen to her tales of woe, of past relationships and mistreatment at the hands of a past spouse. You tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, it is human nature to want to believe someone when they sound so sincere, but it depends on how cynical you are. I personally try to go through life not being a twisted and cynical individual. I do understand that in some facets of life, it pays you to be cynical. But if you apply that attitude to everything in life. You run the risk of becoming bitter and twisted in the mind. That is not a healthy attitude to live by if you want to enjoy life with a carefree will.

If I was to go through life rejecting everything people say to me as a lie. I don't think it would be too long before I developed a personality in line with a lot of people that use this site, with a twisted and skeptical perception of everything they see, hear and read. That in my view, is not a healthy personality. I think it would be very difficult for anyone to like me if I was like that. It wouldn't be a very nice thing to go through life if nobody liked you.

That is a reasonable explanation for things in general, but you've still failed to understand what others have been saying. I agree that what has happened to you is unfortunate, but you CHOSE to put yourself in that position. It's commendable of you for trying to give the children the best life possible, but leopards don't lose their spots. It was YOU that called her a whore... not us. We are only reacting to what you have told us. Unfortunately, you've made your bed and now you have to lie in it. There is nothing wrong with this discussion and maybe some newbie reading this thread might learn something and not jump out of the plane without a parachute.

I send 6000 baht a month to a family in Kanchanaburi, and yet I haven't had any interest in the mother of the 3 children in 5 years. I only send the money as a form of charity to help the children. But, I don't send more than I can afford to give away, and I do so without any expectations of anything in return. It doesn't concern me what the mother does so long as the children are well cared for. So far she's been a reasonable mother, and I visit once a year for a short time just to see the children. i suggest you might try the same thing. Unfortunately, you were foolish in getting the woman pregnant with your OWN children. When you CHOSE to do that then you put your own personal life at risk.

Ian's post reminds me of this quote, and I'm paraphrasing: Life is like a game of chess. You are free to make the first move. Subsequent moves are predicated on the earlier moves. You cannot escape the consequences of your actions.

To be fair, the OP said at the outset that he's is not looking for sympathy. Some negative posts have made him understandably defensive and in an effort to justify his actions/defend his honor, he has gone on to air more of his personal dirty laundry, much of which goes way beyond the intention of his opening post.

OP's made some regrettable choices, but they were HIS choices. After a rough ride, it's understandable that he feels entitled to seek comfort in the arms of a genuinely good Thai woman. However, even this choice, I fear, is compounding his problems. If the UK courts are indeed as father-unfriendly as he describes, his six months in notorious whore-monger heaven (as Thailand will no doubt be depicted by his wife's lawyer) will not help his case when it comes to his children.

When you're in the midst of a personal crisis, it's difficult to see or think straight, but that's exactly the time when you need that capacity. I genuinely feel for the OP, but he's hardly in an existential crisis and the solutions to his problems lie mostly with himself. The OP has to be his own best friend and saviour and to help himself: stop drinking so as to think straight, do some serious self-appraisal, take responsibility for his actions and choices, stop looking for someone else to blame (even if there really *is* someone else to blame), decide on one important goal and set himself on the road to that goal without distractions.

Buck up, good luck and get to it.

But, easier said than done.

I think that goes without saying.

[Kwasaki]

I cannot believe you lot are still responding to this.

[letitbe]

Thanks for warning about paypal and ebay. I exported containers for many years from Asia and so have a lot of experience in trading Asian goods. I still supply a few old customers in USA and UK but as time goes byre have slowly unwinded my business since I have far better things to do now and since making my permanent home here cannot spend the time and effort to support customers. I have often considered doing what I did before on a large wholesale scale on a very modest scale using such places as ebay as a hobby to bring in a little money. I dont need the money but like to keep a bit busy and so it seemed ideal that rather than exporting many containers a year and employing at one time 20 staff it would be fun to just do it in a small way to make a bit of beer money. The payment problem has stopped me so far and your experience has only supported my concerns in this area.

[moe666]

Hanging out with you kids isn't that big of a deal. They eventually want nothing to do with either parent no matter how good you have been to them. So get over the kid stuff.

[IanForbes]

But, easier said than done.

Virtually EVERYTHING is easier said than done.

But procrastination is so much easier.

[CarlBkk]

So the OP needs some bucks to get his project back on the road and to sort out some short-term living expenses.

What development project are you doing? Is it for a client or yourself? If for a client, don't they pay per milestone achieved?

Continue your ebay selling. Your parents/siblings/friends must know your desperate situation. Maybe one can open up an ebay/paypal account for you using their bank details instead? Plenty of products over here that can sell back home, and if that fails, book some craft shows or even a local market back home with the proceeds of your next few ebay sales to make a couple of hundred quid at a time. Of course, you do need someone to actually help you out a little bit back home for this.

If that's not possible, private English classes for the time being. Put an ad up on here with your web development experience listed - there may be some "casual" projects for you.

[mickylonster]

But, easier said than done.

Virtually EVERYTHING is easier said than done.

But procrastination is so much easier.

Well said Ian ,`Procrastination is the thief of time .

[cardholder]

I cannot believe you lot are still responding to this.

It's OK , the OP appears to having a night off.

[David006]

Looks like there is a business opportunity for competitive Ebay....totally unregulated "banking"....?? geesh...scary

http://www.paypalwarning.com/

[newsite12]

Sorry I just don't get why you can't live in England and visit your children. She can't just tell you that you are not allowed to see them.

This may open a few eyes of those who have never lived in the UK, and who seem to view the place through rose tinted spectacles. You should do a little research and you will see that the UK judicial system is a twisted, mangled and unfair system, that is antiquated and refuses to move with the changing attitudes and times.

It is given powers by the government to not only over control the population, but to abuse and chastise the citizens.

Local councils use emergency anti-terror legislation to spy on cars illegally parked, so they can hand them a fine, which goes into the council coffers.

The same councils who lock up 90 year old pensioners in prison, who fought in the war, just for not being able to to pay their massively over inflated council tax bills. While pedophiles are free to leave prison after only a few months, then to be housed by the local council in a flat overlooking the schoolyard of my kid's primary school....oh yes!! it's true.

Another example of UK (fairness) is that to drive on the road you need 4 pieces of paper.

1. Is an insurance certificate... without it you will be fined and receive penalty points on your license, which will increase your premiums.

2. Is an MOT certificate to ensure your car is safe, such as, your brakes work ok.... Without it, you will recieve a small fine.

3. Is a driving license, to ensure you are safe to go on the road. without it, you will recieve a small fine, and penalty points on your license, ( which you don't have.)

4. Is A car TAX disk. Without it they will seize your car and CRUSH IT!!!!

Anybody notice anything?

1, 2, and 3 are all obligations to other road users, and 4 is an obligation to pay money to the government. Anyone notice any difference in the punishments?

This is the same legal system that has just given powers to the new child support agency If a father cannot afford to pay child support payments, or if he is late with the payments... they have the ability to

1. To take money from bank accounts without consent and without a court order.

2. The power to freeze accounts.

3. Seize the proceeds of house sales.

4. Impose curfews.

5. Confiscate passports and driving licenses.

6. Lock you up in prison.

Anyone notice anything curiously familiar about these measures???.... Let me enlighten you.

These are same powers that were rushed through Parliament in the wake of the 9/11 outrage.

These are the same powers that are meant to be protecting UK citizens from the threat of terrorist attacks.

Not that I am condoning non-paying fathers, they should pay and most of us do. But don't you think that the above measures are a little heavy handed? But anyone that lives or has lived in the UK are not surprised for one second at these measures, after all... they are more than accustomed to being controlled with an iron fist. Stalin could have learned a thing or two.

This is the same government agency that on its website continually mentions the term non paying father, not one reference to non paying mother. I know guys that brought their kids up after the mum ran off to be with another man. So what about the non paying mothers???

But is all OK, because UK citizens are very well tuned to being treat like criminals and always being controlled. Did you know that in 2005 there were more CCTV cameras in Oxford Street in London that there were in the whole of New York City?.. It's true... Did you know that on average, anyone in the UK is caught on security camera more than 300 times a day, just by doing their daily things?...it's true. Did you know that in 5 years from now, not any person will be able to drive around the UK without being tracked from street to street and town to town with your car registration number being scanned by security cameras mounted on motorway bridges, and in speed cameras. If you have any outstanding fines or late child support payments, the powers that be will be able to press a button and will have a profile of everywhere you have been and when you went there.

Like I said. Go to the UK and live there for a year, and then you will know why I can't just live in England, and you will see that she CAN just tell me i can't see my kids.

This is 21st century Britain.

Enjoy it.

[Chunky1]

so if u attempt to visit your children a police officer will arrest you?

how much of the 1000 baht have you got left? any plans yet on what u will do?

[newsite12]

so if u attempt to visit your children a police officer will arrest you?

how much of the 1000 baht have you got left? any plans yet on what u will do?

All of it, I usually eat with my gf's family. But thanks to some very kind offers of help via PM, I may have some help in getting a little investment for my project to start it rolling.

My project is not just an idea as suggested by a member, but is a set of fully functioning websites, that just need marketing capital. I have removed paypal as a payment method and have applied google checkout, which is 100% free of all fees... that's a bit of advice for all you other guys who have been shafted by PP.

I can if i really need to, spam the websites as a way of getting paying traffic to the website, but to be honest, this project is too good for that, and over-spamming can have tmy site de-indexed by the search engines.. activation emails junked by the email spam filters, and even the websites removed from servers. So, while spamming may work for some sites etc... This web project has too much to risk, and marketing should be done through the proper paid channels to give it the success it deserves.

I have put a lot of time, effort and money into this project just to risk messing it up for the want of a bit of quick cash. If I ended up in the gutter, at leastmy project is safe.. it is the route back to seeing my kids again.

Don't worry too much about me.. I been up there, i had it good for a long time, and now i'm at the other end of the scale, but i will be back up there.. i'm just glad i never shat on anyone on my way up the last time, because YOU DO meet them coming back down again.

Have fun.

[newsite12]

Thanks for warning about paypal and ebay. I exported containers for many years from Asia and so have a lot of experience in trading Asian goods. I still supply a few old customers in USA and UK but as time goes byre have slowly unwinded my business since I have far better things to do now and since making my permanent home here cannot spend the time and effort to support customers. I have often considered doing what I did before on a large wholesale scale on a very modest scale using such places as ebay as a hobby to bring in a little money. I dont need the money but like to keep a bit busy and so it seemed ideal that rather than exporting many containers a year and employing at one time 20 staff it would be fun to just do it in a small way to make a bit of beer money. The payment problem has stopped me so far and your experience has only supported my concerns in this area.

Good.

That's one less horror story we will be reading in a few months down the road.

Try Google Checkout, it is free, and they never freeze your account. It is a fantastic alternative to paypal... Which is why Ebay banned its use on their website.. obviously if Ebay accepted Google Checkout as an accepted payment method, then paypal would cease to be, and that wouldn't sit well with Ebay seeing as they own paypal.

Did you know that if you state that you accept certain payment methods that are not part of Ebay's acceptable payment methods. Then their filters will pick it up and you get your listing deleted and a warning email from Ebay.

If you so much as say in a listing description on Ebay, that you accept payment by Google Checkout, their filters will pick it up and you will have your Ebay account deleted and you will be handed a lifetime ban!!

That is how scared of Google Checkout Ebay is...

Now for the really good news on the horizon.

Google are in the process of setting up a huge operations center in Arizona I believe. They are currently training 800 staff there, and they are also establishing offices and training staff globally.

You know why?..... They are soon to be starting up Googleauctions in direct competition with Ebay.. only difference is... there will be NO FEES same as their Google Checkout.

Word on the grapevine is that it will be funded with advertising.

So, i anticipate that Ebay and Paypal have had their time and rode the monopoly for long enough. Its time for something new. If anyone can crush Ebay and Paypal out of existence... Google can.. they are on borrowed time now.

Edited September 18, 2010 by newsite12

[Chunky1]

You didn't answer the question about being arrested for seeing your children. how does your wife stop you from seeing them as you implied?

Good luck on your business. Don't forget though that you can't move product legally from Thailand without the required visa. Just a heads up before the next dramabomb drops into your lap.

[newsite12]

You didn't answer the question about being arrested for seeing your children. how does your wife stop you from seeing them as you implied?

Good luck on your business. Don't forget though that you can't move product legally from Thailand without the required visa. Just a heads up before the next dramabomb drops into your lap.

My ex only has to say NO and she will get full backup. I am not subject to any official banning orders, but i know that if I insist on seeing them, then she will merely go through official channels, and while that happens the kids will have it bad. The kids are likely be forced to say they don't want to talk to me, so as to support her case.. they will have their possessions smashed up and put in the trash if they do not comply, she has done it before and she will do it again. The kids are terrified of her.

While all this is going on, I will be restricted to visits in a 'contact center' with 3 social services idiots looking on and writing down every word said... A bit like a prison visit.

I would rather not see them at all, if it means this will be the result of me claiming my 'rights' as a father. My plan is to get my project going eventually, while staying here cheap, and building some reserves so that come November i can return to the UK and pay her some cash and see my kids, for a few weeks. After that I will play it by ear.

But to answer your question. If she really wants to.. She will do what most mothers who want to punish their ex. She will say that my visits are upsetting the kids and that they don't want to be with me. She will lie and cheat, then i will have a restraining order put on me.

If i went within 100 metres of their house after that, i will be arrested and cautioned, if i still infinge, it is a mandatory 7 days in prison without court case, If I still do it, I will get 30 days in prison without court case. This happened to a friend of mine in Oxford. He was warned off... then he was locked up for 7 days, when he came out, she had moved, and he has never seen his daughter since. that was 15 years ago.

Edited September 18, 2010 by newsite12

[sarahsbloke]

so if u attempt to visit your children a police officer will arrest you?

I can confirm that this happens

I was arrested and held in police custody for 48 hours after attempting to see my children.

Even though I had a court order allowing me to visit them at that time.

(wife dials 999 and says you are threatening her, no evidence required)

Pretty much the last time I saw my children in fact.

The police delberately waited until a Saturday morning to arrest me as they can then hold you until Monday, when a judge sees you and lets you go.

(This maximises your police 'instant punishment')

That was 2 years ago, just got a cheque for x,000UKP this week as compensation, but I would rather it hadn't have happened.

Edited September 18, 2010 by sarahsbloke